AUGUST 2024
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Usually I sign into the Team Suzette update link and share my latest news and happenings. Today I am somehow drawn to scroll back to past posts. It is as if I am flipping through a deck of cards with ten years of my life in reverse. I feel somewhat naked and vulnerable as I have shared the blessings, the challenges, the laughs, the detours, and the trials and triumphs of this messy but magnificent life of mine.
Often I am sharing my life at low tide. I am walking in a place that can otherwise be covered and protected by the vast ocean of life above. As I write, that blue expanse becomes the lunar landscape below.
During these “low tides” I am exposed, as if everyone can peer inside my heart and see exactly what is there. But there is a beauty to what lies underneath our surface as we are stripped to our core and hold on to what is essential and toss aside what is frivolous.
There is such beauty, truth, joy and treasures to be discovered during low tide. In the ocean we can find starfish the colors of sunset. Sea anemones opening up to wave their tiny fingers as if saying hello. Then close once again as we often do with our hearts. Hermit crabs scuttling across the ocean floor on missions known only to them, sand dollars, shards of sea glass with their own story to be told, coral, snails, seaweed, mussels, etc.
Letting someone look into our heart the closed spaces open. We dare to be seen, even if it is in a small way. Our own low and high tides ebb and flow like the sea with their own beauty. Joy and sorrow. Trials and triumphs. Pain and healing. Peaks and valleys. All the parts of us that we are at times afraid of having others see are more beautiful and full of grace than we can ever imagine. It is during the low tides that we can discover parts of ourselves that may have been broken, like the shards of found sea glass, but are being polished and made smoother by time, love and the opportunity for light to shine upon them.
Our life below becomes invisible during the high tides, but we know and feel it there. All of it exists all the time. When I ponder my own low tide, it changes how I think of the ocean. It changes how I think of myself. For I am both the endless blue ocean and all that lies beneath its surface. In our moments of low tide the Divine can feel most present. And the people that walk with us there are our anchors to the ground and the light.
Thank you for being with me for both the low and high tides of my life.
…
Often I am sharing my life at low tide. I am walking in a place that can otherwise be covered and protected by the vast ocean of life above. As I write, that blue expanse becomes the lunar landscape below.
During these “low tides” I am exposed, as if everyone can peer inside my heart and see exactly what is there. But there is a beauty to what lies underneath our surface as we are stripped to our core and hold on to what is essential and toss aside what is frivolous.
There is such beauty, truth, joy and treasures to be discovered during low tide. In the ocean we can find starfish the colors of sunset. Sea anemones opening up to wave their tiny fingers as if saying hello. Then close once again as we often do with our hearts. Hermit crabs scuttling across the ocean floor on missions known only to them, sand dollars, shards of sea glass with their own story to be told, coral, snails, seaweed, mussels, etc.
Letting someone look into our heart the closed spaces open. We dare to be seen, even if it is in a small way. Our own low and high tides ebb and flow like the sea with their own beauty. Joy and sorrow. Trials and triumphs. Pain and healing. Peaks and valleys. All the parts of us that we are at times afraid of having others see are more beautiful and full of grace than we can ever imagine. It is during the low tides that we can discover parts of ourselves that may have been broken, like the shards of found sea glass, but are being polished and made smoother by time, love and the opportunity for light to shine upon them.
Our life below becomes invisible during the high tides, but we know and feel it there. All of it exists all the time. When I ponder my own low tide, it changes how I think of the ocean. It changes how I think of myself. For I am both the endless blue ocean and all that lies beneath its surface. In our moments of low tide the Divine can feel most present. And the people that walk with us there are our anchors to the ground and the light.
Thank you for being with me for both the low and high tides of my life.
…
BLUE SKIES FOREVER
BLUE SKIES CONTINUE
I feel so blessed and so immensely grateful to be graced with continuing blue skies. It is a huge gift not received by all receiving this treatment.
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Thyroid area had a high uptake on the pet scan. The radiologist and my oncologist think it is unlikely to be related to lymphoma but in need of further evaluation for a possible other neoplasm. So I'll be having testson that next month and we shall see what unfolds.
Blood work:
B cells (that fight viruses, infections, create antibodies) are still non existent. (The re-engineered cells treatment/transplant were designed to detect and kill all B cells, both healthy and cancerous since they aren't able to tell the difference).
Different T cells measured (that fight disease and provide immunity) are either non existent or very very low low.
The silver lining is that the depletion of my healthy b cells is an indicator that the ongoing re-engineered cells are still circulating in my body doing surveillance… persisting and proliferating. As long as they are there, my immunity is very compromised as they will continue to seek to destroy the healthy B cells as well as any reappearing unwelcome cells - but it also means a less likely relapse. :-)
My oncologist does not recommend me lifting any precautions as my non-existent immunity continues to put me at highest risk for potentially life threatening infections.
My immense thanks and a deep and heartfelt bow to my fellow instructors that have been holding and continue to hold the space for me at my tai chi classes until I get the green light from my oncologist/blood work to be indoors with unmasked people.
If you happen to want more info:
A few words from an infectious disease specialist at a mjaor cancer research center.
The long-term effects of this cellular transplant therapy on a key part of the immune system is a new frontier with unique infection risks because we’re knocking out B cells. The collateral damage leaves patients vulnerable to infection. No B cells means no protective antibodies - the tiny Y-shaped proteins that neutralize bacteria and viruses. Lack of persistence of the re-engineered transplant cells in the blood is one mechanism of relapse. No clear data exists yet to guide efforts at preventing infections in these high-risk patients. Future research will address critical knowledge gaps in how best to provide long-term care.
I feel so blessed and so immensely grateful to be graced with continuing blue skies. It is a huge gift not received by all receiving this treatment.
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Thyroid area had a high uptake on the pet scan. The radiologist and my oncologist think it is unlikely to be related to lymphoma but in need of further evaluation for a possible other neoplasm. So I'll be having testson that next month and we shall see what unfolds.
Blood work:
B cells (that fight viruses, infections, create antibodies) are still non existent. (The re-engineered cells treatment/transplant were designed to detect and kill all B cells, both healthy and cancerous since they aren't able to tell the difference).
Different T cells measured (that fight disease and provide immunity) are either non existent or very very low low.
The silver lining is that the depletion of my healthy b cells is an indicator that the ongoing re-engineered cells are still circulating in my body doing surveillance… persisting and proliferating. As long as they are there, my immunity is very compromised as they will continue to seek to destroy the healthy B cells as well as any reappearing unwelcome cells - but it also means a less likely relapse. :-)
My oncologist does not recommend me lifting any precautions as my non-existent immunity continues to put me at highest risk for potentially life threatening infections.
My immense thanks and a deep and heartfelt bow to my fellow instructors that have been holding and continue to hold the space for me at my tai chi classes until I get the green light from my oncologist/blood work to be indoors with unmasked people.
If you happen to want more info:
A few words from an infectious disease specialist at a mjaor cancer research center.
The long-term effects of this cellular transplant therapy on a key part of the immune system is a new frontier with unique infection risks because we’re knocking out B cells. The collateral damage leaves patients vulnerable to infection. No B cells means no protective antibodies - the tiny Y-shaped proteins that neutralize bacteria and viruses. Lack of persistence of the re-engineered transplant cells in the blood is one mechanism of relapse. No clear data exists yet to guide efforts at preventing infections in these high-risk patients. Future research will address critical knowledge gaps in how best to provide long-term care.
FROM COH TO CAMBRIA: FULL CIRCLE
July 22,2023
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July 22, 2024
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Last summer my anticipation of another two week one woman gallery show In July and time in the tranquil beauty of Cambria with my sisters met a detour. As it is said, "We plan, God laughs." Instead I had a long summer residence at City of Hope for treatment for the return of an aggressive stage four lymphoma.
Last year on July 22nd, 2023, after high dose chemo and a cellular transplant, as can happen with this treatment, all became life threatening and I was sent to ICU. I was horizontal and hooked up to infusion lines and wires looking like freeways at rush hour and surrounded by machines beeping incessantly throughout the light of the day and during the dark of the night. After several days I was asked to try and sit on the side of the bed by myself then attempt to stand. I could do neither. It took two nurses to lift me to a very wobbly stance even with them holding me securely at my sides.
In a full circle moment, this year on July 22, 2024, I was enjoying my long awaited time in Cambria with my sisters and with no monitors and tubes. No nurses were needed to help me to my feet. Instead, I was joyfully strolling vertical on my own, the sun warming my spirit and body, and wrapped in tranquil natural beauty and breathing pure ocean air.
It is so important to trust the journey. Miracles are not events, they are a process.
Ain't life grand.
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Last year on July 22nd, 2023, after high dose chemo and a cellular transplant, as can happen with this treatment, all became life threatening and I was sent to ICU. I was horizontal and hooked up to infusion lines and wires looking like freeways at rush hour and surrounded by machines beeping incessantly throughout the light of the day and during the dark of the night. After several days I was asked to try and sit on the side of the bed by myself then attempt to stand. I could do neither. It took two nurses to lift me to a very wobbly stance even with them holding me securely at my sides.
In a full circle moment, this year on July 22, 2024, I was enjoying my long awaited time in Cambria with my sisters and with no monitors and tubes. No nurses were needed to help me to my feet. Instead, I was joyfully strolling vertical on my own, the sun warming my spirit and body, and wrapped in tranquil natural beauty and breathing pure ocean air.
It is so important to trust the journey. Miracles are not events, they are a process.
Ain't life grand.
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In closing, some words from Danna Faulds.
Let go.
Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold.
the holding of plans or dreams or expectations -
Let it all go.
Save your strength to swim with the tide.
The choice to fight what is here before you now
will only result in struggle, fear, and
desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.
Let go.
Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes
through your days whether you receive it gently
or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.
Take this on faith; the mind my never find the explanations it seeks,
but you will move forward nonetheless.
Let go,
and the wave's crest will carry you to unknown shores,
beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.
Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace,
and certain transformation.
Let go.
Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold.
the holding of plans or dreams or expectations -
Let it all go.
Save your strength to swim with the tide.
The choice to fight what is here before you now
will only result in struggle, fear, and
desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.
Let go.
Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes
through your days whether you receive it gently
or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.
Take this on faith; the mind my never find the explanations it seeks,
but you will move forward nonetheless.
Let go,
and the wave's crest will carry you to unknown shores,
beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.
Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace,
and certain transformation.
Letting go into endless love and gratitude for your love, light, joy, and giving hearts on this journey,
Suzette
Suzette
March 2024
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Moment to moment, life continues to unfold with grace, blessings, love and immense gifts. The healing journey certainly has its twists and turns and trials and triumphs. Now I am once again I am joyfully granted witih more chapters in my often messy but always magnificent life.
BLESSED AND BLUES SKIES CONTINUE
Last week was my six month photo shoots (scans) from my "eyes to my thighs" to see if any of the unwelcome cells have ignored the No Trespassing signs. They gratefully remain disappeared due to the cutting edge re-engineered t-cell transplant. It is indeed a miraculous feeling to continue to be here and to send more great news of continuing blue skies.
WHITE BLOOD COUNTS AND IMMUNITY
There has been no rise in my white blood cell count/lymphocytes/immunity. It is the same as back in November. My oncologist/lymphoma specialist shared that this current new frontier therapy also has a flip side. The reprogrammed t-cells can remain in the body long after infusion (several months to even years) to continue to target any new cancerous B cells. Of course, the longer they remain the better! But the technology/treatment is not to the point where the re-engineered new T-cells can distinguish between targeting malignant and normal B cells when they do their surveillance. So, B cell depletion and low important IgG levels, both important for immunity, can be a longer term side effect. But also an indication that the re-programmed cells are continuing to remain in the blood.
He doesn’t recommend me (or any of his cellular transplant patients) to lift any of the immune protective measures for at least a year for my safety. I’m only at about the half way six month mark. So for now all precautions remain. But the most important is that all is under blue skies. No worries. All else will fall into place.
In July he has scheduled my important one year pet scan, more intricate white blood tests, and follow ups with him. And he will re-evaluate all.
He says he’s happy and I’m where he would want me to be at only about the six month mark. Can’t ask more than that. :-)
IT WAS INDEED A JOY!!!
Such joy. Such gratitude. Such a huge blessing.
It was two weeks filled with loving connections with so many friends and family and happy sales to buoy me along my journey. And a surrealistic feeling of being alive and pulling it all together to have my long awaited two week one woman show. It was quite a push but one that I will hold in my heart forever for each blessed moment.
THANK YOU to each and every person that graced me with your presence
and loving connection at the show.
THANK YOU to each and every person that adopted a piece of my artwork
to help buoy me along my healing path.
THANK YOU to my oncologist who agreed to allow me to do the show over the two weeks if I
followed his recommendation to request all to wear masks when visiting for my needed protection and safety due to my low immunity. He says it was important to be super careful with precautions as sometimes the most contagious time is a few days before someone develops symptoms.
THANK YOU to all of you who honored his request for my protection and safety.
THANK YOU to the Whittier Art Gallery for their beautiful, peaceful, uplifting space and for their always warm, welcoming and loving support of my show -- and me!!
THANK YOU to all of Team Suzette family and friends that generously assisted me in setting up and tearing down my exhibit, as well as having my back throughout the show with such a helpful
and welcoming presence. I couldn't have made this show happen without you.
THANK YOU to everyone who couldn't make it to the show but sent love,
positive thoughts, and even some gifts. :-) .
HERE ARE SOME PICS
It was two weeks filled with loving connections with so many friends and family and happy sales to buoy me along my journey. And a surrealistic feeling of being alive and pulling it all together to have my long awaited two week one woman show. It was quite a push but one that I will hold in my heart forever for each blessed moment.
THANK YOU to each and every person that graced me with your presence
and loving connection at the show.
THANK YOU to each and every person that adopted a piece of my artwork
to help buoy me along my healing path.
THANK YOU to my oncologist who agreed to allow me to do the show over the two weeks if I
followed his recommendation to request all to wear masks when visiting for my needed protection and safety due to my low immunity. He says it was important to be super careful with precautions as sometimes the most contagious time is a few days before someone develops symptoms.
THANK YOU to all of you who honored his request for my protection and safety.
THANK YOU to the Whittier Art Gallery for their beautiful, peaceful, uplifting space and for their always warm, welcoming and loving support of my show -- and me!!
THANK YOU to all of Team Suzette family and friends that generously assisted me in setting up and tearing down my exhibit, as well as having my back throughout the show with such a helpful
and welcoming presence. I couldn't have made this show happen without you.
THANK YOU to everyone who couldn't make it to the show but sent love,
positive thoughts, and even some gifts. :-) .
HERE ARE SOME PICS
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As someone once said :-), the journey is everything. It truly isn't the destination but it is all the love you find along the way. Beyond grateful. Beyond thankful. And beyond blessed by all of you that have carried me on the wings of your love throughout my healing path.
In endless love and trust in the journey,
Suzette
In endless love and trust in the journey,
Suzette
January 2024
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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The new year arrived for me "in utter simplicity and a deep blue sky" with solitude and a heart full of immense gratitude. As always, I'm feeling so deeply blessed for all the love and miracles in my life. And for all of you.
As we exhale 2023 and inhale 2024 I'm envisioning it unfolding for everyone with unlimited possibilities, new adventures, laughter, inner and outer tranquility, kindness and deep healing. A new year. One day at time. And moment to moment rich in love and peace.
.
And, in this moment, just a quick medical update and an important reminder. :-)
As we exhale 2023 and inhale 2024 I'm envisioning it unfolding for everyone with unlimited possibilities, new adventures, laughter, inner and outer tranquility, kindness and deep healing. A new year. One day at time. And moment to moment rich in love and peace.
.
And, in this moment, just a quick medical update and an important reminder. :-)
MEDICAL UPDATE
I recently had another set of labs and follow up with the oncologist. The latest blood results, while hoping to reveal a rise in my important white blood cells/lymphocytes needed for the function of my immune system, instead showed a downward trend since November. A bit of a "don't know" from the oncologist as to why. A possible positive spin could be that some of the re-engineered t-cells remain in the blood. If that is the case, these cells can't distinguish between B cells that are healthy or unhealthy. The lymphocytes, as we know, play a huge part in fighting viruses and infections in our body. My oncologist also said it can take a year or two, or it seems possibly longer, after this journey of transplanted cells and high dose chemo, for them to rebuild and recover. It is just a waiting game as future labs results unfold. So all the needed precautions and protections for the state of my immune continue to remain very important for the likes of me.
But under big bright beautiful blessed BLUE SKIES!!!! :-)
I have my important full body scans and detailed blood tests again in March to make sure all remains clear sailing So keep those fierce prayers and positive intentions coming for continued blue skies.
But under big bright beautiful blessed BLUE SKIES!!!! :-)
I have my important full body scans and detailed blood tests again in March to make sure all remains clear sailing So keep those fierce prayers and positive intentions coming for continued blue skies.
CHOOSE JOY: A ONE WOMAN SHOW
FEELING GOOD
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UPLIFT
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JUMP FOR JOY
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A joyful heart is the normal result of a heart burning with love. If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.
Mother Theresa Carlos Santana
Mother Theresa Carlos Santana
C WHEN:
Wednesday - Sunday
FEB 14th - 18th FEB. 21-25
HOURS
Wednesday - Friday: 1-5pm
Saturday: 11 - 6
Sunday: 12-5
I am so full of JOY to invite you all to my upcoming exhibition. My two week one woman show that had to be cancelled last July due to my healing journey in residence at City of Hope was rescheduled for the last two weeks of February 2024. I am very excited that I will soon be able to my share my latest collection, "Choose Joy,"
with you. This is a very important show for me so please save the date and come visit the gallery - and me! Please invite your family and friends, art lovers, and anyone who wants to spend some time experiencing uplift. :-)
Come on opening day the 14th of February - Valentine's day - and find a special hand-made one of a kind gift for your loved one.
Commissions are welcomed!
I will be at the show on Wednesdays - Fridays from 2-4pm
and all weekend hours. If you want to visit outside of those hours, please feel
free to text me and I can arrange to be there. 562 556-6915
A gratitude gift will be given to the first 70 people in attendance. :-)
A BLESSED BLUE SKIES 70TH BIRTHDAY
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A HUGE THANK YOU TO MY LOVING FAMILY, FRIENDS and AIKIDO AI DOJO COMMUNITY FOR SUCH GRAND AND MEMORABLE AND GENEROUS CELEBRATIONS OF MY 70th BLUE SKIES BIRTHDAY! MY HEART IS STILL GLOWING AND OVERFLOWING WITH LOVE AND GRATITUDE. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!! I FEEL SO BLESSED.
My heart is filled with joy to soon be seeing you and sharing my latest joyful creations.
Wrapping you all in heart to heart hugs. It has been awhile since I've been allowed to do the real ones, but always heart to heart. And overflowing with love and gratitude. See you soon!
Suzette
Wrapping you all in heart to heart hugs. It has been awhile since I've been allowed to do the real ones, but always heart to heart. And overflowing with love and gratitude. See you soon!
Suzette
BLUE SKIES ARE OVERHEAD!
MAY 2023
Advanced Lymphoma: Stage Four
Two different types
Throughout both sides of the diaphragm and in the
Bone Marrow
NOVEMBER 2023
All clear
Advanced Lymphoma: Stage Four
Two different types
Throughout both sides of the diaphragm and in the
Bone Marrow
NOVEMBER 2023
All clear
WE DID IT!
You are all part of my blue skies as you carried me once again on the wings of your love, strong positive intentions and prayers. We are all connected in this mysterious and marvelous world. My joy is your joy. My breath is your breath. Our breath is the divine breath.
My miracles are your miracles.
Four stage four cancer journeys these last years. Four BLUE skies.
How can I feel anything but blessed?
ONWARD ON THE HEALING PATH
I've been on a rocket ship in an challenging orbit being pressed, pushed, poked, prodded and pumped with infused and down the hatch drugs since my diagnosis last May. Now to come down from the blur of the blast. I'm blessed to continue the journey of recovery and rebuild unimpeded with blue skies overhead. To turn the toxic waste dump into a flowing river again. The tight edges into open vistas, The fog to clarity, turbulent tummy waters to calm seas, and the volume on the aches and pains downward towards mute. And all while having a deeper and deeper continued connection with all the love, joy and beauty that surrounds me.
The re-eingineered transplanted t cells can't distinguish between friend and foe so they also disappear all the healthy b cells and protective antibodies that neutralize and fight bacteria and viruses in the body. So I'm left very vulnerable to infections. It can a year or much longer givens a lot of givens to begin to rebuild immunity from the high dose chemo and cellular transplant, etc. So the precautions continue ... but under blue skies. :-)
The re-eingineered transplanted t cells can't distinguish between friend and foe so they also disappear all the healthy b cells and protective antibodies that neutralize and fight bacteria and viruses in the body. So I'm left very vulnerable to infections. It can a year or much longer givens a lot of givens to begin to rebuild immunity from the high dose chemo and cellular transplant, etc. So the precautions continue ... but under blue skies. :-)
CHOOSE JOY
As many of you know, I was scheduled to have a two week one woman gallery show at the Whittier Art Gallery at the end of July but my path made a detour to City of Hope. The gallery was kind enough to reschedule it at that time for the last two weeks of February, 2024. It will be an uplifting collection of new work expressing the power of joy of our lives. Please save the date.
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Deep thanks to each person that sent out a prayer, a positive blue skies intention, and a ray of love and light. Immense gratitude to each nurse, each new cell that disappeared all into the love and light, each oncologist, to my persevering body, and to the decades of researchers that brought this treatment to fruition in what before would often be the end of the road options for these lymphoma patients.
Such a gift to celebrate my 70th birthday in two weeks under blue skies! Here's to another chapter in my life and times. Here's to every one of you. I can't wait to see what is ahead. For all of us.
Miracles happen in the presence of love. Thank you all for your love.
Endless oceans of love,
Suzette
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September 2023
Such a gift to celebrate my 70th birthday in two weeks under blue skies! Here's to another chapter in my life and times. Here's to every one of you. I can't wait to see what is ahead. For all of us.
Miracles happen in the presence of love. Thank you all for your love.
Endless oceans of love,
Suzette
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September 2023
Dear loving, enduring, and open-hearted Team Suzette family and friends,
I miss you all!
In the moment, mostly I just really want to slowly push through all the antics inside of me to connect with each of you. Love knows no space and time and I know you have all been right beside me throughout this last chapter and once again carrying me on the wings of your love. Thank you endlessly for your cards, prayers, positive visions, and gifts. And a very grateful fhout out to those who have been generously and without a wink of hesitation taking over my resposibilities for me.
I’m just beginning early recovery and finally landed back at Planet Home and my backyard sanctuary this week. So blessed to have come this far. Feels very strange to be here and yet also miraculous!
It is a journey like no other — and I’ve had a few. :-)
I’ve been in a seeming foreign and faraway land in a challenging orbit (high dose chemos, the transplant and all the infusions/drugs that piggy back on it, a stretch in ICU where time definitely loses all meaning, and more infused and also down the hatch drugs with their myriad of side effects :-( to help give me some immunity while they focus on putting Humpty Dumpty Hodnett back together again. :-)
I miss you all!
In the moment, mostly I just really want to slowly push through all the antics inside of me to connect with each of you. Love knows no space and time and I know you have all been right beside me throughout this last chapter and once again carrying me on the wings of your love. Thank you endlessly for your cards, prayers, positive visions, and gifts. And a very grateful fhout out to those who have been generously and without a wink of hesitation taking over my resposibilities for me.
I’m just beginning early recovery and finally landed back at Planet Home and my backyard sanctuary this week. So blessed to have come this far. Feels very strange to be here and yet also miraculous!
It is a journey like no other — and I’ve had a few. :-)
I’ve been in a seeming foreign and faraway land in a challenging orbit (high dose chemos, the transplant and all the infusions/drugs that piggy back on it, a stretch in ICU where time definitely loses all meaning, and more infused and also down the hatch drugs with their myriad of side effects :-( to help give me some immunity while they focus on putting Humpty Dumpty Hodnett back together again. :-)
I’ve got less hair and less weight but despite how I feel all is looking encouraging and am definitely expecting a miracle. My caregiver crocheted this hat for me. :-)
For now, as my beloved Sensei says "Just breath in and breathe out." It is time to heal
and just like tai chi, not being in a rush to get anywhere.
I'll be out at City of Hope weekly right now. Lots of blood monitoring, etc.
Photo shoots of all (scans) are in a couple of months. I will send you my miraculous news probably around the beginning of November. :-)
My vision is to celebrate the MOST JOYFUL OF BLUE SKIES birthdays in November when I turn the big 70 !
Please continue, as you always do, to hold me in your love and light and blue skies, in this next important chapter of my journey as I continue to focus on all things healing.
EVERY DAY IS A DAY CLOSER TO BLUE SKIES!
Deep endless love and gratitude!
Suzette
PS Sweet Pea didn't forget tme. :-)
June 2023
Dear loving Team Suzette,
My apologies for how long it has been since my last update and my "eyes to thighs" scans in May. It has been a long and winding road and not until now that the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle have been put together to reveal the path ahead.
The "photo shoots" did reveal that there was more widespread growth and in new areas. Besides the slow growing critters that I'd chosen an "active surveillance" approach, the advanced and aggressive cells have made a return visit. (No connection between their return and watching and waiting on the slow growing). Stage 3, both sides of the diaphragm. Bone marrow biopsy will determine if it is stage four. Either way the treatment is the same.
After so many journeys, initially with a front-line therapy and the last with a more salvage therapy, the treatments are understandably few. The good news is that there is an option for cellular therapy for those that qualify and who have had multiple relapses. It is a path that seeks to genetically reprogram a patient's T cells with a protein that when reintroduced back into the body is designed to find a certain biological marker and eliminate cancer cells. Thankfully I've had a 3 year reprieve since the last salvage chemo to gain enough strength to even be considered for this path.
It has been a full plate these last six weeks with many "hoops" to jump through to gain the hoped for approval, while juggling my work commitments as well.
So far: .
1. My case was given to the cellular board at COH: Approved
2. Insurance - it can cost between 500,000 and 1,000,000: Miraculously approved!
3. Countless tests and procedures to see if this bod of mine has a good chance of tolerating the treatment: Approved
4. An intense 12 hour procedure - double catheter surgery to the groin followed by a long day to remove lymphocytes from my blood. Done. They are then sent to a lab to separate out the t-cells to be individually injected with the protein. Lab has to approve that there is enough quantity and quality. Approved :-) It then takes 4 weeks for them to create the new t-cells. Meanwhile, more scheduled tests - brain mri, ct scan, pet scan, bone marrow biopsy, pic line and more and more labs.
5. Assorted other appointments and to-do's.
It is very important that there are no delays to the journey. It has already been the beginning of May since the scans. It is also critical to not catch any virus/infections that would lower my body's strength or ability to go through this process.
Timeline should be sometime during the second week of July to begin my three week stay at COH. First several days of chemo called lymphodepletion to lower my immune system even more to make space for enhanced t-cells. Then the injection of the new t-cells and the journey to see how my body reacts/responds to their introduction into my system. Two weeks of 24/7 supervision on site at COH to monitor for serious side effects and possible need to be in ICU. Then a hoped for release to my sister and sister-in-law for two weeks in case there are delayed serious side effects that require a speedy return to COH. Later August will be new photo shoots. I'm picturing seeing the beautiful blue skies and sunshine once again that were beyond the storm clouds.. After that, the vision is that I am cleared to be with me, myself, I and my squirrels to recover on my own!!!
The "photo shoots" did reveal that there was more widespread growth and in new areas. Besides the slow growing critters that I'd chosen an "active surveillance" approach, the advanced and aggressive cells have made a return visit. (No connection between their return and watching and waiting on the slow growing). Stage 3, both sides of the diaphragm. Bone marrow biopsy will determine if it is stage four. Either way the treatment is the same.
After so many journeys, initially with a front-line therapy and the last with a more salvage therapy, the treatments are understandably few. The good news is that there is an option for cellular therapy for those that qualify and who have had multiple relapses. It is a path that seeks to genetically reprogram a patient's T cells with a protein that when reintroduced back into the body is designed to find a certain biological marker and eliminate cancer cells. Thankfully I've had a 3 year reprieve since the last salvage chemo to gain enough strength to even be considered for this path.
It has been a full plate these last six weeks with many "hoops" to jump through to gain the hoped for approval, while juggling my work commitments as well.
So far: .
1. My case was given to the cellular board at COH: Approved
2. Insurance - it can cost between 500,000 and 1,000,000: Miraculously approved!
3. Countless tests and procedures to see if this bod of mine has a good chance of tolerating the treatment: Approved
4. An intense 12 hour procedure - double catheter surgery to the groin followed by a long day to remove lymphocytes from my blood. Done. They are then sent to a lab to separate out the t-cells to be individually injected with the protein. Lab has to approve that there is enough quantity and quality. Approved :-) It then takes 4 weeks for them to create the new t-cells. Meanwhile, more scheduled tests - brain mri, ct scan, pet scan, bone marrow biopsy, pic line and more and more labs.
5. Assorted other appointments and to-do's.
It is very important that there are no delays to the journey. It has already been the beginning of May since the scans. It is also critical to not catch any virus/infections that would lower my body's strength or ability to go through this process.
Timeline should be sometime during the second week of July to begin my three week stay at COH. First several days of chemo called lymphodepletion to lower my immune system even more to make space for enhanced t-cells. Then the injection of the new t-cells and the journey to see how my body reacts/responds to their introduction into my system. Two weeks of 24/7 supervision on site at COH to monitor for serious side effects and possible need to be in ICU. Then a hoped for release to my sister and sister-in-law for two weeks in case there are delayed serious side effects that require a speedy return to COH. Later August will be new photo shoots. I'm picturing seeing the beautiful blue skies and sunshine once again that were beyond the storm clouds.. After that, the vision is that I am cleared to be with me, myself, I and my squirrels to recover on my own!!!
I've been so blessed to have been graced with three years full of life and blessings since my last treatments. Creating art and sharing it with so many, writing another book on my journey with tai chi, trips to Cambria to embrace its stillness and beauty, cherished times with family and friends, soaking in the stillness of my backyard sanctuary, teaching tai chi to so many wonderful and treasured students, going deeper and deeper on my spiritual journey... the list goes on.
As always,not my timing. I had planned a week in Cambria with my sisters, my beloved one woman show to connect with all of you and exhibit my latest work, my Sensei's 90th birthday celebration, and all that would unfold from the warm and carefree embrace of summer. Instead, as always, life is moment to moment, asking me to accept all as it comes.
BEYOND THE CLOUDS IS ALWAYS BLUE SKIES
If you have ever seen a picture or, even better, been in a plane as it bursts through the clouds, we know that the blue skies are always above/beyond them.
Please join me in no images/talk/thoughts of illness, pain and symptoms, but in prayers, positive energy and brilliant images of us all being bright and shining lights, along with the new t-cells, that break through these temporary storm clouds to the blue skies. As the song goes... "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day."
As Lailah Gifty Akita says, "There is divinity in the clouds." Let's embrace that divinity.
As Paula Coelho says. "Beautiful sunsets needs cloudy skies." These storm clouds will transform into a beautiful sunset. All unwelcome cells surrendering into the horizon.
AND as my dear and compassionate dermatologist says:
"I always envision you like a river that flows over and adapts to
whatever landscape is present... and picturing blue skies."
I like that!!!
whatever landscape is present... and picturing blue skies."
I like that!!!
New T-Cells infused with Love and Light
The re-engineered t-cells with the protein target receptors will enter the body and seek out cancer calls with the biological marker. As we know, darkness cannot survive in the light. Please envision my body welcoming and easing these enhanced cells into my body with receptors full of love, light and healing. Any darkness (unwelcome cells) then disappearing into their light and their healing love. I've been drawing images of the t-cells entering my entire body with healing illumination. All things bright and beautiful and blue skies!!
CHOOSE JOY... (in February)
JUMP FOR JOY
As many of you know, my two week one woman art show, entitled "CHOOSE JOY" was scheduled to be the last week of July and the first week of August. I have been working hard since January creating a new collection of art to share with all. As always, I was very much looking forward to connecting with you. And, as I make my living as a professional artist, anticipating a long awaited and hoped for paycheck.
Life has other plans for me to create blue skies in my body. :-) The good news is, although 8 months away, my gallery show is being rescheduled for the last two weeks of February. This happens to be when the Hillcrest show (now no longer) used to be, so hopefully a good time for everyone!
Life has other plans for me to create blue skies in my body. :-) The good news is, although 8 months away, my gallery show is being rescheduled for the last two weeks of February. This happens to be when the Hillcrest show (now no longer) used to be, so hopefully a good time for everyone!
Thanks for being with me once again with all your healing love, light, prayers, positive thoughts and fierce images of bluest skies ever overhead. Let's trust the journey, beat the odds again and, as always, expect a miracle. There is no ration on them!
I'll send an update when I get my first follow up scans, probably the end of August. Until then, know that I'm moving from my spirit, riding the roller coaster, and look forward to sharing blue skies news once again!
Endless love and gratitude to each of you,
Suzette
I'll send an update when I get my first follow up scans, probably the end of August. Until then, know that I'm moving from my spirit, riding the roller coaster, and look forward to sharing blue skies news once again!
Endless love and gratitude to each of you,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
My ongoing Immense thanks to all of you that still, after all the twists and turns of my journey, read my updates and stay connected to me heart to heart.
When I’m working in my studio, time loses all meaning in the face of creativity. What seems like fifteen minutes has often been five hours or more when I come up for air. Yet, when I look at my artwork later I can see all the time, depth, energy and details that brought it all together.
My healing journey often feels somewhat the same. When I pause to reflect on the last decade I can remember exact moments and the myriad of emotions and physical challenges during each chapter of the roller coaster ride. Yet in some ways it feels like it has been a blink of my eye. Ten years have passed since my first diagnosis with lymphoma. In May it will be an amazing 9 years since my stage four metastasized squameous cell radical carving to my head/neck/skull and long treatments with chemo and months of radiation. Miraculously I beat the odds. The woman in the mirror looks different, but my spirit remains strong and filled with gratitude. Then two more journeys with aggressive and advanced lymphoma throughout my insides and somehow I'm still here. A return of some unwelcome cells last November, but watching and waiting and living in harmony with all. I am so incredibly blessed and grateful to still be doing a happy dance on this earth.
There are those of you that have truly been on this path with me throughout all my steep hills, deep valleys and plateaus. I am surely blessed to still be enjoying life, but perhaps blessed most of all to have been given the gift of all of you. As they say, it isn’t the destination, it is the folks that are with us along the way.
It bears repeating time and time again. Thanks to all of you that travel this road with me. Your love, support, kindness, generosity, and uplift continue to fill me with light, love and joy.
When I’m working in my studio, time loses all meaning in the face of creativity. What seems like fifteen minutes has often been five hours or more when I come up for air. Yet, when I look at my artwork later I can see all the time, depth, energy and details that brought it all together.
My healing journey often feels somewhat the same. When I pause to reflect on the last decade I can remember exact moments and the myriad of emotions and physical challenges during each chapter of the roller coaster ride. Yet in some ways it feels like it has been a blink of my eye. Ten years have passed since my first diagnosis with lymphoma. In May it will be an amazing 9 years since my stage four metastasized squameous cell radical carving to my head/neck/skull and long treatments with chemo and months of radiation. Miraculously I beat the odds. The woman in the mirror looks different, but my spirit remains strong and filled with gratitude. Then two more journeys with aggressive and advanced lymphoma throughout my insides and somehow I'm still here. A return of some unwelcome cells last November, but watching and waiting and living in harmony with all. I am so incredibly blessed and grateful to still be doing a happy dance on this earth.
There are those of you that have truly been on this path with me throughout all my steep hills, deep valleys and plateaus. I am surely blessed to still be enjoying life, but perhaps blessed most of all to have been given the gift of all of you. As they say, it isn’t the destination, it is the folks that are with us along the way.
It bears repeating time and time again. Thanks to all of you that travel this road with me. Your love, support, kindness, generosity, and uplift continue to fill me with light, love and joy.
MEDICAL
I haven’t sent out a Team Suzette update in awhile as it has been an overflowing plate these last months and there also hasn't been a lot to report medically as I've continued to kept an eye on the unwelcome visitors. I did have a clinical follow up and labs with my oncologist a couple of weeks ago. Sky high kidney values were detected and so I had a follow up kidney ultrasound. It didn't reveal the reason so we are still working to solve the mystery. She did schedule my scans for a month earlier. In May I will have the photo shoots - a "skull to thighs" pet scan (instead of a cat scan) as that form of imaging is able to show the activity and location of any unwelcome cells.
I've been out at COH for physical therapy to evaluate all the myriad of symptoms in my neck/shoulder/skull from my 14 hour surgery (severed and removed nerves, muscles, and flaps of lymph nodes, huge graft, scar tissue and atrophy from radiation and surgery, no muscles to hold my shoulder ball and socket joint in place so it is collapsing, twisting and winging, impingements, etc). He said that he was actually amazed that I was still functional givens all the givens and also doing my art and tai chi after such a complex and radical surgery on many levels, even with adaptations. He also said that, to be honest, he is doing trial and error and doesn't know if anything can actually help. No worries. They did an EXCELLENT job of my surgery to remove all the unwelcome cells. I'm alive to experience all the side effects! No matter how challenging at times.
ART
Sadly, the February Hillcrest Fine Art Show is no longer. It can be challenging to do only local shows these days and the local shows are disappearing. I very much miss the paycheck, but also the connection with other artists and visits from all of you..
I'm still waiting to hear about the Harmony one day show that they might have at the end of April or May. I will keep you all posted on it.
Please save the dates for my two week one woman show at the Whittier Art Gallery this summer. July 26-30 and August 2-6. This will be an important exhibit for me. I’m busy creating a new body of work for the show. My big pieces need to be finished 6 weeks in advance to be framed. The working title for the show is “Choose Joy.” I just finished a fun piece called “Jumping for Joy.” :-)
I just wanted to do a quick check in. I will send you another update in May with more and the results of the scans.
For now, I'm once again sending you all endless gratitude for being there for me with your continuing positive thoughts, prayers, light, and love.
Suzette 3/21/2023
For now, I'm once again sending you all endless gratitude for being there for me with your continuing positive thoughts, prayers, light, and love.
Suzette 3/21/2023
December 2022
DEAR LOVING TEAM SUZETTE,
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"JOY" Suzette Hodnett
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Tis the season to be joyful.
To me, joy endures through all obstacles and trials as it connects me with the deeper meaning and gift of my life. We chooses joy and so we always have a choice to live in joy.
My heart does a joyous cartwhell when I rest in gratitude for Team Suzette. Then spins outward in love to all of you.
Here's to joy in our journey, the gift of all the love in our life, and being alive to experience the entire messy but magnificent journey.
To me, joy endures through all obstacles and trials as it connects me with the deeper meaning and gift of my life. We chooses joy and so we always have a choice to live in joy.
My heart does a joyous cartwhell when I rest in gratitude for Team Suzette. Then spins outward in love to all of you.
Here's to joy in our journey, the gift of all the love in our life, and being alive to experience the entire messy but magnificent journey.
MED UPDATE
I recently had my latest "photo shoot" of all things inside me, blood draws, appointments and follow ups to reveal the next chapter in my "Life and Times."
The "tiny Buddha" resting in my groin has developed a fatter belly and some more little buddhas have come to visit in my chest, abdomen cavity and pelvic area. Thankfully all seems to continue to be slow growing and there has not been a mutation/transformation into the very nasty aggressive cells of previous journeys. Wispy, not dark, omenous storm clouds, are in my blue skies. And, as we know, there are always blue skies waiting to break through behind all clouds.
So I chose to once again (with agreement from my oncologist) delay any treatment until absolutely necessary and put a "watch and wait card" in my Christmas stocking. As I mentioned in a previous update, most don't choose this choice because it is psychologically too difficult to live in any kind of harmony with the cancer. But it is a feasible option. Sure beats a few years ago when there was the transformation to the very aggressive unwelcome lymphoma cells, chemo coal was in my stocking, and it was a melody of "I'll be home in bed for Christmas."
There are well over twenty different types of lymphomas. This slower growing lymphoma is considered molecularly incurable, since there is a genetic translocation of the 14th and 18th chromosomes that prevents apoptosis (naturally cell death). For those with a medical mind, this "chromosomal translocation leads to a deregulated expression of the antiapoptotic BCL2 photooncogene in the tumor cells, thus allowing for the acquisition of secondary chromosomal alterations in the germinal center environment where the most nonneoplastic B cells are physiologically destined to undergo apoptosis." LOL.
My white blood cells are still low. My lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell, are very low. These are important soldiers to fight invaders. So, given all my givens, including that lymphoma is a cancer of the immune system, it is important to not put any added stressors of any kind on these immune soldiers to have to fight infections, flus, covid, environmental exposures, etc. They are needed to be kicking the unwelcome cells to the far side of the moon.
I'll see my oncologist in three months or before if needed. I'm envisioning the clouds staying wispy and moving in SLOW SLOWER SLOWEST... AND STOP motion. And of course, always continuing my proactive approach to all.
Meanwhile no watch and wait attitude towards life. I'll be living in the moment, enjoying the holiday season, and resting in gratitude for all the love and blessings in my life.
The "tiny Buddha" resting in my groin has developed a fatter belly and some more little buddhas have come to visit in my chest, abdomen cavity and pelvic area. Thankfully all seems to continue to be slow growing and there has not been a mutation/transformation into the very nasty aggressive cells of previous journeys. Wispy, not dark, omenous storm clouds, are in my blue skies. And, as we know, there are always blue skies waiting to break through behind all clouds.
So I chose to once again (with agreement from my oncologist) delay any treatment until absolutely necessary and put a "watch and wait card" in my Christmas stocking. As I mentioned in a previous update, most don't choose this choice because it is psychologically too difficult to live in any kind of harmony with the cancer. But it is a feasible option. Sure beats a few years ago when there was the transformation to the very aggressive unwelcome lymphoma cells, chemo coal was in my stocking, and it was a melody of "I'll be home in bed for Christmas."
There are well over twenty different types of lymphomas. This slower growing lymphoma is considered molecularly incurable, since there is a genetic translocation of the 14th and 18th chromosomes that prevents apoptosis (naturally cell death). For those with a medical mind, this "chromosomal translocation leads to a deregulated expression of the antiapoptotic BCL2 photooncogene in the tumor cells, thus allowing for the acquisition of secondary chromosomal alterations in the germinal center environment where the most nonneoplastic B cells are physiologically destined to undergo apoptosis." LOL.
My white blood cells are still low. My lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell, are very low. These are important soldiers to fight invaders. So, given all my givens, including that lymphoma is a cancer of the immune system, it is important to not put any added stressors of any kind on these immune soldiers to have to fight infections, flus, covid, environmental exposures, etc. They are needed to be kicking the unwelcome cells to the far side of the moon.
I'll see my oncologist in three months or before if needed. I'm envisioning the clouds staying wispy and moving in SLOW SLOWER SLOWEST... AND STOP motion. And of course, always continuing my proactive approach to all.
Meanwhile no watch and wait attitude towards life. I'll be living in the moment, enjoying the holiday season, and resting in gratitude for all the love and blessings in my life.
MY ART SHOW
It is always such a joy to exhibit my art, share myself and my heart, and enjoy conversations with old friends, customers, and new connections. And, since I make the majority of my living as an artist, to make some moola to help buoy me along. I need to do only local shows and have Team Suzette help with all things set up (due to the limitations from surgery), so I am so deeply grateful for every opportunity, large or small, to exhibit.
To all who graced me with their presence at the show and to those that selflessly helped with the set up and tear down of my dog and pony act, thank you for continuing to support my artwork and me. I love and appreciate you!
To all who graced me with their presence at the show and to those that selflessly helped with the set up and tear down of my dog and pony act, thank you for continuing to support my artwork and me. I love and appreciate you!
SPREADING THE WORD: THE JOURNEY IS EVERYTHING
I had my first speaking engagement request and appearance post covid last month. It is always humbling to stand before others, share my journey, and a bit of how I navigated through its currents. Somehow the journey of little 'ol me often touches another heart and offers them some light on their own journey. I always love the connections with others, their sharing of their journeys and trials, and always leave with a warm and grateful feeling in my heart.
May this holiday season be a time to spread peace, joy, love and light to the world in an endless circle of giving and receiving.
With so much love from deep in my heart to deep in yours. May all the love and joy you have all brought me return to you a hundred fold.
Suzette
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With so much love from deep in my heart to deep in yours. May all the love and joy you have all brought me return to you a hundred fold.
Suzette
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September 2022
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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Hope everyone has endured the broiler oven and is now enjoying the drop in temps, at least for the moment. Of course, I am grateful for each day, sizzling or freezing, but it is mighty fine to be wrapped in cool breezes again.
I wanted to send all a medical quickie and give you the latest update from my oncologist follow up.
As you know from my June update, although there was a return of some unwelcome cells, the biopsy revealed it as slow-growing vs the last two journeys with the advanced and aggressive explosion of lymphoma that required immediate treatment. So, my oncologist and I agreed on a "watch and wait" approach over the summer and a revisit in September.
Last week, after new labs and an external clinical exam, we agreed it is still a viable option (being mindful of not having stresses on my immune system) to continue to monitor all, waiting til the end of November for yet another catscan.
Of course, only the scans can reveal what the haps are inside, but having had so much radiation over my journey the last 8 years (cat scans, pet scans, head, neck, and skull nuking for months, and a scan only a few months ago) we will wait til the end of November for yet another photo shoot. There is a danger of second cancers and other side effects from too much radiation. Not to mention glowing in the dark. :-)
There are no outward signs of rapid, aggressive growth and "active surveillance" during this slow-growing stage monitors all unless significant health problems require action. According to my oncologist, this choice can be mentally/emotionally challenging for some though knowing that "critters" are inside and so choose to douse with treatment. Not for me! Carry on!
There will be "a watch and wait" approach with the unwelcome cells, but certainly not a watch and wait approach to life. I continue to move through each day with a full, rich, and joyful embrace, present moment to present moment.
I'm envisioning this "squatter" as a little solitary Buddha resting in a meditative, peaceful state, living in harmony with me, no desire to grow in size or invite others, and then doing a miraculous disappearing act. :-) It is a reminder to seize the day, live happily and healthfully, and meet each moment with joy and gratitude.
Here's to an an autumn free of treatment, full of love and laughter, blessings for all of you, and another "watch and wait" card in my stocking this Christmas.
THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR SUPPORTING MY ONE WOMAN SHOW,
GUARDIANS OF THE LIGHT
A JOY! A BLESSING! A MEMORABLE TIME!
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Once again a deeply felt thank you to all who came out in the heat to visit my artwork and me over the two weeks of my one woman show. Thanks to all my angels who assisted me with setting up the show, helped me throughout each day, and then the many hands and giving hearts that loaded all into my van once again.
Another embrace of gratitude for those that adopted my art into their home, bought my new book on a tai chi, (Beyond the Form: Reflections on the Tai Chi Path), and to all of you who continue to be shining lights on my journey and buoy me along with your love, generosity, friendship, and kindness.
Another embrace of gratitude for those that adopted my art into their home, bought my new book on a tai chi, (Beyond the Form: Reflections on the Tai Chi Path), and to all of you who continue to be shining lights on my journey and buoy me along with your love, generosity, friendship, and kindness.
TWO UPCOMING SHOWS:
SAVE THE DATES
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I have two much smaller one day shows approaching in October and December and am working on creating some small pieces for possible sales. Please save the dates. More reminders as time gets nearer to the shows..
Heartfelt thanks from deep within for all the love you continue to give to me. And for my gift of being able to send it back to you in an endless circle.
Wrapping you all in my love and gratitude,
Suzette
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June 2022
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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Happy summer solstice. Seems I was just writing you about the refreshing greenery of spring and buds bursting into bloom. Now the longest day of the year is here full of light and possibilities.
The lazy, crazy days of summer open before me and always feel like an invitation to be carefree, move with wild abandon, and wrap myself in the healing embrace of nature. The motion picture screen of my mind flashes images of a young Suzette spending countless days at the beach body-surfing until my arms were weary with exhaustion. Always yearning to ride yet another wave, I never wanted to come to shore for food, sunscreen, or even collapsing on a towel. Such sweet memories visit of floating out beyond the swells to watch in reverse as the waves crashed on the shore, digging for sand crabs, being rescued for swimming between the danger signs, building castles in the stand and watching them then dissolve into the ocean, and always hoping to stay late and feel dusk blend into dark.
Summer is here and its lure still beckons me. Since my healing journey there are no more long days of body-surfing or long hours in the sun, but I'm still in love with the promise of summer's early morning light inviting me into a new day and its late evening soothing, cool breezes as the sun surrenders to the sky.
May all our summers be filled with joy, laughter, fun, blue skies and the best of memories.
The lazy, crazy days of summer open before me and always feel like an invitation to be carefree, move with wild abandon, and wrap myself in the healing embrace of nature. The motion picture screen of my mind flashes images of a young Suzette spending countless days at the beach body-surfing until my arms were weary with exhaustion. Always yearning to ride yet another wave, I never wanted to come to shore for food, sunscreen, or even collapsing on a towel. Such sweet memories visit of floating out beyond the swells to watch in reverse as the waves crashed on the shore, digging for sand crabs, being rescued for swimming between the danger signs, building castles in the stand and watching them then dissolve into the ocean, and always hoping to stay late and feel dusk blend into dark.
Summer is here and its lure still beckons me. Since my healing journey there are no more long days of body-surfing or long hours in the sun, but I'm still in love with the promise of summer's early morning light inviting me into a new day and its late evening soothing, cool breezes as the sun surrenders to the sky.
May all our summers be filled with joy, laughter, fun, blue skies and the best of memories.
BLUE SKIES... with a wispy cloud
It has been a long and winding zig zag road of tests and more tests and then a biopsy of an abnormal growth in the groin area. Now finally an update and a finish line.
Best possible results, given all the givens. :-) There is just this one cloud in my otherwise expansive BLUE SKIES full body photo shoot (scans :-) ) and it is of the slow-growing variety. YAY!
When my dad was asked how he was doing he would often say, "Compared to what?" Well, compared to any number of other scenarios and the fact that I'm continuing to beat the odds with no return of another aggressive, advanced transformation, I'm ecstatic and very grateful.
We agreed on "watch and wait" (active surveillance) for the next 3 months as as a feasible option. I will meet with her in September and we will take the journey from there. It is important to not have any "hits" to lower my immune system (covid, infections, environmental toxins, stresses).
To me it is GREAT because, among A LOT of other things, I’m blessed with a summer focused on unfolding joy, freedom, loving connections, and the opportunity to do my most important two week one woman gallery show. And, as always, I'll be continuing with my own daily health regime, epigenetics, and enjoying the dance of life.
I'm envisioning that this single"cloud" has no parties with friends over the summer, especially the rowdy, aggressive ones, and instead likes solitude for a long, long, long time to come! :-)
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MRI in a week to my thoracic and lumbar/pelvis ordered by the neurologist to see if it sheds more light on the severe axonic sensio-motor polyneuropathy.
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Best possible results, given all the givens. :-) There is just this one cloud in my otherwise expansive BLUE SKIES full body photo shoot (scans :-) ) and it is of the slow-growing variety. YAY!
When my dad was asked how he was doing he would often say, "Compared to what?" Well, compared to any number of other scenarios and the fact that I'm continuing to beat the odds with no return of another aggressive, advanced transformation, I'm ecstatic and very grateful.
We agreed on "watch and wait" (active surveillance) for the next 3 months as as a feasible option. I will meet with her in September and we will take the journey from there. It is important to not have any "hits" to lower my immune system (covid, infections, environmental toxins, stresses).
To me it is GREAT because, among A LOT of other things, I’m blessed with a summer focused on unfolding joy, freedom, loving connections, and the opportunity to do my most important two week one woman gallery show. And, as always, I'll be continuing with my own daily health regime, epigenetics, and enjoying the dance of life.
I'm envisioning that this single"cloud" has no parties with friends over the summer, especially the rowdy, aggressive ones, and instead likes solitude for a long, long, long time to come! :-)
*******
MRI in a week to my thoracic and lumbar/pelvis ordered by the neurologist to see if it sheds more light on the severe axonic sensio-motor polyneuropathy.
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PLEASE SAVE THE DATES
FOR MY UPCOMING ONE WOMAN SHOW
GUARDIANS OF THE LIGHT
For there is always light,
If only we are brave enough to see it,
If only we are brave enough to be it.
Amanda Gorman
July 27 - July 31
August 3 - 7
Hours: Wednesdays - Fridays 1-5
Saturdays: 12 - 6
Sundays: 12 - 5
For there is always light,
If only we are brave enough to see it,
If only we are brave enough to be it.
Amanda Gorman
July 27 - July 31
August 3 - 7
Hours: Wednesdays - Fridays 1-5
Saturdays: 12 - 6
Sundays: 12 - 5
GUARDIAN OF CREATIVITY
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GUARDIAN OF HEALING
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I'm feeling so excited and so grateful to have the opportunity to share my latest creations in a two week one woman Whittier gallery exhibit this summer. I'm especially busy preparing for all aspects of the show. Showcasing all my work in this beautiful gallery is an honor. I look forward to connecting with all of you in this relaxed setting and am always hoping for a wildly successful show to buoy me along financially. I'll send another reminder as the time draws near. Please save the date and spread the word!!!
THERE IS ALWAYS BLUE SKIES
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If you've ever taken off in a plane and ascended into dark clouds and turbulence, you most likely have experienced the beauty of also breaking through the cloud layer to see the light and expansive, beautiful, and brilliant blue skies that are always above.
Whether it is literal clouds or challenges in our life, it seems important to know that though we may not always see the blue skies, they are always there. I continue to trust the journey. Trust the bigger picture. Trust the eternal blue sky.
Thank you all for being my endless blue skies and gracing me with residing in your love, support, compassion, generosity, and kindness.
With endless love, gratitude and heart to heart always,
Suzette
Whether it is literal clouds or challenges in our life, it seems important to know that though we may not always see the blue skies, they are always there. I continue to trust the journey. Trust the bigger picture. Trust the eternal blue sky.
Thank you all for being my endless blue skies and gracing me with residing in your love, support, compassion, generosity, and kindness.
With endless love, gratitude and heart to heart always,
Suzette
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April 2022
Dear loving Team Suzette.... (a brief update)
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There has been the exhale of 2021 and the inhale of 2022 since my last update. Fall blended into winter, and winter has risen into spring. My backyard now has a new color palette. Buds are feeling the warmth and bursting into bloom. Birds have new beaks to feed and are chirping carefree melodies. All is filled with such feelings of hope, renewal, and rebirth. As I give all my green friends a big drink of water in the early morning, I bow to each miraculous beauty in appreciation for their presence in my life.
I feel grateful for each day in this always predictably unpredictable life. I continue to focus on my blessings and all the beauty and joy amid the roller coaster ride of unwelcome cells these last years. Each morning as I awake I try to remember to rise with a grateful and open heart. And always to my morning regime of a hot bubble bath, meditation and prayer, physical therapy exercises, qigong, tai chi, tending to my backyard sanctuary, and having a nutritious organic breakfast. :-)
As always, I only can move through life one step, one breath at a time, and accept and trust whatever is falling into my life at the moment as lessons to be learned on my path. I'm definitely dancing with a different body from the parting gifts of surgeries and so many treatments, but am dancing in a blessed embrace with life.
I feel grateful for each day in this always predictably unpredictable life. I continue to focus on my blessings and all the beauty and joy amid the roller coaster ride of unwelcome cells these last years. Each morning as I awake I try to remember to rise with a grateful and open heart. And always to my morning regime of a hot bubble bath, meditation and prayer, physical therapy exercises, qigong, tai chi, tending to my backyard sanctuary, and having a nutritious organic breakfast. :-)
As always, I only can move through life one step, one breath at a time, and accept and trust whatever is falling into my life at the moment as lessons to be learned on my path. I'm definitely dancing with a different body from the parting gifts of surgeries and so many treatments, but am dancing in a blessed embrace with life.
MEDICAL UPDATE
There aren't too many big medical updates to share. My very important full body scans are coming up in May. The photo shoot will take a look at all my insides from my "eyes to my thighs" in search of any unwelcome visitors. I have visions of everything revealing continuing blue skies and embracing summer with as much joy and wild abandon as possible. And that my pesky white blood cell count will rise from the depths like a spring bud bursting into bloom!!
A month ago I had another poke, carve and stitches on my nose for some unwelcome cells. My dermatologist is very proactive, seeing me for full body check ups every three months. It is always hard for me to believe that there is yet another sighting on my face that hasn't been excavated. I think it is over 20 surgeries on my head and neck now, plus the huge 14 hour metastasized marathon and the melanoma and skin graft. Like my creations, I have become a regular mixed media artwork with a tapestry of my shoulder, arm, chest and thigh on my face!
The follow ups with my neurologist for the "severe axonic sensio-motor polyneuropathy" are pretty much a continuing of "makes sense" and "don't know." It is a fancy name but basically it is a "body wide systemic process that damages nerve cells, fibers (axons), and nerve coverings and so causes nerve signals to slow or stop." Some of my symptoms like the numbness, burning, and shooting nerve impulses make sense given treatments, trauma to the nerves from falls, and surgeries. Others, like the loss of temperature sensation on my left leg and foot, burning tenderness to the touch on my abdomen, unpredictable radiating pain, is more perplexing to her. She ordered an MRI to the lumber, thoracic, and pelvis to ponder more. For me it just means dancing with some new partners. :-) She had me get a PT evaluation, but the physical therapist said that my morning regime and all my tai chi is better than any of his PT treatment for me. :-)
I do need to get in for more therapy to my neck and shoulder from my severed spinal accessory nerve in hopes of loosening some of the continuing atrophy, scar tissue, and frozen muscles and perhaps help with some of the neuropathy symptoms in my right arm.
Keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming my way for me to continue to beat the odds and for BLUE SKIES to remain overhead in May!
HARMONY FESTIVAL OF ARTS AND CRAFTS
Saturday, April 30th
9-4pm
Bailey and Comstock
Whittier
Harmony One Day Show, December 2021
I'm so grateful to those at the Harmony Center for providing this opportunity for artists to exhibit and sell our work. With the big Hillcrest four day fine arts show cancelled this year, it is a gift to have this opportunity to show locally. I'll have big and small pieces for sale. This month I'll be switching my art studio hours from making bigger creations for my summer one woman show to replenishing my smaller unframed pieces and pins for this festival. This show is a perfect place to purchase fun and unique gifts for Mother's Day and for yourself.
ONE WOMAN SHOW: SAVE THE DATE
Wednesday - Sunday July 27-August 1 Wednesday - Sunday, August 4-8th
July 2021
I always feel so blessed to exhibit my work in the beautiful Whittier Art Gallery. I'm scheduled for two weeks this summer for a one woman show and am busy creating a new body of work, "Guardians of the Light." This is such a special time for me to not only receive an always hoped for art show paycheck to help buoy me along, but to connect with you in a relaxed place over a stretch of time. More info will be coming, but please save the date. I'm hoping that although some people will be on away from home vacations this summer, the two week period will make it possible for many of you to be there!
Our choice is always to close down or to open up. To withdraw or to reach out. To stay in denial or move into truth. To isolate or connect. To merely exist or to live. To choose fear or to choose love.
May we all take the risk to open wider and wider and rise towards the light and hope of each new day. In doing so, open our hearts and pour our love, compassion, and kindness out into this world for its deepest healing.
Thank you all endlessly for your love and light. And for continuing to open your hearts to me time and time again over so many years.
My heart floods with love for all of you,
Suzette
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May we all take the risk to open wider and wider and rise towards the light and hope of each new day. In doing so, open our hearts and pour our love, compassion, and kindness out into this world for its deepest healing.
Thank you all endlessly for your love and light. And for continuing to open your hearts to me time and time again over so many years.
My heart floods with love for all of you,
Suzette
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November 2021
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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Ah, the sweet embrace of autumn with its falling golden leaves as a reminder to let go, dance in the breeze and accept the winds of change. Leaves don't hang tight and resist change as we often do, wanting to hold on to what was instead of surrendering into what is. It can be so easy to default to the familiar instead of embracing the unknown. To not trust and not let go than to allow our unfolding journey. If only we could shed what is no longer needed in our life with such grace and beauty.
Days slowly are getting shorter and darkness comes to visit earlier. We pull inward and curl up in the evenings like a cat in our own heat, allowing it to be a time of stillness, silence, and an invitation to rest deeper and longer. The bare branches outside remind us that everything changes and in letting go we will experience the always miraculous rebirth and renewal of an upcoming spring.
Days slowly are getting shorter and darkness comes to visit earlier. We pull inward and curl up in the evenings like a cat in our own heat, allowing it to be a time of stillness, silence, and an invitation to rest deeper and longer. The bare branches outside remind us that everything changes and in letting go we will experience the always miraculous rebirth and renewal of an upcoming spring.
MEDICAL UPDATES
With the anticipation of the results of all the structured intervals of scans/tests, there is the immense training of being in the present moment and so not capsized by the weight of the wait, the not knowing, and the "what if's?" Actually the trajectory of all of our lives can change in an instant. So the lesson continually repeats itself. Breathe and return to this moment. Let go all of the possible fearful scenarios that rise in the mind, and just be right here and right now. Simple, but not always easy.
Scans:
The latest scans have graced me with a BLUE SKIES next chapter in the life and times of little (tall?) ‘ol me.
I'm doing a happy dance!! I continue to somehow beat the odds. Amazing grace.
The photo shoot ( scans of neck, chest, abdomen, pelvis) were clear of unwelcome lymphoma (cancer of the immune system) cells. Thank you all so much for all your prayers and positive thoughts.
This is a blessed gift that allows me to have an extra happy birthday and puts the extra thanks in my Thanksgiving.
Other findings:
The scans revealed some cysts on the spleen, pancreas, liver and kidney. Follow.
And nodules and continued scarring on the lungs. Follow.
Blood work:
The pesky white blood cell count continues to contribute to my being immunocompromised. While they have never reached close to the low normal range after treatment, they have now taken a dive and dropped back to a level seen right after chemotherapy. As we know, they are the very critical soldiers that fight infection. My lymphocyte count remains very low, so important to mounting antibodies in general (and from the Covid-19 vaccine) and building T, B and helper cells to fight and recover from infection. All are "parting gifts" from the last very strong chemo. As she says, "You aren't out of the woods." Ah, but blue skies are overhead right here, right now.
Neurologist:
I've been put through nerve conduction tests (stimulating the nerves with a machine to measure impulses), blood work, long consultations, and a brain mri (results pending) for all the strange happenings and nerve damage on my left side. Not sure what is causing what but one partial diagnosis so far is severe anoxal sensio-motor superimposed polyneuropphy. I figure I have choices of the 3 d's -- take drugs (no), get depressed (no), dance with it all the best I can (yes). :-)
Scans:
The latest scans have graced me with a BLUE SKIES next chapter in the life and times of little (tall?) ‘ol me.
I'm doing a happy dance!! I continue to somehow beat the odds. Amazing grace.
The photo shoot ( scans of neck, chest, abdomen, pelvis) were clear of unwelcome lymphoma (cancer of the immune system) cells. Thank you all so much for all your prayers and positive thoughts.
This is a blessed gift that allows me to have an extra happy birthday and puts the extra thanks in my Thanksgiving.
Other findings:
The scans revealed some cysts on the spleen, pancreas, liver and kidney. Follow.
And nodules and continued scarring on the lungs. Follow.
Blood work:
The pesky white blood cell count continues to contribute to my being immunocompromised. While they have never reached close to the low normal range after treatment, they have now taken a dive and dropped back to a level seen right after chemotherapy. As we know, they are the very critical soldiers that fight infection. My lymphocyte count remains very low, so important to mounting antibodies in general (and from the Covid-19 vaccine) and building T, B and helper cells to fight and recover from infection. All are "parting gifts" from the last very strong chemo. As she says, "You aren't out of the woods." Ah, but blue skies are overhead right here, right now.
Neurologist:
I've been put through nerve conduction tests (stimulating the nerves with a machine to measure impulses), blood work, long consultations, and a brain mri (results pending) for all the strange happenings and nerve damage on my left side. Not sure what is causing what but one partial diagnosis so far is severe anoxal sensio-motor superimposed polyneuropphy. I figure I have choices of the 3 d's -- take drugs (no), get depressed (no), dance with it all the best I can (yes). :-)
PLEASE COME VISIT ME: HARMONY HOLIDAY FAIRE
ONE DAY: SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4th 9-4 pm
6550 Comstock (corner of Comstock/Bailey)
6550 Comstock (corner of Comstock/Bailey)
Two art show doors closed - Harmony Show in October and the February Hillcrest show - but a small one day door has opened for Saturday, December 4th at the Harmony Center. I will be bringing smaller gift items -- pins, books and unmatted art pieces, along with some small and large unframed art. It will be a much smaller than my usual space, only 8 x 8 (have to set up and break down the dog and pony act in one day )- very different than having an entire gallery to myself. :-) Hopefully you will find a gift for a friend, for yourself, or for your house! And see all the other cool creations by the other artists.
Feel free to text me if you can't make it to the show but if you'd like to look through my work in search of gifts at another time. (562 556 6915). Or if you would like to purchase other art works, a special order or a commission. Easy payment plans!!! :-)
I'd sure love to see you all!
Masks required.
Art Websites: suzette.cc
Link to info on my Journey is Everything book.
Link to more info on the 8 volumes of my What Would You Do If It Happened to You book.
Feel free to text me if you can't make it to the show but if you'd like to look through my work in search of gifts at another time. (562 556 6915). Or if you would like to purchase other art works, a special order or a commission. Easy payment plans!!! :-)
I'd sure love to see you all!
Masks required.
Art Websites: suzette.cc
Link to info on my Journey is Everything book.
Link to more info on the 8 volumes of my What Would You Do If It Happened to You book.
My we all, like the autumn leaves dancing in the wind, scatter our love, light, joy and gratitude out to all in the dance of our life.
Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you. THANKS for all the GIVING. Time passes but my love and gratitude are truly endless. I can't imagine what it would be like to be on this journey without all of you carrying me on the wings of your love, kindness, generosity and support.
Wrapping you in so much love and gratitude,
Suzette
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Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you. THANKS for all the GIVING. Time passes but my love and gratitude are truly endless. I can't imagine what it would be like to be on this journey without all of you carrying me on the wings of your love, kindness, generosity and support.
Wrapping you in so much love and gratitude,
Suzette
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September 2021
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Everything changes. This too shall pass. Trust the journey. Only the infinite sees in 360 degrees.
Phrases I have said to myself over the last years but, as with much of life and its deeper and deeper lessons, the familiar refrain continues to sound with new meaning, experiences, grace, and blessings.
To everything there is indeed a season. The blue skies scan 3 months ago graced me with a summer rich in connections with friends and family, my long awaited one woman gallery show, sharing the calm and center of tai chi with students, and a trip to vistas in Cambria that soothed my soul. And who knows what else will unfold the rest of the summer. Ain't life grand!
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Everything changes. This too shall pass. Trust the journey. Only the infinite sees in 360 degrees.
Phrases I have said to myself over the last years but, as with much of life and its deeper and deeper lessons, the familiar refrain continues to sound with new meaning, experiences, grace, and blessings.
To everything there is indeed a season. The blue skies scan 3 months ago graced me with a summer rich in connections with friends and family, my long awaited one woman gallery show, sharing the calm and center of tai chi with students, and a trip to vistas in Cambria that soothed my soul. And who knows what else will unfold the rest of the summer. Ain't life grand!
ON THE WINGS OF LOVE: AT LAST!
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It was a blessed and uplifting two weeks sharing my art, my soul, and reconnecting with so many people I hold close to my heart. It felt like I was "on the wings of love" throughout the exhibition. I didn't remember to take pictures. :-( I was so in the present moment of joy with so many people, I forget to freeze the moment! Thankfully, my nephew took a few pics before the show opened its doors.
My endless gratitude to those of you that graced me with your presence, your support, your adoptions of my artwork, your commissions, and all your loving energy that buoyed me throughout the two weeks. It was a highlight of my life being able to fly free after so very long in solitude. The blessings that came within all the challenges were everywhere for me to be seen during the show.
Next show: The Harmony Festival for Art/Crafts at the Center for Spiritual Harmony on the corner of Bailey/Comstock. October 16th and l7th. This show has a different energy than a one woman exhibit but it is filled with an amazing mix of different mediums and interesting art - and an uplifting and loving group of people behind the scenes. I always love being there and hope to see you there too! I'll send a quick reminder as the date draws near.
Pandemic Project:
For those of you that were at the show, you may have seen the display of my “pandemic project.” Thirty years ago 34 whimsical characters seem to “download” to me in a few hours without any thought or intention when I opened my sketching pad to doodle and relax. A year later I revisted them to see if there were any words or further illustrations to accompany them. Indeed there was - 160 color illustrations and 16 stories/vignettes that became the 8 volumes of the book (for children and adults), " What Would You Do If it Happened to You?" They had been in a portfolio in my closet for 30 years. The pandemic, like all of life, brought both its blessings and challenges. A blessing was that it granted me the time, added to my discipline and focus and learning curve. to transform them into eight printed books/volumes so they could be tossed into the light of day.
Click HERE to read more about it.
I didn’t display them with any intention of selling, only to share the pandemic project. When some asked to purchase them, I decided to sell them at my cost (25 a piece - they are between 56-70 full color pages each). My intention to print them was not to gain profit, but to complete any reason they had in coming to me, to share with my family for posterity, and those that reached out to read them. During the gallery exhibit, 44 books were ordered and have been released into the world. :-) For those of you that bought either the entire set (8 volumes) or an individual book, thank you. I long to see where they end up as they are tossed like confetti into the world. If any of you would like to order more books, please just email me. :-)
My endless gratitude to those of you that graced me with your presence, your support, your adoptions of my artwork, your commissions, and all your loving energy that buoyed me throughout the two weeks. It was a highlight of my life being able to fly free after so very long in solitude. The blessings that came within all the challenges were everywhere for me to be seen during the show.
Next show: The Harmony Festival for Art/Crafts at the Center for Spiritual Harmony on the corner of Bailey/Comstock. October 16th and l7th. This show has a different energy than a one woman exhibit but it is filled with an amazing mix of different mediums and interesting art - and an uplifting and loving group of people behind the scenes. I always love being there and hope to see you there too! I'll send a quick reminder as the date draws near.
Pandemic Project:
For those of you that were at the show, you may have seen the display of my “pandemic project.” Thirty years ago 34 whimsical characters seem to “download” to me in a few hours without any thought or intention when I opened my sketching pad to doodle and relax. A year later I revisted them to see if there were any words or further illustrations to accompany them. Indeed there was - 160 color illustrations and 16 stories/vignettes that became the 8 volumes of the book (for children and adults), " What Would You Do If it Happened to You?" They had been in a portfolio in my closet for 30 years. The pandemic, like all of life, brought both its blessings and challenges. A blessing was that it granted me the time, added to my discipline and focus and learning curve. to transform them into eight printed books/volumes so they could be tossed into the light of day.
Click HERE to read more about it.
I didn’t display them with any intention of selling, only to share the pandemic project. When some asked to purchase them, I decided to sell them at my cost (25 a piece - they are between 56-70 full color pages each). My intention to print them was not to gain profit, but to complete any reason they had in coming to me, to share with my family for posterity, and those that reached out to read them. During the gallery exhibit, 44 books were ordered and have been released into the world. :-) For those of you that bought either the entire set (8 volumes) or an individual book, thank you. I long to see where they end up as they are tossed like confetti into the world. If any of you would like to order more books, please just email me. :-)
MEDICAL UPDATE:
I had my oncologist follow up last week. It was time for my usual labs and a clinical check. My big full body scans happen again in November and I'm already envisioning a blue skies birthday present, a thankful Thanksgiving, and a clear Christmas all wrapped into one.
My recent labs again showed continued low white blood count - the cells that fight infection. Also very low lymphocytes (a lymphocyte is a type of white blood cell that is part of the immune system and can produce antibodies that are used to attack invading bacteria, viruses, and toxins). One of the major ingredients in my last chemo cocktail is known for being a big culprit for immunosuppression. In fact, during much of the covid some oncologists held back from giving it to anyone for these reasons. Thankfully I was able to almost finish my cycles before the covid became a daily word.
I had my appointment with the neurologist. It was a long consultation of questions and poking. They took a lot of labs (14 vials) and this month is my appointment for PT evaluation and a nerve conduction test to figure out the strange sensations (and also lack of them!) on my left side. Of course, lots of them on the right side from the marathon surgery, so maybe just balancing themselves out. :-)
My recent labs again showed continued low white blood count - the cells that fight infection. Also very low lymphocytes (a lymphocyte is a type of white blood cell that is part of the immune system and can produce antibodies that are used to attack invading bacteria, viruses, and toxins). One of the major ingredients in my last chemo cocktail is known for being a big culprit for immunosuppression. In fact, during much of the covid some oncologists held back from giving it to anyone for these reasons. Thankfully I was able to almost finish my cycles before the covid became a daily word.
I had my appointment with the neurologist. It was a long consultation of questions and poking. They took a lot of labs (14 vials) and this month is my appointment for PT evaluation and a nerve conduction test to figure out the strange sensations (and also lack of them!) on my left side. Of course, lots of them on the right side from the marathon surgery, so maybe just balancing themselves out. :-)
Life is short. Life is precious. Life is a gift. Life is an opportunity to love and be loved. Perhaps cliches but, to me, filled with truth. Thank you all for being a part of my short, precious, loving gift of life.
Endless love,
Suzette
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Endless love,
Suzette
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ON THE WINGS OF LOVE: ONE WOMAN GALLERY SHOW
JULY 2021
Dear loving Team Suzette,
It is such a huge gift that I can once again exhibit at an art show and be with you all again. My one woman gallery show, “On The Wings Of Love,” is a celebration of everyone that carried us on the wings of their love throughout the pandemic and in our journey through the challenges of life.
All of us have had blessings and barriers as we navigated the unpredictable currents of the last year. During this time there have been those special people that have kept us in their hearts, on their radar, and wrapped us in love, kindness, humor, and compassion.
I so so so hope all of you can come see my new artwork, gather together in love and gratitude, and accept a small thank you gift from me for all your love, support, and light.
Please share the news of my show to your family and friends. Thanks to all of you who are spreading the word on your Facebook, Instagram, etc. If you have a place to post or leave some postcards, just let me know and I will make sure you get as many as you need.
Dates: July 21-25 July 28-August 1st
Days: Wednesday through Sunday both weeks
Hours: Wednesday through Friday: 1-5
Saturday: 12-6 Sunday 12-5
I will be there all the weekend hours and from 2-4 weekdays. But please text me if you want to come earlier or later on the weekdays. I am only a few blocks away and would be more than happy to meet you at the gallery.
Endless love and gratitude,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
It is such a huge gift that I can once again exhibit at an art show and be with you all again. My one woman gallery show, “On The Wings Of Love,” is a celebration of everyone that carried us on the wings of their love throughout the pandemic and in our journey through the challenges of life.
All of us have had blessings and barriers as we navigated the unpredictable currents of the last year. During this time there have been those special people that have kept us in their hearts, on their radar, and wrapped us in love, kindness, humor, and compassion.
I so so so hope all of you can come see my new artwork, gather together in love and gratitude, and accept a small thank you gift from me for all your love, support, and light.
Please share the news of my show to your family and friends. Thanks to all of you who are spreading the word on your Facebook, Instagram, etc. If you have a place to post or leave some postcards, just let me know and I will make sure you get as many as you need.
Dates: July 21-25 July 28-August 1st
Days: Wednesday through Sunday both weeks
Hours: Wednesday through Friday: 1-5
Saturday: 12-6 Sunday 12-5
I will be there all the weekend hours and from 2-4 weekdays. But please text me if you want to come earlier or later on the weekdays. I am only a few blocks away and would be more than happy to meet you at the gallery.
Endless love and gratitude,
Suzette
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JUNE, 2021
Dear loving Team Suzette,
I'm fully vaccinated and have been given permission by my oncologist to leave her ordered isolation tank after a year and a half. The "pause" button that has had to be pressed for so long, is now pushed to "play." The river flows outward. There is the joy of going from a couple of lines in a text or a few paragraphs in an email, to meandering face to face conversations. Holding back hugs has become embracing loved ones. My foot on the needed brake for many things for so long can now press the accelerator.
My first connection was standing in front of my fellow students/friends at the dojo to teach my first class since November 2019 at the start of my treatment journey followed by the pandemic. It was surrealistic. Sharing from my heart, it felt like it had been FOREVER since I'd been with them. At the same time it felt like NEVER, as if no time had passed. A day envisioned, a vision fulfilled.
,Before my one year full body scans at COH at the end of May and returning to my full time art work schedule and teaching commitments, I longed to connect the dots again and say yes to as much as possible. I have spent the last three weeks spreading my wings out into the world while keeping mindful of everything I said in my last update about remembering what is so easy to forget when we return to the hub bub of life. As a friend said, she is having new "old" experience. I see the world through a new lens, bowing to both the challenges and blessings of the last year and a half and the grace of all the gifts of re-entry.
Precious moment after moment is not taken for granted and fully embraced.
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BLUE SKIES OVERHEAD -- A FREE AT LAST SUMMER
Awesome news! A BLESSED AND BEAUTIFUL AND BELOVED BLUE SKIES journey continues. I had my one year after treatment full body scans at City of Hope last week and they have now revealed that I still have NO CLOUDS! I am IMMENSELY grateful and joyous to be graced with continuing life and times. So I will have a summer to be filled with more more and more opportunities to laugh, learn, love, enjoy, connect, and depeen. Thank you all so much for all your prayers, positive thoughts, loving kindness, and generosity that wrapped around me during this journey.
I will be having a consult with a neurologist to examine possible nerve damage causing loss of temperature sensation, strange nerve reflexes, and shooting "sensations" on my left side. Good news is that the scans determined that they aren't from any pesky "clouds" (tumors) pressing against nerves. I'm figuring they are either from a fall or some more "parting gifts" from the journey.
I will be having a consult with a neurologist to examine possible nerve damage causing loss of temperature sensation, strange nerve reflexes, and shooting "sensations" on my left side. Good news is that the scans determined that they aren't from any pesky "clouds" (tumors) pressing against nerves. I'm figuring they are either from a fall or some more "parting gifts" from the journey.
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MY ONE WOMAN SHOW: On the Wings of Love
July 21-25: Wednesday - Sunday
July 28 - August 1: Wednesday - Sunday
Hours: Wednesday - Friday 1-5 Saturday: 12-6 Sunday: 12-5
RECEPTION:
Saturday, July 24th: 1-5 (tentative) - Thank you and presentation of gratitude gifts to all: 3pm
July 28 - August 1: Wednesday - Sunday
Hours: Wednesday - Friday 1-5 Saturday: 12-6 Sunday: 12-5
RECEPTION:
Saturday, July 24th: 1-5 (tentative) - Thank you and presentation of gratitude gifts to all: 3pm
At long last I have been scheduled for my my first art show since October 2019. The Whittier Art Gallery's doors are now open and my two week one-woman exhibit will be happening the last two weeks of July. I have been envisioning this show for a long time and can't wait to share my latest work (and get a hoped for art show paycheck). :-) My profession as an artist has always been such a gift throughout my life, and even more so throughout all my healing journeys in different ways, at different times. The quote above, "Art is the only way to run away without leaving home" captures my pandemic path.
PLEASE COME to have a long awaited visit, relax in this beautiful gallery, and view my latest creations. And please spread the word of the show to your friends. See you there! :-)
PLEASE COME to have a long awaited visit, relax in this beautiful gallery, and view my latest creations. And please spread the word of the show to your friends. See you there! :-)
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MT Baldy Rock and Retreat
The pure mountain air, centering stillness and time with the instructors and monks at our dojo's annual Mt. Baldy Zen Center Memorial Weekend Retreat this year was exchanged, due to continuing pandemic restrictions, for zoom training in the privacy of our own homes. But love knows not space and time and so a six hour training and connection with our beloved instructors happened via the computer.
As most of you know, seven years ago, after just undergoing my 14 hour surgery and in the midst of beginning chemotherapy and radiation, I missed my first ever retreat. One of the Senseis was drawn to pick up a rock from a dirt path and bring it to the circle of students and other Senseis to be held by each and infused with love and healing. It was marked 2014 and then brought home to me. I vowed to return each year for it be signed and it has, save 2020, when none of us were on the hill.
I had such joy, love and gratitude as my Sensei, Frank Mc Gouirk, wrote 2021 on the rock and also graced me with a beautiful scarf with words of loving encouragement written on it from all the Mt. Baldy instructors.
Here's to 2022 being added to my rock next year as we all join together on the mountain to train, connect, and
give long awaited hugs to one another.
As most of you know, seven years ago, after just undergoing my 14 hour surgery and in the midst of beginning chemotherapy and radiation, I missed my first ever retreat. One of the Senseis was drawn to pick up a rock from a dirt path and bring it to the circle of students and other Senseis to be held by each and infused with love and healing. It was marked 2014 and then brought home to me. I vowed to return each year for it be signed and it has, save 2020, when none of us were on the hill.
I had such joy, love and gratitude as my Sensei, Frank Mc Gouirk, wrote 2021 on the rock and also graced me with a beautiful scarf with words of loving encouragement written on it from all the Mt. Baldy instructors.
Here's to 2022 being added to my rock next year as we all join together on the mountain to train, connect, and
give long awaited hugs to one another.
-----Each of our lives are a kaleidoscope of different changing emotions and trajectories, beliefs and opinions, experiences and challenges. Love remains timeless and pure as our common denominator. It flows outward from inside all of us if we can connect with our hearts and radiate the common light that illuminates us all from within.
As we move back into the world again after our journey and challenges, may we connect the dots with deeper gratitude, compassion, connection, tolerance, mindfulness, and love.
And may we all give thanks to everyone and everything that has helped to carry us through this last year on the wings of their love, in whatever large or small way, as we reach out into the world again through the new lens of our pandemic journey.
Thank you all for carrying me on the wings of your love .... for so long, for so lovingly, and with so much light and uplift.
Endless love and gratitude,
Suzette
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March, 2021
Dear loving Team Suzette.
In a time of little diversions, solitude, silence, and stillness everything has been felt more openly, honestly, and intensely. I seek to create space in my heart to hold it all with kindness and make room for everything, allowing life to just be. And so I envision a space as vast as the night sky where all the shooting stars emerge and disappear, without judgment and in love. To hold the space for it all...
- the need to stay home and my desire to bust out into the world
- those that agree with me and those that disagree
- each joy and each sting
- each ever changing body sensation
- each fear in the middle of the night and every delight at dawn’s new day
- each kind and each unkind word
- all the similarities, the differences, the indifferences and the same but differences
-
all my knowing and my not knowing
- all my patience and impatience
- all my acceptance and my resistance
- my brake and my accelerator
- my letting it go and my letting it be
- for everything I can do and whatever I can’t
- what someone says or refuses to say to me
- my clear vision and what in the moment blocks my path
- the mud and the lotus blossom
- the want to control and the need to yield right away
And so I try to keep feeling, honoring, and embracing this whole messy but marvelous, miraculous and magnificent predictably unpredictable unfolding of whatever is my precious life in each moment and make it sacred. It isn’t always easy, it doesn’t always happen, but that is what resonates with my heart.
- the need to stay home and my desire to bust out into the world
- those that agree with me and those that disagree
- each joy and each sting
- each ever changing body sensation
- each fear in the middle of the night and every delight at dawn’s new day
- each kind and each unkind word
- all the similarities, the differences, the indifferences and the same but differences
-
all my knowing and my not knowing
- all my patience and impatience
- all my acceptance and my resistance
- my brake and my accelerator
- my letting it go and my letting it be
- for everything I can do and whatever I can’t
- what someone says or refuses to say to me
- my clear vision and what in the moment blocks my path
- the mud and the lotus blossom
- the want to control and the need to yield right away
And so I try to keep feeling, honoring, and embracing this whole messy but marvelous, miraculous and magnificent predictably unpredictable unfolding of whatever is my precious life in each moment and make it sacred. It isn’t always easy, it doesn’t always happen, but that is what resonates with my heart.
Remembering the past gives power to the present.
Fae Myenne Ng
When we move back into the world, it may not feel so desirable to remember a time of isolation, restrictions, loneliness or fear.
Yet, to me, these are not times to be buried and forgotten, but to be remembered and honored. To remember our strength and our resilience and how we persevered and triumphed. It can take a great deal of courage to remember and keep something alive in the midst of its absence. Yet in remembering we give meaning to our journey as well as love and gratitude to all of those that carried us through it on the wings of their love. It is in remembering that we keep the pearls/lessons from the hard shell of our challenges alive. And it is in remembrance in action that they live forever.
- I want to remember that I longed to hug and couldn’t… and so never forget to embrace.
- I want to remember how I longed to see the smile under the mask… and so to appreciate every wide grin.
- I want to remember how it felt to not be able to do errands… and so not ever complain when I can.
- I want to remember the silence when life gets noisy.
- I want to remember the stillness when life gets busy.
- I want to remember the year plus four months of isolation… and never take for granted the
joy in each moment with others.
- I want to remember the depth of my connection to the Divine …and so always live in it.
- I want to remember all those that did for me when I couldn’t … and so give back to others.
- I want to remember all the essential workers that ventured out beyond their safe retreats when I
couldn’t… and to tip my hat and my heart to them.
- I want to remember everyone who continued to remember me from afar… and never forget their kindness.
- I want to remember those that gifted me with small and large generosities that came when I most needed
them… and so thank them, when I can, face to face and give back in whatever form I can.
- I want to remember those who reached out unexpectedly and without asking and made my days
brighter… and to be that same light for others.
- And I want to remember each of you that kept me on your radar and stayed connected to me in my land of me,
myself and I ...and hold you forever in my heart.
Let these times we have faced and the lessons we have learned burn a place in our hearts where they will live forever.
Yet, to me, these are not times to be buried and forgotten, but to be remembered and honored. To remember our strength and our resilience and how we persevered and triumphed. It can take a great deal of courage to remember and keep something alive in the midst of its absence. Yet in remembering we give meaning to our journey as well as love and gratitude to all of those that carried us through it on the wings of their love. It is in remembering that we keep the pearls/lessons from the hard shell of our challenges alive. And it is in remembrance in action that they live forever.
- I want to remember that I longed to hug and couldn’t… and so never forget to embrace.
- I want to remember how I longed to see the smile under the mask… and so to appreciate every wide grin.
- I want to remember how it felt to not be able to do errands… and so not ever complain when I can.
- I want to remember the silence when life gets noisy.
- I want to remember the stillness when life gets busy.
- I want to remember the year plus four months of isolation… and never take for granted the
joy in each moment with others.
- I want to remember the depth of my connection to the Divine …and so always live in it.
- I want to remember all those that did for me when I couldn’t … and so give back to others.
- I want to remember all the essential workers that ventured out beyond their safe retreats when I
couldn’t… and to tip my hat and my heart to them.
- I want to remember everyone who continued to remember me from afar… and never forget their kindness.
- I want to remember those that gifted me with small and large generosities that came when I most needed
them… and so thank them, when I can, face to face and give back in whatever form I can.
- I want to remember those who reached out unexpectedly and without asking and made my days
brighter… and to be that same light for others.
- And I want to remember each of you that kept me on your radar and stayed connected to me in my land of me,
myself and I ...and hold you forever in my heart.
Let these times we have faced and the lessons we have learned burn a place in our hearts where they will live forever.
MEDICAL UPDATE
The long awaited number one vaccine will be shot into my arm soon. City of Hope recently received their first supply for those patients 65 and older that are of highest risk. That's me. :-) I'll be graced with an appointment this coming week. My endless gratitude to all the scientists that worked tirelessly to bring these vaccines to life, to all those that donated to the cause, and to all those that have undertaken the huge feat of organizing and rolling out the vaccines. They will schedule my second dose when I go for my number one.
I had a brief follow up/labs with my oncologist. General white blood cell count is on the rise, although certain white blood cells, like the lymphocytes, are still very low. Next full scans will be in a few months. My newest normal? There is no normal. :-) They will be doing some different labs and tests during the next several weeks to make sure all is still well with my heart and thyroid.
I'm so looking forward to reconnecting, rebooting, rekindling, rejoining, re- everything in my life with all of you.
I had a brief follow up/labs with my oncologist. General white blood cell count is on the rise, although certain white blood cells, like the lymphocytes, are still very low. Next full scans will be in a few months. My newest normal? There is no normal. :-) They will be doing some different labs and tests during the next several weeks to make sure all is still well with my heart and thyroid.
I'm so looking forward to reconnecting, rebooting, rekindling, rejoining, re- everything in my life with all of you.
ONE WOMAN ART SHOW at the WHITTER GALLERY: End of July?
It will indeed be a joyous day when the doors of the Whittier Art Gallery reopen and it is a land of art shows and paychecks again! I'm still tentatively set for a one woman show at the end of July. Please put out positive thoughts that we will all be together again then!
I'm still very open to commissions or purchases. Just let me know! :-) Suzette.cc
I'm still very open to commissions or purchases. Just let me know! :-) Suzette.cc
May we all continue to be beacons of light and all let us all, as we slowly come out of our tunnels, allow our light to shine even brighter onto each other and the world.
In the inspiring words of our shining star, inaugural youth poet laureate, Amanda Gorman...
"For there is always light, if only we're brave enough to see it.
If only we're brave enough to be it."
Thanks for being my shining lights of love, compassion, support, and generosity.
May peace, respect, love and joy become as contagious in the world as the worst possible variant of CoVid19.
Endless love,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
The pandemic continues to remind me of parts of my life I have taken for granted...
- a heart felt hug
- gatherings with family and friends
- teaching tai chi
- paychecks
- art shows
- a dart to Sprouts to pick out organic veggies
- busting into the world whenever my spirit chooses
- hikes with friends
- facial expressions
- saying a quick yes to invitations for visits instead of needing to say no
..... the list goes on... and on.
It is yet another reminder to me to continue to rest in gratitude for all I do have, right here and right now. To bow to all that I perhaps too easily take for granted, that also could just as easily be swept away by life’s twists and turns, fortunes and misfortunes, surprises and unpredictability.
For now....
- no art shows and their paychecks, but long stretches of time to create
- no teaching tai chi classes, but able to do solo practice
- no in person visits, but a loving Team Suzette Divine, family, and friends
- no hugs with friends and family, but blessed with many heart to heart ones
- no blue skies for the pandemic yet, but blue skies for me
- no hikes with friends, but still out solo in the beauty of nature
- not just taking walks, but the freedom of being able to walk
- not just being alive, but the miracle of each inhale and exhale as I'm graced with more chapters of my life
- not being with everyone in the moment, but being alive to experience the yin and yang of it all
...the list is endless.
And so I rest in gratitude for all my countless blessings and for what is always here and never changes - the power and truth of love, beauty, joy, and friendship.
The pandemic continues to remind me of parts of my life I have taken for granted...
- a heart felt hug
- gatherings with family and friends
- teaching tai chi
- paychecks
- art shows
- a dart to Sprouts to pick out organic veggies
- busting into the world whenever my spirit chooses
- hikes with friends
- facial expressions
- saying a quick yes to invitations for visits instead of needing to say no
..... the list goes on... and on.
It is yet another reminder to me to continue to rest in gratitude for all I do have, right here and right now. To bow to all that I perhaps too easily take for granted, that also could just as easily be swept away by life’s twists and turns, fortunes and misfortunes, surprises and unpredictability.
For now....
- no art shows and their paychecks, but long stretches of time to create
- no teaching tai chi classes, but able to do solo practice
- no in person visits, but a loving Team Suzette Divine, family, and friends
- no hugs with friends and family, but blessed with many heart to heart ones
- no blue skies for the pandemic yet, but blue skies for me
- no hikes with friends, but still out solo in the beauty of nature
- not just taking walks, but the freedom of being able to walk
- not just being alive, but the miracle of each inhale and exhale as I'm graced with more chapters of my life
- not being with everyone in the moment, but being alive to experience the yin and yang of it all
...the list is endless.
And so I rest in gratitude for all my countless blessings and for what is always here and never changes - the power and truth of love, beauty, joy, and friendship.
The Long and Winding Road
Last November my oncologist walked into the exam room at City of Hope and before she had even sat down said, "It doesn't t look good Suzette." She proceeded to show me the scans of seven areas of clouds throughout my body, including one to the side of the spine that if it continued to grow could cause paralysis. There were minimal options given all my previous treatments and journeys. Each with pros and cons. Then there was a second opinion, a new oncologist, and the beginning of the next journey of "elixirs."
For six months I rode the roller coaster trying to stay focused on being the calm within the chaos of treatment. Afterwards, beautiful and blessed BLUE SKIES wrapped me in a loving and miraculous embrace.
In a strange parallel universe, as I sought to reunite with the world it shut down in a pandemic. Now it has been seven months more of me, myself and I due to being a highest risk person.
My first scans without treatment these last months just revealed another blessed BLUE SKY continuing overhead. The news is a huge birthday gift, a Thanksgiving blessing, and this Christmas eve I may not be able to be surrounded by family/friends, but I won't be at City of Hope in the infusion room and will be enjoying blue skies in my Christmas stocking instead of chemo coal!
Now I await BLUE SKIES on the pandemic and a joyous reunion.
Then it will be life with me, myself and I - and OTHERS!!
As someone once said... the journey is everything. :-). And like all journeys it is filled with deeper and deeper lessons, the healing force of love, the power of acceptance and surrender, and the blessings within the hardened shell of life's challenges.
The journey continues, one day at a time. With patience and when the timing of the gates is right, I will be expressing, in person, all my love and gratitude to all of you.
For six months I rode the roller coaster trying to stay focused on being the calm within the chaos of treatment. Afterwards, beautiful and blessed BLUE SKIES wrapped me in a loving and miraculous embrace.
In a strange parallel universe, as I sought to reunite with the world it shut down in a pandemic. Now it has been seven months more of me, myself and I due to being a highest risk person.
My first scans without treatment these last months just revealed another blessed BLUE SKY continuing overhead. The news is a huge birthday gift, a Thanksgiving blessing, and this Christmas eve I may not be able to be surrounded by family/friends, but I won't be at City of Hope in the infusion room and will be enjoying blue skies in my Christmas stocking instead of chemo coal!
Now I await BLUE SKIES on the pandemic and a joyous reunion.
Then it will be life with me, myself and I - and OTHERS!!
As someone once said... the journey is everything. :-). And like all journeys it is filled with deeper and deeper lessons, the healing force of love, the power of acceptance and surrender, and the blessings within the hardened shell of life's challenges.
The journey continues, one day at a time. With patience and when the timing of the gates is right, I will be expressing, in person, all my love and gratitude to all of you.
IN BRIEF
The whole body photo shoot (scans :-) ) after several months with no treatments revealed continued blessed BLUE SKIES. My white blood count (the soldier cells that fight viruses and infections) continues to be low. There hasn't been a rise since two months ago - but no drop either. :-) Again, with patience and time all will continue to rebuild and multiply.
My oncologist sings the same melody of covid-19 precautions. She said visitors and teaching classes and reunions not to come until the vaccine arrives. I hope that COH, with so many highest risk peeps, will be on the upwards list of distribution but we shall see how all unfolds. Too early to know. First the vaccine! Sounds like it is on the horizon!
I had my three months check in with my dermatologist to keep an eye on any unwelcome cells that may appear on my skin. All is blue skies.
My oncologist sings the same melody of covid-19 precautions. She said visitors and teaching classes and reunions not to come until the vaccine arrives. I hope that COH, with so many highest risk peeps, will be on the upwards list of distribution but we shall see how all unfolds. Too early to know. First the vaccine! Sounds like it is on the horizon!
I had my three months check in with my dermatologist to keep an eye on any unwelcome cells that may appear on my skin. All is blue skies.
MY BOOK
If you have read my book, have the time, and would be willing to write a few review words on Amazon, that would be most awesome. LINK. Every review helps bring the search engines pointing towards the book and hopefully more sales. :-).
MY ART
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Commissions still welcome. :-). For ideas or if anyone is interested in purchasing art, here's the link to my website. LINK
---------May we all be beacons of light in the world and send out love, prayers, compassion, kindness, right action and right thought as we open our hearts to one another to disappear any darkness.
May all of you have a happy Thanksgiving, given all the givens, that is filled with gratitude for all our blessings, seen and unseen, the warmth of loved ones even if from afar, joy in all that uplifts our spirits, a peace that passes all understanding, and energy from our heart that is sent out to all hearts.
Thank you all immensely for all your giving, for holding me in your hearts, blessing me with your warmth, wrapping me in your support, shining your light on me and continuing to carry me on the wings of your love for so long and in so many countless way. My heart overflows with endless love and gratitude.
Suzette
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-September 18, 2020
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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"Stay away from public places if you can, try to limit contact to people in your own household (that would be me, myself, and I - and Sweet Pea Squirrel :-) ), you are in the highest risk group for Covid-19 so it is necessary to be vigilant, wise and safe." A familiar refrain sung by my oncologist. I'm so longing for new lyrics.
So my practice is to to focus on present moment to present moment, which is always the practice.
I'm continuing to take it one precious day at a time and trying not to rewind and count how long I've been on a solo ride, nor fast forward to when there will be a pardon and release to reconnect with a safe world. Instead I seek to rest in the gift of this moment. Of course, that is not always easy, but it is where I've always found gratitude, truth, joy, beauty, laughter, love, and peace.
My life is, as always, is a continual school house of experiences and lessons. Sometimes I ask in wonder.
"What? Another lesson?? What about summer vacation?" Lessons are learned and some lessons come again and again and ask to be embraced at a deeper and deeper level. Then, I'm given the grace of using whatever wisdom gained to meet every new challenge. As it has also been in my physical schools, I can try to borrow someone else's notes, daydream the class by, complain about the tough courses, flunk out in despair or complacency, try to skip a grade, cut classes, and somehow graduate early. Or accept that none of that ultimately works to embrace my true self, and move through life one conscious step at a time, not judging the curriculum but seeing all as the current "assignment." So I focus on what I can do right here, right now and not what I can't.
I continue, time and time again, to take deep breaths to ground and return me to the present moment and to rest in gratitude for being here to experience the gift of life and to embrace all the love that surrounds me..
a
So my practice is to to focus on present moment to present moment, which is always the practice.
I'm continuing to take it one precious day at a time and trying not to rewind and count how long I've been on a solo ride, nor fast forward to when there will be a pardon and release to reconnect with a safe world. Instead I seek to rest in the gift of this moment. Of course, that is not always easy, but it is where I've always found gratitude, truth, joy, beauty, laughter, love, and peace.
My life is, as always, is a continual school house of experiences and lessons. Sometimes I ask in wonder.
"What? Another lesson?? What about summer vacation?" Lessons are learned and some lessons come again and again and ask to be embraced at a deeper and deeper level. Then, I'm given the grace of using whatever wisdom gained to meet every new challenge. As it has also been in my physical schools, I can try to borrow someone else's notes, daydream the class by, complain about the tough courses, flunk out in despair or complacency, try to skip a grade, cut classes, and somehow graduate early. Or accept that none of that ultimately works to embrace my true self, and move through life one conscious step at a time, not judging the curriculum but seeing all as the current "assignment." So I focus on what I can do right here, right now and not what I can't.
I continue, time and time again, to take deep breaths to ground and return me to the present moment and to rest in gratitude for being here to experience the gift of life and to embrace all the love that surrounds me..
a
QUICK MEDICAL UPDATE
I had a quick follow up on all my labs with my oncologist. It was a check in to take a look at my blood counts. White blood cells still low but heading in the right direction. It is a different world at City of Hope these days but a safe one with all their many precautions due to so many immuno-compromised patients. The all important photo shoot after some months of no treatment is in mid-November to see if any unwelcome cells have dared to return.
I continue to deepen my healing regime, gain a few more pounds, walk more and more (when the heat, smoke and ashes allow), create new art, embrace a few other projects dear to my heart, focus on sleep, eat nutritious and organic foods, balance, and send love out to all of you. And cherish the image of being TOGETHER AGAIN when it is BLUE SKIES for the pandemic and a pardon from my oncologist into a safe covid-19 world where we are all reminiscing about what was and no longer is.
I continue to deepen my healing regime, gain a few more pounds, walk more and more (when the heat, smoke and ashes allow), create new art, embrace a few other projects dear to my heart, focus on sleep, eat nutritious and organic foods, balance, and send love out to all of you. And cherish the image of being TOGETHER AGAIN when it is BLUE SKIES for the pandemic and a pardon from my oncologist into a safe covid-19 world where we are all reminiscing about what was and no longer is.
MY NEXT ART SHOW...
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
...is a big don't know. What I do know is that the October Harmony Art Show and the February Hillcrest Fine Arts Festival have been cancelled for everyone due to COVID-19 realities. As with so many other professions, this is not a great time for artists but I continue to trust that all will unfold with grace and abundance in the bigger picture. I'm preparing for my next show, whenever that will be, so I will be ready to embrace it on the blessed day of its arrival.
I'm sending the link to my art show website that shows some of my artwork if anyone is pulled to buy a new piece art to brighten the perhaps drab walls that they have had to look at for far too long these last months. CLICK HERE. Commissions are also always welcomed. :-)
I long to share my artwork, receive an art show paycheck, but more than ANYTHING, would LOVE to reconnect and see all of you again. Hopefully much sooner than later.
I'm sending the link to my art show website that shows some of my artwork if anyone is pulled to buy a new piece art to brighten the perhaps drab walls that they have had to look at for far too long these last months. CLICK HERE. Commissions are also always welcomed. :-)
I long to share my artwork, receive an art show paycheck, but more than ANYTHING, would LOVE to reconnect and see all of you again. Hopefully much sooner than later.
LOVE AND LIGHT
Most importantly, as we all struggle with the challenges of the pandemic, unrest, the devastation of fires, and so much else, let us all continue to send love, compassion, light, positivity, kindness, and peace to each other and to our collective well-being. One planet, one people, united by love to light up the world. And as we face each challenge, to try to stay connected to the deepest purpose and meaning in our lives. It takes a village embracing "love in action" to heal, soothe, peacefully repair, and restore us.
Thank you, each of you, for always being my bearers of light, givers of kindness and connection, and the blessed wings of love that continue to carry and embrace me on my journey. It will be a joyous day when we are all together outside of cyber space again.
I love and appreciate all of you immensely,
Suzette
Thank you, each of you, for always being my bearers of light, givers of kindness and connection, and the blessed wings of love that continue to carry and embrace me on my journey. It will be a joyous day when we are all together outside of cyber space again.
I love and appreciate all of you immensely,
Suzette
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JULY 11, 2020
Dear loving Team Suzette,
JULY 11, 2020
Dear loving Team Suzette,
I’ve often compared the treatment journey to a roller coaster. There are expected and unexpected twists and turns and peaks and valleys as your stomach does somersaults and the world turns upside down. Everything is happening fast, and yet ever so slow, and is ever changing. The outside world becomes a blur. If you are lucky there may be a momentary plateau before another ride begins, speeding on top of the last one with no time to regain your ground, balance, and focus. Some have to exit because the ride gets intense, needing to pause to regain strength. Some are not able to return to the ride.
You try to find the calm within the chaos. Breathe. One twist at a time. Stay focused on the present moment and not on what may happen around the next bend. Trust the journey. This too shall pass. Blue skies ahead.
When you finally get off, there is a sensation that you body is still in motion. You long to feel your feet back on the ground. Your head is spinning. Knees are weak. Balance is unsteady. Your stomach is still tossing and turning, risen high during the ride, and slowly, bit by bit, begins to settle. The currents of adrenaline are still pulsating in your veins. The world remains a blur and slowly, off and on, begins to come back into focus. You take slow steps as you recover from the ride.
However, this time when you get off, someone hands you a mask. Not that strange for a City of Hope patient, but then when you come up for air, the world is wearing masks. I had been "staying safe" and hunkering down since my treatment started in December. The unfolding picture that I held for life after treatment/during recovery to finally begin to reconnect to the world disappeared - a visit to our dojo's annual Mt. Baldy retreat, a hoped for Blue Skies celebration gathering, face to face hugs, my one woman gallery art show at the end of this month with the help of Team Suzette, and a thank you visit to my beloved dojo before my eventual return. The end of my treatment converged with the emergence of Covid-19 and so more isolation, stay at home, and uncertainty about connecting back with everyone. Not only is the roller coaster unpredictable, but, as always, so is life itself. As my often quoted wise Sensei reminds us, "Want what you want, but take what you get." What I did get though is beyond words of love and gratitude. The pearl within the hardened shell. With all that is happening now, although unexpected and challenging, miraculous blue skies are overhead. More chapters in the life and times of skinny 'ol me.
A Short Update
It's been 6-7 weeks since my last BLUE SKIES update after my final treatment cycle and full body photo shoot.
I'm a healing work in progress and so all is ever-changing. I'm following the bouncing ball as I balance, heal and unwind towards the ground again.
- I am creating more new art. I'm always ever so thankful to be able to work out of my home and have parts of my art centering, grounding, and meditative. Also, hopefully each creation is headed for adoption and an eventual paycheck for me.
- I am graced with longer strolls, at my own pace and time, in a beautiful, empty, quiet, and expansive area I discovered.
- I continue to deepen my morning healing regime.
- I'm slowly putting a few pounds back on this great friend of my body.
My follow up with my oncologist last week showed my WBC - white blood cell count (your important immunity that fights viruses/infections) still very low and has only risen ever so slightly. Just 0.2 points in the last two months. White blood cells are very important for immunity, especially now, and so need to rise. She says it is a result of the particular treatment I received and will take time to rise. So prayers and positive thoughts for the upward climb! All organs doing a good job though :-)
Of course, the hope two months ago was that the state of the outside world would have vastly improved. Unfortunately it has actually gotten worse. She said I'm not in the high risk group, but the "highest risk group," as I'm just coming off and in recovery after six months of treatment, have low white blood cell immunity counts, and also a journey with lymphoma (a cancer of the immune system.). Her "orders" are more stringent given my realities and says to remain even more vigilant with the Covid-19 relationship (no public places, limit contact with people, and continue persevering with staying as safe as possible). She will see me in September and once again re-evaluate all with the outside world and with me. Prayers that by then all is subsiding, blue skies are beginning to appear for all of us, and I can joyful reunite with all again!
,
I'm a healing work in progress and so all is ever-changing. I'm following the bouncing ball as I balance, heal and unwind towards the ground again.
- I am creating more new art. I'm always ever so thankful to be able to work out of my home and have parts of my art centering, grounding, and meditative. Also, hopefully each creation is headed for adoption and an eventual paycheck for me.
- I am graced with longer strolls, at my own pace and time, in a beautiful, empty, quiet, and expansive area I discovered.
- I continue to deepen my morning healing regime.
- I'm slowly putting a few pounds back on this great friend of my body.
My follow up with my oncologist last week showed my WBC - white blood cell count (your important immunity that fights viruses/infections) still very low and has only risen ever so slightly. Just 0.2 points in the last two months. White blood cells are very important for immunity, especially now, and so need to rise. She says it is a result of the particular treatment I received and will take time to rise. So prayers and positive thoughts for the upward climb! All organs doing a good job though :-)
Of course, the hope two months ago was that the state of the outside world would have vastly improved. Unfortunately it has actually gotten worse. She said I'm not in the high risk group, but the "highest risk group," as I'm just coming off and in recovery after six months of treatment, have low white blood cell immunity counts, and also a journey with lymphoma (a cancer of the immune system.). Her "orders" are more stringent given my realities and says to remain even more vigilant with the Covid-19 relationship (no public places, limit contact with people, and continue persevering with staying as safe as possible). She will see me in September and once again re-evaluate all with the outside world and with me. Prayers that by then all is subsiding, blue skies are beginning to appear for all of us, and I can joyful reunite with all again!
,
One Woman Art Show: On the Wings of Love
CANCELLED DUE TO COVID-19
Totally understandable. I know there will be a much better time in the future to have the show for both of us.
I am trusting the journey. One door closes, another opens. I am creating new art, at my own pace, moving towards the vision of a future show, an art show paycheck, and to all being together once again.
If you’ve been staying at home and staring at your walls, you may have noticed you need to replace an old work that has lost its joy for you or have an empty wall that is wanting an uplift. Or you might have seen something that you like at a show, but want it a bit differently, for a special order or have had ideas for a commission. Check out my website for ideas. This link has artwork created during my journey these last years since my first surgery and treatments. CLICK HERE
I sure miss hugs. I'm sending out heart to heart hugs to all of you, envisioning the day when they can be face to face again. I hope everyone is staying a safe and continuing to flow with these crazy times with grace, hope, and
ease.
SO MUCH LOVE wrapping around you all,
Suzette
ease.
SO MUCH LOVE wrapping around you all,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
HALLELUJAH!
Seven areas of "clouds" throughout my body on my scans 8 months ago and the oncologist's words, "It's not good, Suzette" all blown away on the winds of your love, positive thoughts and prayers to become a beautiful, expansive, and long envisioned BLUE SKY and the words, "Congrats, Suzette, all is clear."
Raise a toast! Do a happy dance (you can't see me but I am). Many aren't so lucky after this treatment, a relapse, and all my history.
It’s been/is quite a journey riding the rollercoaster but as someone once said, "The Journey is Everything." :-) I have been focused on all things healing, taking the ride one gift of a day at a time, and soaking in all your love and support. I now rest in an Amazing Grace blessing beyond words.
THANK YOU Team Suzette family and friends for carrying me on the wings of your love, kindness, generosity and compassion for the last six months, and always. THANK YOU Team Suzette Divine for miracles of healing and soothing angel's wings of love and healing light.
I’m savoring the present moment, not rewinding to what was or fast-forwarding to the future, just resting in immense gratitude for another miraculous moment in time.
Rest here with me. In the moment. In the BLUE SKIES. Huge hugs from my heart and a tsunami of love.
Seven areas of "clouds" throughout my body on my scans 8 months ago and the oncologist's words, "It's not good, Suzette" all blown away on the winds of your love, positive thoughts and prayers to become a beautiful, expansive, and long envisioned BLUE SKY and the words, "Congrats, Suzette, all is clear."
Raise a toast! Do a happy dance (you can't see me but I am). Many aren't so lucky after this treatment, a relapse, and all my history.
It’s been/is quite a journey riding the rollercoaster but as someone once said, "The Journey is Everything." :-) I have been focused on all things healing, taking the ride one gift of a day at a time, and soaking in all your love and support. I now rest in an Amazing Grace blessing beyond words.
THANK YOU Team Suzette family and friends for carrying me on the wings of your love, kindness, generosity and compassion for the last six months, and always. THANK YOU Team Suzette Divine for miracles of healing and soothing angel's wings of love and healing light.
I’m savoring the present moment, not rewinding to what was or fast-forwarding to the future, just resting in immense gratitude for another miraculous moment in time.
Rest here with me. In the moment. In the BLUE SKIES. Huge hugs from my heart and a tsunami of love.
THE MISCONCEPTION
One of my doctors shared that one of the most common misconceptions that people have is that at the end of all the cumulative cycles and, if all is clear, that you POOF feel well and are ready to march back into your life. It is indeed a HUGE landmark. Everything does change with that blessed and triumphant news. Yet it is considered a halfway mark of sorts. The body then needs to rebuild, balance, unwind, and gain ground from all the months of the "elixir."
Her experience, while varying person to person and treatments, is that it can take 6-12 months before her patients begin to find a "new normal."
The Treatment to Wellness spectrum has been given as:
Treatment -6 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1
0 (A clear scan)
+1 +2 +3 +4 +5 +6 +7 +8 etc. Recovery
(Medicine Treats the Illness. Nature Finishes the Job). :-)
This skinny resilient and strong beyond belief body can now be given the gift of time and patience so it can deeply heal inward and outward at its own pace.
I know from previous journeys that this isn't a linear path and the only constant is change as my body balances and heals. This is really a blessed and most cherished time. One day at a time, no thought of "how I'm doing," just resting in and enjoying all the blessings in my life while allowing and trusting my body to do its healing magic without pushing or rushing.
Now is a time to recover, rebuild and focus on...
Longer walks
More hours creating art
Deepening my own healing regime (meditation, prayer, tai chi/qigong}
Continue to nurture my garden growing
Deeper rest and sleep for deeper healing
and whatever else unfolds on my path
No matter what I’m doing or feeling I know that my body will be continuing to heal deeper and deeper. And deeper still.
Her experience, while varying person to person and treatments, is that it can take 6-12 months before her patients begin to find a "new normal."
The Treatment to Wellness spectrum has been given as:
Treatment -6 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1
0 (A clear scan)
+1 +2 +3 +4 +5 +6 +7 +8 etc. Recovery
(Medicine Treats the Illness. Nature Finishes the Job). :-)
This skinny resilient and strong beyond belief body can now be given the gift of time and patience so it can deeply heal inward and outward at its own pace.
I know from previous journeys that this isn't a linear path and the only constant is change as my body balances and heals. This is really a blessed and most cherished time. One day at a time, no thought of "how I'm doing," just resting in and enjoying all the blessings in my life while allowing and trusting my body to do its healing magic without pushing or rushing.
Now is a time to recover, rebuild and focus on...
Longer walks
More hours creating art
Deepening my own healing regime (meditation, prayer, tai chi/qigong}
Continue to nurture my garden growing
Deeper rest and sleep for deeper healing
and whatever else unfolds on my path
No matter what I’m doing or feeling I know that my body will be continuing to heal deeper and deeper. And deeper still.
COVID-19
My heart goes out to everyone affected, at any and all levels, by the challenges from this pandemic.
It has felt very strange knowing everyone has also been hunkered down in their home along with me these last months.
My white blood cell counts remain low (critical to fight any kind of viruses/infections, a result of all these particular treatments and, no worries, will gradually rise). I am in the highest risk group right now for several reasons and so given all my givens, all the givens in the world, and the importance of rebuilding without any hit of any kind to my system, my oncologist’s “orders” are "to continue to keep in place everything I'm doing right now” to be most certain to protect my challenged immunity until we see each other in two months, mid-July. At that time she will reevaluate all and will take it from there.
May we all find the pearls within the hardened shells of this challenge. May we all continue to work together for the greater good, find time for reflection, connect with family, deepen our appreciation of nature, trust the journey, and perhaps embrace a healthier and less frantic lifestyle during this time. And be hugging each other soon!
It has felt very strange knowing everyone has also been hunkered down in their home along with me these last months.
My white blood cell counts remain low (critical to fight any kind of viruses/infections, a result of all these particular treatments and, no worries, will gradually rise). I am in the highest risk group right now for several reasons and so given all my givens, all the givens in the world, and the importance of rebuilding without any hit of any kind to my system, my oncologist’s “orders” are "to continue to keep in place everything I'm doing right now” to be most certain to protect my challenged immunity until we see each other in two months, mid-July. At that time she will reevaluate all and will take it from there.
May we all find the pearls within the hardened shells of this challenge. May we all continue to work together for the greater good, find time for reflection, connect with family, deepen our appreciation of nature, trust the journey, and perhaps embrace a healthier and less frantic lifestyle during this time. And be hugging each other soon!
SAVE THE DATE! JULY 29-AUGUST 2
MY ONE WOMAN ART SHOW
Last year I scheduled a one woman show at the Whittier Art Gallery for Wednesday, July 29 - Sunday, August 2. As always, life is unpredictable. We "make plans, and God laughs."
I am putting out as many positive thoughts as I possibly can that we can all gather together, in whatever form, at this show and celebrate every BLUE SKY in all of our lives. The title will be "On The Wings of Love" and will be in honor of Team Suzette.
I am so blessed by the gift of being an artist as I recover and rebuild. I can create at my own pace and time frame. I can do different aspects of it depending on how I feel at the moment, rest when needed and not have to feel a certain way at a certain time. It can be centering and meditative while my body unwinds and finds its ground. Repetitive pieces can be focused on with mindlessness. And, if all the stars align, in a few months, I'll also be graced with a very welcomed art paycheck.
I will move forward with the vision the gallery will be open, that everyone, even if it is with adaptations, will be free to come, that my doctors give a thumbs up for my blood counts to be around everyone, and that it is a grand celebration of life and all of you.
I am putting out as many positive thoughts as I possibly can that we can all gather together, in whatever form, at this show and celebrate every BLUE SKY in all of our lives. The title will be "On The Wings of Love" and will be in honor of Team Suzette.
I am so blessed by the gift of being an artist as I recover and rebuild. I can create at my own pace and time frame. I can do different aspects of it depending on how I feel at the moment, rest when needed and not have to feel a certain way at a certain time. It can be centering and meditative while my body unwinds and finds its ground. Repetitive pieces can be focused on with mindlessness. And, if all the stars align, in a few months, I'll also be graced with a very welcomed art paycheck.
I will move forward with the vision the gallery will be open, that everyone, even if it is with adaptations, will be free to come, that my doctors give a thumbs up for my blood counts to be around everyone, and that it is a grand celebration of life and all of you.
BLUE SKIES...... AND A SUNFLOWER BLODM!
The sunflower seeds given to me by a friend that I planted in January, with the vision of them blossoming into yellow when I received my BLUE SKIES report, have graced me with the first happy bloom beginning only a few days ago. What a gift. What a joy. We both pushed through the dirt, kept moving towards the sun and blue sky, and triumphed. Out of 10 stalks, it was the smallest and very skinny "runt" (at least 3 times smaller in size than the big seemingly healthier ones) who burst into yellow first. It had wounded its thin stalk several times and needed 3 splints to keep it heading upward. THE MORAL: Never dismiss the strength and resiliency of us skinny ones. :-)
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BLUE SKIES ARE NOW OVERHEAD FOR ME! (I love writing those "revised" words.) :-)
BLUE SKIES AHEAD for the world.
Enormous LOVE, immense GRATITUDE, overflowing JOY,
and CYBER HUGS until the real ones
to EACH AND EVERYONE ONE OF YOU.
Suzette
BLUE SKIES AHEAD for the world.
Enormous LOVE, immense GRATITUDE, overflowing JOY,
and CYBER HUGS until the real ones
to EACH AND EVERYONE ONE OF YOU.
Suzette
March 15, 2020
Dear loving Team Suzette,
When words fall short, have been said before, or a feeling can't be captured, music speaks. I hope you will take 7-8 minutes to be still, sit quietly alone, listen, open your heart, and feel these lyrics and music. They capture what my soul wants to say.
When words fall short, have been said before, or a feeling can't be captured, music speaks. I hope you will take 7-8 minutes to be still, sit quietly alone, listen, open your heart, and feel these lyrics and music. They capture what my soul wants to say.
TO MY MOST LOVING FRIENDS and FAMILY
- Some of us have sung this song together before, but for all of us, it is worth listening to again. It conveys, with such a depth of feeling, the power of friendship. In good times and bad times you have all been here for me. Hopefully we can all "keep smiling, shining", knowing we can count on each other. Thank you for being on my side forevermore. I am truly on yours as well. I hope to be able to return even a tad of the love and friendship you have given to me.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE
This song always return me to my true north. This is the place I rest in. This is the place that joins us all together as one. This is the place of true healing. This is the place where you have all held me. No matter our journeys we are all in an endless circle of giving and receiving love. Thank you for all your immense, healing love.
SWEET PEA IS WITH ME ON THE HOME STRETCH
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I'm giving myself the gift of taking a break from cyberspace and updates for this last home stretch. There really is nothing to report until they are able to take a knowing look at my insides, from my "eyes to my thighs."
Two more infusion days this coming week.
The end of treatment is considered to be April 30th where they can then, the first week in May,
take all the pics of my insides to determine the results of my rounds in the ring.
Blue skies :-) report should be the second week of May.
Then the "as important" part of the journey: rebuild, rest, recover, unwind, and heal from the journey,
The next time you open the Team Suzette update envision that you will see the words BLUE SKIES in large print. And perhaps a sunflower bloomed from one of my sprouts!
Until then know that there really is no news to report. I'm relaxing, unwinding, focusing on healing, and hoping to have some "time out" from any attention to unwelcome cells, treatment, and questions about how it's going. I'll just be riding the waves with as much balance as possible, truly enjoying the beauty around me, resting in your love and prayers, centering into the present moment, appreciating and focusing on the power of my body to heal, bringing joy into every day, and feeling so endlessly grateful for all the blessings I've had during this last journey.
So if you ever start wondering how I am doing until I update again, just check here and remember that all is well and soon you will be getting awesome news from me. :-) Please keep those positive thoughts, joyful and uplifting energies, and prayers wrapping around me. And keep focusing on miraculous blue skies coming your way mid-May!
Two more infusion days this coming week.
The end of treatment is considered to be April 30th where they can then, the first week in May,
take all the pics of my insides to determine the results of my rounds in the ring.
Blue skies :-) report should be the second week of May.
Then the "as important" part of the journey: rebuild, rest, recover, unwind, and heal from the journey,
The next time you open the Team Suzette update envision that you will see the words BLUE SKIES in large print. And perhaps a sunflower bloomed from one of my sprouts!
Until then know that there really is no news to report. I'm relaxing, unwinding, focusing on healing, and hoping to have some "time out" from any attention to unwelcome cells, treatment, and questions about how it's going. I'll just be riding the waves with as much balance as possible, truly enjoying the beauty around me, resting in your love and prayers, centering into the present moment, appreciating and focusing on the power of my body to heal, bringing joy into every day, and feeling so endlessly grateful for all the blessings I've had during this last journey.
So if you ever start wondering how I am doing until I update again, just check here and remember that all is well and soon you will be getting awesome news from me. :-) Please keep those positive thoughts, joyful and uplifting energies, and prayers wrapping around me. And keep focusing on miraculous blue skies coming your way mid-May!
Thank you endlessly for carrying me on the wings of your love,
Suzette
P.S. Some were interested and I just received this the other day from COH. This article shares a few of COH's general views on the virus and patients. CLICK HERE It makes sense that my diagnosis (lymphoma/cancer of the immune system) would be considered to be up there with the greatest risk. Then, of course, those going through treatments/transplants with weakened immunity. I know it is a whirlwind out there and affecting so many people and life situations. For me, I will just continue to even more diligently doing what I have been doing all along this healing path to keep myself safe, critter free and corona free :-)! No worries about me. Direct any worry energy to just keeping yourself safe, which keeps us all safe.
Suzette
P.S. Some were interested and I just received this the other day from COH. This article shares a few of COH's general views on the virus and patients. CLICK HERE It makes sense that my diagnosis (lymphoma/cancer of the immune system) would be considered to be up there with the greatest risk. Then, of course, those going through treatments/transplants with weakened immunity. I know it is a whirlwind out there and affecting so many people and life situations. For me, I will just continue to even more diligently doing what I have been doing all along this healing path to keep myself safe, critter free and corona free :-)! No worries about me. Direct any worry energy to just keeping yourself safe, which keeps us all safe.
February 23rd
Feb. 23rd
Dear loving Team Suzette,
I'm in the corner, wiping the sweat off my brow, taking some slow, deep breaths, gathering all I got, and connecting with my quiet, still center. As always these cumulative cycles are challenging and I'm wanting more time, balance, and ground before the next round. Not how it all rolls though.
Encouraging news comes to me from someone on my medical team. "There is a response to treatment (not always the case) and I am where they would want me to be at the midpoint."
My coach says, "You are fighting the good fight. Blue skies and sunflowers are definitely ahead." My loving and supportive dermatologist sends a message, "You got this." I overhear someone in the crowd saying she has fought these long battles in the ring three times in the last five years, along with a huge surgery and wide radiation but, given everything, she still seems strong to meet the challenges that come this late in the fight on this critical journey.
My mind wanders to the end of the fight. Blue skies abound and I'm giving my body the much needed gift of patience in recovery to regain strength, unwind from all the overload and overdrive, find balance, and deeply heal from the rigors and toxicity of treatment.
I return to the present moment where all resides; where I take the next step, and the next; the next breath, and then the next; where I roll with the next punch, then the next.
The bell sounds and I am rising my now ever skinnier butt up. :-). I hear the encouraging words of the crowd rooting me on. I feel them surrounding me with their love. I am infused with their positive energy. I see only deep, expansive blue skies wrapping around me. I feel blessed from my core. And everything, everywhere, is filled with light and love.
Dear loving Team Suzette,
I'm in the corner, wiping the sweat off my brow, taking some slow, deep breaths, gathering all I got, and connecting with my quiet, still center. As always these cumulative cycles are challenging and I'm wanting more time, balance, and ground before the next round. Not how it all rolls though.
Encouraging news comes to me from someone on my medical team. "There is a response to treatment (not always the case) and I am where they would want me to be at the midpoint."
My coach says, "You are fighting the good fight. Blue skies and sunflowers are definitely ahead." My loving and supportive dermatologist sends a message, "You got this." I overhear someone in the crowd saying she has fought these long battles in the ring three times in the last five years, along with a huge surgery and wide radiation but, given everything, she still seems strong to meet the challenges that come this late in the fight on this critical journey.
My mind wanders to the end of the fight. Blue skies abound and I'm giving my body the much needed gift of patience in recovery to regain strength, unwind from all the overload and overdrive, find balance, and deeply heal from the rigors and toxicity of treatment.
I return to the present moment where all resides; where I take the next step, and the next; the next breath, and then the next; where I roll with the next punch, then the next.
The bell sounds and I am rising my now ever skinnier butt up. :-). I hear the encouraging words of the crowd rooting me on. I feel them surrounding me with their love. I am infused with their positive energy. I see only deep, expansive blue skies wrapping around me. I feel blessed from my core. And everything, everywhere, is filled with light and love.
MY SUNFLOWERS AND I ARE RISING TOWARD THE SUN
THREE WEEKS AGO.
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BIG DIFFERENCE FROM THE TINY TWO SPROUTS THREE WEEKS AGO!
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THANK YOU AIKIDO-AI FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPORT
THANK YOU to my beloved dojo, Aikido-al, for their "fun-raiser" seminar Friday night and Saturday afternoon to support my healing journey. Opening the fat stack of individual donation envelopes truly made me cry tears of joy and is a memory I will not forget. I have no doubt that the kindness, support, and love within each envelope kicked a whole battalion of unwelcome cells to the farthest side of the moon. My heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude.
I will thank you each individually on the flip side of treatment and will post a thank you at the dojo, but just wanted to give a quick shout out of love and gratitude from my heart.
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I will thank you each individually on the flip side of treatment and will post a thank you at the dojo, but just wanted to give a quick shout out of love and gratitude from my heart.
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Thank you all for continuing to lift me up, wrap your love, light, and support around me, and focus on only blue skies ahead. We got this.
Endless love and endless gratitude to each of you,
Suzette
February 2, 2010
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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When I was a young Suzette, one of my favorite toys was the Bozo inflatable punching clown with a weighted bottom. I'm not sure how much I realized it at the time, but he was teaching me some valuable life lessons. No matter how hard I punched, no matter how many times he would fall, he would rise again with a smile on his face. It was not a lesson to take punches, suffer abuse, and not care. The fact that he kept returning upright was awesome and delightful to me, but I eventually realized what was more poignant was that he would always rise with a smile. Old Bozo taught me that it is not the fall, but the choice we have in how we rise from each challenge that is most important. We are defined not by enduring a challenge, but in the power and spirt of the rise. Do we rise with bitterness, resentment, and a "life isn't fair" attitude? Or do we rise with a smile, thankful for whatever gift has been offered in the challenge, hands poised, as his, over an ever more open heart, arms open to embrace the next challenge, and in gratitude for lessons learned and gifts received? Resiliency is the act of getting up, but perhaps our true strength comes from continuing to rise with a strong and loving spirit. This is not a denial of the power of the fall nor the struggle we have in the rise. It is a faith that we can always free fall into wherever the present moment takes us and rise to embrace life with a smile and even stronger spirit.
I've taken some crazy, challenging punches on my healing journey over the last years, but I rest in immense gratitude for a trooper of a body that somehow continues to endure the punches and a spirit and heart that remains open. How could I ever TRULY NOT rise with a smile when I am surrounded by such immense love, kindness, healing compassion, abundance, and joy from all the blessings of Team Suzette family and friends and Team Suzette Divine?
Picture me smiling as I rise to meet the challenges of this next round in the ring.
RISING TOWARDS THE BLUE SKIES AND SUNSHINE
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My new seeds have begun to sprout towards the sun!
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After my long surgery at the beginning of my healing journey a friend planted some sunflower seeds. They became a symbol of blossoming and moving toward the sun. I recently received some seeds from another friend and am thoroughly enjoying nurturing the baby sprouts as we help each other move towards the blue skies.
COME VISIT THE HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF FINE ARTS: FEB. 21, 22, & 23
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This year is the 60th anniversary of the Hillcrest Fine Arts Festival. What an amazing accomplishment. They have always been supportive of my art and my healing journey. It is not in the cards for me this year to have my large 10 x 20 foot booth outside with all my artwork/books or be there during the show. However, as a highlight of their anniversary, they are showcasing a few pieces of work from some of the past "featured artists" of the show (of which I was one). I will also have a few pieces in the invitational gallery section and some small unframed matted works in the boutique. This is all made possible by the church carrying me on the wings of their love, generosity, and support and the sweet delivery of my art to the festival by a friend.
I encourage you all to come. Those of you that have attended in the past know that it is a fun and inspiring event. For those of you that have never been, don't miss this one! For more info, check the postcard back above.
I encourage you all to come. Those of you that have attended in the past know that it is a fun and inspiring event. For those of you that have never been, don't miss this one! For more info, check the postcard back above.
I am bowing to all of you in immense love and endless gratitude. Thank you all for your touching and overwhelming support; the "Fun Raiser" for me at my wonderful dojo, Aikido-ai of Whittier (click HERE for more info), the healing bracelets worn in loving connection, the individual and group gestures of encouragement and generosity, and all the ongoing kindness and compassion in your words, special cards, healing prayers, and positive intentions. Please continue to surround me with your prayers and most positive intentions for round four.
There are no adequate words for how truly blessed I feel to be carried on the wings of your love and support.
Suzette
There are no adequate words for how truly blessed I feel to be carried on the wings of your love and support.
Suzette
January 12, 2020
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
The bell has rung for the end of ROUND 2. It was another roller coaster ride, with some new twists and turns, but it is history and I'm in the corner wiping the sweat off my brow. I will advance into round three this week with back to back infusion days. I've been continuing to roll with punches, parry all with as much calm within the chemo as possible, and using all the fancy footwork I know to avoid getting knocked to the mat. I feel you all in the stands cheering for me and wrapping me in your love, prayers, and visions of blue skies.
While there is a want for more time to balance, rest, and gain more ground and strength between treatments, like boxing, much of the success is to have the stamina, the spirit, and the body/mind strength to make it through each successive treatment/round and to the final bell without an early knockout, ending up on the ropes, or falling to the ground for the count. Also, it is important with my low white blood counts from the magic elixir that I don't get any pesky germs or infections from the crowds that would delay treatment or give my immune system more of a burden.
I envision going the distance and emerging not only with my feet on the ground, but with arms held high in victory (well, at least one of them :-) ), surrounded by blue skies, and giving thanks to this trooper of a body, to the love and support of Team Suzette family and friends, and Team Suzette Divine.
Ha! So much boxing jargon. I don't even like the sport. Somehow, though, it seems to be a bit of a similar journey. :-).
How do I feel? The true answer, from the depth of my being, is four words. I feel so blessed. Truly.
And that is the place that transcends all, that I focus on, and choose to rest in.
Thank you for holding me in your loving space and most positive vision of only vibrant health and blue skies, Thank you for all your kindness, compassion, prayers, and very joyfully received and loved cards.
Thank you all for being the pearls within the hardened shells of this challenge.
And so the drip goes on.
I'll check in before the next round.
With endless love, from my heart to yours,
Suzette
P.S. I received a beautiful Thich Nhat Hanh calendar in the mail before Christmas but with no note or name.
If any of you gifted it to me, will you let me know? I love it. Thanks.
Dec. 21. 2019
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Dear Team Suzette,
I hope that your holidays, wherever they take you, are a time of great blessings, present moment wonder, gratitude for all the things that aren't wrapped under the tree, the love in your life, and all the laughter that fills your heart. Santa has put chemo coal in my stocking this year. Not to worry though, it will unfold into endless blue skies, the greatest gift of all. This is my season for healing. Round one: Victor Suzette. I'm ready to go into the ring for round two back to back infusions on Monday and Tuesday, the 23rd and 24th. Then fastening my seatbelt, keeping my arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, to ride the rollercoaster.
Thank you all for continuing to surround me with such love, warmth and support. Thank you for your beautiful cards, gifts, and doorstep deliveries that always bring me such joy. Thanks to all of you that have bought the healing bracelets that Deborah is so loving and generously creating to keep me connected to you and help buoy me along financially. Thanks for understanding and honoring that this is a time for me to focus 110 percent on my health in order to ride these waves and create the most calm and healing within the chemo chaos. I'm thankful for all the tools I have to help steady me on these journeys.
It has been an ever-changing ride these last weeks as the elixir moves through my body, intense at times, but quiet, moving at my own pace moment to moment, listening to my body and giving it what it needs, and not pushing myself have been been my friends and my best path to healing. Talking and trying to think through the muck with a topsy turvy stomach and other chemo realities are not too friendly.
I know many of you wonder, understandably and compassionately so, how goes the journey. At the end of each cycle, I will give you a little update. Of course, no fun to go through this ride, but the reality is that this is not a day to day experience, but a journey filled with twists, turns, and challenges to the finish line. I am trying to focus not on the side effects (enough to go through them without having to also think about them :-)), but on the blessings, joys, and love that truly continues to surround me. Know that I'm riding the rollercoaster, doing everything I can to choose healing over all else, my spirit is strong and uplifting me, that this skinny tall drink of water body is resilient, and you all are once again making all the difference by knowing you are thinking about me and carrying me on the soothing wings of your love. I am so deeply and eternally grateful.
That's all I got :-). Only blue skies ahead!
So much love and endless gratitude, heart to heart,
Suzette
I hope that your holidays, wherever they take you, are a time of great blessings, present moment wonder, gratitude for all the things that aren't wrapped under the tree, the love in your life, and all the laughter that fills your heart. Santa has put chemo coal in my stocking this year. Not to worry though, it will unfold into endless blue skies, the greatest gift of all. This is my season for healing. Round one: Victor Suzette. I'm ready to go into the ring for round two back to back infusions on Monday and Tuesday, the 23rd and 24th. Then fastening my seatbelt, keeping my arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, to ride the rollercoaster.
Thank you all for continuing to surround me with such love, warmth and support. Thank you for your beautiful cards, gifts, and doorstep deliveries that always bring me such joy. Thanks to all of you that have bought the healing bracelets that Deborah is so loving and generously creating to keep me connected to you and help buoy me along financially. Thanks for understanding and honoring that this is a time for me to focus 110 percent on my health in order to ride these waves and create the most calm and healing within the chemo chaos. I'm thankful for all the tools I have to help steady me on these journeys.
It has been an ever-changing ride these last weeks as the elixir moves through my body, intense at times, but quiet, moving at my own pace moment to moment, listening to my body and giving it what it needs, and not pushing myself have been been my friends and my best path to healing. Talking and trying to think through the muck with a topsy turvy stomach and other chemo realities are not too friendly.
I know many of you wonder, understandably and compassionately so, how goes the journey. At the end of each cycle, I will give you a little update. Of course, no fun to go through this ride, but the reality is that this is not a day to day experience, but a journey filled with twists, turns, and challenges to the finish line. I am trying to focus not on the side effects (enough to go through them without having to also think about them :-)), but on the blessings, joys, and love that truly continues to surround me. Know that I'm riding the rollercoaster, doing everything I can to choose healing over all else, my spirit is strong and uplifting me, that this skinny tall drink of water body is resilient, and you all are once again making all the difference by knowing you are thinking about me and carrying me on the soothing wings of your love. I am so deeply and eternally grateful.
That's all I got :-). Only blue skies ahead!
So much love and endless gratitude, heart to heart,
Suzette
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Dec. 1, 2019
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Dear loving Team Suzette,
From the time I was a little Suzette, I used to say to my friends when something unexpected happened, “Life is unpredictable.” It was my youthful way of saying that the only constant thing in my life seemed to be change. The current has always, moment to moment, taken me on unknowing twists and turns of challenges, gifts, lessons, and adventures. Gripping on to what was with a tight, closed, and determined fist has always seemed to be the cause of suffering. However, my open hand has led me into journeys I could never have imagined. I have tried to, as much as possible, embrace what is before me and learn from it. As my wise Sensei once said, "Want what you want, but take what you get."
Sometimes changes in my life have come in a gradual wide turn; sometimes they have screeched to a halt, seemingly turning on a dime. I never have known when or why, and wouldn't have wanted to. I met the love of my life in an instant as I stepped out of my camper door as he was coming back from a morning run. That moment changed the entire trajectory of my life. In another moment, I learned that my father, and then my mother, were diagnosed with cancer. In another future instant, that I was. The choice has always seemed like allowing myself to suffer from emotional whiplash or to accept what was and move with the ever-changing river of life with as much grace, balance, love, lessons learned, and light as possible.
As always, it so easy to fall into the trap of judging these instants "good" or "bad". Yet it is only when I've looked in the rear view mirror of my life and notice how all the dots have connected that I see how what I may have thought was the worst imagined "dot" has actually led to some of the biggest gifts and transformations of my life. Blessings shine so brightly if we only look in their direction. It has been over 5 years that the stage four head, neck, and skull unwelcome cells have been living on the far side of the moon. I have been graced with three cherished years since my last treatment for the advanced and aggressive lymphoma. During this time, I have been able to pour my heart out into a book, my spirit and creative energy into my art, connected heart to heart with so many others through my speaking, continued to teach my beloved tai chi, deepen friendships, and embrace a life filled with love, laughter, and joy. Perhaps most importantly, I have been graced with opportunities to give back a tad of the love that has so generously been given to me throughout my journey. So many blessings abound.
So, as you will read below, my journey continues. There is a new chapter along my healing path. Someone once said, “The journey is everything." :-). I am moving forward deeply knowing that it isnʼt so much the destination that is important, but the love we are surrounded with along the way. Thank you eternally for continuing to wrap me in your love, light, prayers, and most positive thoughts.
Sometimes changes in my life have come in a gradual wide turn; sometimes they have screeched to a halt, seemingly turning on a dime. I never have known when or why, and wouldn't have wanted to. I met the love of my life in an instant as I stepped out of my camper door as he was coming back from a morning run. That moment changed the entire trajectory of my life. In another moment, I learned that my father, and then my mother, were diagnosed with cancer. In another future instant, that I was. The choice has always seemed like allowing myself to suffer from emotional whiplash or to accept what was and move with the ever-changing river of life with as much grace, balance, love, lessons learned, and light as possible.
As always, it so easy to fall into the trap of judging these instants "good" or "bad". Yet it is only when I've looked in the rear view mirror of my life and notice how all the dots have connected that I see how what I may have thought was the worst imagined "dot" has actually led to some of the biggest gifts and transformations of my life. Blessings shine so brightly if we only look in their direction. It has been over 5 years that the stage four head, neck, and skull unwelcome cells have been living on the far side of the moon. I have been graced with three cherished years since my last treatment for the advanced and aggressive lymphoma. During this time, I have been able to pour my heart out into a book, my spirit and creative energy into my art, connected heart to heart with so many others through my speaking, continued to teach my beloved tai chi, deepen friendships, and embrace a life filled with love, laughter, and joy. Perhaps most importantly, I have been graced with opportunities to give back a tad of the love that has so generously been given to me throughout my journey. So many blessings abound.
So, as you will read below, my journey continues. There is a new chapter along my healing path. Someone once said, “The journey is everything." :-). I am moving forward deeply knowing that it isnʼt so much the destination that is important, but the love we are surrounded with along the way. Thank you eternally for continuing to wrap me in your love, light, prayers, and most positive thoughts.
MEDICAL UPDATE
It has been a wild medical ride this last month. As I mentioned in my last Team Suzette update, there were clouds in my blue skies on my latest ct/pet scan and there were biopsies needed to find out which unwelcome critters had returned and the needed treatment. It took two weeks under the microscope and special staining for biomarkers, etc. to reveal that both the follicular lymphoma and the transformed aggressive double B cell lymphoma had come back to visit.
It gets a bit tricky with relapses, with my individual history of surgery, wide radiation, chemotherapies, and multiple diagnoses to reveal the best path. Two were presented as options for me. I spent the last several weeks researching both paths, and others, and also sought out a second opinion which was extremely helpful. I now have a path forward and will start chemotherapy this Monday, December 2nd into April.
These critters may have come again to visit but, as we know, we have been very successful at sending them away as well. I envision blue skies in all directions and their permanent residence on the far side of the moon.
I'll send any physical/medical updates through this website. I will now be focusing on not giving any attention to side effects/symptoms, but will just be rolling with any punches and moving from my spirit. Whatever is happening in my body throughout this journey will be ever-changing day to day, hour to hour, but my spirit will seek to remain strong and uplifted. I will be doing everything I can to support my mind, body, and spirit. Please wrap me in the most positive energy, envision only blue skies, and send me your love and light as I focus inward to heal. Energy flows where energy is focused. Here's to it flowing into every cell for nothing but blue skies.
OUTREACH MESSAGE TO TEAM SUZETTE FROM A DEAR AND TALENTED FRIEND
NOTE Deborah would have emailed you directly but I wanted to honor your email addresses so am including her outreach letter in my update :-).
I am moved, touched, and healing already from this loving vision that she has created to help buoy me along not only financially, but by staying connected in shared love and healing.
I am moved, touched, and healing already from this loving vision that she has created to help buoy me along not only financially, but by staying connected in shared love and healing.
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HEALING BRACELET WITH SEMI-PRECIOUS STONES $65.00 HEALING BRACELET WITH SEED BEADS. $55.00
DEAR TEAM SUZETTE,
Please join me in a fundraiser and healing circle for Suzette. I will be creating special healing bracelets for Suzette so that we can stay connected to her just as we would during our Tai Chi circle or, for all of us, in our lives.
The Ndebele Stitch bracelet is a ribbon-like piece created with delicate seed beads. I will be offering two price points for the bracelet. Bracelets with healing stones down the center will be $65.00. Pictured above on the left is Suzette’s bracelet with aquamarine down the center. Bracelet on the right is seed beads only for $55. There will be 2 or 3 bracelets per color available.
My vision is that while we all wear our Team Suzette bracelets, we are transmitting our love to her to support her during her treatments and healing. I will be creating men’s bracelets and necklaces as well. I will have them available shortly. Please email me for pictures. All monies from the sale of Team Suzette Ndebele healing bracelets will be directly donated to her.
If you wish to purchase a bracelet, have any questions or need info, please contact me at [email protected]. You can special order size and color as well.
I thank you in advance for sharing your love with our beloved teacher, friend and family member.
Deborah
CITY OF HOPE FUNDRAISER, The Pacific Palms Resort
Adopted to a very loving woman.
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Team Suzette helpers, Ruben and Betty. THANK YOU!!!
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I was honored to be the guest speaker for 400 attendees at the City of Hope Luncheon and Fundraiser from 9-3pm, on Saturday, November 2nd at the Pacific Palms Resort. The experience was once again humbling and filled with so many heart to heart connections with people from all walks of life. I was also among many vendors/exhibitors who offered up 20 percent of their sales to support City of Hope. I sold many books, smaller matted pieces of art, and one of my favorite angels was adopted the following week by a very loving soul.
THE HARMONY FINE ARTS AND CRAFTS SHOW
Once again the staff and the attendees at the Harmony Show made it a delightful and easy weekend. It was a bit challenging as I was at the end of a bug and one day had no voice (challenging way to connect with people and make sales) and also hearing difficulties (besides the one ear missing in action from surgery) from the lingering side effects from an ear infection. However, the show must go on and it turned into a blessed and memorable two days. Thanks so much to Ruben, Betty, Edsel, Tally and Kerry who so lovingly helped with set up and tear down. And eternal thanks to my dear dynamic duo, Tex and Rainee, who helped with sales all day Saturday and spread their loving, welcoming energy throughout my booth space (and many others who lent a hand and their hearts to assist). It takes a village these days :-). Also, a huge thank you to all who came out to visit and to support my artwork - and me.
SWEET PEA, MY LOYAL FRIEND
Sweet Pea remains my loyal friend and backyard companion. Each day she, and her two friends, embrace my backyard as their joyful playground. Their whimsy, energy, and sweet faces always uplift my spirit. Sweet Pea sometimes loves to take a walnut while resting in one of my succulents and have a few of its leaves as dessert.
Heart to heart with all of you. Here's to blue skies surrounding all of us. With endless love to each of you and appreciation for all your love that carries me through every step of my journey,
Suzette
Suzette
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OCTOBER 12, 2019
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Walking into City of Hope the other day I was caught unaware. My eyes and heart, for a moment, seemed to rest only on images of balding heads, fragile chemo-torn bodies waiting in the lobby, patients slowly and cautiously guiding their IV stands down the hallway, loved ones pushing wheelchairs of those too weak to walk, and the immensity and the intensity of the patients navigating the often treacherous path of their challenging and uncertain journeys. I felt heavy, pulled in by negative energy, and overcome by sadness.
Then, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, there was a slight shift of my lens and so the experience. Instead what I saw was incredible strong and resilient spirits, the determination and hope in each of the patient’s steps, the kind and compassionate faces of the receptionists, a hospital dedicated to break through research, doctors who have given their life to helping patients move towards wellness, and caretakers carrying their worry, plus that of their loved ones, in compassionate support and kindness. My energy was then transformed to a feeling of uplift, positivity, and the power of the human spirit.
Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” This doesn’t mean we deny the minor chord. However. we can live in the uplift instead of a downward hum. In the blink of an eye, the beat of our heart, an inhale to exhale, or a conscious. powerful, and positive intention, our world can change.. That transformed energy creates a ripple that reaches out to not only change the current of our own lives, but also those around us. Do we focus on pain and bitterness, or awe and wonder? Do we see on blessings and opportunities, or our insults and injuries? What we can't do, or what we can? Those answers create the energy of the river that runs through our lives.
May we all choose to shift our lens and see the incredible beauty, kindness, love, and compassion
that truly surrounds us everyday, even in our darkest hours.
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Then, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, there was a slight shift of my lens and so the experience. Instead what I saw was incredible strong and resilient spirits, the determination and hope in each of the patient’s steps, the kind and compassionate faces of the receptionists, a hospital dedicated to break through research, doctors who have given their life to helping patients move towards wellness, and caretakers carrying their worry, plus that of their loved ones, in compassionate support and kindness. My energy was then transformed to a feeling of uplift, positivity, and the power of the human spirit.
Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” This doesn’t mean we deny the minor chord. However. we can live in the uplift instead of a downward hum. In the blink of an eye, the beat of our heart, an inhale to exhale, or a conscious. powerful, and positive intention, our world can change.. That transformed energy creates a ripple that reaches out to not only change the current of our own lives, but also those around us. Do we focus on pain and bitterness, or awe and wonder? Do we see on blessings and opportunities, or our insults and injuries? What we can't do, or what we can? Those answers create the energy of the river that runs through our lives.
May we all choose to shift our lens and see the incredible beauty, kindness, love, and compassion
that truly surrounds us everyday, even in our darkest hours.
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HARMONY FINE ART AND CRAFT FAIR: OCT. 19-20. PLEASE COME VISIT!
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It is that time of the year again for the annual Harmony Center Fine Arts and Crafts Fair. This is always a fun and festive show to not only be in as an artist, but for all of you to attend. This is my last show of the year. The "W" Show I normally participate in during November is sadly on hiatus this year So the Harmony Fair is an important show for me. Although sales are always welcomed and deeply appreciated, please don't feel like you have to buy from me in order to come. I'd love to see you all. So, please visit and invite some of your art loving friends! Truly hope to see you there.
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UNTIE YOUR RIBBON EVENT FOR BREAST CANCER SURVIVORS
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The name of this event for breast cancer survivors is from the beautiful quote, “Untie the ribbon on the gift of your life." It is always an honor to speak before any group, but it was truly an honor and very humbling to speak before such a large group of women warriors and be surrounded by their positive, resilient, and uplifting spirits.
The event began over 10 years ago with a small group of women gathering together to celebrate life. It is now a huge, six-hour, empowering, and cherished event for hundreds to gather together in positivity, fun, friendship, healing, inspiration, laughter, and strength.
I also was honored to share some of my artwork and my book,The Journey is Everything." The highlight of speaking at these events is connecting heart to heart with people afterward. It is touching when participants share about their own journey or that of a loved one. Or there is a certain something I said that may have given them a new perspective. Or some words that I offered that created, in the moment, some needed inspiration.
May we all always embrace each sometimes messy, but always magnificent, day and continue to remember to untie the ribbon on the gift of our lives.
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The event began over 10 years ago with a small group of women gathering together to celebrate life. It is now a huge, six-hour, empowering, and cherished event for hundreds to gather together in positivity, fun, friendship, healing, inspiration, laughter, and strength.
I also was honored to share some of my artwork and my book,The Journey is Everything." The highlight of speaking at these events is connecting heart to heart with people afterward. It is touching when participants share about their own journey or that of a loved one. Or there is a certain something I said that may have given them a new perspective. Or some words that I offered that created, in the moment, some needed inspiration.
May we all always embrace each sometimes messy, but always magnificent, day and continue to remember to untie the ribbon on the gift of our lives.
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SHORT MEDICAL UPDATE
As many of you know, I had a pet/ct scan from my thighs to my eyes last month and follow-ups with my doctors for my lymphoma and squamous journeys. I have been on a ride, waiting to give you more specific news, and will be able to in a couple of weeks. Seems there are some clouds in the blue skies, so I will be having two biopsies next week to determine what exactly is up. It will take a week to ten days to get the full reports. Then we will see what unfolds from there as the next steps. Meanwhile, please keep me in your prayers and positive thoughts for the most encouraging outcome. I will be envisioning a return to the bluest of skies!
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Some help needed if you have the time and muscles.
My usual Team Suzette helpers aren't available and I'm wondering if there is anyone out there that has the time and the muscles to help with any of these needed set ups/breakdowns of my art displays for any of these events.
1. October 18th, Friday, 3pm. At the Harmony Center (see the address above) Help is needed to unload my artwork and set up the panels. I have one person available, but another person is needed. Probably only an hour and a half.
2. November 2nd, 6:30 am, Pacific Palms Resort, City of Industry. I am exhibiting my art and also will be the keynote speaker at this $100 a plate big fundraiser for City of Hope. I need two people to meet me there at 6:30 am (it is a half an hour away from Whittier) to unload my van, set up panels, and hang the artwork. I think it will take till 8:30 or about two hours and I can finish the small stuff. The event starts at 9am.
Then, I also need two people at 3pm when the event ends to break down my area and unload all into the van.
If any of you can possibly help out with any part of these, I'd be forever grateful. I used to be a one woman act setting all up and breaking it down, but it is a new chapter with the limited strength and movement in my right side due to my severed spinal accessory nerve. I know the Pacific Palms Resort, City of Hope fundraiser, is challenging since it is further away and the morning set up is early. Anywho, just thought I'd put it out there. Please email me if you think helping might be a possibility. Many, many thanks!!
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1. October 18th, Friday, 3pm. At the Harmony Center (see the address above) Help is needed to unload my artwork and set up the panels. I have one person available, but another person is needed. Probably only an hour and a half.
2. November 2nd, 6:30 am, Pacific Palms Resort, City of Industry. I am exhibiting my art and also will be the keynote speaker at this $100 a plate big fundraiser for City of Hope. I need two people to meet me there at 6:30 am (it is a half an hour away from Whittier) to unload my van, set up panels, and hang the artwork. I think it will take till 8:30 or about two hours and I can finish the small stuff. The event starts at 9am.
Then, I also need two people at 3pm when the event ends to break down my area and unload all into the van.
If any of you can possibly help out with any part of these, I'd be forever grateful. I used to be a one woman act setting all up and breaking it down, but it is a new chapter with the limited strength and movement in my right side due to my severed spinal accessory nerve. I know the Pacific Palms Resort, City of Hope fundraiser, is challenging since it is further away and the morning set up is early. Anywho, just thought I'd put it out there. Please email me if you think helping might be a possibility. Many, many thanks!!
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In endless thanks for your healing friendship and love that always and in all ways touches my heart and heals my body and soul,
Love to all of you,
Suzette
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Love to all of you,
Suzette
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September 10, 2019
Dear endlessly loving Team Suzette,
This is just a very short update with a longer visit and share in a couple of weeks after I have my latest scans, labs, and follow-ups on both my squamous and lymphoma journeys. For now two quickies :-).
Whittier Art Gallery September Show: All Things Feline
SAVE THE DATE:
The Whittier Art Gallery is hosting a group exhibit the month of September. All entries must be in the feline family theme. It is said to be one of their most popular shows of the year. I hope to have 8 framed pieces exhibited, along with two boxes filled with 8 x 10 matted kitties of all kinds. The reception, put on by the Whittier Art Gallery, will be Saturday, September 14th, from 2-5 (exhibit will hang from September 4-September 29). Enjoy food, refreshments and the presentation of awards at the reception. All you kitty lovers and your kitty loving friends, please come visit me and all the felines on Saturday, September 14th. ! Hope to see you then!
Help make a musician's dream come true
If you are so moved, please click the link below and cast a vote for JAM NOW in the Opening Act Contest. The winning band in this contest will be blessed to be an opening act at the Hollywood Bowl, win $10,000, and have
an all expenses paid trip to the event. The lead singer is a friend of our family and my 18 year old nephew would be playing drums with his band that night. JAM NOW is a band that is deeply passionate and dedicated to the uplifting force of music and its ability to share a positive presence in the world. Much needed!
They are currently in second place with four more days of voting. You can have one free vote daily until the contest closes or can place as many votes as you choose through the MusiCares option - one dollar per vote and all money raised goes to this really cool foundation (MusiCares) that benefits struggling musicians.
If you want to help make these young musicians dream come true, please click HERE.
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Please surround me with your light, positive thoughts, love, and prayers for nothing but blue skies on these next scans. Thanks endlessly for continuing to be with me on my journey. It continues to make all the difference.
So much love to you - and more updates to come in a few weeks,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
Winter has become a soggy memory as we now embrace the warmer and lighter days of spring. My backyard sanctuary is once again filled with new life. Shades of green paint the landscape. Hesitant buds have risked bloom. All rises towards the sun. Each day is a reminder of hope and renewal.
Memories of spring five years ago flash on the slide projector screen of my mind and my heart. May 7th will be the fifth anniversary of my invasive 14-hour surgery and entering the first chapter of this unpredictable, messy, but also magnificent journey to send the stage four squamous cell critters in my head, neck and skull to the far side of the moon. I then sat in this same backyard sanctuary for months upon months with arms gently resting on pillows propped at my sides, minimal movement, breathing ever so slowly in discomfort and pain, gazing at my garden out of one blurred eye, one arm in a sling and the other only able to pick up a paper cup, and a TV tray placed in front of me to eat and be shown the always healing cards from Team Suzette. Truly moment to moment, breath to breath living. In between there were the long stretches of daily radiation, chemo, intensive physical therapy, continued surgery and a graft to my eye. Finally there was the miraculous exclamation point at the end of a long sentence with the gift of a clear MRI and so many continued blue skies scans. This year is rolling beyond two years since the end of my treatment for the advanced/aggressive lymphoma. I may be dancing with a more challenged body and a funnier looking face, but I am alive and dancing!!!
For some patients, their time in the wilderness is not necessarily a time they want to remember. I understand. Stripped naked during our treatment and recovery and then moving back into the world, it is perhaps not so desirable to deeply remember. Yet the wilderness is also a sacred place, a gift, where we are most vulnerable and connected to the breath, stillness, and truth.
For me, the wilderness is a time to be remembered and honored. Not to remember to tell the story, again and again, but to continue to bring gratitude and meaning to my journey. I want to remember all my triumphs over these years so they can help buoy me through each unfolding chapter of my life. I want to remember all the love that has been given to me so I can somehow return it to others. I want to remember how baby steps turned into leaps, how City of Hope helped save my life, and how Team Suzette carried me on the wings on their love..
All of us need to remember how far we have come, no matter what our journey. We must remember how we were willing to show up in the face of adversity like valiant warriors. We must remember how despair becomes hope, how illness becomes health, how much love heals, and how kindness lifts the spirit. We must remember how our challenges strip us to our beautiful core to allow our spirits to shine. No matter what the obstacle, it can be healing to remember how far we have traveled down the winding and often bumpy road of our lives. We can then look in the rear view mirror and remember how what may have seemed like the worst possible scenario has turned into some of the greatest blessings in our lives. This is true for me. I am in eternal gratitude for the grace of my precious life. But it has been, and truly continues to be, the precious gift of all your love and support that is the ultimate blessing. For it is never about our destination, but instead about the the love we find along the way. In the words of Nat King Cole's song, Nature Boy, "the greatest lesson we can ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." Thank you for your love and allowing me to love you in return.
At the end of my book I share a prayer I wrote in my journal the night before my surgery.
May this journey free me to become a better person, lead my best possible life, open wider, go even deeper inside, love more completely, and appreciate and savor the gift of every day.
My prayer has been answered.
Winter has become a soggy memory as we now embrace the warmer and lighter days of spring. My backyard sanctuary is once again filled with new life. Shades of green paint the landscape. Hesitant buds have risked bloom. All rises towards the sun. Each day is a reminder of hope and renewal.
Memories of spring five years ago flash on the slide projector screen of my mind and my heart. May 7th will be the fifth anniversary of my invasive 14-hour surgery and entering the first chapter of this unpredictable, messy, but also magnificent journey to send the stage four squamous cell critters in my head, neck and skull to the far side of the moon. I then sat in this same backyard sanctuary for months upon months with arms gently resting on pillows propped at my sides, minimal movement, breathing ever so slowly in discomfort and pain, gazing at my garden out of one blurred eye, one arm in a sling and the other only able to pick up a paper cup, and a TV tray placed in front of me to eat and be shown the always healing cards from Team Suzette. Truly moment to moment, breath to breath living. In between there were the long stretches of daily radiation, chemo, intensive physical therapy, continued surgery and a graft to my eye. Finally there was the miraculous exclamation point at the end of a long sentence with the gift of a clear MRI and so many continued blue skies scans. This year is rolling beyond two years since the end of my treatment for the advanced/aggressive lymphoma. I may be dancing with a more challenged body and a funnier looking face, but I am alive and dancing!!!
For some patients, their time in the wilderness is not necessarily a time they want to remember. I understand. Stripped naked during our treatment and recovery and then moving back into the world, it is perhaps not so desirable to deeply remember. Yet the wilderness is also a sacred place, a gift, where we are most vulnerable and connected to the breath, stillness, and truth.
For me, the wilderness is a time to be remembered and honored. Not to remember to tell the story, again and again, but to continue to bring gratitude and meaning to my journey. I want to remember all my triumphs over these years so they can help buoy me through each unfolding chapter of my life. I want to remember all the love that has been given to me so I can somehow return it to others. I want to remember how baby steps turned into leaps, how City of Hope helped save my life, and how Team Suzette carried me on the wings on their love..
All of us need to remember how far we have come, no matter what our journey. We must remember how we were willing to show up in the face of adversity like valiant warriors. We must remember how despair becomes hope, how illness becomes health, how much love heals, and how kindness lifts the spirit. We must remember how our challenges strip us to our beautiful core to allow our spirits to shine. No matter what the obstacle, it can be healing to remember how far we have traveled down the winding and often bumpy road of our lives. We can then look in the rear view mirror and remember how what may have seemed like the worst possible scenario has turned into some of the greatest blessings in our lives. This is true for me. I am in eternal gratitude for the grace of my precious life. But it has been, and truly continues to be, the precious gift of all your love and support that is the ultimate blessing. For it is never about our destination, but instead about the the love we find along the way. In the words of Nat King Cole's song, Nature Boy, "the greatest lesson we can ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." Thank you for your love and allowing me to love you in return.
At the end of my book I share a prayer I wrote in my journal the night before my surgery.
May this journey free me to become a better person, lead my best possible life, open wider, go even deeper inside, love more completely, and appreciate and savor the gift of every day.
My prayer has been answered.
A BLESSED ART SHOW
A heartfelt thank you to all that came out to support me at the 59th Hillcrest Art Show. We were blessed with three days of sunshine. Thank you to Team Suzette helpers on my set up and breakdown of my booth, my angels Tex and Rainee who were the loving duo by my side over the weekend, all those that came out to visit me, and a deep deep bow of gratitude to those of you that adopted my artwork and helped buoy me along financially. Thank you also to those of you that purchased my book, "The Journey is Everything", the wonderful shared conversations, and allowing the book's message to ripple outward.
Next year will be the 60th year of The Hillcrest Fine Arts Festival! A special thanks to all the hard-working, selfless, cheerful and caring people behind the scenes that make this show happen year after year, decade after decade.
Here a few pics of some of the visitors :-).
Next year will be the 60th year of The Hillcrest Fine Arts Festival! A special thanks to all the hard-working, selfless, cheerful and caring people behind the scenes that make this show happen year after year, decade after decade.
Here a few pics of some of the visitors :-).
My youngest patron and my new grand-niece, Quinn :-) !
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My cousins - Crazy Crissy and Sane Steve.
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Satoshi - a dear, cherished , loving and big-hearted friend.
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A huge and awesome surprise visit from two of my dear friends from all the years I was on the art show festival trail across the nation.
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Joan -always by my side with her love, support and generosity
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My two loving angels, Tex and Rainee. I couldn't do the shows without their help and their beautiful souls who create such a loving, welcoming atmosphere within my booth.
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MEDICAL UPDATE
THE SQUAMOUS AND LYMPHOMA JOURNEY
The Reader's Digest version of the Reader's Digest version: :-)
Last month during my follow-up with one of my head and neck surgeons, she surprised me with a decision to order an unexpected new petscan. It had been less than 3 months since my previous one ordered by my lymphoma specialist so this was unusual. However, she was concerned with a few hot uptake spots that had continued to appear and were since being monitored by my oncologist. She wanted to compare a new scan and view all from a head/neck squamous cell journey.
The most prominent area of uptake on the newest scan was an increase in FDG in the area being monitored in the right internal mammary chain. (The most commonly used tracer is called FDG which allows one to distinguishes between healthy and diseased tissue. Before the PET scan, the patient is injected with a sugar and radioactive fluid. Sugar is the #1 food cancer cells prefer to eat, so they load up on this FDG like a kid in a candy store. Then the patient is brought back to the PET/CT scanner and is scanned from head to toe. Anywhere the sugar accumulates (i.e. cancerous cells) shows up like a lightbulb on the scan). (Quick med lesson :-) ).
A new hot spot is in the left tonsillar region but is surmised by my head/neck surgeons to be a result of encroaching atrophy to the left side from radiation/surgery on the right side and so most likely not reflecting malignancy. It gets a little tricky with the different unwelcome cells that have visited in the past- the squamous cell, the slow-growing lymphoma, the aggressive lymphoma, and the melanoma - and the different oncologists/surgeons weighing in on everything. Anywho, the first decision was to have a ct guided surgery biopsy to a mammary node, then a later decision was made to instead do yet another pet scan in a couple of months (as biopsy/surgery to that area can be a little tricky as it is behind the chest wall) and see what's best.
Meanwhile, I'm envisioning blue skies and the best possible scenario that the uptake areas miraculously disappear with the next scan. Miracles happen! :-) Next best scenario, I reckon, is that the area reflects the slow-growing lymphoma that will just hang out keeping a low profile for decades to come. :-). While I'm not thrilled about yet another pet scan (that will be three is just six months) and more radiation, especially to my lungs, I am happy to have no scheduled biopsy and recovery, etc.. right now. Next month I will see my oncologist and she will order the scan.
The scan also again reported poor ventilation (stiff/scarred lungs and the previously diagnosed restrictive lung disease from fibrosis from surmised radiation/chemo treatment and chemical irritants).
So keep those prayers coming in!
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DERMATOLOGIST: I had two surgeries a couple of months ago, one to the ear and the other to the nose. Both have since healed. The ear took a lot longer to heal and more wound care because its location made it impossible to stitch together, Lalst Thursday was my three month follow up again. I dodged any surgery bullets! Just the freezer gun :-).
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So no treatment, no definite diagnosis on monitored area, they are willing to wait a few months to make their next determination, and more time granted to gather prayers, positive thoughts, and envision nothing but the bluest of skies :-) ! Given all the givens, it sounds mighty fine to me. :-)
The Reader's Digest version of the Reader's Digest version: :-)
Last month during my follow-up with one of my head and neck surgeons, she surprised me with a decision to order an unexpected new petscan. It had been less than 3 months since my previous one ordered by my lymphoma specialist so this was unusual. However, she was concerned with a few hot uptake spots that had continued to appear and were since being monitored by my oncologist. She wanted to compare a new scan and view all from a head/neck squamous cell journey.
The most prominent area of uptake on the newest scan was an increase in FDG in the area being monitored in the right internal mammary chain. (The most commonly used tracer is called FDG which allows one to distinguishes between healthy and diseased tissue. Before the PET scan, the patient is injected with a sugar and radioactive fluid. Sugar is the #1 food cancer cells prefer to eat, so they load up on this FDG like a kid in a candy store. Then the patient is brought back to the PET/CT scanner and is scanned from head to toe. Anywhere the sugar accumulates (i.e. cancerous cells) shows up like a lightbulb on the scan). (Quick med lesson :-) ).
A new hot spot is in the left tonsillar region but is surmised by my head/neck surgeons to be a result of encroaching atrophy to the left side from radiation/surgery on the right side and so most likely not reflecting malignancy. It gets a little tricky with the different unwelcome cells that have visited in the past- the squamous cell, the slow-growing lymphoma, the aggressive lymphoma, and the melanoma - and the different oncologists/surgeons weighing in on everything. Anywho, the first decision was to have a ct guided surgery biopsy to a mammary node, then a later decision was made to instead do yet another pet scan in a couple of months (as biopsy/surgery to that area can be a little tricky as it is behind the chest wall) and see what's best.
Meanwhile, I'm envisioning blue skies and the best possible scenario that the uptake areas miraculously disappear with the next scan. Miracles happen! :-) Next best scenario, I reckon, is that the area reflects the slow-growing lymphoma that will just hang out keeping a low profile for decades to come. :-). While I'm not thrilled about yet another pet scan (that will be three is just six months) and more radiation, especially to my lungs, I am happy to have no scheduled biopsy and recovery, etc.. right now. Next month I will see my oncologist and she will order the scan.
The scan also again reported poor ventilation (stiff/scarred lungs and the previously diagnosed restrictive lung disease from fibrosis from surmised radiation/chemo treatment and chemical irritants).
So keep those prayers coming in!
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DERMATOLOGIST: I had two surgeries a couple of months ago, one to the ear and the other to the nose. Both have since healed. The ear took a lot longer to heal and more wound care because its location made it impossible to stitch together, Lalst Thursday was my three month follow up again. I dodged any surgery bullets! Just the freezer gun :-).
-----------------------------------------
So no treatment, no definite diagnosis on monitored area, they are willing to wait a few months to make their next determination, and more time granted to gather prayers, positive thoughts, and envision nothing but the bluest of skies :-) ! Given all the givens, it sounds mighty fine to me. :-)
BREATHE IN THE SPIRIT
I was blessed to be asked to speak at a wonderful woman's group, Breathe in the Spirit. I love that name! It was an hour and a half presentation about my healing journey, my book, and my art. The women were a joy, definitely filled with the Spirit, and so compassionate and open-hearted. After I finished sharing, they asked such thoughtful questions and also there was some deep sharing of their own journeys. And if this all wasn't a blessing enough, two of the framed pieces I had brought to share with them as part of my talk were adopted to new homes, along with several small unframed pieces and many books for them and friends and family. They definitely filled me with the Spirit.
MT. BALDY MEMORIAL WEEKEND RETREAT 2019
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The rock above may seem like an ordinary stone, but it is filled with healing love, positive thoughts and prayers, compassionate support, and strong intention to return to the mountain for my dojo's Baldy Retreat for decades to come. It was May 2014 and I had just undergone a 14-hour surgery and was on the fast track to daily radiation and weekly chemotherapy. I wasn't going anywhere but the seemingly long walk from the hospital bed in my house to the chair on my patio. This rock from Mt Baldy returned home to me with a touching, heart-filled video showing how all participants had formed a circle and passed it one to another, infusing it with love and healing chi. My vow when that rock returned home to me with Mt. Baldy 2014 written on it by my Sensei was to return the following year, and each ensuing year, to have him add the new year. Here's to the blessed gift of having year 2019 written on it this Memorial Day weekend.
This retreat is open to everyone - all ages, those with no training, first time beginners, those further along their chosen path, or those never having tried tai chi, aikido, qigong, or meditation. You are welcome to join in for one day, the weekend, or all four days. The structure is informal - attend all the classes or spend some time relaxing or hiking in the peaceful surroundings. For more info or to register just click HERE.
I will be there with this rock in my pocket, both Saturday and Sunday, breathing in the fresh mountain air as I relax, train, and visit with new and old friends. It would be such a joy to see you on the mountain.
This retreat is open to everyone - all ages, those with no training, first time beginners, those further along their chosen path, or those never having tried tai chi, aikido, qigong, or meditation. You are welcome to join in for one day, the weekend, or all four days. The structure is informal - attend all the classes or spend some time relaxing or hiking in the peaceful surroundings. For more info or to register just click HERE.
I will be there with this rock in my pocket, both Saturday and Sunday, breathing in the fresh mountain air as I relax, train, and visit with new and old friends. It would be such a joy to see you on the mountain.
SAVE THE DATE: ONE WOMAN SHOW
Please save the date for my one woman art show at the Whittier Art Gallery from Wednesday, July 3rd, through Sunday, July 7th. It is always an honor and a joy to show my entire body of work in this peaceful setting with proper lighting, walls, and such an elegant ambience. July seems like a long stretch away, but actually just a tad over two short months until the opening day. Please put it on your calendar. More details to come in the next update.
Sweet Pea and I send our love (she still spends much time in my backyard with her hyper friend, Frenzy, loving my plants, trees, and me). They bring me endless smiles and laughter watching them play with such wild abandon.
As always, I bow to all of you in immense love and gratitude for all the ways you have touched my heart, supported my body, calmed my mind, lifted my spirits, and continued to be my soft place to fall in so many ways.
Endless love and happy carefree days ahead to all of us!
Suzette
As always, I bow to all of you in immense love and gratitude for all the ways you have touched my heart, supported my body, calmed my mind, lifted my spirits, and continued to be my soft place to fall in so many ways.
Endless love and happy carefree days ahead to all of us!
Suzette
Dear loving Team Suzette,
I hope February finds you all with joy In your heart, filled with blessings, and enjoying each precious moment
of your lives. Thank you for being my joy, my blessing, and my soft and supportive place to fall.
This is just a quickie to share the details of my next exhibit at the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts. I'm a bit overdue on getting the announcement to you. Look for several of my pieces in the main gallery and also outside where I am being graced with a 10 x 20 booth to share my creations. Please come visit and bring all your art loving friends. Parking is free at the site but there is also a free shuttle (see below). I'm holding positive thoughts for a wildly successful show for all.
A longer update will be coming after the show and my follow-ups with my lymphoma oncologist and my squamous cell surgeons at the beginning of March. I have surgery tomorrow for skin cancers on my nose and ear, so more poking, carving, stitching and healing. I can't believe there is still areas to csrve out of the Suzette pumpkin!
of your lives. Thank you for being my joy, my blessing, and my soft and supportive place to fall.
This is just a quickie to share the details of my next exhibit at the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts. I'm a bit overdue on getting the announcement to you. Look for several of my pieces in the main gallery and also outside where I am being graced with a 10 x 20 booth to share my creations. Please come visit and bring all your art loving friends. Parking is free at the site but there is also a free shuttle (see below). I'm holding positive thoughts for a wildly successful show for all.
A longer update will be coming after the show and my follow-ups with my lymphoma oncologist and my squamous cell surgeons at the beginning of March. I have surgery tomorrow for skin cancers on my nose and ear, so more poking, carving, stitching and healing. I can't believe there is still areas to csrve out of the Suzette pumpkin!
PLEASE COME VIST ME AT THE UPCOMING
HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
With immense love and eternal gratitude,
Suzette
Suzette
Dear loving Team Suzette,
May all the love, kindness, joy, generosity, compassion, and support that you have given to me over the years return to each of you a thousandfold over the holidays. Endless thanks and forever love for continuing to bless me with your immense and cherished gifts.
SPEAKING FROM MY HEART
A few weeks ago, City of Hope invited me to speak before all their surgical teams at both an early morning and an early afternoon conference. As I do when any request is made to give back, I said a no-hesitation yes and began to ponder the words to share with this particular group
I had been told recently that many people, after a surgery not even as drastic as mine, often feel uncomfortable going out in public anymore. The yin and yang of such an invasive surgery. So, along with sharing all else, I decided to also share my feelings about the new reflection I now see when I look at this woman in the mirror. She still startles me and can catch me unaware. The piercing eye that doesn't blink, the lips curled in only one direction, my lopsided face sculpted to the right, a missing ear, and a huge graft covering the right side of my head, neck and skull. I'd be lying if I said I never wished that for a moment I could turn both sides of my lips into a huge smile, speak with less energy and greater ease, have a bigger opening for food, and not have people always staring and taking a second look, their thoughts sounding loud to wonder what the story is behind the disfigurement. It is just a fleeting moment though. The deeper truth is that I know that this form, this face, has little to do with who I truly am. All of our forms change with the passage of time, if not through injury then from age or illness. If I ever truly want to deeply remember, I just close my eyes and connect with the eternal spirit of who I truly am. When I see my face in the mirror, it is now a reflection and a testimony to the immense gift of my life, the skill and compassion of the surgeons that helped saved it, the love of Team Suzette family and friends that carried me on the wings of their love, and a reminder of the preciousness of each day and that I am not my body but the strength of my soaring spirit.
I noticed as I talked that several in the audience were in tears. I found out later that they had invited those in the surgical team that were with me doing those long 14 hours. Working as surgical nurses they are always up close and personal for the operations, but rarely do they know the long term fate of the patient they had worked so selflessly, diligently, and lovingly to save. After being at my side during a 14 hour long, critical, and invasive surgery for such advanced cancer, they had no idea if I had lived or died. For them to know that I had not only survived, but was thriving in a huge embrace with life, was a testimony to their devotion to helping to save lives. For me, it was a full circle moment as I was able to thank those that had carried me on the wings of their skill and compassion during my surgery. In my wildest fantasies, I can't imagine doing what they do. I can't even watch Grey's Anatomy and they had spent 14 hours with me open on the surgery table.
After my talk, there was an hour of some of the most thoughtful questions I've been asked during my healing journey, allowing me to share at a deeper and deeper level my experience and my outlook. The people in that room radiated love, kindness, compassion, and devotion. Everyone came up at the end and gifted me with a soft embrace.
I had been told recently that many people, after a surgery not even as drastic as mine, often feel uncomfortable going out in public anymore. The yin and yang of such an invasive surgery. So, along with sharing all else, I decided to also share my feelings about the new reflection I now see when I look at this woman in the mirror. She still startles me and can catch me unaware. The piercing eye that doesn't blink, the lips curled in only one direction, my lopsided face sculpted to the right, a missing ear, and a huge graft covering the right side of my head, neck and skull. I'd be lying if I said I never wished that for a moment I could turn both sides of my lips into a huge smile, speak with less energy and greater ease, have a bigger opening for food, and not have people always staring and taking a second look, their thoughts sounding loud to wonder what the story is behind the disfigurement. It is just a fleeting moment though. The deeper truth is that I know that this form, this face, has little to do with who I truly am. All of our forms change with the passage of time, if not through injury then from age or illness. If I ever truly want to deeply remember, I just close my eyes and connect with the eternal spirit of who I truly am. When I see my face in the mirror, it is now a reflection and a testimony to the immense gift of my life, the skill and compassion of the surgeons that helped saved it, the love of Team Suzette family and friends that carried me on the wings of their love, and a reminder of the preciousness of each day and that I am not my body but the strength of my soaring spirit.
I noticed as I talked that several in the audience were in tears. I found out later that they had invited those in the surgical team that were with me doing those long 14 hours. Working as surgical nurses they are always up close and personal for the operations, but rarely do they know the long term fate of the patient they had worked so selflessly, diligently, and lovingly to save. After being at my side during a 14 hour long, critical, and invasive surgery for such advanced cancer, they had no idea if I had lived or died. For them to know that I had not only survived, but was thriving in a huge embrace with life, was a testimony to their devotion to helping to save lives. For me, it was a full circle moment as I was able to thank those that had carried me on the wings of their skill and compassion during my surgery. In my wildest fantasies, I can't imagine doing what they do. I can't even watch Grey's Anatomy and they had spent 14 hours with me open on the surgery table.
After my talk, there was an hour of some of the most thoughtful questions I've been asked during my healing journey, allowing me to share at a deeper and deeper level my experience and my outlook. The people in that room radiated love, kindness, compassion, and devotion. Everyone came up at the end and gifted me with a soft embrace.
QUICK MEDICAL UPDATE
I had my pet scan and meeting with my oncologist to go over the results. To make a longer story, the takeaway is that there will be no chemo coal in my stocking this Christmas. I couldn't ask for a more joyous, blessed, bright, merry, jolly, miraculous, merry, blessed, grateful, heartfelt (you get the picture!) present.
Fibrosis was seen in both lungs on the scan, so I underwent lung functioning tests which showed
restrictive lung disease with a significant reduced lung capacity. I will be meeting after the holidays with the pulmonary lung specialist to discuss the results/meaning/etc. in more detail.
There will be more follow-ups in a few months for both the lymphoma and squamous cell journey. They need to keep an eye on all. So visions, prayers, and positive thoughts for continued blue skies.
Fibrosis was seen in both lungs on the scan, so I underwent lung functioning tests which showed
restrictive lung disease with a significant reduced lung capacity. I will be meeting after the holidays with the pulmonary lung specialist to discuss the results/meaning/etc. in more detail.
There will be more follow-ups in a few months for both the lymphoma and squamous cell journey. They need to keep an eye on all. So visions, prayers, and positive thoughts for continued blue skies.
THANK YOU FOR OUR SUPPORT OF MY ARTWORK - AND ME!
Immense thanks to all of you that came out to visit me and see my art. A deep bow and so much gratitude to those that adopted some of my creations and helped buoy me along financially as a self-supporting artist. Thanks to the City of Whittier for sponsoring this event and for gifting me with such a huge exhibit space. I am blessed!
Here are some pics of the show - and some of my visitors!
Here are some pics of the show - and some of my visitors!
TEAM HUDSON
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ANGELS TEX AND RAINEE
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MY AWESOME NIECE, HER HUBBY, AND MY NEPHEW
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MY OH SO GOOD ANGEL/FAIRY AND HER FELLOW WARRIOR HUBBY, MICHAEL (they are so supportive and their home is a Suzette art gallery )
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MY DEAR AND LOVING FRIENDS, MARK AND BONNIE
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MY SWEET and SUPPORTIVE PAL, PHYLLis, AND OWNER OF THE MOON SET (bottom beneath the sunset)
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With love, peace, joy, and gratitude to all of you for your gifts that transcend all seasons and holidays,
Suzette
Suzette
Dear endlessly loving Team Suzette,
The "W" FINE ART SHOW
Parnell Park Community Center
15390 Lambert Road
Whittier, CA
FRIDAY: 6-9pm (Reception 6:30)
SATURDAY: 10-6pm
IT'S THIS WEEKEND! SURE HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!
Last year's exhibit space :-)
COME ONE AND ALL! The "W" Fine Art Show begins Friday night from 6-9pm, with a reception hosted by the City of Whittier at 6:30. The exhibit hours continue on Saturday from 10-6pm. They have graced me with a very large, spacious exhibit area similar to last year. I am very excited to be showing at this very important art show for me. Please spread the word. I will have everything from large fine art pieces to small unframed matted pieces (great for gifts) and my book, The Journey is Everything. To find my exhibit, just enter the double entry doors to the center, then look for my room of art off to the left (same as last year). If you have children, there is a fun sidewalk chalk art contest on Saturday. It begins at 11:30am, judging at 1:30pm, and awards at 2pm.
THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME TO SUPPORT ME AT THE HARMONY ART SHOW!
A slower go this year, but so appreciative and blessed by each and every sale no matter the size! And twenty books were sold and so its message continues to ripple outward. I am so grateful to everyone who came to visit me and the opportunity to connect with you face to face! One of the other highlights of this show is being surrounded by all the loving, open-hearted people from the Harmony Center that always make this show a joy each and every time! Thank you!
An important scan is coming in two weeks. Please keep me in your most positive thoughts and prayers for nothing but blue skies! Results and other news in my next update. For now, just want to get the word out on my art show as it is only four days away!
Thank you for your healing love and your open, giving hearts. Hope to give you all soft, loving hugs at the art show!
Endless love,
Suzette
Thank you for your healing love and your open, giving hearts. Hope to give you all soft, loving hugs at the art show!
Endless love,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
I used to long for the warm embrace of summer with its sense of wild abandon and sizzling temperatures. Nowadays the sweet, cool lure of autumn stirs my soul. Days shorten, temperatures slowly drop, darkness visits earlier, the time changes, and nature teaches great lessons in transitions and letting go. Golden leaves have begun to fall willingly from the trees in my backyard sanctuary. It is their time to let go. What if they hung tight and resisted change as we often do?
Letting go is not a surrendering or a waving of a white flag. Letting go is a liberation and opening to all that will come to fill its place. The grasped hand that holds so tightly out of fear let’s nothing in. The open hand allows us to embrace everything and everyone.
These last years have been a time of letting go. I continue to let go as my practice, moment to moment. I let go of what was, to all the “what if’s," to a face once familiar, to all the tai chi forms I did lifting both arms with complete freedom, to knowing and to not knowing, to the myriad of hats I wore that seemed to define me, to wanting, and to expectations. I seek to let go in each moment so I can more and more accept what is and trust the journey.
I was once told that certain spiritual masters in Tibet used to set their teacups upside down before they went to bed each night as a reminder that all life was impermanent And then, when they awoke each morning, they turned their teacups right side up again with the happy thought, 'I'm still here!’ This simple gesture acted as a wonderful reminder to let go and celebrate every moment of the gift of each new day.
As I reflected in my book, many have asked, “What shall you do now?” The answer remains that perhaps I don’t need to do or be anything. I have gradually let go of the desire to be a this or a that. Yet, how do I then make a difference with this gift of my life? Maybe I just become more and more of who I truly am and expand out to all with love, compassion, presence, and an open heart. Yet, is that enough? More and more I feel, yes, that is actually all there is. For me and for all of us.
Leaves now fall, the sun shifts, and darkness cuddles us. Everything changes. To everything there is a season, although some things always remain the same. The power of love that transcends and connects us all.
May autumn's energy invite a letting go and emptying into the universal river of love that flows through everyone.
I used to long for the warm embrace of summer with its sense of wild abandon and sizzling temperatures. Nowadays the sweet, cool lure of autumn stirs my soul. Days shorten, temperatures slowly drop, darkness visits earlier, the time changes, and nature teaches great lessons in transitions and letting go. Golden leaves have begun to fall willingly from the trees in my backyard sanctuary. It is their time to let go. What if they hung tight and resisted change as we often do?
Letting go is not a surrendering or a waving of a white flag. Letting go is a liberation and opening to all that will come to fill its place. The grasped hand that holds so tightly out of fear let’s nothing in. The open hand allows us to embrace everything and everyone.
These last years have been a time of letting go. I continue to let go as my practice, moment to moment. I let go of what was, to all the “what if’s," to a face once familiar, to all the tai chi forms I did lifting both arms with complete freedom, to knowing and to not knowing, to the myriad of hats I wore that seemed to define me, to wanting, and to expectations. I seek to let go in each moment so I can more and more accept what is and trust the journey.
I was once told that certain spiritual masters in Tibet used to set their teacups upside down before they went to bed each night as a reminder that all life was impermanent And then, when they awoke each morning, they turned their teacups right side up again with the happy thought, 'I'm still here!’ This simple gesture acted as a wonderful reminder to let go and celebrate every moment of the gift of each new day.
As I reflected in my book, many have asked, “What shall you do now?” The answer remains that perhaps I don’t need to do or be anything. I have gradually let go of the desire to be a this or a that. Yet, how do I then make a difference with this gift of my life? Maybe I just become more and more of who I truly am and expand out to all with love, compassion, presence, and an open heart. Yet, is that enough? More and more I feel, yes, that is actually all there is. For me and for all of us.
Leaves now fall, the sun shifts, and darkness cuddles us. Everything changes. To everything there is a season, although some things always remain the same. The power of love that transcends and connects us all.
May autumn's energy invite a letting go and emptying into the universal river of love that flows through everyone.
MEDICAL UPDATES
THE LATEST
I've been having a lot of appointments in the last few weeks. I recently had my latest cat scan for my lymphoma and squameous cell journeys. There are a few slightly enlarged nodes that they are monitoring and so are wanting to do a pet scan in just two months to see if they have grown in size and to check any “activity level.” In the pet scan versus the cat scan, you are infused with a sugar/radioactive substance. Since cancer cells thrive on sugar, the unwelcome cells go wild when they are fed, revealing any possible cancerous spots and their level of aggressiveness. The slow-growing lymphoma would have a lighter color while the aggressive lymphoma and/or squameous cell would be more fiery, plus have a much higher FDG uptake score.
I’m taking it a step at a time, exuberant about all the blue skies, and envisioning the pet scan in two months showing no growth and no feasting on the sugar!
I have had an echocardiogram to determine any damage to my heart from treatment and also have had some lung functioning tests. I will be seeing a pulmonary specialist for an interpretation of the results.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers and positive thoughts that the scan in 2 months reveals no growth and no critters living on this side of the moon.
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SKIN SCAN
In two weeks it is time for my full body scan again (every 3 months seems to come so quickly) to check if any critters are living on the top level. I am SO wanting, as always, to have a “get out of surgery” pass and avoid the stress of yet another poking, carving, stitching, wound care, and insult to my body.
SPEAKING OUT
LION'S CLUB
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I was honored to be asked to speak before the Whittier Lion’s Club about my healing journey, my book, and my artwork. They were a gracious and generous crowd and many of them purchased my book for fellow family and friends that are going through healing journeys of all kinds. Thank you!
CITY of HOPE NEW HIRE ORIENTATION
I was once again humbled and honored to be asked to speak before a group of new hires at COH. It amazes me how many new people continue to join this state of the art cancer center as it grows and grows in both size and recognition. It fills my heart to share my journey and welcome the new recruits to the loving village of City of Hope.
YOU ARE INVITED TO MY UPCOMING ART SHOWS
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HARMONY CENTER FINE ART AND CRAFTS SHOW: OCTOBER 20-21
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Harmony Center Show, October 1017
It is once again time for the Harmony Center Fine Art and Craft Show. It is also time to hopefully financially buoy me along my journey and profession as a self-supporting artist. :-). As many of you know, this is fun show offering everything from food to entertainment to a wide variety of arts and crafts. I will set up my usual 6 x12 foot area in the corner and truly hope to see all of you there. The Harmony Center and all the people involved in putting together the show are shining, loving lights.
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THE "W" FINE ART SHOW, NOVEMBER 16-17
My space at the "W" Show, 2017.
I'll be showing at The “W” Fine Art Show this year as well and I hope to have a big space again to showcase a lot of my work. This exhibit includes many wonderful local artists. More info will come as it gets closer to the opening of the show.
A different face but the same spirit :-). In between many trips to COH for appointments, I’ve been busy working on commissions, preparing for my upcoming art shows, teaching tai chi, and my speaking gigs. Also, trying, when possible, to continue to heal at a deeper level and keep those unwelcome cells on the far side of the moon, no return trip, permanent residence.
Thank you all for continuing to carry me on the wings of your love. No words continue to express it better than these lyrics from the song recorded by Celine Dion, “Because you loved me.”
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
I love you,
Suzette
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You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
I love you,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
THANK YOU FOR A BLESSED GALLERY EXHIBIT
It was a blessed show in all ways. A beautiful setting. A loving Team Suzette that selflessly and cheerfully assisted me with set up and breakdown. A duo of angels that were there all weekend to help hold the space with a warm welcome and uplifting spirit for all. Visits from so many friends and family close to my heart. And sales and commissions to help financially buoy me along on my journey. It is such a gift to be able to show my entire body of work in such a peaceful ambience. Thank you all so deeply and truly for your support of my life as an artist and appreciation of my artwork. It feels miraculous to be able to see the artwork I have been able to create despite doubts whether I would be able to work as an artist again. Yes, with adaptations, but ain't life for all of us a series of adaptions?
Here's a few pics taken by friends.
Here's a few pics taken by friends.
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PRAYERS AND POSITIVE THOUGHTS
September is an important month for me full of scans, labs, clinical exams and follow-ups for both my lymphoma and my squamous cell journeys. Please keep me in your positive thoughts, prayers, and loving vibes as you envision blue skies and all critters remaining on the far side of the moon!
A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART
I come from a long line of teachers and they have a special place in my heart. To me, they are one of the most important but underpaid and often undervalued professions. They create our next generation. Not only are they immensely underpaid, but they now face challenges, due to immense budget cuts, to obtain much needed supplies for their classrooms. Often they are forced to dig into their own pocketbooks to buy these for their students.
My sister-in-law teaches special education to mostly low income students in the Buena Park school district.
In order to create the best possible learning environment for these students, she is in need of sensory stimulation toys to help inspire, challenge, and promote concentration and focus.
I know we all have our charities we give to you. But if any of you happen to have a soft spot in your heart for teachers and children with special needs, just even a small donation can go a long way to help these students.
Click HERE to go to the Donors Choose website to learn more about Suzanne and her students, the important of sensory stimulation toys for kids with special needs, and to donate.
My sister-in-law teaches special education to mostly low income students in the Buena Park school district.
In order to create the best possible learning environment for these students, she is in need of sensory stimulation toys to help inspire, challenge, and promote concentration and focus.
I know we all have our charities we give to you. But if any of you happen to have a soft spot in your heart for teachers and children with special needs, just even a small donation can go a long way to help these students.
Click HERE to go to the Donors Choose website to learn more about Suzanne and her students, the important of sensory stimulation toys for kids with special needs, and to donate.
May we all continue to support each other with kindness, an open heart, and a loving spirit in this shared journey of life. Thank you all for lifting me up, time and time again. I am so deeply blessed.
All my love, all my gratitude,
Suzette
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All my love, all my gratitude,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
I rise with dawn's early light and sit at my patio desk. Chimes sound in a soft breeze. A bird breaks the silence. Shadows dance. Stillness speaks. I take a deep breath. My mind drops into my heart and then disappears into my quiet, still center. A welcome mat. A safe haven. A place of truth. A place of healing and a peace that passes all understanding. A connection to the Divine. Yet, as the day unfolds it is all too easy to be led back into the noise of my often wild mind.
For me, it is so important to keep returning to my quiet, still center. It is always there. In my humanity and untamed thoughts, I am too often disconnected from it. My practice is to return to it, time and time again. It is forever waiting patiently for me without becoming bitter and resentful. My quiet center has grown old with me. It silently has borne witness to my life: the soaring take-offs and the crash landings, the soft rock of love, the cutting edge of sorrow, the dangerous detours and the safe open roads. My quiet still center has often lived a long life in my back alleys and basement, seemingly nowhere to be seen or felt. Yet it is has never left. If I'm gentle on myself, keep opening my heart and quieting my mind, I can find infinite grace and always be led back to it, time and time again.
May we all take time to breathe, connect with stillness, open our senses to all the beauty that surrounds us, give thanks, and seek to be present for each precious moment in our lives.
For me, it is so important to keep returning to my quiet, still center. It is always there. In my humanity and untamed thoughts, I am too often disconnected from it. My practice is to return to it, time and time again. It is forever waiting patiently for me without becoming bitter and resentful. My quiet center has grown old with me. It silently has borne witness to my life: the soaring take-offs and the crash landings, the soft rock of love, the cutting edge of sorrow, the dangerous detours and the safe open roads. My quiet still center has often lived a long life in my back alleys and basement, seemingly nowhere to be seen or felt. Yet it is has never left. If I'm gentle on myself, keep opening my heart and quieting my mind, I can find infinite grace and always be led back to it, time and time again.
May we all take time to breathe, connect with stillness, open our senses to all the beauty that surrounds us, give thanks, and seek to be present for each precious moment in our lives.
A RETURN TO THE MOUNTAIN
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A rock by any other name would not be as healing. I returned to the mountain once again, reaching my goal of continuing to have my Sensei write each unfolding year since my diagnosis on its surface. In my 20 years of training, I have only missed 2014. That year I had just been through a 14-hour surgery and was about to start a long ride of radiation and chemo. My dojo brought Mr. Baldy to me in this very special rock with "Mt. Baldy 2014" written on it. It had been passed around by everyone there to infuse it with all their healing love, energy, positive thoughts and prayers. This year my Sensei wrote 2018 on it and passed it around the loving circle so they could infuse it once again. Thank you. Our annual dojo retreat at the Mt. Baldy Zen Center over Memorial Day weekend has always held a very special place in my heart and now has a permanent residence there. Here's to being on the healing mountain with all my friends next year and seeing Mt. Baldy 2019 on my rock!
CAFE NOIR
Thanks to all of my loving and supportive friends and family that came to my opening reception at Cafe Noir. I was touched by the turnout and had fun showing my work in this different setting. Cafe Noir was very pleased with the attendance and they said they had an excellent night. Thank you all for ordering food and drinks and supporting this independent, arts-oriented cafe.
MEDICAL UPDATES
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City of Hope isn't, of course, my favorite place to visit, but I so enjoy walking through their rose garden and visiting the koi and doing a little meditation in their zen garden.
Here's the scoop:
Lymphoma journey:
I had my three month check-up. It was a clinical exam - hands-on, labs but too soon for another scan. I was thrilled to pass that test and be a free woman for the summer. No nodes of concern on the external. Lymphoma markers were within normal range. In a few months there is the important full body scan of all things internal. I'm envisioning continued blue skies. Please keep me in your positive thoughts and prayers that my internal scans in September will show all remaining on the far side of the moon.
Squamous cell ride:
September is also my time for the doctors to look at new scans to take an internal view of my head, neck and skull and an outward exam to check for all things squamous cell diagnosis. Of course, they won't find anything because all has been sent to the far side of the moon on a one way trip :-).
Humpty Dumpty:
In brief, I'm finishing up my physical therapy soon and will continue the regime at home. As always, I'm a work in progress. It is a little more challenging right now creating my mixed media art, but with the help of breaks to rest and ice my shoulder, upper back and neck I am back in the studio carving out as many hours as I can (one woman show upcoming!) I had to take a long hiatus from creating while I wore the sling and and then for awhile when it was too painful to cut and fuse my materials. They are hoping that I can get a custom shoulder brace (that I can actually put on myself this time) to hold my shoulder in place so it is not continually drooping downward from no support from the severed spinal nerve, especially when I work which can cause the area to scream :-). I will also be using a NMES unit to perhaps help with continuing atrophy from no muscle energy in my trapezius and sternocleidomastoid muscles from my surgery. You don't realize how heavy your arm is until there are only a few small muscles left to lift it! So there are some new challenges to dance with from the recent injury and fall, but Humpty Dumpty Hodnett is back sitting on the wall again with her right side moving with its now "new abnormal." :-)
Here's the scoop:
Lymphoma journey:
I had my three month check-up. It was a clinical exam - hands-on, labs but too soon for another scan. I was thrilled to pass that test and be a free woman for the summer. No nodes of concern on the external. Lymphoma markers were within normal range. In a few months there is the important full body scan of all things internal. I'm envisioning continued blue skies. Please keep me in your positive thoughts and prayers that my internal scans in September will show all remaining on the far side of the moon.
Squamous cell ride:
September is also my time for the doctors to look at new scans to take an internal view of my head, neck and skull and an outward exam to check for all things squamous cell diagnosis. Of course, they won't find anything because all has been sent to the far side of the moon on a one way trip :-).
Humpty Dumpty:
In brief, I'm finishing up my physical therapy soon and will continue the regime at home. As always, I'm a work in progress. It is a little more challenging right now creating my mixed media art, but with the help of breaks to rest and ice my shoulder, upper back and neck I am back in the studio carving out as many hours as I can (one woman show upcoming!) I had to take a long hiatus from creating while I wore the sling and and then for awhile when it was too painful to cut and fuse my materials. They are hoping that I can get a custom shoulder brace (that I can actually put on myself this time) to hold my shoulder in place so it is not continually drooping downward from no support from the severed spinal nerve, especially when I work which can cause the area to scream :-). I will also be using a NMES unit to perhaps help with continuing atrophy from no muscle energy in my trapezius and sternocleidomastoid muscles from my surgery. You don't realize how heavy your arm is until there are only a few small muscles left to lift it! So there are some new challenges to dance with from the recent injury and fall, but Humpty Dumpty Hodnett is back sitting on the wall again with her right side moving with its now "new abnormal." :-)
NATIONAL SURVIVOR'S DAY SPEECH
I was humbled and honored to be asked to be the guest speaker and give an hour long presentation to celebrate National Survivors Day at City of Hope. It was inspiring to speak before fellow survivors on a similar journey. After the talk there was a question and answer time that turned into a special hour of connection. City of Hope gave the first ten attendees a free copy of my book, "The Journey is Everything." My journey continues :-).
GOLF FOR A CURE
Those of you that love golf and want to support a cure for head/neck cancer (one of my diagnoses), please consider supporting this amazing fundraiser created by a fellow survivor. It promises to be a day of great fun, great inspiration, great golf, great celebrities, and great fellowship to support a great cause. Here is the link to the website for all the details.
Click HERE!
Click HERE!
The Journey Continues: LOVE NEVER FAILS
a one woman show at the Whittier Art Gallery
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SHOW DATES: Wednesday, July 25th to Sunday, July 29th
Come celebrate the power of love to connect, heal, and inspire.
PLEASE save the date! Come and invite all your friends, family, and co-workers. This is an important show
for me and it is always an honor and pleasure to share an extensive body of work in this peaceful setting.
I will be at the show for the entire weekend and on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday by appointment.
I live two blocks away so it is easy for me to dart down there anytime.
More details and postcards will be upcoming as the event draws closer. I'm excited!
Come celebrate the power of love to connect, heal, and inspire.
PLEASE save the date! Come and invite all your friends, family, and co-workers. This is an important show
for me and it is always an honor and pleasure to share an extensive body of work in this peaceful setting.
I will be at the show for the entire weekend and on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday by appointment.
I live two blocks away so it is easy for me to dart down there anytime.
More details and postcards will be upcoming as the event draws closer. I'm excited!
SWEET PEA AND FRIENDS
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Sweet Pea and friends continue to amuse me in my backyard as I sit at my patio desk to work or am just meditating in silence. They love to feast on my succulents and my occasional snacks. And, as you can see, they also aren't camera shy and enjoy posing for their close-ups. I'm forever grateful for their company, their antics, their whimsy, and their trust!
As some of you know, I have always loved dot to dot pictures and have sought to live my life in each dot, without labeling good or bad, while trusting the bigger picture. Only the Infinite sees in 360 degrees.
There have been some very challenging dots in my life, but when I look in the rear view mirror and see how all the dots have connected it is clear that they have truly led to some of the most beautiful blessings in my life.
Thank you all, endlessly and so deeply, for being such shining lights/dots connecting my life into a beautiful tapestry of love on this often messy, but always magnificent, journey of life.
With boundless love,
Suzette
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There have been some very challenging dots in my life, but when I look in the rear view mirror and see how all the dots have connected it is clear that they have truly led to some of the most beautiful blessings in my life.
Thank you all, endlessly and so deeply, for being such shining lights/dots connecting my life into a beautiful tapestry of love on this often messy, but always magnificent, journey of life.
With boundless love,
Suzette
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DEAR LOVING TEAM SUZETTE,
Spring fills the air. Colors explode, leaves return, buds are bursting into bloom, shades of green paint the landscape, and rebirth and renewal are everywhere. The season fills my soul and opens my heart even wider.
The spring energy triggers my rewind button, returning memories of the first spring of my healing journey. I had gone through the challenges of a long surgery and treatments throughout the summer, then fell into the arms of autumn with a war-torn body, and deeper into healing throughout the winter. In spring, I was rising from the ashes towards the warmth of the sun with increased strength and the miraculous news from my MRI. The season and I were both once again bursting into bloom.
Sometimes when I take my morning walk I choose to focus on all the flowers. I notice little dabs of yellow pop up among the grass. Wildflowers assert themselves amid the weeds. Overhead is an umbrella of cherry blossoms adorning the branches. Flowers rise up from planters and pots in front yards. And, if I'm lucky, I spot a single flower rising through the sidewalk pavement towards the light of day. I see flowers everywhere.
Whenever I focus on Team Suzette, I see so much love, joy, generosity and kindness that blossoms in all directions. Thank you all for being my eternal spring.
May we all allow the warmth of spring and its healing energy of new beginnings to saturate every cell and for hope and joy to blossom in our lives as easily as the flowers that surround us.
The spring energy triggers my rewind button, returning memories of the first spring of my healing journey. I had gone through the challenges of a long surgery and treatments throughout the summer, then fell into the arms of autumn with a war-torn body, and deeper into healing throughout the winter. In spring, I was rising from the ashes towards the warmth of the sun with increased strength and the miraculous news from my MRI. The season and I were both once again bursting into bloom.
Sometimes when I take my morning walk I choose to focus on all the flowers. I notice little dabs of yellow pop up among the grass. Wildflowers assert themselves amid the weeds. Overhead is an umbrella of cherry blossoms adorning the branches. Flowers rise up from planters and pots in front yards. And, if I'm lucky, I spot a single flower rising through the sidewalk pavement towards the light of day. I see flowers everywhere.
Whenever I focus on Team Suzette, I see so much love, joy, generosity and kindness that blossoms in all directions. Thank you all for being my eternal spring.
May we all allow the warmth of spring and its healing energy of new beginnings to saturate every cell and for hope and joy to blossom in our lives as easily as the flowers that surround us.
HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
Thank you all once again for coming to visit me at the show (I love it!) and my heartfelt thanks to those of you that generously adopted my artwork, large and small. I am blessed. A DEEP bow to all my family and friends for their huge help with setting up, breaking down, assisting in the booth with sales, and coming to my rescue after the fall. I truly couldn't do the shows with you. And always to all the hard-working and kind-hearted people who pull this show together and make it such a lovely experience for artists and visitors alike.
I am very blessed to have this local and very cherished, welcomed, and needed show to buoy me along financially as a professional artist.
I am very blessed to have this local and very cherished, welcomed, and needed show to buoy me along financially as a professional artist.
Humpty Dumpty Hodnett
Humpty Dumpty Hodnett had a fall at the Hillcrest Art Show. All the physical therapists and orthopedic doc are working to put me pack together again. When my booth was really crowded during the show, I had to squeeze along the edge of the canopy and my foot got caught under a sprinkler head (if you look at the picture above you can see the center leg of the canopy with the sprinkler head next to it.) Dislocation, tears, sling and trauma to my already challenged right side have brought a feeling of deja vu. It's been a bit challenging. I've been working on a return of movement and strength. I am improving and, like all else, I trust time, patience and this miraculous healing machine (and those at City of Hope) to return me to my art and two armed tai chi :-).
ART SHOW at the CAFE NOIR, Fullerton.
RECEPTION: Friday, May 4th. 6-11pm
PLEASE COME!
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Sorry for the late notice! During the month of May my artwork will be featured on the walls of the Cafe Noir in Fullerton. This is an opportunity for me to have my work seen throughout the next month and hopefully create some cash flow during this season. I have 30 feet of wall space to showcase my work and the ability to sell my book and smaller pieces as well.
Cafe Noir Coffee Shop is a small, fun, artsy venue and a special spot in Fullerton. They support not only fine art, but also music and poetry. (Check them out and this event on Facebook).
I will be at the opening reception, Friday, May 4th, from 6-10pm. The address is 220 N. Malden Avenue, Fullerton 92832. Please come and support not only me but this independent coffee shop. Treat yourself to one of their tasty sandwiches and enjoy free wine all night compliments of Cafe Noir!
Cafe Noir Coffee Shop is a small, fun, artsy venue and a special spot in Fullerton. They support not only fine art, but also music and poetry. (Check them out and this event on Facebook).
I will be at the opening reception, Friday, May 4th, from 6-10pm. The address is 220 N. Malden Avenue, Fullerton 92832. Please come and support not only me but this independent coffee shop. Treat yourself to one of their tasty sandwiches and enjoy free wine all night compliments of Cafe Noir!
MEDICAL UPDATES
Except for my fall and now several trips a week to COH for physical therapy/doc appoints, all has remained blue skies on the healing front.
Squamous head, neck, skull follow up:
While these follow ups come with an edge, it is always a delight getting to spend a little time with my most compassionate surgeon, Dr. Kang. He examined the scan and me and saw no suspicious areas. Two thumbs up. The healing journey continues.
Skin
The area over my eye has healed from the last surgery. Thankfully, I got a Get Out of Jail Free Card at my 3 month annual full body check up last month. No biopsies!!! I see her for another all over check again in June.
End of May
Well, if is isn't one thing, its another :-). At the end of May I have my clinical exam and labs for my every three month follow-up on my lymphoma journey.
Please keep me in your prayers and most positive thoughts for continued blue skies.
Squamous head, neck, skull follow up:
While these follow ups come with an edge, it is always a delight getting to spend a little time with my most compassionate surgeon, Dr. Kang. He examined the scan and me and saw no suspicious areas. Two thumbs up. The healing journey continues.
Skin
The area over my eye has healed from the last surgery. Thankfully, I got a Get Out of Jail Free Card at my 3 month annual full body check up last month. No biopsies!!! I see her for another all over check again in June.
End of May
Well, if is isn't one thing, its another :-). At the end of May I have my clinical exam and labs for my every three month follow-up on my lymphoma journey.
Please keep me in your prayers and most positive thoughts for continued blue skies.
SHARING MY JOURNEY
GUEST SPEAKER: City of Hope Leadership Conference
It was surrealistic. I stood before the CEO and 550 leaders from City of Hope at two sessions of their CEO's bi-annual Leadership Conference. I felt as if I was in a dream. I could never have anticipated as I went through the wilderness of my healing that one day I would be asked to speak to share my reflections on my journey. Ain't life grand and so very unpredictable. It was a humbling and emotional day.
FIRE CIRCLE
Last weekend I was honored to speak at a woman's gathering in Torrance at their quarterly "Fire Circle." (no fire :-) ). It was a special afternoon of wonderful women and sharing of all kinds. My thanks to them for their attentive and open-hearted listening to my longest requested presentation ever and those who purchased my book/small unframed art pieces.
HUGE BREAKTHROUGH - 2 COH City News Magazine articles to ponder
Ten years ago my best friend/partner of twenty years, Chuck Fata, died of a highly aggressive lymphoma only three months after his diagnosis. In 2014, when I began going through own my healing journey, his son of the same name was diagnosed with lymphoma. Over the last three years we have both been on challenging journeys. When his body didn't respond to the chemotherapy, the doctors tried both a stem cell transplant and various surgeries, to no avail. His doctors at UCLA suggested he go to City of Hope where there was a clinical trial for an immunotherapy they had been researching and working on for years - Car T-Cell therapy. To make a long story miraculously short, he has now been in remission for well over a year. A few months ago this breakthrough immunotherapy was approved by the FDA and is looking very promising for many different kind of cancers.
The latest issue of City of Hope's City News Magazine focuses on all aspects of this promising therapy. And in mysterious timing, this issue has feature stories on the both of us. Who would have thought as Chuck and I gathered at his son's house for family gatherings that one day his son and I would have our stories of healing featured in City of Hope City News magazine - and in the same issue. Mysterious and miraculous; Please click below and take a look at the magazine's wonderful article on Chuck's son, Chuck. Following all the articles on Car T-Cell therapy is an article on little old me :-).
The latest issue of City of Hope's City News Magazine focuses on all aspects of this promising therapy. And in mysterious timing, this issue has feature stories on the both of us. Who would have thought as Chuck and I gathered at his son's house for family gatherings that one day his son and I would have our stories of healing featured in City of Hope City News magazine - and in the same issue. Mysterious and miraculous; Please click below and take a look at the magazine's wonderful article on Chuck's son, Chuck. Following all the articles on Car T-Cell therapy is an article on little old me :-).
CLICK HERE TO read the articles on Chuck and me in the latest edition of CITY NEWS MAGAZINE
Pg. 13 (Chuck's son) and Pg. 24 (me :-) )
If it is challenging for you to read it online and you would prefer a hard copy,
please let me know.
Lessons from a five year old
I was at a gathering at my sister-in-law's family's house on Easter, sitting on a low brick planter in their front yard watching the little ones hunt for eggs. My sister-in-law's five year-old nephew noticed an egg in the dirt beside me and so we came face to face. We have a special relationship and he refers to me as "Aunt Suzette." He has seen me many times since my surgery and throughout my healing journey. But in this moment he stopped in his tracks, looked at me quizzically and said, "Aunt Suzette, why is your mouth all twisted up?" It jammed my gears for a moment. Then I tried to answer as simply and honestly as I could. Something like, "I was sick. To make me better again they had to cut a place inside me that controls how my mouth moves. Doing that made be better again but it makes it so my mouth is twisted." (or something like that). He listened with great focus and attention and when I was finished answering he let it all go in an instant and ran away to search for more eggs.
Here's to the the refreshing and direct honesty, present moment embrace, and letting go of youth. Only right here, right now. We all have a lot to learn from children.
Here's to the the refreshing and direct honesty, present moment embrace, and letting go of youth. Only right here, right now. We all have a lot to learn from children.
SAVE THE DATE!
Please save the date: The last weekend in July - July 28th and 29th - I will be having another one woman show at the Whittier Art Gallery. This is an awesome opportunity to once again show my work in a gallery setting, on walls, with proper lighting, and in a very relaxing ambience. I'm looking forward to it!!
Thanks deeply to all of you that continue to read my words, support all these chapters of my healing, and to carry me on the wings of your love. Each talk I give I let everyone know about the healing, loving force of Team Suzette.
Eternal love,
Suzette
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Eternal love,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
Music gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.
Plato
There is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is.
William P. Merrill
Plato
There is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is.
William P. Merrill
There is a member of Team Suzette that has gone unmentioned and unacknowledged. It has always been accessible to me, even in my darkest hour. It was in the car with me driving to COH, in my ear waiting in the lobby, and a reach away whether it was my first breath each morning or in the dark of the night. It met fear with reassurance, any dip in spirit with an uplift, and continued to spark my body in a positive direction. If I felt alone, it connected me to everyone. When I didn’t feel up to talking, it was the song of my soul. It could bring up a force from deep inside or soothe me like a lullaby. Yes, from Charlie Parker to Louis Armstrong to Jimmy Cliff, the magic of music was always only a beat away.
I'M ON THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET!
Grab your coat and get your hat
leave your worries on the doorstep
Just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street
Don’t your hear that pitter patter
That happy tune is your step
Life could be so sweet on the sunny side of the street.
The Sunny Side of the Street
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There can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
when you believe somehow you will
you will when you believe
When you Believe
leave your worries on the doorstep
Just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street
Don’t your hear that pitter patter
That happy tune is your step
Life could be so sweet on the sunny side of the street.
The Sunny Side of the Street
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There can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
when you believe somehow you will
you will when you believe
When you Believe
I AM WALKING ON THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET! The results of my latest scans and lab tests granted me
a green light ahead. YIPPEE! The lymphoma specialist will be following variations in the size of my lymph nodes from test to test. In three months I will see her again. I continue to do everything I can to uplift and strengthen my mind, body and spirit. I'm SO ecstatic that my life will continue to flow as "planned" without treatment detours! I've so many joyous happenings
in the months ahead! Each precious moment is a gift! Here's to BLUE skies and GREEN lights!
A big hug and thank you for your continued prayers and positive thoughts. They make all the difference. These follow-up scans and the waiting for the results, with all my different diagnoses, are truly such a challenging zen master to stay in the present,
trust the journey, bow to any result as my teacher, and to not let my wild mind
take me on all its imagined future scenarios! Not always easy but so important to "Keep Our Head Up!"
The glow that the sun gets right around sunset helps me to realize
This is just a journey, drop your worries, you are gonna turn out fine
Only rainbows after rain. The sun will always come again
It’s a circle, circling around again, it comes around again.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh oh And you can let your hair down, eh eh...
I know it's hard (know it's hard) To remember sometimes
But, you gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh eh eh
Keep Your Head Up
Follow up on my head, neck, and base of skull squamous cell journey at the beginning of March!
I'm "keeping my head up!"
a green light ahead. YIPPEE! The lymphoma specialist will be following variations in the size of my lymph nodes from test to test. In three months I will see her again. I continue to do everything I can to uplift and strengthen my mind, body and spirit. I'm SO ecstatic that my life will continue to flow as "planned" without treatment detours! I've so many joyous happenings
in the months ahead! Each precious moment is a gift! Here's to BLUE skies and GREEN lights!
A big hug and thank you for your continued prayers and positive thoughts. They make all the difference. These follow-up scans and the waiting for the results, with all my different diagnoses, are truly such a challenging zen master to stay in the present,
trust the journey, bow to any result as my teacher, and to not let my wild mind
take me on all its imagined future scenarios! Not always easy but so important to "Keep Our Head Up!"
The glow that the sun gets right around sunset helps me to realize
This is just a journey, drop your worries, you are gonna turn out fine
Only rainbows after rain. The sun will always come again
It’s a circle, circling around again, it comes around again.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh oh And you can let your hair down, eh eh...
I know it's hard (know it's hard) To remember sometimes
But, you gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh eh eh
Keep Your Head Up
Follow up on my head, neck, and base of skull squamous cell journey at the beginning of March!
I'm "keeping my head up!"
THE HILLCREST ART SHOW! Feb. 23-25th
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I'm so excited to have this chance to see everyone and to share my latest work at this fabulous show. It is this Friday and Saturday and Sunday. All the info is one the postcard above. I have my same wonderful space on the grass in the outdoor area. It is such a delight to work with the amazing group of people that run this show and to also have a much needed opportunity for my next art show paycheck. Please invite all your art-loving friends. Here's to a wildly successful show for all! See you soon!
SPEAKING OUT
I would NEVER have thought as I breath by breath, step by step, and day by day moved through my treatment and recovery that I would one day be standing before others to share my story. Words can't fully express this surrealistic and blessed feeling. Life is indeed unpredictable. Last week I spoke in front of a group of all the new hires at COH from doctors to staff, along with a question and answer period. In March I am honored and humbled to be invited to be the patient speaker at the Leadership Conference run by the CEO of City of Hope and attended by 500 doctors, surgeons, researchers, administrative heads, etc. Yikes! Send me your calm and positive chi! :-)
FUNDRAISERS TO KICK ALL TO THE FAR SIDE OF THE MOON!
The greatest thing, you’ll ever learn…. is just to love and to be loved in return.
Nature Boy
Nature Boy
My niece's sign in tribute to me during her Cycle for Life fundraiser :-).
When it rains, it pours. In the same week my sister-in-law's special education classroom was part of a fundraiser to support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, my niece participated in the Cycle for Life fundraiser for rare and complex cancers like mine. Both of them met their fundraising goal - and my sister-in-law's classroom had the highest total in the school! Every dollar helps to fund important research and organizations dedicated to sending all these critters to the far side of the moon! Thanks so very much to all those that supported these fundraisers for your open heart and generosity.
THIS LIFE OF OURS
The gift of life is often so messy but always magnificent. Here’s to beauty, miracles, joy, and the love that binds us all together.
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you
I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
What a Wonderful World
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you
I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
What a Wonderful World
As always, my love and deep appreciation is wrapping around you. You all are in my heart and are truly the wind beneath my wings. And may the healing force of music uplift your spirit and soothe your soul.
And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe, I love you
Well, you came in loving me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way, I thank you
If I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember....Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times ...I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
That’s What Friends are for
Thank you for being my friends, my village, and my shared heart. See you at the art show! :-)
Endless love,
Suzette
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And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe, I love you
Well, you came in loving me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way, I thank you
If I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember....Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times ...I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
That’s What Friends are for
Thank you for being my friends, my village, and my shared heart. See you at the art show! :-)
Endless love,
Suzette
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Dear most loving Team Suzette,
Happy New Year! It has been some time since I’ve connected with all of you via Team Suzette. 2017 has since exhaled into 2018. 2017 was filled with some challenges ( the melanoma surgery and skin graft around my eye and eyelid and several more non-melanoma surface skin cancers) but mostly great highs. March graced me with the release of my book and a forever memorable launch full of so much love and light. My one woman art show reflecting my healing journey gave me the opportunity to share my heart through my art. I've been blessed with several awesome commissions, opportunities at COH to give back some of what has been given to me, and continuing miracles with two blue skies scans last year following my latest journey with the lymphoma.
2018 is here. It has always seemed strange to me how we parcel time into minutes, days, months and years, into imaginary starting blocks and finish lines. Each moment is truly a new day, a "new year". Often it is the seemingly smaller moments that are forever etched in my heart. These are the "timeless" moments that aren't ruled by a calendar and that slip me into my heart. Certainly in our final days it won't be a resolution made or broken that we will remember. Instead it will be encouraging words, a held hand, a silent connection with a love one, uncontrolled laughter, all the times our hearts opened wide, the moment of a child's birth, each "I love you" and connections with the healing beauty of nature.
As I wrote in my book about my journey of healing...
On my deathbed I am not going to remember the difficulty of the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask, the waves of nausea from chemotherapy, the insult of surgery, or the pain in the dark of the night. I will remember my sister's words of "having my back", gentle driving over bumps, hand clasps and I love yous, thoughtful gifts from the heart received in joy, outpourings of generosity as my safety net, and ever so welcomed doorstep deliveries. I will remember the ways that Team Suzette family and friends carried me on the wings of their love, their simple yet profound words of encouragement, a homemade bowl of soup, a tender touch on a weakened body, all the small but huge acts of kindness, and each miracle given to me in infinite grace and love.
Let us all cherish sacred time and the timeless precious present moments gifts of love, beauty, joy and laughter that surround us and have a permanent residence in our hearts.
Happy New Year! It has been some time since I’ve connected with all of you via Team Suzette. 2017 has since exhaled into 2018. 2017 was filled with some challenges ( the melanoma surgery and skin graft around my eye and eyelid and several more non-melanoma surface skin cancers) but mostly great highs. March graced me with the release of my book and a forever memorable launch full of so much love and light. My one woman art show reflecting my healing journey gave me the opportunity to share my heart through my art. I've been blessed with several awesome commissions, opportunities at COH to give back some of what has been given to me, and continuing miracles with two blue skies scans last year following my latest journey with the lymphoma.
2018 is here. It has always seemed strange to me how we parcel time into minutes, days, months and years, into imaginary starting blocks and finish lines. Each moment is truly a new day, a "new year". Often it is the seemingly smaller moments that are forever etched in my heart. These are the "timeless" moments that aren't ruled by a calendar and that slip me into my heart. Certainly in our final days it won't be a resolution made or broken that we will remember. Instead it will be encouraging words, a held hand, a silent connection with a love one, uncontrolled laughter, all the times our hearts opened wide, the moment of a child's birth, each "I love you" and connections with the healing beauty of nature.
As I wrote in my book about my journey of healing...
On my deathbed I am not going to remember the difficulty of the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask, the waves of nausea from chemotherapy, the insult of surgery, or the pain in the dark of the night. I will remember my sister's words of "having my back", gentle driving over bumps, hand clasps and I love yous, thoughtful gifts from the heart received in joy, outpourings of generosity as my safety net, and ever so welcomed doorstep deliveries. I will remember the ways that Team Suzette family and friends carried me on the wings of their love, their simple yet profound words of encouragement, a homemade bowl of soup, a tender touch on a weakened body, all the small but huge acts of kindness, and each miracle given to me in infinite grace and love.
Let us all cherish sacred time and the timeless precious present moments gifts of love, beauty, joy and laughter that surround us and have a permanent residence in our hearts.
HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF FINE ARTS 2018
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 23 SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24 SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 25
2000 West Road La Habra Heights, CA 90631
I'm excited that it is that time of the year again for the Hillcrest Festival of Fine Arts. I am pedal to the metal creating new artwork. Big pieces need to get to the framer to be ready for the show and all my smaller unframed creations need to be created :-) . I have been called to jury duty the first week of February so, if chosen, would have a big chunk out of my needed prep time carved away. Many of you are familiar with the show and have graced me with your presence in past years. I'd love to see you all again and also share my newest creations with you. So PLEASE save the date, invite your friends, and come visit me - and this amazing show.
MEDICAL
The next six weeks will be filled with tests and results on both my diagnoses - the squamous cell and the lymphoma journey. Please wrap me in your prayers and most positive thoughts for more BLUE SKIES/ALL KICKED TO THE FAR SIDE OF THE MOON reports. I'm sure all have a permanent residence there :-). Towards the end of next month, I will be having the all important full body scan/labs/clinical exam to take a close look at my "eyes to thighs", then a few weeks later I will meet with my head and neck surgeon. I envision all giving me a "two thumbs up" on all.
SKIN CRITTERS: It is hard to believe there is any space left on my face to carve and stitch but am just now on the flip side of yet another surgery over my right eye for some found unwelcome cells dancing on the top floor. My awesome and proactive dermatologist continues to keep a very close eye on me and catches them in the early stages. I really wasn't too keen on getting poked, carved and stitched yet again, but anytime any unwelcome critter gets a farewell forever is a grand happening indeed!
SKIN CRITTERS: It is hard to believe there is any space left on my face to carve and stitch but am just now on the flip side of yet another surgery over my right eye for some found unwelcome cells dancing on the top floor. My awesome and proactive dermatologist continues to keep a very close eye on me and catches them in the early stages. I really wasn't too keen on getting poked, carved and stitched yet again, but anytime any unwelcome critter gets a farewell forever is a grand happening indeed!
THE JOURNEY IS EVERYTHING: Saying Yes to Cancer
My book remains on the shelf at Vroman's Book Store in Pasadena. I am humbled by all of you that continue to buy it to pass on to your loved ones going through various life challenges. Thanks to all of you that continue to help ripple its message outwards.
GIVING BACK: A CHANCE TO SUPPORT THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY
It truly takes a village to go through treatment and recovery from all cancer. You have all been, and continue to be my village. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society has also been a part of my village. This is an awesome organization that offers support of all kinds to patients and their families as they navigate their time in the wilderness. They have graced me with not only much needed information but also with some timely help with medical bills.
My sister-in-law is a special education teacher at Buena Park Junior High and her class is participating in a fundraiser for LLS, in honor of a beloved teacher they lost and the countless others, young and old, like me, that are faced with the often devastating challenges from lymphoma and leukemia. Please visit the link below (or click HERE) for my sister-iaw's fundraiser site, more info and an opportunity to donate to this very important organization. And to help show the students that community efforts work to help others. All contributions, however small or large, or equally welcomed with great gratitude. Every dollar counts.
http://events.lls.org/pages/ocie/BuenaParkJuniorHighSchool-2018/SHuerta
My sister-in-law is a special education teacher at Buena Park Junior High and her class is participating in a fundraiser for LLS, in honor of a beloved teacher they lost and the countless others, young and old, like me, that are faced with the often devastating challenges from lymphoma and leukemia. Please visit the link below (or click HERE) for my sister-iaw's fundraiser site, more info and an opportunity to donate to this very important organization. And to help show the students that community efforts work to help others. All contributions, however small or large, or equally welcomed with great gratitude. Every dollar counts.
http://events.lls.org/pages/ocie/BuenaParkJuniorHighSchool-2018/SHuerta
CITY OF HOPE
I continue to say yes to each invitation asked of me to work with City of Hope in the hopes that I can give back a bit of what has been given to me. I have been graced with the gift of my life. I am honored to be invited to speak at two events in the next six weeks. I will share more with you later.
Thanks to all of you that continue to wrap me in your prayers and positive thoughts and are such a part of the miracle of my healing. Thanks to those of you that continue to read my updates and share this journey with me. Thanks eternally for being here for me. And, as always, may all the love, generosity and compassion that you have given to me continue to return to you a thousand-fold.
I love you,
Suzette
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I love you,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
It is the end of another blessed Thanksgiving. I truly rest in eternal gratitude for my loving family and friends, for the joys and gifts that surround me after a such a wild ride, and a life that remains full of passion, joy, creativity, friendship and love. Yes, I'm dancing with a different body, challenges, and some "ever-changing" sensations, but it is a grand life indeed.
I awake every morning to a prayer of thanks to Team Suzette family and friends and to Team Suzette Divine for their love, the gift of my life, and the beauty and blessings of each day.
To all my loved ones who have carried me on the wings of their love, kindness, and generosity when I was a shell cracked open by treatment and recovery, for every word of kindness, inspiring card in the mail, ounce of love, soft hug, helping hand, purchase of my artwork, often very humble and invisible but deeply felt support, everything seen and unseen, and for each prayer and positive thought that has come my way - and continues to surround me and support me in continued healing - THANK YOU.
When I attempt to express the gratitude I feel inside out through the narrow opening of my mouth and into words all seems so small in comparison to the love and gratitude that fills my heart.
Once again, my prayer is that all the blessings and love you have given and continue to give me to me return to you a thousand-fold.
I awake every morning to a prayer of thanks to Team Suzette family and friends and to Team Suzette Divine for their love, the gift of my life, and the beauty and blessings of each day.
To all my loved ones who have carried me on the wings of their love, kindness, and generosity when I was a shell cracked open by treatment and recovery, for every word of kindness, inspiring card in the mail, ounce of love, soft hug, helping hand, purchase of my artwork, often very humble and invisible but deeply felt support, everything seen and unseen, and for each prayer and positive thought that has come my way - and continues to surround me and support me in continued healing - THANK YOU.
When I attempt to express the gratitude I feel inside out through the narrow opening of my mouth and into words all seems so small in comparison to the love and gratitude that fills my heart.
Once again, my prayer is that all the blessings and love you have given and continue to give me to me return to you a thousand-fold.
EVERYTHING CHANGES
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I often say to myself "This too shall pass." Sometimes pictures, as they say, speak a thousand words. Everything changes, but the part of me that never changes - my eternal spirit and soul.
THE "W" SHOW
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My art show last weekend, the "W", was another blessed opportunity to continue my life as a professional artist. A HUGE THANK YOU to the City of Whittier for the gift of such a huge space to exhibit my work and increase the chances of the best possible art show paycheck. Thanks once again to TEAM SUZETTE for all their needed help with set up and breakdown, assisting during the show, and surrounding me with your love and support. Thanks to all of you that visited me (love it!) and to those of you that purchased my artwork and helped support my living as an artist. I am so blessed to work my full-time hours at my own pace, in the peace of my own home, and to be able to continue to express my heart through my art.
SPEAKING OUT
Patient Advocate
I am humbled that CIty of Hope has chosen me to be the patient representative on their Healthcare Advocacy Commiitee that is seeking to speak before the state legislature. One of their goals is to secure more patients access to state of the art cancer centers. They are putting together their presentation packet now which includes an insert about my journey. I'll keep you posted as all develops.
TO READ THE INSERT THAT COH WILL INCLUDE ABOUT MY JOURNEY
IN THEIR PRESENTATION PACKET TO THE LEGISLATURE
CLICK THIS LINK:
suzette_hodnett_patient_profile-final.pdf
IN THEIR PRESENTATION PACKET TO THE LEGISLATURE
CLICK THIS LINK:
suzette_hodnett_patient_profile-final.pdf
Whittier First Friends Church
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I was graced with an invitation to do an author talk to share my healing journey, my book and my art with those at the Whittier First Friends Church. They were all such a loving, supportive, and attentive audience which made the evening all the more enjoyable and relaxing. Thanks to all of those that purchased my book for themselves, their family or their friends and so keep its message rippling outward.
Speakers Bureau
I have been asked by City of Hope to be a part of their Speakers Bureau to speak at a variety of special events and share my personal experiences at City of Hope in order to educate and motivate current and potential supporters and patients. Venues range from a 20+ person meetings at a local church or synagogue to 300+ guest, black tie dinners. I continue to say yes to these requests without hesitation in order to give back even a little of what was given to me and as a response to the gift of my life.
MY BOOK RIPPLES OUTWARDS
Vroman's is Southern California's oldest and largest independent book store. My book is now available there on the local authors shelf on the main floor. It can also be purchased through their online store. If you haven't visited this bookstore in Pasadena, it is a treat. It is two stories and carries a wide array of books, gifts, and cards. My book will be available at their physical location at 695 Colorado Blvd, Pasadena and their outreach store in Hastings Ranch, 3729 E. Foothill Blvd, Pasadena for the next three months.
Holidays are coming and the book makes a great present for family and friends going through any life challenge. It is available on Amazon, my website, as well as buying from me directly (just contact me and we can arrange a time to meet). The book is also a great gift with a piece of my small inspirational themed art kanjis. Email me for the special price for the combined book/inspirational kanji and to view choices.
If you have read my book and would like to post a review on Amazon, they are more than welcomed and appreciated to give people a deeper understanding of its message and increase the power of the search engine. Click HERE to go to my page and scroll down to "write a review." Even a few adjectives and a selection of stars is helpful.
MEDICAL
I am blessed to say I have only one appointment this month with my proactive and compassionate dermatologist for my every three month full body scan to make sure no critters are dancing on the top floor and carve them out if they are. I'm hoping my holiday present is a visit without biopsies, carvings, stitching, etc.
January gives me a reprieve from reports and tests. New "eyes to knees" fully body scan, labs, and clinical exam is coming in February with my lymphoma oncologist. The next month I will meet with my head and neck surgeon on all things on the squamous cell head, neck, and skull journey.
Please continue to wrap me in your prayers and most positive thoughts for a continued thumbs up, blue skies, miracles continue report. THANK YOU!!!
You may not realize it (and I've been a lean machine all my life) but I have gained twenty pounds back since my lowest weight throughout my major surgery, two journeys with chemo, months of radiation, additional surgeries, etc. Yay! And only six pounds less than before I was first diagnosed and began the roller coaster ride. All those avocados each day help!
January gives me a reprieve from reports and tests. New "eyes to knees" fully body scan, labs, and clinical exam is coming in February with my lymphoma oncologist. The next month I will meet with my head and neck surgeon on all things on the squamous cell head, neck, and skull journey.
Please continue to wrap me in your prayers and most positive thoughts for a continued thumbs up, blue skies, miracles continue report. THANK YOU!!!
You may not realize it (and I've been a lean machine all my life) but I have gained twenty pounds back since my lowest weight throughout my major surgery, two journeys with chemo, months of radiation, additional surgeries, etc. Yay! And only six pounds less than before I was first diagnosed and began the roller coaster ride. All those avocados each day help!
SUZETTE THE HOLIDAY ELF
I am busy working in the studio like one of Santa's elves on many small commissioned artworks in order to finish them in time for holiday gift giving. Deep thanks to all of you that purchased my artwork for your family and friends!
For those of you that requested to see the 5 foot by 4 foot artwork commissioned by Earthlite, the largest international brand for massage ...here she is. Kind of hate showing it in a small photo, unframed, and with its texture, dimension, and metallic quality rendered flat by the computer, but this will give you an idea of the design that the CEO and I put together. The globe is a part of their logo, healing hands are holding it, images of massage and their devotion to sustainability and environmental integrity surround the globe, a vegetable garden representing another aspect of their respect for nature is below, the trees to both sides represent their loving "reverence for wood", healing humanity through touch is their logo, etc. It will hang in the showroom/lobby of their new enlarged corporate office and facility in Vista. I can't wait to get it back from the framer, see it finished, and deliver it to Earthlite. If you have any massage needs - professional or for home massage - this is the place to go (www.earthlite.com). They have huge hearts, forward vision, integrity, are all around great people, and do superior work. All products are made with love and to last a lifetime!
For those of you that requested to see the 5 foot by 4 foot artwork commissioned by Earthlite, the largest international brand for massage ...here she is. Kind of hate showing it in a small photo, unframed, and with its texture, dimension, and metallic quality rendered flat by the computer, but this will give you an idea of the design that the CEO and I put together. The globe is a part of their logo, healing hands are holding it, images of massage and their devotion to sustainability and environmental integrity surround the globe, a vegetable garden representing another aspect of their respect for nature is below, the trees to both sides represent their loving "reverence for wood", healing humanity through touch is their logo, etc. It will hang in the showroom/lobby of their new enlarged corporate office and facility in Vista. I can't wait to get it back from the framer, see it finished, and deliver it to Earthlite. If you have any massage needs - professional or for home massage - this is the place to go (www.earthlite.com). They have huge hearts, forward vision, integrity, are all around great people, and do superior work. All products are made with love and to last a lifetime!
You all always remain in a permanent residence in my heart and so are never far away - but I LOVE seeing you and joining in soft hugs, smiles, and laughs.
With eternal love,
Suzette
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With eternal love,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
THE 6th annual "W" Art Show:
Friday, Nov. 17, 6-9 and Saturday, Nov. 18, 10-6
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I want to remind all of you that the sixth annual "W" Art Show put on by the City of Whittier will be Friday, November 10, from 6-9pm and Saturday, November 11th, from 10-6pm. There will be a reception beginning at 6:30 Friday night. They have blessed me with a larger than usual space and I will be exhibiting my large and small framed creations, unframed matted small originals, my book, and blankets. I will also be selling a combined book/small inspirational art gift package at a special price. Both the book and small uplifting themed artwork, individually or together, make a great gift for a friend or family member. Parnell Park is located at 15390 Lambert Road (cross street Scott Avenue) in Whittier. The show is indoors in their Gallery Auditorium. I'd love to see/visit with you all and share my artwork! Thank you for once again putting out lots of positive energy for a wildly successful show for all the artists and me. I will be there during all hours, Friday and Saturday. Please share the art show with your friends. Hope to see you all your loving, smiling faces there!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!
Thank you all so much for coming out to visit me, support my art show, help provide an art show paycheck, and to assist with with setting up and breaking down the dog and pony act, staffing the booth, and helping generate sales. Team Suzette family and friends are my angels that continue to surround and support me. I so LOVE having visits from all of you. And I LOVE having my artwork coming to live at new homes! It was indeed a BLESSED show and it remains always miraculous to me to continue to be creating and making my living as a professional artist. THANK YOU ALL!!! Here's a few pics of some of my visitors and helpers.
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This is just a quick update to remind you to save the date for the W Show. I will be sending out an update after the show sharing all the latest on all fronts - medical, speaking, COH news, book, etc.
For now and always wrapping you all in immense gratitude, so much love, and unending friendship. Thanks for your continued prayers and positive thoughts that have helped create all the blessings and miracles in my life,
Suzette
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For now and always wrapping you all in immense gratitude, so much love, and unending friendship. Thanks for your continued prayers and positive thoughts that have helped create all the blessings and miracles in my life,
Suzette
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Happy Wednesday to all!
Just a quickie to remind all of you that the Harmony Center Fine Arts and Crafts Fair is this Saturday (9-4) and Sunday (10-4). I will have my usual booth in the corner filled with large and small framed creations, unframed matted small originals, my book, blankets and open heart to great you all. In addition to my art, you will enjoy all the other booths and some early holiday shopping. I love that their postcards feature Sweet Pea :-) ! The address is 6550 Comstock (cross street Bailey) in uptown Whittier. I'd love to see/visit with you all and share my artwork! Put out lots of positive energy for a wildly successful show for all of us. There will also be food, music, and much more! Hope to see you there.
All my love coming your way heart to heart but I hope for in person hand to hand, cheek to cheek hugs!
Suzette
All my love coming your way heart to heart but I hope for in person hand to hand, cheek to cheek hugs!
Suzette
Dear loving and amazing Team Suzette,
After my 14 hour surgery and finish of long months of chemotherapy and daily radiation to my head, neck, and skull, I met with my radiation oncologist and asked him if there was anything that he recommended I do in the next few months until my next MRI. His answer wasn't “try to eat as much as you can to gain weight” or "exercise your body” or “try to get more sleep” or "avoid this and that."
His response was... “Do what you love.”
It brought my heart joy to hear his answer. These are words that we hear or read, but do we really let them illuminate the path before us? And while I had sought to continue to do this throughout my journey, it was a sweet reminder to stay focused on joy and the importance of love in each moment of my life.
The advice could have been interpreted as “do what you love because you may not have many more days to.”
However, it is a message for all of us no matter what our life condition. Love is always a healing force - whether it is doing what we love, being love, giving love or receiving love. So I even more deeply embraced all that I love.
Meditation/prayers in my garden
Peaceful walks at dawn and dusk
Gazing at cloud-filled skies
Sweet time with the squirrels and surrounded by nature
Blessed time with family and friends
Doing tai chi with my dojo family
Writing
Creating art
Laughing, loving, learning
Eating healthy food
Listening to uplifting music
Giving thanks to each magnificent and miraculous day
They say “Do what you love and you will become what you love" - as who and what we love shapes our heart.
The alcoholic loves alcohol and so becomes blurred, self-absorbed, and addicted.
But the pre-school teacher loves children and so embodies their spirit, charm, energy and curiosity for the world.
How wonderful ..
With prayer that I could become the prayer.
If I continue to write I can become the poem.
If I practice tai chi, I can become its peace, flow, and beauty.
If I embrace all with love and kindness, I can more fully become love.
If I spend loving time in nature, I can become the grounded tree, the whimsical squirrel, and the free flight of the bird.
So here’s to Joseph Campbell and his wise words to always “follow our bliss.”
His response was... “Do what you love.”
It brought my heart joy to hear his answer. These are words that we hear or read, but do we really let them illuminate the path before us? And while I had sought to continue to do this throughout my journey, it was a sweet reminder to stay focused on joy and the importance of love in each moment of my life.
The advice could have been interpreted as “do what you love because you may not have many more days to.”
However, it is a message for all of us no matter what our life condition. Love is always a healing force - whether it is doing what we love, being love, giving love or receiving love. So I even more deeply embraced all that I love.
Meditation/prayers in my garden
Peaceful walks at dawn and dusk
Gazing at cloud-filled skies
Sweet time with the squirrels and surrounded by nature
Blessed time with family and friends
Doing tai chi with my dojo family
Writing
Creating art
Laughing, loving, learning
Eating healthy food
Listening to uplifting music
Giving thanks to each magnificent and miraculous day
They say “Do what you love and you will become what you love" - as who and what we love shapes our heart.
The alcoholic loves alcohol and so becomes blurred, self-absorbed, and addicted.
But the pre-school teacher loves children and so embodies their spirit, charm, energy and curiosity for the world.
How wonderful ..
With prayer that I could become the prayer.
If I continue to write I can become the poem.
If I practice tai chi, I can become its peace, flow, and beauty.
If I embrace all with love and kindness, I can more fully become love.
If I spend loving time in nature, I can become the grounded tree, the whimsical squirrel, and the free flight of the bird.
So here’s to Joseph Campbell and his wise words to always “follow our bliss.”
ALL THINGS MEDICAL
Head, neck and skull journey!
All remains on the far side of the moon (with no ticket back)! I had my regularly scheduled follow-up with the my radiation oncologist to take a clinical look at all things head, neck and skull (no scans but he took a closer look from his perspective at the previous scan last month from my lymphoma check-in). He graced me with a blessed, miraculous and continuing "Thumbs up."
Colonoscopy
Even though I have had enough scans and figured I shouldn’t need a colonoscopy, my oncologist wanted me to have the procedure as I’ve never had one and it is important for them to remove any polyps and examine the colon from an entirely different perspective. Monday I had the snake put into my intestinal pipes and all was clear :-)!
Mammogram and ultrasound
Again, because I have had so many scans, MRIs, etc., I didn’t think I would need a mammogram. But again my oncologist insisted since it had been since 2013 and my mother passed away from breast cancer. The results were blue skies.
Skin
A few weeks ago my dermatologist biopsied three suspicious areas on my face. One biopsy came back positive for squameous cell cancer and so the area needs to be poked, carved, and stitched. Good news is that I have a very skilled and proactive determatologist who is making sure that these critters only dance on the top floor.
All remains on the far side of the moon (with no ticket back)! I had my regularly scheduled follow-up with the my radiation oncologist to take a clinical look at all things head, neck and skull (no scans but he took a closer look from his perspective at the previous scan last month from my lymphoma check-in). He graced me with a blessed, miraculous and continuing "Thumbs up."
Colonoscopy
Even though I have had enough scans and figured I shouldn’t need a colonoscopy, my oncologist wanted me to have the procedure as I’ve never had one and it is important for them to remove any polyps and examine the colon from an entirely different perspective. Monday I had the snake put into my intestinal pipes and all was clear :-)!
Mammogram and ultrasound
Again, because I have had so many scans, MRIs, etc., I didn’t think I would need a mammogram. But again my oncologist insisted since it had been since 2013 and my mother passed away from breast cancer. The results were blue skies.
Skin
A few weeks ago my dermatologist biopsied three suspicious areas on my face. One biopsy came back positive for squameous cell cancer and so the area needs to be poked, carved, and stitched. Good news is that I have a very skilled and proactive determatologist who is making sure that these critters only dance on the top floor.
ART
HARMONY CENTER FINE ARTS AND CRAFT SHOW
On October 21st-22nd I will once again exhibit at the Harmony Center Fine Arts and Crafts Show. This is a fun show and is put on by such a loving, supportive staff. Please come visit me and invite your friends. I’m looking forward to being there, visiting, sharing my latest pieces, selling my book, and with hopes for an art show paycheck to buoy me along my journey - and help with my medical bills. I will be there for the entire show. Hope to see you there :-) !
THE "W" SHOW
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The 6h annual “W” Fine Arts Show will be on November 17th and 18th at Parnell Park. There will be a reception from 6-9 on Friday night and the doors will be open on Saturday from 10-6pm. There will be more about it as the time draws near.
COMMISSIONS
I have been working on several commissions and am currently working on one for Earthlite, the world's #1 brand in massage. They are an awesome company, along with the people that run it. Their motto is "Healing Humanity Through Touch" and they have a strong dedication to sustainability in all their products. Chuck and I partnered with them to spread the word of Home Massage through our DVD and our book, "Home Massage: Transforming Family through the Healing Power of Touch." They are moving to a new location and the CEO has commissioned me to do a 5 foot design for their new showroom. It is a work in progress and is exciting to create. I’m very grateful for his faith in and support of my artwork and look forward to seeing it grace their lobby in December.
THE BOOK
My book and its message continues to ripple outward as people buy the book for themselves and for their friends/family members going through varying life challenges. I’m up to 29 reviews on Amazon but more are needed to increase the search engine to my book and to help possible purchasers gain different perspectives on its content. If you have an Amazon account, have read the book, and are willing to post a few words, just click HERE and scroll down to the bottom of the reviews and you will see the button to write a review. THANKS!!
CITY OF HOPE PATIENT REPRESENTATIVE
I have been selected by City of Hope to be the patient representative that, along with their team,
will speak before various people and organizations - Anthony Rendon State Assembly Speaker, the Committee on Health Care Delivery, and other officials to advocate for improved health care, especially for increasing insurance networks that offer access to treatment at state of the art cancer centers. They want me to share my story. This is in its beginning stages as they seek to put together their platform and information and hopefully set up the needed legislative meetings for us to speak. We shall see how all develops and I’ll take it a step at a time as they seek to organize meetings with selected officials and committees.
will speak before various people and organizations - Anthony Rendon State Assembly Speaker, the Committee on Health Care Delivery, and other officials to advocate for improved health care, especially for increasing insurance networks that offer access to treatment at state of the art cancer centers. They want me to share my story. This is in its beginning stages as they seek to put together their platform and information and hopefully set up the needed legislative meetings for us to speak. We shall see how all develops and I’ll take it a step at a time as they seek to organize meetings with selected officials and committees.
THE PHOTO SHOOT
I had a fun photo shoot last month at my house with the photographer from City of Hope for their article on my journey for their quarterly hard copy edition of “City News.” The piece is scheduled for their December edition. They choose articles from their online weekly blog/magazine published throughout the year to include in their hard copy editions.
SWEET PEA RETURNS
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When my property managers recently tented my house for termites and I had to leave for a chunk of time, I returned to no sweet squirrels romping and playing in my backyard. Three weeks later, Sweet Pea, along with several friends, have returned with their visits and antics. Sweet Pea lets me know she is here by climbing on the screen to gain my attention :-).
SHOWERED WITH BLACK FEATHERS
Last update I mentioned that I had surprisingly found a black feather in a very unlikely place. I was curious of any meaning and so did a google search and included the message in the last update (see it below in my last update -very positive and uplifting).
Since then I have been showered with black feathers ( as one friend said… “ you almost have an entire bird! :-) " I have never in all my years on this planet seen even one black feather on my path. As you can see from the pic, it is true that many more feathers have graced me. I have discovered some during my morning walks as I felt pulled to go in different directions, one I watched float in on the wind and rest on my doorstep outside my sliding screen door as I sat in my dining room, one I found lying on my tai chi black sash I had folded over the back of a chair in my backyard, another in front of my driver’s car door awaiting me, etc. And perhaps the most magical was last week. I had bought a very small black feather charm to put on one of my beaded bracelets. Unfortunately, I must not have tightened the jump ring enough because when I later looked down it wasn’t there. The next morning when I awakened I felt something in the palm of my hand and when I looked it was indeed the black feather charm.
Since then I have been showered with black feathers ( as one friend said… “ you almost have an entire bird! :-) " I have never in all my years on this planet seen even one black feather on my path. As you can see from the pic, it is true that many more feathers have graced me. I have discovered some during my morning walks as I felt pulled to go in different directions, one I watched float in on the wind and rest on my doorstep outside my sliding screen door as I sat in my dining room, one I found lying on my tai chi black sash I had folded over the back of a chair in my backyard, another in front of my driver’s car door awaiting me, etc. And perhaps the most magical was last week. I had bought a very small black feather charm to put on one of my beaded bracelets. Unfortunately, I must not have tightened the jump ring enough because when I later looked down it wasn’t there. The next morning when I awakened I felt something in the palm of my hand and when I looked it was indeed the black feather charm.
I continue to do what I love and be with those I love. Thank you for all your love, light, and continued prayers and positive thoughts along my journey. May all the love you have given me continue to return to you a thousand-fold.
With the most sincere gratitude and immense joy in your friendship. I love you all.
Suzette
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BLESSED WITH BLUE SKIES
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YIPPEE! YAHOO! WOW! WHEW! THE JOURNEY CONTINUES AMID BLUE SKIES! What a gift! At the beginning of the week I had a full body scan and labs for the one year anniversary of the aggressive lymphoma diagnosis and treatment. The results show that all the critters that were squatting in the high-rise, jam-packed condominiums throughout my body remain on the far side of the moon. I continue to envision them with a permanent residence there, no round trip back!
The wait for the results is the most intense zen training for staying in the moment and not fast forwarding into possible future scenarios. It is true though that each of our lives can change their trajectory in an instant. It is always a great reminder for embracing the moment, reaching out in love, and having great gratitude for each day. Thank you to Team Suzette family and friends, Team Suzette City of Hope, and Team Suzette Divine for another blessed report.
What to do with this great gift? I long to continue to bow in gratitude and reverence for the precious gift of my life and focus on joy, giving and receive love in an endless circle, laughter, friendship, blessings for all, and miracles. Immense thanks to each of you for continuing to carry me on the wings of your love and for your powerful prayers, positive thoughts, and healing energy that helped create these beautiful blue skies.
The wait for the results is the most intense zen training for staying in the moment and not fast forwarding into possible future scenarios. It is true though that each of our lives can change their trajectory in an instant. It is always a great reminder for embracing the moment, reaching out in love, and having great gratitude for each day. Thank you to Team Suzette family and friends, Team Suzette City of Hope, and Team Suzette Divine for another blessed report.
What to do with this great gift? I long to continue to bow in gratitude and reverence for the precious gift of my life and focus on joy, giving and receive love in an endless circle, laughter, friendship, blessings for all, and miracles. Immense thanks to each of you for continuing to carry me on the wings of your love and for your powerful prayers, positive thoughts, and healing energy that helped create these beautiful blue skies.
KEEPING AN EYE ON ME
More tests loom in the near future. A colonoscopy and mammogram next month, along with my full body check up with my dermatology to make sure any critters only dance on the top floor and don't venture underground :-). My regularly scheduled follow up appointment with the radiation oncologist to check all things from the head, neck, and base of the skull squamous cell journey is In October. They are keeping a keen eye on all.
I continue to be grateful for the Affordable Care Act and being able to be under the care of the expertise of the doctors/staff at City of Hope. I am taking it a day at a time and praying that sanity, compassion, and clarity will guide the powers that be to provide excellent health care to all of us.
I continue to be grateful for the Affordable Care Act and being able to be under the care of the expertise of the doctors/staff at City of Hope. I am taking it a day at a time and praying that sanity, compassion, and clarity will guide the powers that be to provide excellent health care to all of us.
iN THE NEWS SOON
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As you know, the City of Hope online magazine, Breakthroughs, wrote an article on my journey of healing a few months ago (the link is in a previous post). Their hard copy magazine comes out four times a year. In it they choose a few articles from their online articles over the year to include in it. My story was chosen. I am humbled and hope my journey can somehow help or inspire another along their healing path. A photographer and the PR of Marketing are coming to my house on Wednesday for a photo shoot. Photos these days are always unpredictable :-), but however this face looks I am so thankful that it is here to look however! "Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
THE JOURNEY IS EVERYTHING CONTINUES TO RIPPLE OUTWARD
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The words within my book continues to ripple outward. The art show sold 40 copies, many to people who came and were going through their own journey with these critters or a challenging life situation. Friends who have bought the book continue to buy more to gift to their friends. I received a text from a pal last week that someone she had given the book to texted her as she was awaiting her biopsy saying that she was reading my book.
Another friend was reading the book on an airplane. She took a break and began talking with the passenger next to her. They shared what they were both reading and my friend began reading the woman passages from the book. It turns out she was a nun and going to visit someone with stage four cancer. My friend gave her the book to pass on to her friend. These sweet stories continue to come my way and warm my heart.
Amazon reviews are still wanted/needed/so appreciated to help power the my book forward ini the search engine. It isn't necessary to write a long review if you aren't inspired or writing isn't your thing. A few adjectives and choosing the number of stars is great as well. Click this link: Write a review.
Another friend was reading the book on an airplane. She took a break and began talking with the passenger next to her. They shared what they were both reading and my friend began reading the woman passages from the book. It turns out she was a nun and going to visit someone with stage four cancer. My friend gave her the book to pass on to her friend. These sweet stories continue to come my way and warm my heart.
Amazon reviews are still wanted/needed/so appreciated to help power the my book forward ini the search engine. It isn't necessary to write a long review if you aren't inspired or writing isn't your thing. A few adjectives and choosing the number of stars is great as well. Click this link: Write a review.
A MESSAGE
Awaiting the results of a scan can be challenging. I was in meditation in my backyard connecting to quiet stillness within and opening to a connection with all of Team Suzette Divine. Afterwards, I was drawn to sweep a section of my property by the alley. Never before had I swept this area. There awaiting me, in this unlikely space, was a black feather. Out of curiosity, I looked up its symbolism on the internet and this is what I found. I love its message :-).
What does it mean when you find a Black Feather?
You are being healed on every level of the body, mind and soul. Your energy is being heightened and a much needed healing has taken place. You are being asked to let go and let God lead you now where you need to be. You have done enough. It is time now for you to be looked after. Have faith that that is happening. The black feather means that the guardian of your soul is near you. Your thoughts and prayers are being answered. A new adventure is on the horizon. Be at peace.
What does it mean when you find a Black Feather?
You are being healed on every level of the body, mind and soul. Your energy is being heightened and a much needed healing has taken place. You are being asked to let go and let God lead you now where you need to be. You have done enough. It is time now for you to be looked after. Have faith that that is happening. The black feather means that the guardian of your soul is near you. Your thoughts and prayers are being answered. A new adventure is on the horizon. Be at peace.
Hugs, bows, and endless thanks to each of you. Heart to heart. I so love you all.
Suzette
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IT WAS A BLESSED AND MEMORABLE WEEKEND
Thanks to Sandra Molina (writer) and Keith (photographer)
for the generous and gracious article in the Whittier Daily News.
CLICK HERE to read the article
for the generous and gracious article in the Whittier Daily News.
CLICK HERE to read the article
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Ah, it was one of those weekends that will have a permanent residence in my heart. Thanks to each and every one of you who came to visit, experience my art, and support me with your uplifting and loving energy. It was a blessed time on oh so many levels. It was a joy to be sharing my art in such a beautiful setting on walls with proper lighting to highlight each piece. I was touched to be graced by an article in the Whittier Daily News. It felt miraculous to see all my artwork created during my healing journey (when there was doubt I would be able to bring these 3d mixed media creations to life again) surrounding me. My heart was full being surrounded by so many loving friends and my family. I was inspired connecting with fellow warriors and survivors and to meet so many new people. I was once again forever grateful to Team Suzette for all their help without a wink of hesitation and to miraculously appear when needed (I could not do it without you). I was overjoyed in oh so many ways to have an art show paycheck to buoy me along as a single, self supporting artist. It brings me such happiness to have my art residing in new homes and to bring creation and destination to a full circle. It was indeed healing to absorb all the love, laughter, generosity, and positive vibes that filled the gallery. Most of all, I am eternally thankful to Team Suzette Divine to be alive to create and experience it all.
Here are a few pics from the weekend.... and some videos. Thanks to Mike Tyler and Melanie Schlotterbeck for the majority of them :-).
Ah, it was one of those weekends that will have a permanent residence in my heart. Thanks to each and every one of you who came to visit, experience my art, and support me with your uplifting and loving energy. It was a blessed time on oh so many levels. It was a joy to be sharing my art in such a beautiful setting on walls with proper lighting to highlight each piece. I was touched to be graced by an article in the Whittier Daily News. It felt miraculous to see all my artwork created during my healing journey (when there was doubt I would be able to bring these 3d mixed media creations to life again) surrounding me. My heart was full being surrounded by so many loving friends and my family. I was inspired connecting with fellow warriors and survivors and to meet so many new people. I was once again forever grateful to Team Suzette for all their help without a wink of hesitation and to miraculously appear when needed (I could not do it without you). I was overjoyed in oh so many ways to have an art show paycheck to buoy me along as a single, self supporting artist. It brings me such happiness to have my art residing in new homes and to bring creation and destination to a full circle. It was indeed healing to absorb all the love, laughter, generosity, and positive vibes that filled the gallery. Most of all, I am eternally thankful to Team Suzette Divine to be alive to create and experience it all.
Here are a few pics from the weekend.... and some videos. Thanks to Mike Tyler and Melanie Schlotterbeck for the majority of them :-).
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Here are three Youtube videos taken that weekend for an art show tour :-). Press the broken square on the bottom right for full screen.
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PEN PALS WITH EX-PRESIDENT OBAMA :-)
I would not be alive today if it wasn't for the Affordable Care Act and being able to be seen at the state of the art cancer center, City of Hope, and having been granted reduced monthly insurance premiums as a single, self-supporting artist. Three weeks ago I did what I had wanted to do for a long time and wrote a thank you letter to Barack Obama and sent him a copy of my book (he is included in the acknowledgements and a section of the Gratitude chapter). Of course I didn't know if it would ever reach him and if he would ever write back, but two days before my art show I received this letter from him. It feels good to know my words reached him and they now fill my heart.
Many books were also sold at the show this weekend. The book's message and sales continue to ripple outward thanks to all of you. A big grateful heart to all of you who have taken the time to grace me with a review on Amazon. It really helps pull me closer to the top of the search engine and to give potential buyers a better sense of the book.
Many books were also sold at the show this weekend. The book's message and sales continue to ripple outward thanks to all of you. A big grateful heart to all of you who have taken the time to grace me with a review on Amazon. It really helps pull me closer to the top of the search engine and to give potential buyers a better sense of the book.
BLUE SKIES AHEAD!
Please join me in your prayers, positive thoughts, and loving energy to envision a CLEAR, BLUE SKIES REPORT for my whole body scan and labs coming up in a little over two weeks. All unwelcome critters continue to be on the far side on the moon with a permanent residence there!
Thank you all for surrounding me with such a blessed life. I so deeply love and appreciate you.
Suzette
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Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.
― Walt Whitman
(one of my favorite quotes)
You are invited to my ONE WOMAN ART SHOW
Come see all my artwork from my journey of healing
July 22nd: 11-6pm
July 23rd: 11-5pm
Whittier Art Gallery 8035 Painter Avenue Whittier, CA my art website: suzette.cc
Here's a link to a short article and the show/me from the Whittier Art Gallery newsletter.My one woman art show is i just around the corner. I'm so EXCITED. It is a delight to exhibit all my artwork created throughout my healing journey with you on the beautiful walls of this gallery and with enhanced lighting. For those of that you that have followed my work, I have many new pieces to share. PLEASE invite your art-loving friends, family, and colleagues. I'm envisioning a full house and a wildly successful show.
Note: Painter Avenue was misspelled as Painted Avenue in the art show postcard :-(.
Note: Painter Avenue was misspelled as Painted Avenue in the art show postcard :-(.
THE JOURNEY IS EVERYTHING: THE BOOK
Some weren't able to open the link in my last update to the City of Hope article/interview with me in their online magazine. Here's the link again.
CLICK HERE. Hope it works!
I continue to plant seeds to keep the message and sales of the book moving forward. More details coming in my next update.
Thanks so very much to all of you for continuing to share my book with others. It makes a big difference and that is what will allow "The Journey is Everything" to keep rippling outwards. :-)
And, yes, Amazon reviews are really helpful! :-)
Here's a link to my book on Amazon if you are inspired to post a few words. CLICK HERE.
CLICK HERE. Hope it works!
I continue to plant seeds to keep the message and sales of the book moving forward. More details coming in my next update.
Thanks so very much to all of you for continuing to share my book with others. It makes a big difference and that is what will allow "The Journey is Everything" to keep rippling outwards. :-)
And, yes, Amazon reviews are really helpful! :-)
Here's a link to my book on Amazon if you are inspired to post a few words. CLICK HERE.
August is my full body pet scan and I'm envisioning a blessed and joyous blue skies report. Please wrap me in your most positive thoughts and prayers for the results once again to be two thumbs up. I can't wait to write you with the magnificent news and amazing grace.
I hope you are all having a fun, peaceful, and blessed summer. I'm so looking forward to a hopeful visit with many of you on the 22nd and/or 23rd at the Whittier Art Gallery.
In eternal thanks for your love, kind spirits, compassion,continued prayers and positive thoughts,
With endless love,
Suzette
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In eternal thanks for your love, kind spirits, compassion,continued prayers and positive thoughts,
With endless love,
Suzette
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Dear loving Team Suzette,
The temps are heating up and the warm embrace of summer beckons. Last year the story of my summer had much to do with riding the wild waves of chemotherapy. Everything changes. This summer promises to be a time walking along the seashore at sunset with loved ones, planting more seeds to have my book and its message continue to ripple outwards, sharing all of my artwork at an upcoming one woman art show, and relishing the amazing grace and gift of each day given to me.
Through it all, no matter the season and treatment or no treatment, you all have remained with me, a part of my story, in my heart, through your love in action, prayers, continued generosity, kindness and deep compassion. Thank you from the deepest place inside of me.
Here's a short update to share some of the latest gifts and blessings in my life.
Through it all, no matter the season and treatment or no treatment, you all have remained with me, a part of my story, in my heart, through your love in action, prayers, continued generosity, kindness and deep compassion. Thank you from the deepest place inside of me.
Here's a short update to share some of the latest gifts and blessings in my life.
BREAKTHROUGHS - An article in City of Hope's online magazine/blog
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A few weeks ago a journalist hired by City of Hope interviewed me for their online magazine/blog and hard copy magazine. Yesterday the article went online and I wanted to share it with all of you.
Quite honestly, reading it is a bit surrealistic. Who'd have thought as I moved step by step, breath by breath, through my journey with City of Hope that one day they would grace little, ordinary me with an article about my healing path. Life is indeed unpredictable, and oh so sweet.
CLICK HERE to read the online article in City of Hope's Breakthroughs magazine.
Thanks to all of you that have posted words of feedback about the book on Amazon. They were kind enough in the article to provide a link for people to buy the book and everyone's comments really help prospective buyers. Thank you also for all your energy and love in helping the message of the book ripple outward by buying it for others and sharing it with those facing difficult challenges in their lives.
Quite honestly, reading it is a bit surrealistic. Who'd have thought as I moved step by step, breath by breath, through my journey with City of Hope that one day they would grace little, ordinary me with an article about my healing path. Life is indeed unpredictable, and oh so sweet.
CLICK HERE to read the online article in City of Hope's Breakthroughs magazine.
Thanks to all of you that have posted words of feedback about the book on Amazon. They were kind enough in the article to provide a link for people to buy the book and everyone's comments really help prospective buyers. Thank you also for all your energy and love in helping the message of the book ripple outward by buying it for others and sharing it with those facing difficult challenges in their lives.
A One Woman ART SHOW
July 22-23rd Whittier Art Gallery
One door closes and another door opens. I am thrilled to announce that I will be having a one woman art show, July 22nd and July 23rd, at the Whittier Art Gallery. More information to come but, for now, please save the date and extend the invitation
to any art lovers you may know. This is a blessed opportunity for me to not only make up for the lost paycheck with the cancellation the June "W" Show, but also a rare chance to show all of my work in a gallery setting. The exhibition will highlight my work created since my surgery/treatments and questionable return to my life as an artist. It will celebrate the resiliency of the human spirit, triumphs over life challenges, and the precious gift of each day. I'm excited about it and hope to fill the gallery space with not only my artwork, but all my beloved Team Suzette, your families, and your art loving friends!
HOURS: Saturday: July 22nd. 11-6. Sunday: July 23rd. 11-6. I will be in attendance the entire hours of the show.
to any art lovers you may know. This is a blessed opportunity for me to not only make up for the lost paycheck with the cancellation the June "W" Show, but also a rare chance to show all of my work in a gallery setting. The exhibition will highlight my work created since my surgery/treatments and questionable return to my life as an artist. It will celebrate the resiliency of the human spirit, triumphs over life challenges, and the precious gift of each day. I'm excited about it and hope to fill the gallery space with not only my artwork, but all my beloved Team Suzette, your families, and your art loving friends!
HOURS: Saturday: July 22nd. 11-6. Sunday: July 23rd. 11-6. I will be in attendance the entire hours of the show.
For the first time in quite awhile, I had my three month check up with my awesome dermatologist and there were no biopsies needed! She scanned me head to toe and no suspicious critters were looming on the surface streets. She froze a couple of spots, but I was given a "get out of shots and carving jail free card :-)". Another visit in a few months, but enjoying the reprieve and envisioning just friendly chat visits from now on.
Full body scan, labs, and appointments by the lymphoma oncologist in less than two months. Please keep all your prayers and intentions for nothing but blue skies now and forevermore!
Full body scan, labs, and appointments by the lymphoma oncologist in less than two months. Please keep all your prayers and intentions for nothing but blue skies now and forevermore!
Life is definitely woven together with challenges and blessings to make up the brilliant tapestry of our lives and our lessons.
May we all continue to find the pearls within the hardened shells of our challenges, connect heart to heart, and enjoy the journey. I wish that all the love, compassion, generosity, healing, and joy that you have all brought me, and continue to bring to me, always and everywhere returns to you a thousand fold. Have a peaceful, joyful, memorable, and loving summer. Hope to see
all of you in July at my art show.
Endless love, immense gratitude, and such joy in knowing all of you are with me, and I with you,
Suzette
May we all continue to find the pearls within the hardened shells of our challenges, connect heart to heart, and enjoy the journey. I wish that all the love, compassion, generosity, healing, and joy that you have all brought me, and continue to bring to me, always and everywhere returns to you a thousand fold. Have a peaceful, joyful, memorable, and loving summer. Hope to see
all of you in July at my art show.
Endless love, immense gratitude, and such joy in knowing all of you are with me, and I with you,
Suzette
Dear loving and open-hearted Team Suzette,
Sometimes it all catches me unaware. All of the crazy, circuitous, challenging but blessed, loving, healing, kind and miraculous moments of these last few years. I embrace and cherish the gift of each day and also how far I've come and that all of you have come with me. I continue to stand in awe of life in all its gifts and to bow to whatever is before me without judgement, with an open heart, and immense gratitude. Thank you all for continuing to surround me with your love. Each day is an immense, precious gift. Each of you are an immense, precious, and healing gift to me.
2017 at the AIKIDO-AI MEMORIAL WEEKEND MT. BALDY RETREAT!
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Last year I was 2 months into a six month chemo ride and donning a bald head at our dojo's annual Mt. Baldy retreat. This year I had a curly carpet of hair and just came off a blue skies report from my lymphoma oncologist.
Ain't life grand!! Returning to the pure, healing air, the gentle training with my Sensei and fellow students, the peaceful meditation and the centering chi of the mountain/retreat were immense gift My cherished "Mt. Baldy" rock also came with me to the mountain. My Sensei wrote 2017 on it as I was surrounded by the healing chi of all my loving friends. As I've said, I will continue to bring it to the mountain for decades to come to have Sensei Frank write each unfolding year on it with ink until it is covered in black and I'm forced to hand him a white pen :-).
Ain't life grand!! Returning to the pure, healing air, the gentle training with my Sensei and fellow students, the peaceful meditation and the centering chi of the mountain/retreat were immense gift My cherished "Mt. Baldy" rock also came with me to the mountain. My Sensei wrote 2017 on it as I was surrounded by the healing chi of all my loving friends. As I've said, I will continue to bring it to the mountain for decades to come to have Sensei Frank write each unfolding year on it with ink until it is covered in black and I'm forced to hand him a white pen :-).
THE BOOK RIPPLES OUTWARD
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Best Answers for Cancer San Diego Conference
A month ago I attended the Best Answers for Cancer Summit in San Diego. I was a vendor and was graced with one of their tables during the event to promote my book. I'm exploring different ways to have my words ripple outward to touch more, and then more, people. As it turns out the event was great to sell books if you were one of the big name speakers (who also had a table with their books/supplements). People understandably rushed to their display following their informational and sometimes inspirational talks. I did have the opportunity to sell several books and talk to many people. Seeds have been planted and we will see if anything blossoms from the connections.
Connections with City of Hope
I've had several connections/meetings with executives from City of Hope's PR/Marketing department, as well
as their Resource Center about my journey and my book.
1) I was interviewed by a journalist (along with some of my treatment team at COH) for an article that will appear in their BREAKTHROUGHS blog/magazine and eventually in their hard copy publication, CITY NEWS. I''m not sure when the article will appear online or even what the approach of the article will be, but I will send it out to all of you as soon as I receive it!
2) My book is now available in their Biller Resource Center and their Hope Village Activity Center.
3) Other brainstorming ideas are brewing with COH and I'll let you know as they develop.
I COULD USE YOUR HELP....
PLEASE POST SOME WORDS ON AMAZON
With the continued promoting of my book, more and more people will be going to the Amazon site to consider a purchase. They look to the reviews to hear other people's response to the book. I am also hoping at the end of the City of Hope article they will say that my book is available on Amazon.
You don't have to have bought the book on Amazon to post a review. If it is a "verified purchase" it does hold more weight in increasing the search engine results and moving the review to the top of the list. But it is NOT
necessary. It still offers huge feedback for people. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, time, and energy to those that have graced me with a review already.
Here's how. Go to Amazon.com. You can just do a search with my name, Suzette Hodnett, or click this link and it will take you directly to my book's page. (Click HERE) Scroll down and click "Write a review." You can write a few words and pick the number of stars or write several paragraphs. Reading the others will give you a feel for the variety of thoughts that people have shared so far.
4.) Book Reviews: I've sent books out to some magazines to hopefully secure a review or two to help spread the word. It's very competitive but always worth a try.
5. Library and Half Off Bookstore: A copy will be at the library and the Half Off Bookstore on Greenleaf may also be carry the book or sponsor a book signing.
A month ago I attended the Best Answers for Cancer Summit in San Diego. I was a vendor and was graced with one of their tables during the event to promote my book. I'm exploring different ways to have my words ripple outward to touch more, and then more, people. As it turns out the event was great to sell books if you were one of the big name speakers (who also had a table with their books/supplements). People understandably rushed to their display following their informational and sometimes inspirational talks. I did have the opportunity to sell several books and talk to many people. Seeds have been planted and we will see if anything blossoms from the connections.
Connections with City of Hope
I've had several connections/meetings with executives from City of Hope's PR/Marketing department, as well
as their Resource Center about my journey and my book.
1) I was interviewed by a journalist (along with some of my treatment team at COH) for an article that will appear in their BREAKTHROUGHS blog/magazine and eventually in their hard copy publication, CITY NEWS. I''m not sure when the article will appear online or even what the approach of the article will be, but I will send it out to all of you as soon as I receive it!
2) My book is now available in their Biller Resource Center and their Hope Village Activity Center.
3) Other brainstorming ideas are brewing with COH and I'll let you know as they develop.
I COULD USE YOUR HELP....
PLEASE POST SOME WORDS ON AMAZON
With the continued promoting of my book, more and more people will be going to the Amazon site to consider a purchase. They look to the reviews to hear other people's response to the book. I am also hoping at the end of the City of Hope article they will say that my book is available on Amazon.
You don't have to have bought the book on Amazon to post a review. If it is a "verified purchase" it does hold more weight in increasing the search engine results and moving the review to the top of the list. But it is NOT
necessary. It still offers huge feedback for people. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, time, and energy to those that have graced me with a review already.
Here's how. Go to Amazon.com. You can just do a search with my name, Suzette Hodnett, or click this link and it will take you directly to my book's page. (Click HERE) Scroll down and click "Write a review." You can write a few words and pick the number of stars or write several paragraphs. Reading the others will give you a feel for the variety of thoughts that people have shared so far.
4.) Book Reviews: I've sent books out to some magazines to hopefully secure a review or two to help spread the word. It's very competitive but always worth a try.
5. Library and Half Off Bookstore: A copy will be at the library and the Half Off Bookstore on Greenleaf may also be carry the book or sponsor a book signing.
ART SHOW on JUNE 9 and JUNE 10th:
Sadly, cancelled.
The show was less than two weeks away, along with the festival's anticipated paycheck to continue to buoy me along financially. I just found out that they have decided to cancel the event. I was looking forward to not only the show, but to seeing all of you. They have rescheduled the show for November. One door closes and I envision another door opening. So more new pieces for all of you to see on the horizon and I will keep you posted if some of my ideas for a possible exhibit unfold into reality. As always, commissions are always welcomed and anyone is invited to contact me to purchase any artwork!
THE MED REPORTS :-)
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I recently had my 3 month check up with the lymphoma oncologist. No scan but a hand's on external clinical exam, along with blood work that included the lymphoma markers. All is blue skies! Full scan eyes to knees on the horizon in two months. I'm anticipating another blue skies inward and outward report. Thanks so much for your continued positive thoughts, prayers, and love on my journey. They make all the difference!
I had a couple of skin surgeries for unwelcome critters dancing on my shoulder and hip. Thankfully not melanomas, not on my face this time, and a much much quicker recovery. My kind and pro-active dermatologist sees me once again at the beginning of the month. All visions on a clear report and no carving needed!
I had a couple of skin surgeries for unwelcome critters dancing on my shoulder and hip. Thankfully not melanomas, not on my face this time, and a much much quicker recovery. My kind and pro-active dermatologist sees me once again at the beginning of the month. All visions on a clear report and no carving needed!
I am eternally filled with such gratitude, amazing grace, joy, and humility for my healing and my life... and, truly and deeply, for all of you. Thank you.
In loving memory of all the precious lives lost in war. May we honor their sacrifice by endlessly working,
each in our own way, to bring more and more
love and peace into our hearts and into the world.
Endless love,
Suzette
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In loving memory of all the precious lives lost in war. May we honor their sacrifice by endlessly working,
each in our own way, to bring more and more
love and peace into our hearts and into the world.
Endless love,
Suzette
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HAPPY EASTER! HAPPY PASSOVER! HAPPY SPRING!
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My backyard sanctuary is dancing in the warmth and light of spring.
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Wishing all of you immense joy and love bursting into bloom as you are wrapped in the healing warmth of the sun
and surrounded by the bluest of skies.
and surrounded by the bluest of skies.
"THE JOURNEY IS EVERYTHING"
is 3 weeks old!
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Thank you again and again for your support of my book and for continuing to spread its message to all. She is just three weeks old now and beginning to reach outward into the world. I will be making a connection with the Half-Off Bookstore at 6708 Greenleaf Avenue to carry the book, along with donating a copy to the library. Here are a few other seeds that I am fertilizing and hope will blossom this spring.
My book and I will be at the ANSWERS FOR CANCER SUMMIT - April 28th and 29th
I will be a vendor at this well-respected two-day conference in San Diego at the end of the month. They have graced me with a substantial discount to participate and showcase my book. The 20 hand-selected vendors will each have a 6 foot table which will provide me with plenty of room to share and sell my book, along with some of my smaller matted inspirational art pieces. We shall see! It is a very reasonably priced and informative workshop and I encourage all those interested to visit the WEBSITE and attend.
POSSIBLE PARTNERING WITH CITY OF HOPE
The Vice-President of Communications and Public Affairs at City of Hope is in the process of setting up a meeting with some of her colleagues and me in the next week or two when all our schedules align. The Radiation Department, many who blessed us with their attendance at the book launch party, are in conversation with me as well. YEAH!
IT ALL REALLY HELPS
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THANKS VERY MUCH to everyone that has posted some words about the book (and a link to my website or Amazon to purchase) on your Facebook page or have shared another's post with all your friends. THANK YOU to those of you that have taken the time and support to write some words of review of the book on Amazon. It really helps! Here's the link: Amazon Review, and have continued in different ways to spread the message of the book. These acts of generosity and kindness mean a lot to me and to keeping the message and sales of the book rippling outwards to reach the hearts of more and more people.
THE LIKES OF ME
My excavation and skin graft of the melanoma around my eye is healing well with all unwelcome critters on the far side of the moon. I recently had two smaller skin surgeries for some others (thankfully not the melanoma type) but my keen-eyed and kind-hearted dermatologist keeps a watchful eye on my body so they can be kicked out while they are still dancing on the top floor. On top of being a little surfer girl who thought sunscreen was not worth the paddle in when I was out in the waves, there has been a well-documented association between this type of lymphoma and melanoma, as well as non-melanoma skin cancers. These commonly share genetic aberrations that they think may also contribute to the increased aggressiveness seen in skin cancer with those diagnosed with lymphoma. Preventive strategies and early detection are paramount.
The first week in May is the next three month follow up with the lymphoma doctor. Envisioning a two thumbs up, blues skies, and and nothing but the best report coming to all of you.
The first week in May is the next three month follow up with the lymphoma doctor. Envisioning a two thumbs up, blues skies, and and nothing but the best report coming to all of you.
Mt. BALDY AIKIDO AI RETREAT - 2017
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Last year I made it to the mountain top dawning a chemo cap to cover a bald head, in the midst of treatment, and moving from my spirit. I can hardly wait to be at Mt. Baldy this year with a curly crop of hair and a blessed "blue skies" recovery. I will absorb the healing mountain air, be in the loving company of friends and gently train with the senses, and have my Sensei write 2017 (YEAH!) on my Mt. Baldy rock.
The retreat is open to everyone! You can come up for one day, the weekend, or four days. You can come and just enjoy the surroundings and a delicious meal cooked by the monks, try one class or all of them (all designed for beginners), and quite possibly meet new and long lasting friends. It is an inspiring, invigorating and restorative time! Visit the website for more info: Mt. Baldy Retreat
The retreat is open to everyone! You can come up for one day, the weekend, or four days. You can come and just enjoy the surroundings and a delicious meal cooked by the monks, try one class or all of them (all designed for beginners), and quite possibly meet new and long lasting friends. It is an inspiring, invigorating and restorative time! Visit the website for more info: Mt. Baldy Retreat
THE W SHOW
The "W Art Exhibit" is on the horizon - June 9th and 10th at Parnell Park. This year promises to be even better and bigger. Artists will not only be displaying their work in the inside gallery but there will be a multitude of booths with a variety of artwork gracing the outdoor area as well. Save the date! I will be there to share (and sell :-) ) all my creations. More to come in upcoming updates!
The Journey is Everything. I am so immensely blessed, grateful, humbled, and OVERJOYED that all of you are so lovingly on this journey with me.
I love you. Heart to heart.
Suzette (to respond just click reply... or leave a guestbook message)
I love you. Heart to heart.
Suzette (to respond just click reply... or leave a guestbook message)
For a scrapbook of photos of the book launch, along with videos of the welcome/introduction, author talk, two readings, and thank you/ending anthem, please click HERE.
A BLESSED BIRTH TO MY BOOK
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WOW! What a loving, joyful, and overwhelmingly positive send off to my book! I couldn't have asked for a more blessed gathering. I am still basking in the light of everyone's love. It was indeed a celebration of life, of the healing power of love, all our triumphs over challenges of any kind, the skill and compassion of my doctors at City Hope, and the miracle of two stage four critters and a melanoma living on the far side of the moon.
I stood in front of you Saturday and saw a sea of open hearts, beaming spirits, and radiant light. The dojo was filled with such love. What more could I ask for? Someone said they thought 200 hundred people were there. I don't know. I do know that it was cozy and wall to wall warmth and joy. My apologies to the people that arrived after the presentation began and there wasn't space to come into the dojo. I heard later that there was a long line down the street. If i had known that was the case, I would have put my talk/readings on pause to somehow try to squeeze everyone inside. It touched me deeply to find out that all those outside were singing along to "That's What Friends Are For" as our ending anthem.
It was one year ago to the day of the launch that I began my last long haul of chemotherapy throughout last year for the aggressive lymphoma. It is such a testimony to following the light that shines, even in the darkness. With amazing grace, the light widened into a an illuminating path that led me to be standing among all of you on Saturday.
Thank you to my family, for their constant love and support. For all being there with me at the launch, my sisters deeply heartfelt and generous words of welcome and introduction, and for providing all the delicious food and elegant desserts. And eternal thanks for being with me every step of my journey in endless love in action.
To all my friends who worked so hard behind the scenes on Saturday to do the last part of the set up, answer questions, and stay to clean up so when we all left it looked like there had never been a book launch party. :-)
To Sensei Frank, for the loving sanctuary of Aikido-ai and for opening up the dojo to all of us for my book launch party.
For all of Team Suzette, whether you were there in body or spirit, for surrounding the launch of the book with the same love and support that has carried me throughout my journey.
To each and every one of you that carved time out of your precious weekend to join me in a memory that has a permanent residence in heart.
My only "regret" was that there wasn't more time to connect with all of you. It seems that is the nature of a book launch/signing though. I tried to reach out and thank each of you individually for coming but I know I fell short. I saw all your loving, supportive faces in the crowds as I spoke and was so soothed, warmed, and elated by your presence.
Just a note :-). I’m a hugger but too much of a hug these days can aggravate my neck and shoulder from the severed spinal accessory nerve. If it felt like I was holding back at all with just a double hand hold and kiss on the cheeks, know that I was giving you the warmest of embrace from deep in my heart.
Some have asked how they can now BUY THE BOOK. Here's how :-):
1). My website: journeyiseverything.cc
2). Amazon: order the paperback or Kindle edition (also other online retailers).
3) if you are local, you can continue to order at the launch party price of $15.00 if you can pick it up before or after classes I teach at the dojo (Wednesdays 6-7 Saturday morning: 9-10) are best. Come and try some tai chi too! First Wednesday of the month all classes are free - Qigong: 5:30-6 Tai Chi: 6-7 pm. Aikido: 7-8:30. Also, soon I will have it available at Half Off Books at 6706 Greenleaf Avenue. It is always great to support our local Whittier businesses.
Some of you have asked HOW YOU CAN HELP. Here's how :-):
-As many as possible reviews of the book on Amazon carry a lot of weight with people looking to buy a book. Long or short, it will make a big difference.
-Send anyone interested to the book's website: thejourneyiseverything.cc for more information on the book and Team Suzette. --Post a message about the book on Facebook and info for purchasing.
-Buy a book for a hospital, clinic, or friend going through a life challenge.
-Pass on any possible speaking engagements and theme-related conferences to share my book.
Within a week, I will have many pictures from the launch posted on the book's website - along with the video of the welcome, intro, talk, readings, and culminating song. I'll let you know. For now, here are few pics below.
Meanwhile, the journey continues. I have a couple of diagnosed unwelcome skin critters that need surgery in the next couple of weeks - more carving, stitching and poking but thankfully not melanomas! A clinical check up with the lymphoma oncologist is in six weeks. I will be busy trying to carve out my needed full-time artist hours, the time needed to support the unfolding of the book into the world, teaching tai chi classes, deeper and deeper healing, and spending cherished time with family and friends.
-------------------------------
Sometimes it all truly catches me unaware. The journey. The reality of this moment in time. All the love and support. Two stage fours disappeared into the light. The immense blessings and amazing grace in my life. I truly rest in such awe, overflowing gratitude, and a tender, open heart to all of you.
Each of you are truly such shining stars in the constellation of love that continues to bless me and my deep healing.
Endless love, so much appreciation, and miracles for all of us,
Suzette
I stood in front of you Saturday and saw a sea of open hearts, beaming spirits, and radiant light. The dojo was filled with such love. What more could I ask for? Someone said they thought 200 hundred people were there. I don't know. I do know that it was cozy and wall to wall warmth and joy. My apologies to the people that arrived after the presentation began and there wasn't space to come into the dojo. I heard later that there was a long line down the street. If i had known that was the case, I would have put my talk/readings on pause to somehow try to squeeze everyone inside. It touched me deeply to find out that all those outside were singing along to "That's What Friends Are For" as our ending anthem.
It was one year ago to the day of the launch that I began my last long haul of chemotherapy throughout last year for the aggressive lymphoma. It is such a testimony to following the light that shines, even in the darkness. With amazing grace, the light widened into a an illuminating path that led me to be standing among all of you on Saturday.
Thank you to my family, for their constant love and support. For all being there with me at the launch, my sisters deeply heartfelt and generous words of welcome and introduction, and for providing all the delicious food and elegant desserts. And eternal thanks for being with me every step of my journey in endless love in action.
To all my friends who worked so hard behind the scenes on Saturday to do the last part of the set up, answer questions, and stay to clean up so when we all left it looked like there had never been a book launch party. :-)
To Sensei Frank, for the loving sanctuary of Aikido-ai and for opening up the dojo to all of us for my book launch party.
For all of Team Suzette, whether you were there in body or spirit, for surrounding the launch of the book with the same love and support that has carried me throughout my journey.
To each and every one of you that carved time out of your precious weekend to join me in a memory that has a permanent residence in heart.
My only "regret" was that there wasn't more time to connect with all of you. It seems that is the nature of a book launch/signing though. I tried to reach out and thank each of you individually for coming but I know I fell short. I saw all your loving, supportive faces in the crowds as I spoke and was so soothed, warmed, and elated by your presence.
Just a note :-). I’m a hugger but too much of a hug these days can aggravate my neck and shoulder from the severed spinal accessory nerve. If it felt like I was holding back at all with just a double hand hold and kiss on the cheeks, know that I was giving you the warmest of embrace from deep in my heart.
Some have asked how they can now BUY THE BOOK. Here's how :-):
1). My website: journeyiseverything.cc
2). Amazon: order the paperback or Kindle edition (also other online retailers).
3) if you are local, you can continue to order at the launch party price of $15.00 if you can pick it up before or after classes I teach at the dojo (Wednesdays 6-7 Saturday morning: 9-10) are best. Come and try some tai chi too! First Wednesday of the month all classes are free - Qigong: 5:30-6 Tai Chi: 6-7 pm. Aikido: 7-8:30. Also, soon I will have it available at Half Off Books at 6706 Greenleaf Avenue. It is always great to support our local Whittier businesses.
Some of you have asked HOW YOU CAN HELP. Here's how :-):
-As many as possible reviews of the book on Amazon carry a lot of weight with people looking to buy a book. Long or short, it will make a big difference.
-Send anyone interested to the book's website: thejourneyiseverything.cc for more information on the book and Team Suzette. --Post a message about the book on Facebook and info for purchasing.
-Buy a book for a hospital, clinic, or friend going through a life challenge.
-Pass on any possible speaking engagements and theme-related conferences to share my book.
Within a week, I will have many pictures from the launch posted on the book's website - along with the video of the welcome, intro, talk, readings, and culminating song. I'll let you know. For now, here are few pics below.
Meanwhile, the journey continues. I have a couple of diagnosed unwelcome skin critters that need surgery in the next couple of weeks - more carving, stitching and poking but thankfully not melanomas! A clinical check up with the lymphoma oncologist is in six weeks. I will be busy trying to carve out my needed full-time artist hours, the time needed to support the unfolding of the book into the world, teaching tai chi classes, deeper and deeper healing, and spending cherished time with family and friends.
-------------------------------
Sometimes it all truly catches me unaware. The journey. The reality of this moment in time. All the love and support. Two stage fours disappeared into the light. The immense blessings and amazing grace in my life. I truly rest in such awe, overflowing gratitude, and a tender, open heart to all of you.
Each of you are truly such shining stars in the constellation of love that continues to bless me and my deep healing.
Endless love, so much appreciation, and miracles for all of us,
Suzette
My three loving sisters
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Curly top signs books :-)
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My youngest sister, Kerry (born on the same day five years apart), shares a heartfelt introduction
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My oldest sister, Cricket, welcomed the crowd and all three sisters offer their loving words.
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My talented nephew, Josh, serenades us all on the guitar.
The most elegant, creative and tasty desserts provided by Jocelyn, my sister-in-law's cousin and artistic caterer like no other. These are just a few of them!
Surrounded by six of the compassionate souls from the City of Hope Radiation Department that lovingly buoyed me through my treatment. You're the best!
Allan and Delane ready at their book buying post to send my books lovingly off into the hearts of many!
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Mary Struckmeier, talented musician and teacher, plays beautiful melodies on her flute.
My family provided an elegant and yummy array of food, along with refreshments and desserts.
Ron Vanderbrink and Carla Dunham - my awesome physical therapy team, that guided me with their skill, humor, and positive vibes to greater flexibility and movement.
My angels, Tex and Rainee, at their book buying station, filling the room up with their light and their love.
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My sisters and I, along with everyone inside and outside the dojo, sing "That's What Friends Are For" with joy in our hearts and some emotionally-filled tears in our eyes.
SEE YOU SOON!
Hello loving Team Suzette!
Wow, I can't believe that it is just four days before the birth of the book and our celebration of life and love. It will be so awesome to be surrounded by so many of you. Thanks to all that are planning on coming and giving the book a loving send-off.
All the needed info should be on the postcard invite above or the last post below. A reminder that parking is on the street or surrounding streets, along with a big lot across from the event. It is a Saturday though so it is unpredictable as to parking spaces available, so plan on leaving a few minutes early. 3:30 all begins with a welcome table, freebies, food, music, and book buying. At 4ish the presentation will begin (introduction, author talk/readings, door prizes) followed by more food, music, celebrating, and book signing. Music will be provided by Mary Struckmeier on flute and Josh Jones on guitar. .The price of the book is $17.95 plus tax, but it will be on sale at the launch party for a straight $15.00, tax included. You have options for the book signing - at the event with a personal touch, bring it to me at the dojo at a later time (if you are local), or buy a pre-signed book.
Note: Aikido-ai is a traditional Japanese martial arts studio and so shoes are removed in the lobby and placed on a shoe rack. Outside footwear is removed to prevent dirt from ruining the mats, and also to protect them from damage. For those that need to keep their shoes on, there will blue slip-on covers available to put over shoes (those without high heels).
MORE INFO
- Visit the press release in the Daily News: http://events.whittierdailynews.com/whittier/events/thejourneyiseverything-book-signing-party-/E0-001-101228115-6
- The book's website also has all the information on the launch, along with a sneak peak into the book, endorsements, and two slideshows "Everything Changes" and "That's What Friends are for" (click on the link in the toolbar "slideshows" then press the audio bar/then the play icon on the picture). thejourneyiseverything.cc
Wow, I can't believe that it is just four days before the birth of the book and our celebration of life and love. It will be so awesome to be surrounded by so many of you. Thanks to all that are planning on coming and giving the book a loving send-off.
All the needed info should be on the postcard invite above or the last post below. A reminder that parking is on the street or surrounding streets, along with a big lot across from the event. It is a Saturday though so it is unpredictable as to parking spaces available, so plan on leaving a few minutes early. 3:30 all begins with a welcome table, freebies, food, music, and book buying. At 4ish the presentation will begin (introduction, author talk/readings, door prizes) followed by more food, music, celebrating, and book signing. Music will be provided by Mary Struckmeier on flute and Josh Jones on guitar. .The price of the book is $17.95 plus tax, but it will be on sale at the launch party for a straight $15.00, tax included. You have options for the book signing - at the event with a personal touch, bring it to me at the dojo at a later time (if you are local), or buy a pre-signed book.
Note: Aikido-ai is a traditional Japanese martial arts studio and so shoes are removed in the lobby and placed on a shoe rack. Outside footwear is removed to prevent dirt from ruining the mats, and also to protect them from damage. For those that need to keep their shoes on, there will blue slip-on covers available to put over shoes (those without high heels).
MORE INFO
- Visit the press release in the Daily News: http://events.whittierdailynews.com/whittier/events/thejourneyiseverything-book-signing-party-/E0-001-101228115-6
- The book's website also has all the information on the launch, along with a sneak peak into the book, endorsements, and two slideshows "Everything Changes" and "That's What Friends are for" (click on the link in the toolbar "slideshows" then press the audio bar/then the play icon on the picture). thejourneyiseverything.cc
Thank you all for being my rock and my soft place to fall, for carrying me on the wings of your love, light, compassion, and immense generosity. This book is dedicated to my family and Team Suzette. I couldn't have taken one step of this journey without you all.
See you there!
Endless love and immense gratitude, heart to heart,
Suzette
See you there!
Endless love and immense gratitude, heart to heart,
Suzette
VISIT THE BOOK's WEBSITE: thejourneyiseverything.cc
to view the launch invitation, read the table of contents, introduction, endorsements, and to view a fewf slideshows.
to view the launch invitation, read the table of contents, introduction, endorsements, and to view a fewf slideshows.
. THE BOOK LAUNCH PARTY IS LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY!!!
Hello loving Team Suzette!
March 25th is around the corner. The gathering promises to be a celebration of our triumphs over any kind of challenge, the love that heals, and the resiliency of the human spirit.
Here is a little more info:
People are welcome to come to the event, even if they have not rsvp'd by the deadline. Mostly the rsvp is to give us an idea of the needed food/refreshments. You can continue to rsvp if/when you know you are coming, in any of these ways:
thebook.rsvpify.com
My Facebook event page
Reply to this email
if you are a member of the dojo/outreach classes, sign sheet on the bullie board or let Kathryn know.
If you don't know until the last minute, you are welcome to come that day.
Broad brush strokes of the event
3:30: Look for the balloons and sign out front if you haven't been to this location before. Parking is on the street, in the lot across the street, and in the lot behind the Institute off the alley between Comstock and Milton. Out front, sign the guestbook and get your freebie packet and raffle ticket (drawing for free door prizes after the presentation). Come in and munch on refreshments, buy a book(s), listen to the beautiful music of our guitar player and our flutist, relax and chat.
There will be three stations available to buy the book. One out front - cash only and two inside. While cash is the easiest for all, check and credit cards are also welcomed.
4:00ish and beyond: Introduction of author, author talk and readings, door prizes, etc. (approximately 40 minutes)
Short break and then book signing. There will be books available for purchase that are already signed or you can have your book personally signed that day by the author. Enjoy more food/refreshments, music, and each other!
Hello loving Team Suzette!
March 25th is around the corner. The gathering promises to be a celebration of our triumphs over any kind of challenge, the love that heals, and the resiliency of the human spirit.
Here is a little more info:
People are welcome to come to the event, even if they have not rsvp'd by the deadline. Mostly the rsvp is to give us an idea of the needed food/refreshments. You can continue to rsvp if/when you know you are coming, in any of these ways:
thebook.rsvpify.com
My Facebook event page
Reply to this email
if you are a member of the dojo/outreach classes, sign sheet on the bullie board or let Kathryn know.
If you don't know until the last minute, you are welcome to come that day.
Broad brush strokes of the event
3:30: Look for the balloons and sign out front if you haven't been to this location before. Parking is on the street, in the lot across the street, and in the lot behind the Institute off the alley between Comstock and Milton. Out front, sign the guestbook and get your freebie packet and raffle ticket (drawing for free door prizes after the presentation). Come in and munch on refreshments, buy a book(s), listen to the beautiful music of our guitar player and our flutist, relax and chat.
There will be three stations available to buy the book. One out front - cash only and two inside. While cash is the easiest for all, check and credit cards are also welcomed.
4:00ish and beyond: Introduction of author, author talk and readings, door prizes, etc. (approximately 40 minutes)
Short break and then book signing. There will be books available for purchase that are already signed or you can have your book personally signed that day by the author. Enjoy more food/refreshments, music, and each other!
THE UNVEILING: EVERYTHING CHANGES
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Everything changes. Healthy cells abound and my hair is turning into a little carpet of "chemo curls" on top of my head. What started out as straight brown locks of hair, turned into steely grey and then snow white, and now has developed into tight champagne curls. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? I still can't do a comb over to hide my missing ear and large skin graft, but it feels awesome to be without the hats and caps and have my hair and spirit "blowing" in the wind.
THANK YOU ALL FOR OUR SUPPORT AT THE HILLCREST FINE ART SHOW
Thank you all so very much for your visits and your purchases at the Hillcrest Art Festival. It was a wonderful three days, although a bit chilly and soggy on Sunday. I am continually blessed by all of your awesome support of my art work and me that continues to keep me financially buoyed throughout my healing journey. This year I also put three pieces in their inside exhibition and was graced with a1st and a 3rd place ribbon. I have immense gratitude and love for all the generous and hard workers that continue to make this festival happen (57 years!) and to the event coordinator, Roberto Chavez. It is a beautiful collection of talented artists and a blessing to have in our own neighborhood.
I'm so excited to be seeing you all soon. Thank you all for bringing this book into the world with the same love that carried me throughout my journey.
Endless love and a bottomless pit of gratitude,
Suzette
Endless love and a bottomless pit of gratitude,
Suzette
PLEASE COME VISIT ME
AT THE HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
(at my new location)
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The show is February 24th and 25th from 10-5 and February 26th from 11:30-5. The location is 2000 West Road, La Habra (just follow the signs north on Santa Gertrudes). I have a new location this year. My usual indoor space in Gallery Ten is being filled with a beautiful high school art exhibit and performances (so be sure to go visit) and I will be outdoors. My 10 x 20 space is adjacent to the main patio that rests between the church and the hall (where I am standing in the picture above). The banner will be across my canopies to help point the way. I hope you will come out and see this magnificent show, all my latest artwork, and me!!! Hope to see you all there. And bring your friends and family!!! :-)
THE BOOK LAUNCH PARTY
There will be lots more to come on my book, along with the official digital invite to the launch. At the art show this weekend I will have postcard invites for you to take and also give to those you feel would enjoy this celebration of life. Also, I am building a website that will be a beginning peek into the booth. Save the date: March 25th, Saturday, 3:30-5:30. It would be awesome to have all the love that propelled me throughout my journey there to launch the birth of the book.
Wrapping you all in a huge hug and a ton of love,
Suzette
Wrapping you all in a huge hug and a ton of love,
Suzette
Happy Valentine's Day to each and every one of Team Suzette!
How fitting that this email comes to you on the day of the open heart and love. Wishing you all endless love flowing through your life as you have also brought all your love into mine. I know it can sound cheesy or hokey,
but love is truly the force that binds us together and changes our lives and that of the world.
Your love has changed my life and is truly the healing force that knows not the limitations of illness or circumstance, but is pure and eternal.
I love you all with an open heart and endless gratitude for your love.
How fitting that this email comes to you on the day of the open heart and love. Wishing you all endless love flowing through your life as you have also brought all your love into mine. I know it can sound cheesy or hokey,
but love is truly the force that binds us together and changes our lives and that of the world.
Your love has changed my life and is truly the healing force that knows not the limitations of illness or circumstance, but is pure and eternal.
I love you all with an open heart and endless gratitude for your love.
A BOOK IS BORN!
I'm giving birth and you and your friends and family are invited.
Please mark your calendar for Saturday, March 25th, from 3:30-5:30pm
Last January, on the Team Suzette update, I made a resolution to have a book born out of my healing journey to you by January 2017. To my surprise, many of you had kept encouraging me to write a book, feeling that somehow ordinary me going through my particular situation could be of help to another facing their own challenges, whether it be cancer or another life circumstance. And so a labor of love began. If my journey can help even one person more calmly navigate their own journey then I am truly humbled and grateful. I had a curve ball to meet my January resolution with the unexpected long haul of treatments due to the new diagnosis, but the book is now in its last weeks of labor. Out of the mud hopefully grows a few lotus blossoms to share with all of you.
The Title:
The JOURNEY Is EVERYTHING
Saying Yes to Cancer
Reflections and inspirations along my healing path.
The book is not the linear story of my illness (altho it is told in the prologue for those that want more of a feel for the external landscape the first year after my big surgery, treatment, etc.). There are many books taking people through all the details of their individual journey. Instead, it is a series of reflections, inspirations, and lessons from the themes that were woven throughout my journey and helped me along during the roller coaster ride. It is a compass to all things healing (at least for me :-) ), whether facing cancer or any challenge.
You are all SO VERY WARMLY INVITED to be a part of the launch of this book. The book is dedicated to all of you - to Team Suzette family and friends. It would be wonderful to be surrounded by all your love that day. (It is also dedicated to my sweet feline angel, Tattoo, who taught me lessons of calm and courage in the face of illness.)
It will be held at the AIkido-ai Institute. I thought of other places - bookstore, library, restaurant, rented space at the Radisson, but all did not feel connected to my journey. My dojo, my sensei, and all of my fellow students have been such a big part of Team Suzette. I have been training and teaching there for 20 years. All of its many gifts of healing helped save my life. Those of you that have never been there will love its warm and inviting ambience and will feel at home immediately in its serene environment.
I will be sending a digital e-invite soon and will also have hard copy postcard invitations. I will have them available at the Hillcrest Arts Festival Feb. 24-26th as well. Feel free to take as many as you want to distribute to your friends, family, and all those that you know that would like to join in the celebration. In a few weeks, I will have a website for the book for you to visit with a look inside and more info. I would SO LOVE all of you to be there to launch this book into the world with all the love that helped give it its birth.
.
The Book Launch Party is a celebration of life, of my gratitude to the love and healing power of Team Suzette, of all of our resilient spirits, our immense capacity to heal, and the miracle of being alive. It is for all who want to celebrate triumphs of any kind as we all travel through this sometimes messy but always magnificent journey of our lives.
Bringing these words into the light of day is edgy, a leap of faith, and an act of vulnerability, but I’m sending them off to the world with a kiss and a prayer in the hope that they can add even a little light to the life of another.
Here is a sneak preview of the cover. The hill reminds me of Ireland (my heritage), the winding path is all of our journeys, and the sun and its rays are the light that we always move towards, leading to the blue skies that break through the clouds of our challenges. Hope you like it :-).
Happy day of the Open Heart!
My love from my heart to each of yours,
Suzette
Please mark your calendar for Saturday, March 25th, from 3:30-5:30pm
Last January, on the Team Suzette update, I made a resolution to have a book born out of my healing journey to you by January 2017. To my surprise, many of you had kept encouraging me to write a book, feeling that somehow ordinary me going through my particular situation could be of help to another facing their own challenges, whether it be cancer or another life circumstance. And so a labor of love began. If my journey can help even one person more calmly navigate their own journey then I am truly humbled and grateful. I had a curve ball to meet my January resolution with the unexpected long haul of treatments due to the new diagnosis, but the book is now in its last weeks of labor. Out of the mud hopefully grows a few lotus blossoms to share with all of you.
The Title:
The JOURNEY Is EVERYTHING
Saying Yes to Cancer
Reflections and inspirations along my healing path.
The book is not the linear story of my illness (altho it is told in the prologue for those that want more of a feel for the external landscape the first year after my big surgery, treatment, etc.). There are many books taking people through all the details of their individual journey. Instead, it is a series of reflections, inspirations, and lessons from the themes that were woven throughout my journey and helped me along during the roller coaster ride. It is a compass to all things healing (at least for me :-) ), whether facing cancer or any challenge.
You are all SO VERY WARMLY INVITED to be a part of the launch of this book. The book is dedicated to all of you - to Team Suzette family and friends. It would be wonderful to be surrounded by all your love that day. (It is also dedicated to my sweet feline angel, Tattoo, who taught me lessons of calm and courage in the face of illness.)
It will be held at the AIkido-ai Institute. I thought of other places - bookstore, library, restaurant, rented space at the Radisson, but all did not feel connected to my journey. My dojo, my sensei, and all of my fellow students have been such a big part of Team Suzette. I have been training and teaching there for 20 years. All of its many gifts of healing helped save my life. Those of you that have never been there will love its warm and inviting ambience and will feel at home immediately in its serene environment.
I will be sending a digital e-invite soon and will also have hard copy postcard invitations. I will have them available at the Hillcrest Arts Festival Feb. 24-26th as well. Feel free to take as many as you want to distribute to your friends, family, and all those that you know that would like to join in the celebration. In a few weeks, I will have a website for the book for you to visit with a look inside and more info. I would SO LOVE all of you to be there to launch this book into the world with all the love that helped give it its birth.
.
The Book Launch Party is a celebration of life, of my gratitude to the love and healing power of Team Suzette, of all of our resilient spirits, our immense capacity to heal, and the miracle of being alive. It is for all who want to celebrate triumphs of any kind as we all travel through this sometimes messy but always magnificent journey of our lives.
Bringing these words into the light of day is edgy, a leap of faith, and an act of vulnerability, but I’m sending them off to the world with a kiss and a prayer in the hope that they can add even a little light to the life of another.
Here is a sneak preview of the cover. The hill reminds me of Ireland (my heritage), the winding path is all of our journeys, and the sun and its rays are the light that we always move towards, leading to the blue skies that break through the clouds of our challenges. Hope you like it :-).
Happy day of the Open Heart!
My love from my heart to each of yours,
Suzette
Hello loving Team Suzette!
I hope 2017 is unfolding with great joy and peace for all of you. My holidays were spent relaxing with local family, along with taking my belated birthday present trip to the timeless, healing beauty of Cambria. It was three days and two nights of stunning beauty, quiet stillness, perfect weather, healing air, and the usual sadness to say good-bye for now.
I hope 2017 is unfolding with great joy and peace for all of you. My holidays were spent relaxing with local family, along with taking my belated birthday present trip to the timeless, healing beauty of Cambria. It was three days and two nights of stunning beauty, quiet stillness, perfect weather, healing air, and the usual sadness to say good-bye for now.
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In days gone by, I would spend New Year's Eve designing posters and preparing for an
early morning arrival to the Rose Bowl game tailgate parties to be the entrepreneurial
artist painting logos on the faces, arms, bald heads, chests, etc. of excited fans, Everything changes and it is also wonderful, in a different way, to now ease into the New Year in quiet stillness, reflection, and my own rhythm. Although I do miss the after the game counting of all the green bills that I had stuffed into my pockets and socks. :-)
January had a few unexpected twists and turns. However, all is moving forward with continued miraculous and magnificent blessings. As a good friend said, "Just a bump in
the yellow brick road."
I look to this year and see a horizon filled with beautiful blue skies and the best memories yet to be made. I continue to remain, each and every day, so grateful for my blessings, the miracle of my life, and for all the love, friendship, and amazing grace that fills my heart
and soul. Thank you eternally.
early morning arrival to the Rose Bowl game tailgate parties to be the entrepreneurial
artist painting logos on the faces, arms, bald heads, chests, etc. of excited fans, Everything changes and it is also wonderful, in a different way, to now ease into the New Year in quiet stillness, reflection, and my own rhythm. Although I do miss the after the game counting of all the green bills that I had stuffed into my pockets and socks. :-)
January had a few unexpected twists and turns. However, all is moving forward with continued miraculous and magnificent blessings. As a good friend said, "Just a bump in
the yellow brick road."
I look to this year and see a horizon filled with beautiful blue skies and the best memories yet to be made. I continue to remain, each and every day, so grateful for my blessings, the miracle of my life, and for all the love, friendship, and amazing grace that fills my heart
and soul. Thank you eternally.
BUMPS ALONG THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!
and on my head too :-)
As always the journey is not about removing challenges, but somehow being able to keep moving from our spirit and bringing meaning to whatever falls in our path. January, the anticipated month of no pokes and prodding, fewer doctor appointments, and a return to the needed 40 plus hours in the studio, instead became a time of some new realities. But as I often quote the Yiddish proverb... "We plan, God laughs."
Instead of a respite, a melanoma decided to come visit. Ya’d think these critters would know by now that if they come they will just be sent to the far side of the moon on a one way ticket :-). My proactive and compassionate dermatologist found the suspicious area and biopsied it, both of us hoping it was nothing. She referred me to a specialist surgeon after the melanoma diagnosis and I then had back to back surgeries (one week to the next) to have the excavation and then the cut and paste skin graft the following week. He took the skin from the elbow to armpit on my left arm. My face is beginning to look like a patchwork quilt of my whole body - the thigh, the clavicle, two places on the arm :-). Happy they can assist each other! The surgery revealed that the critters had invaded the dermis so they were no longer dancing on the top floor, but the good news is that he was able to get clear margins. He said there was a risk of spreading but we all know where they all are going (have gone!).
I bumbled around with my more challenged eye (the paralyzed side) leading the way for awhile and also had restricted movement of my head and arm. Ironically the paralyzed eye was now gallantly taking up the slack, returning the favor from when my other eye guided me for the 9 months that I had to wear the patch. My left arm, stitched from the elbow to the armpit, could only lift so high, so it was also the compromised right side (from the severed spinal accessory nerve) that was taking up the slack. As my dad always said.."it is all compared to what!" It was awesome to have the challenged side be the strong side :-) ! Last week the bandaged area lessened and I am now able to see out of both eyes. I still have needed restrictions in movement but the surgeon said I could tilt my neck some to do my artwork. Yeah! So I am trying to go full speed ahead on putting in my artist hours in preparation for the Hillcrest Arts Festival February 24-26th.
BLUE SKIES
Friday I was at City of Hope for labs and an important first scan (the entire body from my knees up to the eyes) after the last one In September right after the end of the last chemo cycle.
MIRACLES continue and all remains blessed blue skies. I met with the lymphoma oncologist yesterday for the results. The report showed NO sign of any lymphadenopathy. Yippee! Wowee! Hallelujah! Amazing grace continues. The white blood count has dropped due to January’s insults and the after effects of chemotherapy. It's just an expected part of the rollercoaster ride of the white blood cell counts and is on a rebound. She was pleased with all my labs. My red blood count awesomely remains well within normal ranges, as it also did even throughout my chemotherapy when most people's counts drop considerably and so need a halt in treatment for a blood transfusion. It's all those organic green veggies going down the hatch!
I have another check up with the lymphoma oncologist in 3 months. At the beginning of March I have my clinical checks-up with my head/neck surgeon (for an envisioned chat about how wonderful all is going :-) ).
MIRACLES continue and all remains blessed blue skies. I met with the lymphoma oncologist yesterday for the results. The report showed NO sign of any lymphadenopathy. Yippee! Wowee! Hallelujah! Amazing grace continues. The white blood count has dropped due to January’s insults and the after effects of chemotherapy. It's just an expected part of the rollercoaster ride of the white blood cell counts and is on a rebound. She was pleased with all my labs. My red blood count awesomely remains well within normal ranges, as it also did even throughout my chemotherapy when most people's counts drop considerably and so need a halt in treatment for a blood transfusion. It's all those organic green veggies going down the hatch!
I have another check up with the lymphoma oncologist in 3 months. At the beginning of March I have my clinical checks-up with my head/neck surgeon (for an envisioned chat about how wonderful all is going :-) ).
OPEN WIDE
These marathon trips (3 1/2 hours at a time) to the dentist this last month have given new meaning to the words “open wide.” Wide was accomplished with me straining the limits of paralysis and scar tissue, a dental assistant pulling on my mouth, and a dentist finding every new weird angle to insert his drills. It was quite a team effort but successful in putting in crowns and a filling (of course, all were in the very back of my mouth). He is a biologically friendly dentist using all state of the art non-toxic materials. The big dentist bills are not welcomed, but it feels really good to finally have the work behind me after such a long wait.
PLEASE COME VISIT ME at the HILLCREST ART FESTIVAL
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HILLCREST ART FESTIVAL
FEBRUARY 24-26.
Friday and Saturday: 10-5
Sunday: 11:30-5
Hillcrest Congregational Church is located at 2000 West Road, La Habra Heights, near the border of Whittier.
From East Whittier Blvd., take Santa Gertrudes North, which turns into West Road.
For more information, please call (562) 947-3755.
Please come out to see this excellent art festival and to visit me and view my latest artwork. This is an important show for me to buoy me along financially, so kindly spread the word. If you have any friends that you think might be interested in my artwork, please let them know about the show. I will give you more info about my exact location soon. Hope to see you there!
IT'S GROWING!
I'm not quite ready for prime time and a comb-over of my missing ear and graft, but I'm sprouting a curly lawn. It has only been several months but the healthy cells are definitely dancing on my rooftop. They say that many people have "chemo curls" for the first year or so and then it tends to relax into their former shape - or not :-). So we shall see what the unfolding hair do will be. I'm back to using hair products - shampoo and conditioner - and the fun feeling of running my hands through my hair! (it doesn't take very long) :-)
Be on the look out for a Team Suzette email next week with an announcement of an important invitation (save the date - March 25th - 3:30-5:30pm) - it isn't an art show :-) ) ! More soon!!!
You all are the brilliant constellation lighting up my soul. Thank you for continuing to keep me in your prayers, positive thoughts, and warm and loving hearts.
Wrapping you all in my immense love and endless gratitude for your generosity, kind hearts, love, compassion, and abiding support along my journey,
Suzette
Wrapping you all in my immense love and endless gratitude for your generosity, kind hearts, love, compassion, and abiding support along my journey,
Suzette
BLUE SKIES
Dear loving Team Suzette,
Hope you all had a peaceful, enjoyable, and blessed Thanksgiving holiday. I did! :-)
I had my next MRI for the close inspection of the head, neck, and especially the skull and wanted to let you know that once again all is BLUE SKIES! No sign of any unwelcome critters. The doctor was happy and so am I! I feel so blessed and grateful. Amazing grace.
Seems there is always a scheduled follow-up/scan with two diagnoses - squameous and lymphoma! But it does make for double the GOOD NEWS! :-) A little breather and then in January it is time for the first scan from this last roller coaster with the lymphoma. Of course, we already know that all the unwelcome cells have been sent to the far side of the moon with the squameous cell critters. ALL have a PERMANENT residence there. It was a ONE-WAY ticket. NO return flight ! :-)
Hope you all had a peaceful, enjoyable, and blessed Thanksgiving holiday. I did! :-)
I had my next MRI for the close inspection of the head, neck, and especially the skull and wanted to let you know that once again all is BLUE SKIES! No sign of any unwelcome critters. The doctor was happy and so am I! I feel so blessed and grateful. Amazing grace.
Seems there is always a scheduled follow-up/scan with two diagnoses - squameous and lymphoma! But it does make for double the GOOD NEWS! :-) A little breather and then in January it is time for the first scan from this last roller coaster with the lymphoma. Of course, we already know that all the unwelcome cells have been sent to the far side of the moon with the squameous cell critters. ALL have a PERMANENT residence there. It was a ONE-WAY ticket. NO return flight ! :-)
I had my first dental appointment since before my surgery yesterday. Open wide! Well, as wide as I can. Once again, it is all compared to what. Not much room to get in on the side with the paralysis, severed tmj joint, nerves, and muscles, and all the scar tissue from surgery and radiation, but it seems like the Grand Canyon compared to when I was sucking pureed food through a straw! They earned their pay doing the checkup, x-rays, and dental cleaning with all the challenges. A couple of crowns and inlay are needed right now, but they said they were actually amazed that all was in such good shape given the long time without important dental care and ability to open wide enough to insert a toothbrush. There was minimal plaque and the work that needs to be done was actually there and scheduled previous to my big surgery, but had to be canceled with the long and winding road afterwards. I attribute it to my clean, healthy diet and being surrounded by so much love, light, prayers, and positive thoughts for all things healing! So more appointments filling my calendar now :-( , but I am happy to be able to now have the work done :-).
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
My healing deepens and I continue to hold you all in my most loving embrace for all your positive thoughts, prayers, kindness, and generous support throughout my journey.
May all the love, comfort, peace, blessings, joy, and abundance that you have so generously and graciously embraced me with return to each of you hundred-fold throughout the holiday season and always.
Endless thanks, eternal love, and heart to heart hugs to all of you,
Suzette
May all the love, comfort, peace, blessings, joy, and abundance that you have so generously and graciously embraced me with return to each of you hundred-fold throughout the holiday season and always.
Endless thanks, eternal love, and heart to heart hugs to all of you,
Suzette
Dear loving Team Suzette,
I hope you all never tire of me sharing my immense appreciation and love for you. It is straight from a very pure and open heart. Not only do I not tire in expressing it, I never stop feeling it.
With Thanksgiving nearing it is yet another reminder of all the blessings, grace, love and miracles in my life. I gaze out at the vast horizon of this healing journey and I see such a beautiful, loving landscape and am overflowing with thanks for each prayer, positive thought, encouraging word, act of kindness, hand to heart hug and all your generosity as my healing safety net. I also give thanks to the skill of all my doctors and even to each drip of chemo, each blast of radiation, and each skillful carving of the surgeon’s knife. And to each organic vegetable full of healing energy! Always I am in eternal thanks to divine amazing grace. The list endless. The list is my healing.
It has been a long road and to continue to be remembered and carried on the wings of your love deeply touches and humbles me.
You all are brilliant, shining stars in a healing constellation that surrounds me, always lighting any darkness and filling me with energy and inspiration. Thank you for continually beaming so much love and kindness into my heart.
Happy Thanksgiving! May all the blessings and love you have given me return to each of you a thousand-fold.
MEDICAL UPDATES
FIRST FOLLOW-UP
I had my first follow-up with the lymphoma doctor (two a half months since the end of treatment) last week. It was just a clinical check in with labs/hands on external exam. Blue skies! Yeah!
A Catscan is scheduled in two months for the view of the internal landscape from head to toe and more labs, but we already know all has been kicked to the far side of the moon with every other unwelcome critter! :-)
I had some high fevers/drenching night sweats/aches for awhile. The oncologist had some concern that it might be a symptom of a return of the bad cells. But the fever and sweats have long gone and lymphoma blood markers are in the normal range so she is now calling it a bad case of the flu. I haven’t been sick with anything (flu, cold, sore throat, etc) in decades (well, besides a couple of stage four diagnoses :-) ). Perhaps the high fevers were a great and glorious bonfire of cleansing. The sky high temps and all the drenching sweats certainly were a good fertilizer and watering system and did wonders to start sprouting the hairs in the garden on top of my head! A sign of new healthy cells saying hello!!
So thankful to have the first follow up be another blue skies report. YIPPEE!
THE SKIN:
I had missed several check-ins due to the chemo treatment, but my very compassionate doctor fit me into her busy schedule to do a much delayed exam. I had all of me crossed hoping that there would be no areas that needed biopsies, surgeries, etc. as my body just wants to rest and rejuvenate. She thankfully said we could keep an eye on some possibly troublesome spots til next exam at the end of December. So she just got out her big freezing machine and blasted areas on my head, face, etc instead :-). A delicious piece of cake compared to slicing, dicing, shots, etc.
I had my first follow-up with the lymphoma doctor (two a half months since the end of treatment) last week. It was just a clinical check in with labs/hands on external exam. Blue skies! Yeah!
A Catscan is scheduled in two months for the view of the internal landscape from head to toe and more labs, but we already know all has been kicked to the far side of the moon with every other unwelcome critter! :-)
I had some high fevers/drenching night sweats/aches for awhile. The oncologist had some concern that it might be a symptom of a return of the bad cells. But the fever and sweats have long gone and lymphoma blood markers are in the normal range so she is now calling it a bad case of the flu. I haven’t been sick with anything (flu, cold, sore throat, etc) in decades (well, besides a couple of stage four diagnoses :-) ). Perhaps the high fevers were a great and glorious bonfire of cleansing. The sky high temps and all the drenching sweats certainly were a good fertilizer and watering system and did wonders to start sprouting the hairs in the garden on top of my head! A sign of new healthy cells saying hello!!
So thankful to have the first follow up be another blue skies report. YIPPEE!
THE SKIN:
I had missed several check-ins due to the chemo treatment, but my very compassionate doctor fit me into her busy schedule to do a much delayed exam. I had all of me crossed hoping that there would be no areas that needed biopsies, surgeries, etc. as my body just wants to rest and rejuvenate. She thankfully said we could keep an eye on some possibly troublesome spots til next exam at the end of December. So she just got out her big freezing machine and blasted areas on my head, face, etc instead :-). A delicious piece of cake compared to slicing, dicing, shots, etc.
UP AND COMING
My MRI for head, neck and base of skull and follow up is scheduled for next week.
The Cat scan for the lymphoma diagnosis is in two months.
OPEN WIDE!
Well as wide as I can. My teeth finally are going to say hello to a dentist again. I had a consult and my dentist thinks he is able to finally do a deep cleaning as well as a needed inlay and a repair of a crown that has been cracked since soon after my big surgery. It has been far too long because of all the challenges in opening my mouth wide enough. So that is good news. The bad news is … dental work ain’t cheap!
HEALING CONTINUES...
as my body does it always miraculous work of resiliency and recovery. It is a blessing to be able to work on projects at my own pace/energy here at home. I am putting in as many artist work hours as possible (full time hours are important as a self-employed professional artist) in the midst of appointments, commitments, and healing.
The Cat scan for the lymphoma diagnosis is in two months.
OPEN WIDE!
Well as wide as I can. My teeth finally are going to say hello to a dentist again. I had a consult and my dentist thinks he is able to finally do a deep cleaning as well as a needed inlay and a repair of a crown that has been cracked since soon after my big surgery. It has been far too long because of all the challenges in opening my mouth wide enough. So that is good news. The bad news is … dental work ain’t cheap!
HEALING CONTINUES...
as my body does it always miraculous work of resiliency and recovery. It is a blessing to be able to work on projects at my own pace/energy here at home. I am putting in as many artist work hours as possible (full time hours are important as a self-employed professional artist) in the midst of appointments, commitments, and healing.
HARMONY FINE ART AND CRAFT SHOW
My BOOTH - OCT. 2016
EAGLE WOMAN (only 90 percent complete in picture)
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THE OPEN HEART
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A big thank you to all who came out to visit me at the show and share your love and support. I made living expenses for a month, which is a gift as a single, self-supporting artist. Thanks to all of you for your appreciation of my artwork and a special thank you to those who graced me with adopting some of my art and helping to financially buoy me along.
HILLCREST FINE ARTS FESTIVAL 2017 ON THE HORIZON
2016 Booth
SAVE THE DATE: February 24-26
The Hillcrest FIne Arts Festival in February may seem a long way away to those who will be attending, but as an artist it is right around the corner. Large framed pieces can take months to create and then need to be done about three weeks before the show to allow for framing time. All the smaller framed artwork and matted pieces need to be finished, along with the coming together of the display, etc. This is my next big show and anticipated paycheck so it is very important! With December on the horizon and filled with holiday time and appointments, that only leaves the full month of January! I'm hoping to work full time artist hours as much as possible to bring it all together as I also heal and continue on the road to recovery.
The Hillcrest FIne Arts Festival in February may seem a long way away to those who will be attending, but as an artist it is right around the corner. Large framed pieces can take months to create and then need to be done about three weeks before the show to allow for framing time. All the smaller framed artwork and matted pieces need to be finished, along with the coming together of the display, etc. This is my next big show and anticipated paycheck so it is very important! With December on the horizon and filled with holiday time and appointments, that only leaves the full month of January! I'm hoping to work full time artist hours as much as possible to bring it all together as I also heal and continue on the road to recovery.
CAMBRIA OR BUST!
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Well, it is bust for now. My birthday celebration gift of a few days in the relaxing and healing beauty and peace of Cambria needed to be cancelled as my sister- in-law was sick. Good news is that it will be a Christmas celebration instead and has been rescheduled for December 26-28th. YIPPEE!!! I am counting the days!
Thanks for continuing to read these updates. Wish I could get an update from all of you on your precious lives.
A HUGE and HEARTFELT THANK YOU to all of you that sent warm, uplifting wishes, beautiful cards, and sweet gifts for my birthday that truly brought such smiles and joy to my heart. You made the day! I am so blessed! I love my birthday - and love all of you!
Heart to heart in eternal love and appreciation,
Suzette
A HUGE and HEARTFELT THANK YOU to all of you that sent warm, uplifting wishes, beautiful cards, and sweet gifts for my birthday that truly brought such smiles and joy to my heart. You made the day! I am so blessed! I love my birthday - and love all of you!
Heart to heart in eternal love and appreciation,
Suzette
Hi loving Team Suzette,
Just a quick “save the date” update and hello. I’m only four weeks out from the last chemotherapy cycle, How do I feel? SO BLESSED to be on this side of treatment and so on the road to recovery. My daily healing regime of meditation, qigong, tai chi, walking and, of course, healthy organic diet continues to deepen. I’m dancing with the side effects, ever-changing antics and energy levels, and trying to give my body the most important things in healing - patience, time, relaxation, and trust.
The October Harmony Fine Arts and Crafts Show is coming up soon! October 15-16th. I have been working on finishing some big pieces that were near-completed works in progress before starting treatment, on perhaps completing a few scattered parts of artwork that I played with during treatment when I could, and some smaller pieces that I've been creating during the last few weeks.
I am so grateful for my art. It allows me the healing blessing to move at my own pace and not have to push in the same way as when I need to go into overdrive to scheduled commitments. I can match how I feel in the moment with different aspects of creation. How I feel is unpredictable so I can work anytime of the day and night and rest whenever. There is a lot to juggle now with preparing and organizing for the show. This is the way I make the majority of my living so it is critical to build to full time artist hours in the studio once again.
I would so love to see all of you there. Please spread the word to any art lovers you know that you think might enjoy my art or attending the show. There will be an assortment of other fine art and crafts, food, and entertainment for children and adults. There will also be a wonderful high school art exhibit. If you want to see more of my artwork check out suzette.cc. Unfortunately it doesn't capture the 3d, textural and dimensional quality much on a flat computer screen :(. Click the link "Rising Above" to see a few of the pieces I've created during my healing journey.
I hope to be there both days - with the help of Team Suzette!
Just a quick “save the date” update and hello. I’m only four weeks out from the last chemotherapy cycle, How do I feel? SO BLESSED to be on this side of treatment and so on the road to recovery. My daily healing regime of meditation, qigong, tai chi, walking and, of course, healthy organic diet continues to deepen. I’m dancing with the side effects, ever-changing antics and energy levels, and trying to give my body the most important things in healing - patience, time, relaxation, and trust.
The October Harmony Fine Arts and Crafts Show is coming up soon! October 15-16th. I have been working on finishing some big pieces that were near-completed works in progress before starting treatment, on perhaps completing a few scattered parts of artwork that I played with during treatment when I could, and some smaller pieces that I've been creating during the last few weeks.
I am so grateful for my art. It allows me the healing blessing to move at my own pace and not have to push in the same way as when I need to go into overdrive to scheduled commitments. I can match how I feel in the moment with different aspects of creation. How I feel is unpredictable so I can work anytime of the day and night and rest whenever. There is a lot to juggle now with preparing and organizing for the show. This is the way I make the majority of my living so it is critical to build to full time artist hours in the studio once again.
I would so love to see all of you there. Please spread the word to any art lovers you know that you think might enjoy my art or attending the show. There will be an assortment of other fine art and crafts, food, and entertainment for children and adults. There will also be a wonderful high school art exhibit. If you want to see more of my artwork check out suzette.cc. Unfortunately it doesn't capture the 3d, textural and dimensional quality much on a flat computer screen :(. Click the link "Rising Above" to see a few of the pieces I've created during my healing journey.
I hope to be there both days - with the help of Team Suzette!
A CELEBRATION AT THE END OF THE PIER
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A celebration at the end of the Seal Beach pier to watch the sun set on my treatment and visualize all the unwelcome critters sinking into the horizon forevermore! YIPPEE!!!
On the Horizon
MRI for the head, neck, and skull and follow ups with the radiation oncologist are in October. My important first follow up/labs/clinical exam with the lymphoma specialist for an envisioned continued "thumbs up" is towards the end of November. Delayed during treatment dermatologist follow-up is next month. I envision great reports from all! :-)
My heart remains basking in the love and generosity of the Team Suzette luncheon and fundraiser! It was such a huge gift to my heart and also to my finances to help buoy me through treatment and recovery as a single, self-supporting, and self-employed artist. Thank you again and again for making the ride softer and smoother for me! I am so blessed by your immense generosity and love. I'm halfway through my thank you cards and hope to have them all out by the art show!
Thank you eternally for your continuing prayers, positive thoughts, compassion, support and love.
Endless gratitude and big love wrapping around all of you. Hope to see you soon!
Suzette
Thank you eternally for your continuing prayers, positive thoughts, compassion, support and love.
Endless gratitude and big love wrapping around all of you. Hope to see you soon!
Suzette
Dearest loving, kind, hopeful, generous, compassionate, positive and miracle-making Team Suzette!
I remain basking in the aftermath of being wrapped in your tender, loving, and generous embrace during the Team Suzette luncheon. I hope all of you were able to read my thank you. Please know that eventually each of you that contributed your sweet support, love and generosity will be receiving a personal thank you card. I am forever in immense gratitude and awe!
The anticipated pet/ct scan has happened and I want to share the results with all of you.
WE EXPECTED A MIRACLE!
Six months ago, due to some rapidly expanding visible external lymph nodes, my oncologist rushed me in for a pet/ct scan. She suspected that either the slow-growing lymphoma we had been following for the last three and half years had begun to spread or, the worst scenario, it had experienced a transformation into a highly aggressive mode.
When I sat in her office at City of Hope viewing the results from the test on her computer screen, there was a stunned look on her face. It was clear an aggressive transformation, (which can be a normal progression of the disease, although she thought triggered by the insult of the previous massive 14 hour surgery on my immune system), had occurred. We viewed each image together. She pointed out huge fiery balls of red and yellow (representing bulky tumor masses) filling up most of the grey areas in my femur and scapula, left side of the neck, thyroid, chest, pelvis, spleen, abdomen, liver, and retroperitoneal, iliac and inguinal areas. She looked at me and said, "It's very bad, Suzette."
The next day the port was put in and I was on the roller coaster ride of chemotherapy, expecting a miracle. My goal was to once again kick all to the far side of the farthest galaxy with Divine grace, the love, support, prayers and positive thoughts of Team Suzette, and my total priority and focus on all things healing. And to eventually change her words to "Very good, Suzette."
When the oncologist and I sat down to view this latest pet scan, she clicked through the images with me once again. The huge fiery areas of bulky tumors were now shades of grey and black. She is reserved and not given to bursts of emotion or cheer leading, but said "In remission." My heart did cartwheels to her words and I put up my hand to give her a high five. Team Suzette and Team Divine have miraculously put this huge forest fire out! AMAZING!!!! I am so deeply blessed and bow to all with humility, awe, love and endless gratitude. (pause for my tear of joy...)
You ALL have created another miracle. Many others aren't so blessed. Some don't survive the transformation, others don't have the strength and resiliency to tolerate the treatment or are not blessed with such an excellent response, especially when all is so aggressive and advanced. We expected a miracle and the miracle has arrived. You have been the healing shining light upon me throughout my entire healing journey and, once again, during the last six months. The results are a testimony to the power of your endless love, open hearts, powerful prayers, most positive thoughts, compassion and the immense grace of the Infinite. The Team Suzette fundraiser luncheon filled with such a tidal wave of love I'm sure washed any remaining critters away ! :-) A HEART TO HEART HUG AND DEEP THANKS ARE REACHING OUT TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. Hope you feel them!
Of course, there is talk of prognosis for the future, relapse, and all that oncologist's speak of when dealing with these unwelcome critters. As always, ALL any of us ever has and knows is the gift of this day, right here and right now.
What I do know FOR SURE is that, at this moment, by the miracle of Team Suzette and Team Divine, two separate Stage 4 aggressive and advanced cancers (the squameous head/neck/skull and the transformed lymphoma), are miraculously both living on the far side of the farthest galaxy. INCREDIBLE! I KNOW that all our intentions, positive thoughts, and prayers are, as from the beginning of this healing journey, working to keep them partying there forevermore! And I know FOR SURE that all of you are the loving threads that make up this beautiful tapestry of my healing. Looks like I have some more living, laughing, learning and loving to do with all of you :-) !!!
I have now been graced with the gift of doing the as important work of healing and recovery on the flip side of treatment. It is time to rest, strengthen, renew, be patient, unwind from the drugs, balance/cleanse, take it a day at a time and gain ground. I know from experience it is not a linear path. I know that my body did an amazing job these last six months (two years!) and is such a strong, resilient and amazing vehicle on this healing journey. So I will continue to give it the time to rebuild as I continue to focus on all things healing: closely listening to my body, taking the best care of myself, deepening my exercise/tai chi/qigong/meditation regime and organic and healing diet, taking longer and longer walks in nature, doing what I love and brings me joy, not pushing when possible, and staying connected with my breath and each present moment. I know, for me, healing takes place in a wide open space and in the lap of timelessness. Each circumstance in our life offers a shift and an opportunity to embrace a new view. Moment by moment, stitch by stitch, if we allow, a beautiful, new tapestry is always being woven together in our lives. I do know that part of that tapestry is gradually building back to making my living as a full-time artist, more tai chi, my book coming to print and somehow returning the love you have given me. The coming months will also reveal, if I embrace empty spaces and don't seek to piece my life back into a previous mold, all the interesting but now unknown ways that new gifts will enter my life.
In December, I will connect once again with the oncologist. This next three months (and always for my body now) it is important not to push or have any hits to my immune system. I expect a Merry Christmas gift of a continued blue skies report with not even a wisp of a cloud.
Thanks to the Divine. Thanks to all of you. Thanks to me. :-) I LOVE YOU ALL!
SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS
With my double diagnosis and continued close follow ups, it can be challenging to always be faced with another "important" test in 3/6/9/12 month intervals.
Yet, there are hidden pearls within the hardened shell of this journey. As my fellow travelers know, our diagnosis rouses us from slumber, more fully awakening us to the precious gift of our lives. We look at death eye-to-eye, so we must also look at our lives face-to-face. We no longer move through our days in a hypnotic trance. Who else is given three and six month reprieves on their lives and a prognosis for survival? Who else has percentages attributed to their possible time on this planet, with words like “terminal” and “survivor” as brands on their chest? What other disease is mostly likely to define itself after someone speaks of a loved one’s death: “We lost him to cancer.” Who else sees such fear in the stunned eyes of each person with whom they share their diagnosis? Who else listens to the long list of all those a person has lost to the same illness? Who else faces, in one solitary breath of diagnosis, a head-on collision with just this precious moment in time?
However, this also beckons us to face what is real and true as well as what is temporary in our lives. In illness or health, facing our eventual death is indeed our greatest teacher and illuminating reality. The "end" can snatch away everything that we once thought we were: our possessions, our roles, our triumphs, and our seemingly precious identities. In one breath, all disappears. Death is the grand checkout counter as we seem to leave everything behind. Or do we?
What does our eventual death ask of us? Simply, to live before we die. Shouldn't we all be thankful to the final curtain for its grand wake up call?
Saying yes to death means realizing that ultimately, we will lose it all. We prepare for death, whether imminent or in the unknown future, by letting go of what we think we need and who we think we are. We die before we die. We “die a thousand deaths.” We die to our fears, pride, anger, resistance, resentments, pettiness, and desires. We surrender our insignificant clingings, the clamor in our minds, our little personalities, and connect more fully to the spirit within us, which can never die. We practice dying every day and keep opening up to what can never die. Time and time again. Saying yes to death means realizing we are ultimately not who we thought we were.
Our inner light can then shine brighter and brighter as we continue to let go. Then the light that was always there, blocked by the antics of our mind, is free to illuminate our entire being. We come home, not as we have been trained to think in the last final homecoming as we pass into the gentle good night. We realize we have always been home. We sink into a deeper experience of the gift of each day and the infinite grace of the Divine. If we die before we die, we can live more fully in the embrace of each moment. Our spirit is then free to soar right here, right now.
Yet, there are hidden pearls within the hardened shell of this journey. As my fellow travelers know, our diagnosis rouses us from slumber, more fully awakening us to the precious gift of our lives. We look at death eye-to-eye, so we must also look at our lives face-to-face. We no longer move through our days in a hypnotic trance. Who else is given three and six month reprieves on their lives and a prognosis for survival? Who else has percentages attributed to their possible time on this planet, with words like “terminal” and “survivor” as brands on their chest? What other disease is mostly likely to define itself after someone speaks of a loved one’s death: “We lost him to cancer.” Who else sees such fear in the stunned eyes of each person with whom they share their diagnosis? Who else listens to the long list of all those a person has lost to the same illness? Who else faces, in one solitary breath of diagnosis, a head-on collision with just this precious moment in time?
However, this also beckons us to face what is real and true as well as what is temporary in our lives. In illness or health, facing our eventual death is indeed our greatest teacher and illuminating reality. The "end" can snatch away everything that we once thought we were: our possessions, our roles, our triumphs, and our seemingly precious identities. In one breath, all disappears. Death is the grand checkout counter as we seem to leave everything behind. Or do we?
What does our eventual death ask of us? Simply, to live before we die. Shouldn't we all be thankful to the final curtain for its grand wake up call?
Saying yes to death means realizing that ultimately, we will lose it all. We prepare for death, whether imminent or in the unknown future, by letting go of what we think we need and who we think we are. We die before we die. We “die a thousand deaths.” We die to our fears, pride, anger, resistance, resentments, pettiness, and desires. We surrender our insignificant clingings, the clamor in our minds, our little personalities, and connect more fully to the spirit within us, which can never die. We practice dying every day and keep opening up to what can never die. Time and time again. Saying yes to death means realizing we are ultimately not who we thought we were.
Our inner light can then shine brighter and brighter as we continue to let go. Then the light that was always there, blocked by the antics of our mind, is free to illuminate our entire being. We come home, not as we have been trained to think in the last final homecoming as we pass into the gentle good night. We realize we have always been home. We sink into a deeper experience of the gift of each day and the infinite grace of the Divine. If we die before we die, we can live more fully in the embrace of each moment. Our spirit is then free to soar right here, right now.
FOLLOW-UPS
Speaking of follow up exams :-), I had a clinical follow up exam with my head/neck surgeon this week. It is our two year anniversary since the end of surgery/treatment. He spoke of how wildly aggressive and advanced all had been and that on the current pet scan for the lymphoma there was no sight of any activity in the head/neck/skull. He looked at me with a huge smile and said "It is AMAZING!!! It is AWESOME!!!" My sentiments indeed. I will have an MRI in a few months (they like this test for a different look at the base of the skull). I know all the unwelcome critters have a permanent residence on the far side of the galaxy, but let's surround them with a big buffer of prayers, positive thoughts, and no trespassing signs!
Keep the faith.
Miracles happen.
I love, love, love, love you all. I bow before you all in immense gratitude and awe and am wrapping you in my heart and soul,
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click HERE. To leave a private message, click reply.
Miracles happen.
I love, love, love, love you all. I bow before you all in immense gratitude and awe and am wrapping you in my heart and soul,
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click HERE. To leave a private message, click reply.
THANK YOU !!!
THE TEAM SUZETTE FUNDRAISER LUNCHEON WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!!!
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Dear loving, caring, supportive, amazing, generous and unbelievable Team Suzette family and friends, WOW! Two months ago, Meg, my dear friend and fellow student at my dojo, Aikido-ai of Whittier, emailed me that they wanted to put together a Team Suzette fundraiser luncheon. I was touched and excited. "That’s great," I told her. Then I thought to myself, “I hope some people show up.” On Saturday, 101 people surrounded me with the warmth of their love and the immensity of their generosity. Countless others who could not come contributed and were definitely with us in spirit. I gazed out on a room filled with smiling faces beaming with love. Tables were laden with donated gifts for a silent auction and some of my artwork was for sale. Raffle tickets to win two free tickets to Disneyland were being sold. My heart was dancing in joy and gratitude. I was overwhelmed, in the best possible way, and in near disbelief, by all the love that wrapped me in such a warm and soft embrace. It was so wonderful to see everyone and to share hand to hand to heart hugs and thank you all face to face for your love and support. I was in beautiful shock. Pinch me. Towards the end of the luncheon, I stood stunned and without words, only tears, as they kept announcing some beginning totals of the profits going to me from the luncheon, the raffle, the silent auction, the artwork sales and donations. The next day when a dear friend brought over stacks of checks and cash and showed me the total there were more tears… and some more. I was in sticker shock by the stunning total raised to help buoy me during my recovery. How could one unwelcome critter survive in such a tidal wave of love and support? I truly don’t know how or why I have been so blessed but I am eternally humbled and grateful. It is so true that it takes a village. The village is all the love that has carried me through this healing journey. Family, friends, my dojo, and even people I have never met but that have graced me with their compassion and support. My village is all the love expressed in action throughout this journey. Each encouraging card arriving in my mailbox. Each doorstep delivery as I focus on healing. Each outpouring of generosity to provide a financial safety net. All the prayers and positive thoughts. All the times family and friends were my legs, eyes and engine. The list is endless. The village is each and every one of your precious, beautiful, loving, caring, compassionate and giving spirits. I truly hope that I someday, somehow I can return all the love you have given me. My GREAT gratitude to Sensei Frank Mc Gouirk for creating and guiding this loving dojo and for his abiding love and support. My HUGE heartfelt thanks to the committee for all their selfless hours creating, organizing and orchestrating this fundraiser. My ENDLESS thanks to each person who came and shared their heart and generosity and to each person that was there in spirit and contribution. Thank you all from the deepest place inside of me… then a little deeper. I wanted to be able to thank you all without much delay so I’m sending this group thank you out to Team Suzette. I will be sending each of you an individual thank you. I’m not sure when, given all the givens. Although it may come much later than sooner, know that eventually my thank you will reach each of you personally. Thank you for continuing to remember me during all the peaks and valleys of my healing journey and the last six months of this latest treatment. Thank you for holding me in your hearts, your prayers, your positive thoughts and your loving care. My body is resting and healing now. My spirit is full and basking in the aftermath of all the love and generosity that fills my heart and will carry me through my recovery. There will be a pet scan at the end of the month. Please continue to keep me in your powerful prayers and most positive thoughts. I envision sharing that miracles abound and that we have once again sent all unwelcome critters to the far side of the farthest galaxy. I love you all so very very much. Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click HERE. To send a private message, click reply. |
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7/23/16
Hi loving and amazing Team Suzette,
It has been a few months since my last update. You are all in my heart. I’ve been busy riding the roller coaster of treatment and truly focusing on all things healing as my priority. There have been challenges, of course, with all the chemicals cycling throughout my body but my spirit remains strong. Overdrive and pushing aren't my best of friends and so no mind, present moment and meditative quiet feels most healing and relaxing. All is every changing so just taking it moment to moment. I'm so thankful for the wide open space to move or not move with whatever is happening in my body. I am also so appreciative for all my training in meditation, tai chi,and qigong for their gifts of healing and relaxation. I so cherish the gift of each day and all the amazing blessings pf joy, love, friendship and grace in my life - and the deep knowing of another miracle of complete healing. Life is good.
Your cards, words of encouragement, kindness, compassion, love and generosity have once again been my soft place to fall and continue to buoy me along this recent journey. I am just passing the halfway mark of treatment and before we all know it I will be writing you that I’ve crossed the finish line with flying colors. Please keep those prayers, positive thoughts, healing chi and white light coming my way. They make all the difference. Please continue to focus on the strength and resiliency of my body and spirit and not any illness and insult. For now, it is time to heal, heal and heal some more.
It has been a few months since my last update. You are all in my heart. I’ve been busy riding the roller coaster of treatment and truly focusing on all things healing as my priority. There have been challenges, of course, with all the chemicals cycling throughout my body but my spirit remains strong. Overdrive and pushing aren't my best of friends and so no mind, present moment and meditative quiet feels most healing and relaxing. All is every changing so just taking it moment to moment. I'm so thankful for the wide open space to move or not move with whatever is happening in my body. I am also so appreciative for all my training in meditation, tai chi,and qigong for their gifts of healing and relaxation. I so cherish the gift of each day and all the amazing blessings pf joy, love, friendship and grace in my life - and the deep knowing of another miracle of complete healing. Life is good.
Your cards, words of encouragement, kindness, compassion, love and generosity have once again been my soft place to fall and continue to buoy me along this recent journey. I am just passing the halfway mark of treatment and before we all know it I will be writing you that I’ve crossed the finish line with flying colors. Please keep those prayers, positive thoughts, healing chi and white light coming my way. They make all the difference. Please continue to focus on the strength and resiliency of my body and spirit and not any illness and insult. For now, it is time to heal, heal and heal some more.
GREAT NEWS
My oncologist ordered a pet scan. At the halfway mark all external and internal masses should show a response to the chemotherapy. Her concern was that if even one of the bulky masses in various locations was showing resistance to treatment it would mean that my current trajectory would have to be abandoned in search of something else. YEAH! I am where she wanted to see me midway in response to treatment. The wants for the remaining months are…
-No infection arises to delay or complicate treatment (due to this chemo challenging white blood count)...
No problem! :-)
-The treatment continues to build in intensity so it is critical that all organs and my general body continue to be strong enough to handle the rest of treatment.....
Can do! :-)
-The disappearing act continues...
Absolutely! :-)
This body of mine is incredibly strong even though I look like a skinny bald-headed runt :-). Blue skies and complete healing for sure.
-No infection arises to delay or complicate treatment (due to this chemo challenging white blood count)...
No problem! :-)
-The treatment continues to build in intensity so it is critical that all organs and my general body continue to be strong enough to handle the rest of treatment.....
Can do! :-)
-The disappearing act continues...
Absolutely! :-)
This body of mine is incredibly strong even though I look like a skinny bald-headed runt :-). Blue skies and complete healing for sure.
HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
Fourteen days into my first cycle my curly mop and comb over came falling out like I was in a bad dream. So I decided to have a dear friend gather her shears and shave all off before the second cycle.
Some friends came up with ten reasons it is great to have no hair.
10. Saves time
9. No bedhead or bad hair day
8. Saves money on hair products
7. Wind doesn't blow hair in your eyes
6. Cooler in the hot days of summer
5. Top of the head kissable
4. No haircuts
3. Wear cool scarves and beanies
2. Look like a Buddha
1. To embrace the zen of my beloved hairless companion angels Tattoo and Mama Kitty!
Actually, in the moment, I love being bald. I enjoy the feel of my hand along the little stubbles, the cool breeze on my head on these very hot days and all the colorful caps. Mostly right now it is wonderful that t it takes no energy, no thought, no consideration whatsoever. Not great beauty but hopefully my spirit somehow shines through the baldness. And, who knows, maybe the bald head, missing ear, weird graft on my head, neck and skull and paralysis will land me the leading role in the next sci fi movie.:-). So here's the naked truth in a few pics. I'm inputting them before I change my mind :-).
HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU!
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THE FLIP SIDE
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MY "GOOD" SIDE :-)
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ANOTHER MT. BALDY... and not the top of my head :-)
I LOVE ALL THE LOVE AND HEALING WITHIN THIS ONE SPECIAL ROCK!
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A FEW OF MY DEAR FRIENDS ON THE MOUNTAIN WITH ME
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In May 2014, I was mostly horizontal, drains in place, restricted in movement, limited in energy and soon to begin radiation and chemotherapy. Our dojo's 33rd annual retreat (of which I had attended for the last 20 years ) was close but so far away. They all so lovingly dedicated the retreat to me with all the proceeds going to Team Suzette, along with bringing Mt. Baldy home to me in various forms including a rock that said Mt. Baldy 2014 that had been passed around to all in a circle and infused with their love, prayers and healing chi. My goal was to return to the mountain in 2015 and forevermore to have Sensei write each unfolding year on the rock. Last year I made it to the mountain and my then goal was to have 2016 written on my rock. It was a push but I was determined and inspired to fulfill my vision. In May dear friends delivered me to the healing air of Mt. Baldy retreat where Sensei wrote 2016 and everyone gathered in a circle to infuse the rock with more love and healing for this current journey. It inspires me to look at the rock with 2014, 2015 and 2016 on my dining room table. 2017 will reveal a longer time on the the mountain. I will deliver that rock back to the mountain for many moons to come. I will have my Sensei write each unfolding year on it with ink until it is covered in black and I have to hand him a white pen to write the next year.
It is just a little update but wanted to be in touch and let you all know the latest. The journey is everything.
Wrapping you all in my love and deep into my heart in never-ending appreciation, friendship and healing,
Suzette 6/22
Wrapping you all in my love and deep into my heart in never-ending appreciation, friendship and healing,
Suzette 6/22
Dear loving Team Suzette,
It has been a wild ride as of late. Life is, as always, a don’t know moment to moment. Those of us going through diagnosis, treatment and recovery know this all too well but the truth is that life takes all of us on unpredictable twists and turns. All we ever know is just this moment... then the next. We trust that when the seeming detours happen we have a strength and resiliency of body and spirit to move with grace, positive light and deeper meaning surrounded by a loving and abiding safety net of family and friends. You all have been that to me and so much more.
Here is to always appreciating each moment, expressing the love in our hearts and embracing the miracle of life.
It has been a wild ride as of late. Life is, as always, a don’t know moment to moment. Those of us going through diagnosis, treatment and recovery know this all too well but the truth is that life takes all of us on unpredictable twists and turns. All we ever know is just this moment... then the next. We trust that when the seeming detours happen we have a strength and resiliency of body and spirit to move with grace, positive light and deeper meaning surrounded by a loving and abiding safety net of family and friends. You all have been that to me and so much more.
Here is to always appreciating each moment, expressing the love in our hearts and embracing the miracle of life.
LATEST MEDICAL MUMBO JUMBO
Since I have double the diagnosis’s (squameous and lymphoma) it has made for double the not so much fun :-) recently undergoing MRI’s, petscans, cat scans, labs, follow-ups, consultations and a few biopsies to determine the state of any unwelcome critters.
GREAT NEWS!
All things squameous in the head, neck and base of the skull miraculously remain on the far side of the furthermost galaxy. A testimony to expert surgeons/doctors, Divine grace and the love, prayers and positive thoughts of Team Suzette. An immense blessing and an immense relief combined with feelings of immense gratitude!
MIRACLE IN PROGRESS
-I’ve been given a curve ball. It turns out that the slow growing lymphoma is not so slow growing anymore. The gene has transformed into a very aggressive lymphoma in need of immediate treatment. The lymphoma specialist believes that the over-the-top surgery, radiation to half of my head/skull, chemotherapy regime, other surgeries, etc. were such a huge hit to my immune system that it caused a mutation of the gene. She took one look at the pet scan and had me on the fast track. I was in the following day for a port and the start of the first 8 hour infusion of chemotherapy. She’s a strong cocktail for an entirely differently situation, some side effects the same and many very different. I’m rolling with the punches, taking it all moment to moment as the chemicals cycle through me and knowing that miracles are once again in progress. There will be infusions every several weeks over the next six months.
This is certainly not the plans I had for summer or for my still continuing to heal body. Yet, as Woody Allen reminds us, “If you want to hear God laugh, just tell Him/Her about your plans.” Perhaps, always though, a reminder to all of us to not take anything for granted and enjoy the beauty of life right here, right now.
How I am feeling is ever-changing, hour to hour… moment to moment…as I cycle through the treatment. What is important and will not change is that all sails are set once again to another miraculous destination.
So please continue to wrap me in your great love, healing energy, prayers, positive thoughts. Focus on the strength and resiliency of my body and spirit (this skinny thing has overcome great obstacles and odds and will do so again!) and not illness and insult. Miracles are not parceled out one per person but are eternally abundant to all.
I reckon I’m being asked to give up ALL attachment to how I look. This time the hair will fall out completely and no longer will i be able to do the great curly hair combover of the graft, missing ear, etc. Well, I always did love fun hats and colorful scarves. And one thing I do know and deeply experience is that who I truly am is not this form but my ever-abiding and eternal spirit within. Hopefully that will shine even more brightly outward now through the top of my Mt. Baldy :-). My sister texted me last night when I shared that it was about time to shave the curly mop of mine (many of you know how close I am to my best buddy and now feline angel, Tattoo (a hairless kitty) ... "You are embracing the zen of your beloved hairless kitty companions, Tattoo and her Mama." :-) I like that.
Next very important thing:
I want to give my sincere and deep apologies to my extended family and dear friends that would have loved to have known sooner and not through the update. Please understand that I was on the fast track with all the tests and then immediately into treatment. From that moment, I’ve been rolling with the punches and moving moment to moment with everything and so not in the cards to write and respond to individual emails. Also I wanted to be at my art show and have all eyes on and conversation about my art.
I will keep everyone updated on the trajectory of treatment as I move through this next chapter. Just know always that deep healing is taking place.
I have a temporary leadership team in place for my Tai Chi classes as my body goes on this wild roller coaster ride. This frees me from scheduled time commitments and gives me the open space to move with all that is happening, whenever it is happening, at my own pace - whether it is needing to stay in the horizontal mode or be hyped out on the some of the drugs given with treatment. I know that deep rest and healing space is important as everything changes…. moment to moment. I remain so blessed to be able to work out of my house as an artist.
I don’t know how the next six months will cycle out but I do know that on the other side of treatment and recovery I will once again not remember this journey for its illness and insults but as a time of triumphs, blessings, generosity, friendship and the continued love of Team Suzette. I will once again look back and see a beautiful, amazing tapestry woven together with golden threads of love. I will see another testimony to my body’s amazing capacity to heal and the spirit’s incredible power to uplift and persevere. And how I continue to have a life abundant with great blessings, immense love and unfolding grace and joy. The journey remains everything.
And, in the spirit of all my sweet squirrels, my new motto is ...
This is certainly not the plans I had for summer or for my still continuing to heal body. Yet, as Woody Allen reminds us, “If you want to hear God laugh, just tell Him/Her about your plans.” Perhaps, always though, a reminder to all of us to not take anything for granted and enjoy the beauty of life right here, right now.
How I am feeling is ever-changing, hour to hour… moment to moment…as I cycle through the treatment. What is important and will not change is that all sails are set once again to another miraculous destination.
So please continue to wrap me in your great love, healing energy, prayers, positive thoughts. Focus on the strength and resiliency of my body and spirit (this skinny thing has overcome great obstacles and odds and will do so again!) and not illness and insult. Miracles are not parceled out one per person but are eternally abundant to all.
I reckon I’m being asked to give up ALL attachment to how I look. This time the hair will fall out completely and no longer will i be able to do the great curly hair combover of the graft, missing ear, etc. Well, I always did love fun hats and colorful scarves. And one thing I do know and deeply experience is that who I truly am is not this form but my ever-abiding and eternal spirit within. Hopefully that will shine even more brightly outward now through the top of my Mt. Baldy :-). My sister texted me last night when I shared that it was about time to shave the curly mop of mine (many of you know how close I am to my best buddy and now feline angel, Tattoo (a hairless kitty) ... "You are embracing the zen of your beloved hairless kitty companions, Tattoo and her Mama." :-) I like that.
Next very important thing:
I want to give my sincere and deep apologies to my extended family and dear friends that would have loved to have known sooner and not through the update. Please understand that I was on the fast track with all the tests and then immediately into treatment. From that moment, I’ve been rolling with the punches and moving moment to moment with everything and so not in the cards to write and respond to individual emails. Also I wanted to be at my art show and have all eyes on and conversation about my art.
I will keep everyone updated on the trajectory of treatment as I move through this next chapter. Just know always that deep healing is taking place.
I have a temporary leadership team in place for my Tai Chi classes as my body goes on this wild roller coaster ride. This frees me from scheduled time commitments and gives me the open space to move with all that is happening, whenever it is happening, at my own pace - whether it is needing to stay in the horizontal mode or be hyped out on the some of the drugs given with treatment. I know that deep rest and healing space is important as everything changes…. moment to moment. I remain so blessed to be able to work out of my house as an artist.
I don’t know how the next six months will cycle out but I do know that on the other side of treatment and recovery I will once again not remember this journey for its illness and insults but as a time of triumphs, blessings, generosity, friendship and the continued love of Team Suzette. I will once again look back and see a beautiful, amazing tapestry woven together with golden threads of love. I will see another testimony to my body’s amazing capacity to heal and the spirit’s incredible power to uplift and persevere. And how I continue to have a life abundant with great blessings, immense love and unfolding grace and joy. The journey remains everything.
And, in the spirit of all my sweet squirrels, my new motto is ...
THE ART SHOWS
THE HARMONY CENTER SPRING BLING
I was graced with a 15 x 6 foot booth showcasing all my latest work. Many many thanks to all the visitors who came to see me and all my latest artwork. I feel so truly blessed that so many of you appreciate my art, have brought my pieces into your homes and support my livelihood as a full-time, single self supporting artist. I made the rent :-). And thank you once again to all the very LOVING and SUPPORTING people who are the Harmony Spiritual Center. Special thanks, thanks, thanks to Joseph and Edsel for setting up the dog and pony act, \Tex and Rainee for being the full-time amazing sales and accounting staff :-), Pat for all her supportive hours in the booth and Tally, Edsel, Joseph, Suzanne and Kerry and everyone who helped break her down and load her up in my van once again... til next time!
THE "W" FINE ART EXHIBIT
It was a beautiful exhibit of fine art at the “W’Show this year. I was there at the Friday night reception along with many art aficianodas and city officials. Thank you to City of Whittier and Parnell Part, along with the amazing Roberto Chavez for your support of the arts and artists. This promises to be a growing show bringing fine arts to our community.
UP and INSPIRING: "THE JOURNEY IS EVERYTHING" ARTWORK
Since they can't really take a picture of the unit and the patients, all the hospital could send was a pic of it on the wall. It doesn't give a feeling for it as it embraces the entrance of their children's hematology/oncology unit though.
A QUICK UPDATE:
The 4 1/2' x 5 1/2' artwork, The Journey is Everything, that I slowly made over many months during recovery representing all the themes of my healing, was generously purchased last year by my sister and her husband, Jeannine and Richard Lambert, as donors hoping it could reside in a public place where it would inspire others on their own journey. Our decision was to approach the Long Beach Children’s Miller Memorial Jonathan Jacques Cancer Unit where children stay for often long periods of time with their families as they undergo treatment. Of course, doing anything with big institutions is a challenge and it went through many months being considered at all levels of the bureaucracy to determine if it was indeed something they wanted in their hospital and within that wing. The final answer was a resounding “YES” and it now hangs in the Children’s Cancer unit. According to the supervisor of the unit it is "inspiring" both staff and patients and their families and "giving hope to those who feel there may not be."
Many years ago I volunteered my time at this exact cancer unit doing art workshops with the children, sitting bedside in quiet, meditative stillness as they went through treatment, painting their faces and talking with them through puppets. All comes full circle. Ain’t life grand!
Thank you, thank you, thank you all for carrying me once again on the wings of your love.
Endless love and endless appreciation.
Heart to heart always,
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, please click HERE.
Endless love and endless appreciation.
Heart to heart always,
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, please click HERE.
Dear loving Team Suzette…
Hope all of you are full of the joy and spirit of spring. I feel so overwhelming thankful for each moment to moment blessed gift of time spent with and surrounded by such incredibly loving, supportive, generous, kind, fun and exceptional family and friends.
This REALLY is a quickie. I’ve been having followups, MRI’s, scans, X-ray, etc. for both diagnosis and should have an update for you all sometime after the art show.
In the moment I want to invite you to my upcoming art show(s) on Friday, April 22nd and Saturday, April 23rd. I have more new work to exhibit and it is also a great chance to visit with all of you. And, of course, having high hopes, as always, for a wildly successful show to buoy me along as a full-time artist.
Hope all of you are full of the joy and spirit of spring. I feel so overwhelming thankful for each moment to moment blessed gift of time spent with and surrounded by such incredibly loving, supportive, generous, kind, fun and exceptional family and friends.
This REALLY is a quickie. I’ve been having followups, MRI’s, scans, X-ray, etc. for both diagnosis and should have an update for you all sometime after the art show.
In the moment I want to invite you to my upcoming art show(s) on Friday, April 22nd and Saturday, April 23rd. I have more new work to exhibit and it is also a great chance to visit with all of you. And, of course, having high hopes, as always, for a wildly successful show to buoy me along as a full-time artist.
TWO EXHIBITS/ONE WEEKEND
Most of you know this show and location and have come visited me here many times :-). The Harmony Center has been so kind and so generous to me. They are allowing me to set up my fine art display once again. I will have both larger and small pieces. I have many new pieces that I would LOVE all of you to see. This show itself is a smaller boutique so there will be somefun impulse shopping too! PLEASE come visit me!!! I will be there all day on Saturday from 10-4pm!
AND....THE "W" SHOW
This will be a smaller exhibit (one 8ft by 8 ft panel) representing some of my larger fine art framed pieces. I will be at the opening reception Friday night by 7pm (and at the Harmony Spring Bling Show on Saturday from 10-4pm.)
There are some very talented artists exhibiting and the opening reception promises to be festive. The staff of the "W" show is available Saturday when I won't be there for any questions or sales.
There are some very talented artists exhibiting and the opening reception promises to be festive. The staff of the "W" show is available Saturday when I won't be there for any questions or sales.
See it really was a quickie :-)! Sending much love out to all of you very precious souls and hoping to cross paths at the art show.
Heart to heart, always,
Suzette
Heart to heart, always,
Suzette
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO TEAM SUZETTE!
It seems perfect that I should be sending this note out to all of you on the heels of Valentine’s Day. A Valentine's Day not of romantic gestures but, for me, a more expansive love that brings cartwheels to my heart in endless gratitude for all the deep and abiding friendships, selfless acts of kindness and abundant love in my life.
For me, Valentine’s day is a reminder to keep open the door to our hearts so we can continue to love, feel and live more fully. We are all here in this journey together. Opening our heart allows us to stay connected to who we really are and also reach out to everyone with the essence that connects us all. No matter what our challenge, love remains. It is not affected by illness and has no limitations. Circumstances never change who we are. Instead they ask us to be more of what we truly are. They invite us to rip open more deeply into love.
We always have the choice to follow our hearts home. The open heart of love is our lake with vast and unending width, depth and breadth that can embrace everything from the maternity ward to the hospice bed and the tiniest ant to the endless blue sky. The open heart softens even the hardest edge of circumstances and receives all like the deepest inhale. The choice is always ours. We can allow our heart to be an open door that swings to give and receive love in an endless circle or we can slam it shut in fear, resentment and bitterness.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Here’s to keeping our hearts open and remembering that the essence of our lives is to give and receive love. I believe it is why we are here spinning on this planet together. You all remain in my heart in eternal gratitude for the gift of your love.
For me, Valentine’s day is a reminder to keep open the door to our hearts so we can continue to love, feel and live more fully. We are all here in this journey together. Opening our heart allows us to stay connected to who we really are and also reach out to everyone with the essence that connects us all. No matter what our challenge, love remains. It is not affected by illness and has no limitations. Circumstances never change who we are. Instead they ask us to be more of what we truly are. They invite us to rip open more deeply into love.
We always have the choice to follow our hearts home. The open heart of love is our lake with vast and unending width, depth and breadth that can embrace everything from the maternity ward to the hospice bed and the tiniest ant to the endless blue sky. The open heart softens even the hardest edge of circumstances and receives all like the deepest inhale. The choice is always ours. We can allow our heart to be an open door that swings to give and receive love in an endless circle or we can slam it shut in fear, resentment and bitterness.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Here’s to keeping our hearts open and remembering that the essence of our lives is to give and receive love. I believe it is why we are here spinning on this planet together. You all remain in my heart in eternal gratitude for the gift of your love.
PLEASE COME VISIT ME AT THE HILLCREST FINE ARTS FESTIVAL
Friday, February 26th 10-5 Saturday, February 27th 10-5 Sunday, February 28th 11:30-5
2000 West Road La Habra Heights
(near the border of Whittier. From East Whittier Blvd., take Santa Gertrudes North,
which turns into West Road. For more information call (562) 947-3755.
2015 Booth
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Only 11 days away! I'm very excited to be exhibiting again at this awesome local show. This is a hidden gem of an art festival. If you haven't been before you will be amazed at both the quality and quantity of the artwork on exhibit. Thanks to the Festival Committee once again for their generous support and offering me a wonderful exhibit space in Gallery Ten!! I'm very excited to share all my new work. And for the opportunity for a paycheck to buoy me along and support my living as a full-time artist! I'd love to visit with all of you! Hope to see you there!
QUICK UPDATES
Meeting with the head/neck surgeon
This was a clinical follow up so, since manually he is unable to really explore under the graft and the skull, it was mainly an opportunity to check in to see if there are any new symptoms, monitor the side effects from surgery/radiation and keep a close eye on all. I'se looking good :-) ! In under two months, I have my next MRI and also a chest x-ray (to tell me that everything still lives on the far side of the farthest galaxy ) :-)!
Following shortly after my next scan, I have my appointment with the Lymphoma Specialist.
Shoulder brace:
I found a local doctor who was willing to take a look at me to see if he can think far enough outside the box to make some kind of custom brace for my shoulder that I can actually put on and tighten! As you know, the first custom one that another doctor constructed was beautiful - but they forgot that my spinal accessory nerve/surgical challenges made it impossible for me to put on and also tighten. This orthotics doctor may also be covered, at least in part, by my insurance :-). So hopefully next month I will get in for an appointment.
Skin surgeries:
I am thrilled that my dermatologist surgeon remains on maternity leave and so I am on reprieve from any possible surgeries for the next few months. Those 8 surgeries in two months and poking, prodding, excavating and stitches took up a lot of time and energy! I see her again in the middle of March to check in all thing skin and am anticipating a blue skies report!
This was a clinical follow up so, since manually he is unable to really explore under the graft and the skull, it was mainly an opportunity to check in to see if there are any new symptoms, monitor the side effects from surgery/radiation and keep a close eye on all. I'se looking good :-) ! In under two months, I have my next MRI and also a chest x-ray (to tell me that everything still lives on the far side of the farthest galaxy ) :-)!
Following shortly after my next scan, I have my appointment with the Lymphoma Specialist.
Shoulder brace:
I found a local doctor who was willing to take a look at me to see if he can think far enough outside the box to make some kind of custom brace for my shoulder that I can actually put on and tighten! As you know, the first custom one that another doctor constructed was beautiful - but they forgot that my spinal accessory nerve/surgical challenges made it impossible for me to put on and also tighten. This orthotics doctor may also be covered, at least in part, by my insurance :-). So hopefully next month I will get in for an appointment.
Skin surgeries:
I am thrilled that my dermatologist surgeon remains on maternity leave and so I am on reprieve from any possible surgeries for the next few months. Those 8 surgeries in two months and poking, prodding, excavating and stitches took up a lot of time and energy! I see her again in the middle of March to check in all thing skin and am anticipating a blue skies report!
My backyard is doing cartwheels in the warmth of the sun. The plants are waking up each morning with a smile, the birds seem to be fluttering in wild abandon and buds feel ready to burst into bloom. My outdoor patio desk/office is a beautiful setting to write and sketch. I'm so thankful for this small but embracing sanctuary.
A DREAM COME TRUE!
As most of you know, I do have a love affair with avocados :-). I have always wanted a tree of my own but, alas, I rent and also don't have the space. My great friend and Sensei, Frank, graced me with the generous gift of my own avocado tree with him as the foster parent in his yard. Two other dear friends helped with cracking the earth open to lower her into the ground. It was a fun day! She is small and was in a 5 lb pot before entering the ground but she already had one large avocado hanging from her limb. A great preview of coming attractions! I can't wait for the first harvest!
Thanks for taking the time to read my words. Thank you for your love. I continue to hope that someday I can return all the love you have all given to me. Hope to see you at the art show.
From my heart,
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click Here. To send a private message, click reply.
DEAR LOVING TEAM SUZETTE FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
I hope all of you had a holiday filled with peace, connection with loved ones and a joyful spirit. Deep thanks to all of you that sent me great cheer and love through your beautiful holiday cards and gifts from your heart. Immense thanks to all of you that continue to keep me in your light, love and prayers. Eternal thanks to the loving web of Team Suzette that has so gracefully woven me into your lives and continues to lift me up on the wings of your compassion and healing energy. May I someday return all the love that you have given me.
I have never been one for grand resolutions at the first of each new year. Instead, for me, I try to focus on being as centered and mindful as I can day by day and move in the direction of my dreams. This year though I do have a vision for 2016 besides, of course, keeping all unwelcome critters on the far side of the galaxy!!! Many of you have continued to encourage me to keep writing about my journey and pull together a book. I am humbled by those of you that feel that others could be inspired in even some small way by my journey. It is because of your encouragement that I am committed to completing a book this year. This will not be a book on the trajectory of my diagnosis, treatment and recovery - on the “story” of my “illness”. I do have notebooks full of tests, summaries, reports and recommendations with my name on them rivaling War and Peace :-). They are a neat and somewhat tidy account of the trajectory of my healing journey. However, boxes can become cramped and distorted and wrap experience with a tight ribbon and a bow. Yes, they are the facts, the circumstances. However, is that my journey? Perhaps yes, it is the external landscape. But it is the internal terrain that asks to be written. “ Out of the mud grows the lotus blossom.” I hope to reflect on the fallen petals along my path - the lessons, reflections and inspirations that are the pearls within the hardened shell of my challenges. Team Suzette updates have some fertile seeds that will hopefully blossom into chapters that form a book. I will see how this adventure unfolds. Not sure if and how my words can have meaning for others but if they can help just one persons to navigate any unforeseen circumstance in their life with a little more ease, then it will be worth writing every word.
Where will I find the time to complete the book among needing to make a living with full time hours as an artist, teaching tai chi and continued rest and recovery??? I know not. I do know that I will somehow continue to carve out whatever chunks I can to bring it to birth. I trust that, like all else in my life, all will unfold with grace and blessings if it indeed is something that comes from my heart and my soul and has some meaning for another. So I will continue to put one word in front of the other and see where it takes me. Many thanks to all of you for your loving encouragement and inspiration.
QUICK UPDATES
DREAMWORKS HOLIDAY ART FAIRE
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A new tai chi student and quickly turned friend who works at Dreamworks Studio invited me to exhibit my art at their annual Christmas Faire. The grounds and the architecture are breath-taking, especially when magically adorned for the holidays. What an inviting environment for all those creative professionals to work as they give birth to all their amazing movies. It was a fun and festive evening. The faire was combined with their company get-together and had endless tables of free food and drinks, along with dancing and music. Given all the gala, people weren’t too focused on buying but it was a wonderful day made possible by a sweet friend and it paid for a big shopping spree at Sprouts :-). Thanks, Joseph!
COMING ATTRACTIONS: SAVE THE DATE - FEBRUARY 26-28
Wow, is it really time for the Hillcrest Fine arts show again?
I am very much looking forward to exhibiting again this year. It is always such a joy and a gift to be a part of this local show. The folks that put it on are so very loving, supportive and dedicated to art and jury in such talented artists every year. I am now down deep in creativity preparing for the show. I’m so grateful for this local venue and hope to have it be a paycheck that will buoy me through the winter months into spring.
DANCING ON THE SKIN
I’ve had several more skin surgeries - enough already with the prodding, poking, excavating, stitching and wound care :-). Good news for me though. My derma surgeon went on maternity leave for three months as of January 1st. So I'm hoping to be “on leave” as well :-)
FOLLOW UP WITH HEAD AND NECK SURGEON
Coming up next month. Seems like it was just a few months ago. Oh, because it was :-)
Those of us on a similar journey know the ground can feel unstable as we stand before our oncologist every 3/6/9/12 months to find out if we are set free again or delivered an unwanted sentence. A clear scan can feel as if we are granted a huge reprieve, allowing any anxiety to disappear into the vast distance of the horizon. As our next follow up slowly approaches all begins to once again loom larger and larger. It is as if we are driving towards what looks like a slight incline and, little by little, we remember all too well that it is actually the same foreboding mountain. There is no turning back. The trajectory of our lives can change in an instant. How do we get the anxiety to lose its grip, even when it is staring us face to face? How to soften the edge of the always approaching reality? This is actually true for all of us, but perhaps only those that have gone through the wilderness of diagnosis and treatment can know what it is like to be looking squarely in the eye of our seeming fate time and time again. .
Day by day and moment to moment it is so important to embrace what is in front of us. Our healing journey or any challenging life circumstance is our great training and our immutable teacher The lesson continually repeats itself. Breathe and return to this present moment. Let go of all the possible fearful scenarios that rise in the mind. Just right here, right now. Simple but not easy. It is an illusion that those of us going through diagnosis, treatment and recovery are the only ones that live under a verdict that can change in a moment’s notice. Life has a very deft sleight of hand. Each day is a gift for all with only a possible retrieve into the next dawn. At any moment, at any hour and on any day, anyone’s life can be taken from them in the blink of an eye. And so the chorus repeats itself. Seize the day! Express our love! Be kind to one another! Follow our dreams! Be thankful for all we have! Live from a joyful spirit! And know that everything matters!
COMING ATTRACTIONS: SAVE THE DATE - FEBRUARY 26-28
Wow, is it really time for the Hillcrest Fine arts show again?
I am very much looking forward to exhibiting again this year. It is always such a joy and a gift to be a part of this local show. The folks that put it on are so very loving, supportive and dedicated to art and jury in such talented artists every year. I am now down deep in creativity preparing for the show. I’m so grateful for this local venue and hope to have it be a paycheck that will buoy me through the winter months into spring.
DANCING ON THE SKIN
I’ve had several more skin surgeries - enough already with the prodding, poking, excavating, stitching and wound care :-). Good news for me though. My derma surgeon went on maternity leave for three months as of January 1st. So I'm hoping to be “on leave” as well :-)
FOLLOW UP WITH HEAD AND NECK SURGEON
Coming up next month. Seems like it was just a few months ago. Oh, because it was :-)
Those of us on a similar journey know the ground can feel unstable as we stand before our oncologist every 3/6/9/12 months to find out if we are set free again or delivered an unwanted sentence. A clear scan can feel as if we are granted a huge reprieve, allowing any anxiety to disappear into the vast distance of the horizon. As our next follow up slowly approaches all begins to once again loom larger and larger. It is as if we are driving towards what looks like a slight incline and, little by little, we remember all too well that it is actually the same foreboding mountain. There is no turning back. The trajectory of our lives can change in an instant. How do we get the anxiety to lose its grip, even when it is staring us face to face? How to soften the edge of the always approaching reality? This is actually true for all of us, but perhaps only those that have gone through the wilderness of diagnosis and treatment can know what it is like to be looking squarely in the eye of our seeming fate time and time again. .
Day by day and moment to moment it is so important to embrace what is in front of us. Our healing journey or any challenging life circumstance is our great training and our immutable teacher The lesson continually repeats itself. Breathe and return to this present moment. Let go of all the possible fearful scenarios that rise in the mind. Just right here, right now. Simple but not easy. It is an illusion that those of us going through diagnosis, treatment and recovery are the only ones that live under a verdict that can change in a moment’s notice. Life has a very deft sleight of hand. Each day is a gift for all with only a possible retrieve into the next dawn. At any moment, at any hour and on any day, anyone’s life can be taken from them in the blink of an eye. And so the chorus repeats itself. Seize the day! Express our love! Be kind to one another! Follow our dreams! Be thankful for all we have! Live from a joyful spirit! And know that everything matters!
There is so much talk in the oncology world, especially when dealing with my many new realities from surgery and/or the side effects from chemo and radiation of the "New Normal". I was never quite sure if it was said in inspiration or was a box that might not open us to what is a truly ever-changing reality and miraculous.
I looked up “new normal” on the internet. It’s definition was “a previously unfamiliar or atypical situation that has become standard, usual, or expected. The current state of being after some dramatic change has transpired. The new normal encourages one to deal with current situations rather than lamenting what could have been."
I especially like the last part of the definition. Perhaps it is a good term for all of us, Let each day be a new normal. Don't hold on to the past. Refrain from lamenting over what isn’t in our lives. Focus not on what was, but what is. Be thankful for all that we can do, not complaining about what we can’t. And refrain from suffering by letting go of the past, accepting what is and rising to meet the challenges of new directions, adaptations and circumstance with resilience, gratitude and meaning.
So I seek to embrace the “new normal” and go with its ever changing flow of new adaptions, new physical realities, new “ever-changing sensations", new eating and talking challenges and a new face in the mirror and embrace all the blessings, lessons and pearls that have come along in the ride.
I looked up “new normal” on the internet. It’s definition was “a previously unfamiliar or atypical situation that has become standard, usual, or expected. The current state of being after some dramatic change has transpired. The new normal encourages one to deal with current situations rather than lamenting what could have been."
I especially like the last part of the definition. Perhaps it is a good term for all of us, Let each day be a new normal. Don't hold on to the past. Refrain from lamenting over what isn’t in our lives. Focus not on what was, but what is. Be thankful for all that we can do, not complaining about what we can’t. And refrain from suffering by letting go of the past, accepting what is and rising to meet the challenges of new directions, adaptations and circumstance with resilience, gratitude and meaning.
So I seek to embrace the “new normal” and go with its ever changing flow of new adaptions, new physical realities, new “ever-changing sensations", new eating and talking challenges and a new face in the mirror and embrace all the blessings, lessons and pearls that have come along in the ride.
Wishing you a new year… and every day … filled with deep peace, blessed health, abiding love, acts of kindness, shining Light, belly laughter and pure, unadulterated fun. May the love you have given to me return to you a hundred fold
I love you all,
Suzette
I love you all,
Suzette
11/26/15
Dear loving Team Suzette family and friends,
For the last year and a half every day has felt like Thanksgiving. Not the kind with cornucopias, carved turkeys, cranberries and falling asleep from over-eating, but the kind that resonates deep in my heart with immense gratitude for blessings given, lovings gifts received and for the miracle of life itself.
A 14 hour surgery, missing an ear, facial and spinal accessory nerve severed, muscles and nerves spliced, flaps of nodes removed, treatments... the list goes on. One might wonder, how has this then been a time of great Thanksgiving? How does anyone give thanks amid the assault of surgery, the crackling rays of radiation, the drip of chemotherapy, the don’t know of prognosis. the merry-go-round of side effects and the realities of a “new normal?” Amid any of our life challenges? We see what we look at. Do we stare at our insults and injuries or our blessings and opportunities? Do we live asking “why me?” or the truth of “why not me?” Do we focus on our pain and bitterness or the awe and the wonder that surrounds us? Do we live in fear -- or open up so we can experience all the love in our lives. The gifts are there if we only look in their direction.
For the last year and a half, everywhere I look I have seen great gifts of givings - and have felt great thanks. Thanksgiving (thankful for the giving). For things as seemingly small as the feel of clean sheets on a weakened body and the silence between the barks of the neighbors dog as i lie in pain to the immensity of a clear petscan. I see endless prayers, positive thoughts, words of encouragement, acts of love, kindness and generosity - and the miracle of my healing. I look back and don’t feel the prick of the thorn - but instead the beauty of the rose. It seems to me that the question and challenge for us all is - can we be thankful for whatever life brings us? Can we not label our experiences as good or bad so we can then be open enough to see the pearls within the hardened shell of our challenges. If we can give thanks and open to everything, we can bow to each situation as our teacher. For the closed fist lets nothing in and the outstretched arm, hand and heart, in great gratitude, allows for healing.
Let us all embrace, cherish and give thanks to this gift of life. Whatever our circumstance, whatever our path. Let us give meaning to whatever is in front of us and allow it to remind us to move into a wider expanse of the heart, connect more deeply with all of life, experience joy, embrace the moment, appreciate the journey, stand in awe of the tiniest ant to the infinite galaxies - and know that everything matters.
Thanksgiving is just one day. Thanks and giving are each day. Words always fall short. Yet it doesn't keep me from trying to express my deep gratitude to all of you. Thank you for all you have given and continue to give, for all your deep and abiding love and for being my village that has turned their love into such unselfish action.
I am truly humbled by all the immense Divine blessings in my life.
Dear loving Team Suzette family and friends,
For the last year and a half every day has felt like Thanksgiving. Not the kind with cornucopias, carved turkeys, cranberries and falling asleep from over-eating, but the kind that resonates deep in my heart with immense gratitude for blessings given, lovings gifts received and for the miracle of life itself.
A 14 hour surgery, missing an ear, facial and spinal accessory nerve severed, muscles and nerves spliced, flaps of nodes removed, treatments... the list goes on. One might wonder, how has this then been a time of great Thanksgiving? How does anyone give thanks amid the assault of surgery, the crackling rays of radiation, the drip of chemotherapy, the don’t know of prognosis. the merry-go-round of side effects and the realities of a “new normal?” Amid any of our life challenges? We see what we look at. Do we stare at our insults and injuries or our blessings and opportunities? Do we live asking “why me?” or the truth of “why not me?” Do we focus on our pain and bitterness or the awe and the wonder that surrounds us? Do we live in fear -- or open up so we can experience all the love in our lives. The gifts are there if we only look in their direction.
For the last year and a half, everywhere I look I have seen great gifts of givings - and have felt great thanks. Thanksgiving (thankful for the giving). For things as seemingly small as the feel of clean sheets on a weakened body and the silence between the barks of the neighbors dog as i lie in pain to the immensity of a clear petscan. I see endless prayers, positive thoughts, words of encouragement, acts of love, kindness and generosity - and the miracle of my healing. I look back and don’t feel the prick of the thorn - but instead the beauty of the rose. It seems to me that the question and challenge for us all is - can we be thankful for whatever life brings us? Can we not label our experiences as good or bad so we can then be open enough to see the pearls within the hardened shell of our challenges. If we can give thanks and open to everything, we can bow to each situation as our teacher. For the closed fist lets nothing in and the outstretched arm, hand and heart, in great gratitude, allows for healing.
Let us all embrace, cherish and give thanks to this gift of life. Whatever our circumstance, whatever our path. Let us give meaning to whatever is in front of us and allow it to remind us to move into a wider expanse of the heart, connect more deeply with all of life, experience joy, embrace the moment, appreciate the journey, stand in awe of the tiniest ant to the infinite galaxies - and know that everything matters.
Thanksgiving is just one day. Thanks and giving are each day. Words always fall short. Yet it doesn't keep me from trying to express my deep gratitude to all of you. Thank you for all you have given and continue to give, for all your deep and abiding love and for being my village that has turned their love into such unselfish action.
I am truly humbled by all the immense Divine blessings in my life.
PASADENA CONVENTION CENTER CONTEMPORARY CRAFT MARKET
The Craft Emergency Relief Fund sponsored a big 15' x 8' booth for me which was able to highlight all my big pieces! THANK YOU!!!
"Midnight in La Boca" is happily dancing and playing music with its new owner.
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"Soaring Above" has taken flight to a new home.
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My 3d mixed media interpretation of Klimt's painting, "The Kiss", kissed me good-bye and was adopted to a loving family. It is in the process of being hung in its new home.
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It was a blessed event. Many of my recent artworks found new homes. There were surprise visits from Team Suzette and lots of connections and conversations with new customers. I had very generous help with setting up and tearing down and with transportation and help in the booth from Team Suzette pals Darin, Gina, Joan, Tex, Rainee, Pat, Tally and Edsel. I am so appreciative and so joyful that all my latest work has been so well-received and I can work as a full-time artist! Yippee!!! To share my journey, my heart and my soul with others through my artwork, along with my writing, is a great gift. Now to create more and more! THANK YOU!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Thought you'd get a laugh out of my birthday basket full of my favorite avocados!
My actual birthday on November 21st was kicked off with a surprise gift from the dojo after my morning teaching of Tai Chi with a warm rendition of "Happy Birthday", a card full of well-wishes and the biggest basket of avocados I could ever imagine - 59 ornaments of green gold. It was preceded the day before with surprise visits and gifts from dear pals, throughout the weekend with chow and celebrations with friends and the unexpected sale of "The Kiss." It is a birth week though :-) - as family will be in town for Thanksgiving for more festivities :-). And, of course, the GREATEST of all presents is truly the GIFT OF MY LIFE. Aren't birthdays grand!!!!!
LATEST GREATEST NEWS
Three month follow up with the lymphoma specialist.
She reported that everything she is following showed no significant progression and all my blood markers were within normal range. Sometimes challenging with double diagnoses - but also DOUBLE the BLESSINGS!!!
Shoulder Brace
I'm still on the search for an orthotics doctor who can think outside the box enough to design a custom shoulder brace to address the various challenges in my neck, shoulder and back -- and is also covered by my insurance! It remains a work in progress - like me :-)!
Latest surgery:
On Monday the dermatological surgeon excavated and stitched another site on the top of my head. Not my favorite spot to dig for buried treasure. The stitches will come out in two weeks. My body is more than ready to rest after 8 surgeries in the last few months (and my bank account ready to be free from co-insurance payments mounting for the procedures) but I am thankful she is keeping a watchful eye on all critters dancing on the top floor.
Miscellaneous odds and ends as well but these are the major headlines as I want to get this to you all before I leave for turkey and family :-).
She reported that everything she is following showed no significant progression and all my blood markers were within normal range. Sometimes challenging with double diagnoses - but also DOUBLE the BLESSINGS!!!
Shoulder Brace
I'm still on the search for an orthotics doctor who can think outside the box enough to design a custom shoulder brace to address the various challenges in my neck, shoulder and back -- and is also covered by my insurance! It remains a work in progress - like me :-)!
Latest surgery:
On Monday the dermatological surgeon excavated and stitched another site on the top of my head. Not my favorite spot to dig for buried treasure. The stitches will come out in two weeks. My body is more than ready to rest after 8 surgeries in the last few months (and my bank account ready to be free from co-insurance payments mounting for the procedures) but I am thankful she is keeping a watchful eye on all critters dancing on the top floor.
Miscellaneous odds and ends as well but these are the major headlines as I want to get this to you all before I leave for turkey and family :-).
HOLIDAY GIFTS ONLINE by SUZETTE
If you don't want to hassle the malls where parking is often non-existent and it is bumper to bumper shoppers, perhaps there is something from my small online store for your holiday gift list. Below are some of the items. Click on this LINK to shop. If you have any questions or need more info, feel free to email me at [email protected] !
Whimsical pins in different themes: $25.
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3d mixed media matted fine art 5 x 7 panels in different themes and colors: $35
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8 x 10 matted 3d mixed media originals - various themes available. $45
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11 x 14 matted 3d mixed media originals. 27 themes available reflecting inspirational for any of our healing journeys. $125 matted $195 framed
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Soft, fleece blanket - 50 x 60 - representing the original artwork of my "Journey is Everything." Great as a wall hanging, bedspread or warm cover/throw. $150
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Soft, fleece blanket - 50 x 60 - representing the "Journey is Everything" graph. Shows individual panels with inspiration descriptive words. $150
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TWO LOVERS TO TWO SIBLINGS
A month or two ago, two lovers were sitting on the bench together eating, the bigger one often "on top" of the other. The squirrels never share their food and always chase others away. True love - or true lust?
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A month or so later, the two lovers eating on the bench became two of their "kids" - siblings sharing food. You can't tell how small they are but they are definitely fairly new to the world :-).
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Happy, happy Thanksgiving to each of you.
Hope your holiday is filled with fun, laughter, joy and great gratitude. Thanks for all your love.
With a wide open heart of endless love and appreciation to each of you.
Suzette
If you want to leave a guestbook message, click HERE. If you want to email me, click reply.
11/1
Dear loving family and friends!
This is a very quick update to thank you for your sweet support of my Harmony Art Show, invite you to my next exhibition, share a few coming distractions and, of course, to send all my love out to amazing Team Suzette. Blessings continue, thanks to all of you, and I remain forever humbled by your love, kindness, generosity and support. THANK YOU!
Hope your holiday is filled with fun, laughter, joy and great gratitude. Thanks for all your love.
With a wide open heart of endless love and appreciation to each of you.
Suzette
If you want to leave a guestbook message, click HERE. If you want to email me, click reply.
11/1
Dear loving family and friends!
This is a very quick update to thank you for your sweet support of my Harmony Art Show, invite you to my next exhibition, share a few coming distractions and, of course, to send all my love out to amazing Team Suzette. Blessings continue, thanks to all of you, and I remain forever humbled by your love, kindness, generosity and support. THANK YOU!
Harmony Art and Craft Show a Success
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This Harmony Center Arts and Crafts show was a lot of fun. I so appreciate all of you that took time out of your precious weekend to come visit me. Thank you so much to those that helped with set-up, staffing and breaking down the booth! A special thanks to each of you that adopted any piece of my artwork, large or small, and supported my living as a full-time artist. I loved see everyone and sharing my latest larger framed pieces - "3d Mixed Media Interpretation of The Kiss", "Soaring Above", "The Giving Tree" and all the smaller pieces. As always a special thank you to Marilyn and Cynthia McCarty and the Harmony Center for their gracious, supportive, patient, giving and loving energy in orchestrating the show once again. Surrounded by such good cheer makes for a very enjoyable weekend by artists and visitors alike! See you next year!
NEXT EXHIBITION: COMING SOON!!!
Contemporary Craft Market November 13-15th Pasadena Convention Center
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Since 1986, the Contemporary Crafts Market has been a showcase for fine artists and craftspersons. Originally at the Santa Monica Civic Center, it recently moved to its current location at the Pasadena Convention Center. I have not shown my work at this venue for many years but will be participating in their current November exhibition. A sincere thank you to CERF (Craft Emergency Relief Fund) for supporting my participation in this show. You can visit the Facebook page for the Contemporary Craft Market at https://www.facebook.com/contemporarycraftsmarket/?fref=ts
Hours are Friday - Saturday, 10-6pm and Sunday 10-5pm. Admission is $8 for adults. Children 12 and under no charge. If you print the postcard above (or show it from your iphone/ipad at will call) it will admit two people into the show for FREE.
I am excited about being a part of the show and hope to see you there!
Hours are Friday - Saturday, 10-6pm and Sunday 10-5pm. Admission is $8 for adults. Children 12 and under no charge. If you print the postcard above (or show it from your iphone/ipad at will call) it will admit two people into the show for FREE.
I am excited about being a part of the show and hope to see you there!
Cambria
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The theme for the 2015 Cambria Scarecrow Festival was “A Magical Place" encouraging everyone to celebrate the magic that surrounds us - in nature, community spirit, childhood fantasies or illusions. The sky was the limit in everyone's creation. It was fun to view so many of the imaginative scarecrows in front of storefronts and scattered across the community. It was a shorter trip than usual and more focused on the event, so not quite as much time strolling through nature but nonetheless relaxing and always breath-taking in its beauty. To wake up each morning to the rising sun, rolling sea, body-surfing sea otters, and walks along the Cambrian shore is so healing and restorative I was indeed, as they say, "On Cambria time". Thank you Suzanne and Kerry for once again including me in this special place with you both.
Previews of Coming Distractions
I met with the dermatologist surgeon two weeks ago. She searched my body for any new critters on the top floor of the skin and found two more spots that tested positive and require excavation this month. I was hoping to have a little holiday reprieve from poking, cutting, stitching, wound care and more more appointments/follow-ups, but it is good that she has a keen eye. Surgeries are scheduled for Monday, November 3rd, and Monday, November 23rd .
Monday, November 10th, is my three month follow-up with the Lymphoma Specialist. Envisioning only positive news and hope you will doing so as well!
Some possible holiday gifts from your friends and family?
It is a work in progress, but I have put together a small store on my suzette.cc website for people to hopefully buy some holiday gifts easily. Prices range from $25 to $150. Pins, matted creations (5 x 7, 8 x 10, 11 x 14), fleece blankets, posters and a book/dvd package. Check it out and feel free to email me with any questions - and pass the link on to any friends that you think might be interested. I hope to do some sales online over the holidays free
from set up and breakdown of the dog and pony act :-). Here's the direct link: http://www.suzette.cc/store/c1/Featured_Products.html
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I continue to create a new flow to the rythym and pulse of my life. I am teaching my body to move with new dance steps and embrace new realities.
We create the melody of our life. Do we want it to be a stereophonic funeral dirge in our head or an inspirational opera? I feel so much better when I change the lyrics. Then my life can become like one of my favorite songs I can sing along with every day. Uplifting. Opening. Joyful. I am in the car of my life and the windows are open, my hair is blowing, the radio is cranked high and I sing like no one is listening. When I change the lyrics I feel my strength, power and connection to life. It doesn’t mean denying the minor chord. A melody can become even more beautiful with a few minor chords that make the sound of the major ones even more inspiring. However we do not need to live our life in a minor key. Choose your lyrics. I choose joy.
Monday, November 10th, is my three month follow-up with the Lymphoma Specialist. Envisioning only positive news and hope you will doing so as well!
Some possible holiday gifts from your friends and family?
It is a work in progress, but I have put together a small store on my suzette.cc website for people to hopefully buy some holiday gifts easily. Prices range from $25 to $150. Pins, matted creations (5 x 7, 8 x 10, 11 x 14), fleece blankets, posters and a book/dvd package. Check it out and feel free to email me with any questions - and pass the link on to any friends that you think might be interested. I hope to do some sales online over the holidays free
from set up and breakdown of the dog and pony act :-). Here's the direct link: http://www.suzette.cc/store/c1/Featured_Products.html
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I continue to create a new flow to the rythym and pulse of my life. I am teaching my body to move with new dance steps and embrace new realities.
We create the melody of our life. Do we want it to be a stereophonic funeral dirge in our head or an inspirational opera? I feel so much better when I change the lyrics. Then my life can become like one of my favorite songs I can sing along with every day. Uplifting. Opening. Joyful. I am in the car of my life and the windows are open, my hair is blowing, the radio is cranked high and I sing like no one is listening. When I change the lyrics I feel my strength, power and connection to life. It doesn’t mean denying the minor chord. A melody can become even more beautiful with a few minor chords that make the sound of the major ones even more inspiring. However we do not need to live our life in a minor key. Choose your lyrics. I choose joy.
Hand to hand and heart to heart hugs and deep, endless love and gratitude wrapping around each and everyone one of you. To send a guestbook message, click this link -- or just press reply for a private email :-).
Suzette
Suzette
10/12
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Dear loving Team Suzette family and friends,
CONTINUED BLESSINGS AND MIRACLES
Celebration mums from a dear friend! The biggest bouquet of flowers I've ever received in my lifetime!
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On the far side of the galaxy!
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I met with the radiation oncologist yesterday to hear my latest MRI results and take a close look at my head, neck and base of the skull. WOW! The scan showed no change from the previous one. That is great news!! They use more boring words like “no soft tissue or abnormal enhancement is identified in the resection bed” but I call it "all continues to remain on the FAR SIDE OF THE GALAXY!"
I asked him for his thoughts. He was honest and said that it is still early and he has seen every scenario occur (although we all know that miracles will continue)! However he said what he did know for sure was that, after all I have been through with the over-the-top surgery, treatments, therapy and more surgeries, he is positively impressed that I am able to return to making my living as an artist, teaching Tai Chi, writing and longer and longer walks. He stressed how important it is to the immune system to do what you love and to being surrounded by those you love. YEAH! He reminded me of the importance of not pushing or over-doing, getting plenty of rest and sleep and to support the immune system in every way possible. He did a clinical check up as well and asked several questions about radiation side effects - scar tissue, range of motion in my jaw, teeth, changes in taste, appetite, etc.
For those of you that have been down the road yourself or with a loved one, you know that the parceled out reprieves and frequent MRI's can be challenging. It can feel as if, at a moment’s notice, the trajectory of our lives can change once again. I can't think of any better training in living moment to moment without fast-forwarding into the future. We all walk around, whatever our diagnosis or no diagnosis, often feeling as if we have a guarantee on the continuing unfolding of our days. Not so. Instead we have this precious moment in time. So here's to resting in stillness, moving moment to moment and cherishing the gift of each day!
Thank you for all your love, positive thoughts, continuing prayers and immense kindness and generosity that are such a huge part of the continued unfolding miracle of my healing.
CELEBRATION
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Cambria here I come! I'm leaving tomorrow morning :-). Only two nights this time but I will absorb as much beauty, stillness and healing air as possible. It has been a full plate preparing for shows, surgeries and so many follow-up appointments so it will be great to have some time out from it all. And what more tranquil place to celebrate the latest great news.
PLEASE COME VISIT ME AND SEE MY LATEST ARTWORK on OCTOBER 17 & 18
I’m very excited about hopefully seeing many of you at this show and sharing my latest work. I have some varied new creations that I hope you all will enjoy. This is really a fun show for all and full of a variety of arts and crafts, entertainment, food and raffles/prizes.I continue to try to carve full time artist hours and have a consistent creation schedule amid the many doctor appointments and surgeries. I'm looking forward to a wildly successful show and paycheck to buoy me throughout the fall. It promises to be a wonderful weekend.
A WEDDING BUT NO GROOM?
A huddle of bachelorettes eager to catch the wedding bouquet at my relative's wedding on Saturday gathered in anticipation of being the recipient of the lucky catch. "Hey, I thought, I'm single too. Perhaps I'll join in the fun." Hey, why not? We all know life is unpredictable. Wouldn't my getting married be the ultimate in life being unpredictable? So I stood at the side of the gang to avoid being trampled in the mad dive for the flying flowers. The bouquet hurled through the air and with one extended arm, reminiscent of my basketball days grabbing the rebounds, I reached out and caught it, stabilizing it with my more challenged right arm. "Cool!" Now what? Well, no problem finding bridesmaids and a maid of honor but the groom is definitely yet to be determined. :-)
OUTSIDE THE BOX
It has been such a full plate these last few months with so many surgeries, the Laguna Art-a-Fair and preparing for the Harmony Art Festival that I haven’t had time to continue on the search for a shoulder brace that I can actually put on myself. As you know, the last orthotics doctor made a lovely custom shoulder brace for me but forgot, due to several new realities, that I wouldn't be able to put it on myself! I need to find someone local who can both take my insurance and is able to think outside of the box to design something specific to my needs. The hope is that a brace could possibly help with the burning, spasming, discomfort, tugging, pulling and twisting in my neck, shoulder and back from the severed spinal accessory nerve. Hopefully it would be particularly helpful while doing my artwork and driving. The saga continues :-).
PREVIEW OF COMING ATTRACTIONS
Juggling two diagnosis and all these recent skin surgeries can make for a lot of follow up appointments. However keeping a close eye on everything can be good as well. There is a lot happening between this list, but here are just a few of the main headlines of coming attractions over the next months.
October 14th: Follow up with dermatologist surgeon
November 9th: 3 month follow-up appointment with the lymphoma specialist.
November 13-15th: I've been invited to an art show at Pasadena Convention Center. More soon but check out this link for a preview. http://www.visitpasadena.com/events/contemporary-crafts-market-nov15/
December: Follow up with dermatologist surgeon
First of the year: Follow up with head and neck surgeon, Dr. Kang
February: Follow up with Dr. Huang, oculoplastic surgeon.
Follow up with Lymphoma Specialist
April: Follow-up and scans with radiation oncologist
OPEN WIDER
I've been postponing going to the dentist because there hasn't been much of an opening for them to do their magic. That reality, along with knowing the high cost of what needs to be done and the energy and time it will take, has kept me away. However, the time is drawing near to have to give it a go. As long as he can get his drills and picks through the hole in my mouth, the appointment needs to happen sooner than later. I am not going to be a very compliant patient though when he says his redundant chorus... “Open Wider.”
As survivors of any challenging circumstance, it is so important to always remember our journey. Ours days in the wilderness of our healing are not a time, no matter what the outcome, to be buried and forgotten but instead honored and embraced. We do not remember in order to retell the story again and again, but to allow our triumphs to buoy us through each unfolding chapter to come. We shall remember how despair becomes hope, how illness becomes health, how much love heals and kindness lifts our spirit. We remember how we were stripped to our beautiful core to allow our spirits to shine through and become more and more of who we truly are. In remembering we bring life and meaning to our journey and love and gratitude to all those we met along the path.
Let us not forget that the tapestry of our healing, any healing, is woven together with golden threads of grace, love, kindness and generosity that, if allowed to catch the sunlight, continue to illuminate the path before us.
We need to remember all the great gifts received so we can return them to the world. For we are not alone but connected to everyone and everything in an endless circle of giving and receiving love.
On my deathbed I am not going to remember how difficult was the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask, the waves of nausea from chemotherapy, the insult of surgery or the pain in the dark of the night. I will remember my sisters words to “have my back”, gentle driving over the bumps, hand clasps and I love you’s, thoughtful gifts from the heart received in joy, outpourings of generosity as my safety net and ever-so welcomed doorstep deliveries. I will remember how Team Suzette carried me on the wings of their love, their simple yet profound words of encouragement and ongoing support, a homemade bowl of soup made from the heart, a tender touch on a weakened body, all the small but huge acts of kindness and each miracle given to me in Infinite grace and love.
Thank you once again for being on this journey with me. Thank you for not forgetting me. Thank you for continuing to remember me in your prayers, positive thoughts and with abiding love.
I will always remember you.
More soon. I wanted to get the great news out to one and all.
My love and hand to heart hugs to each of you.
Suzette To send a personal message, click reply. To send a guestbook message, click HERE.
Let us not forget that the tapestry of our healing, any healing, is woven together with golden threads of grace, love, kindness and generosity that, if allowed to catch the sunlight, continue to illuminate the path before us.
We need to remember all the great gifts received so we can return them to the world. For we are not alone but connected to everyone and everything in an endless circle of giving and receiving love.
On my deathbed I am not going to remember how difficult was the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask, the waves of nausea from chemotherapy, the insult of surgery or the pain in the dark of the night. I will remember my sisters words to “have my back”, gentle driving over the bumps, hand clasps and I love you’s, thoughtful gifts from the heart received in joy, outpourings of generosity as my safety net and ever-so welcomed doorstep deliveries. I will remember how Team Suzette carried me on the wings of their love, their simple yet profound words of encouragement and ongoing support, a homemade bowl of soup made from the heart, a tender touch on a weakened body, all the small but huge acts of kindness and each miracle given to me in Infinite grace and love.
Thank you once again for being on this journey with me. Thank you for not forgetting me. Thank you for continuing to remember me in your prayers, positive thoughts and with abiding love.
I will always remember you.
More soon. I wanted to get the great news out to one and all.
My love and hand to heart hugs to each of you.
Suzette To send a personal message, click reply. To send a guestbook message, click HERE.
9/22/2015
DEAR LOVING TEAM SUZETTE FAMILY AND FRIENDS!
DEAR LOVING TEAM SUZETTE FAMILY AND FRIENDS!
Sorry it has been so long since last we connected in cyberville. I hope your summer has been filled with new adventures, long stretches of relaxation, air conditioning :-) and all your hearts desire. August and September have been a full plate for me with the closing of the Laguna Art-a-Fair, five skin surgeries in six weeks, lots of doctor appointments and creating new work for the Harmony Fine Arts and Crafts Festival next month. This is just a very short update - more to come after my MRI and the results in a few weeks!
DONE!
My final skin surgery was last week and it feels so good to know I am now free of anesthesia, cutting, digging, stitching and antibiotics and my body can begin to relax and heal. All unwelcome skin critters on the top of head, cheek, nose, clavicle and neck have been successfully excavated. It’s been a marathon and it feels great to cross the finish line. A few more appointments and removal of stitches and time to rest!
LAGUNA BEACH ART-A-FAIR
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Thanks so VERY MUCH to all of you that made the long drive to Laguna over the summer to visit me and view my latest work. Thank you to all my friends that lovingly joined me for the closing party. Deep thanks to all of you that purchased my artwork, supporting me as an artist and buoying me throughout the summer months with the incoming cash flow. Deep thanks to my Team Suzette family who helped with the set up and the take down of the dog and pony act. Special gratitude to my dear artist friends at the show, Pam and Mike Crook, whose loving kindness eased my participation in the show. I feel so deeply blessed by all of your continuing support. To make my living as artist and do what I love working at my own pace is a true gift.
HARMONY FINE ART AND CRAFT FAIR
I am excited about once again participating in the Harmony Center Fine Art and Craft Fair the weekend of October 17th and 18th. Please save the date and come visit the show and me! I have been working on several new bigger framed pieces and even have a new and different surprise :-). For those of you that found it difficult to make the long and winding drive to Laguna, this is a perfect opportunity to connect with me locally. The show is a great venue for me to set up and sell my artwork in uptown Whittier and buoy me through the fall! Hope to see you there!
AMAZING, AWESOME AND MIRACULOUS!!!
The first week of October is my MRI for my head, neck and base of skull, followed several days later with the consult with the radiation oncologist on the results. Please keep my in your most positive prayers and thoughts for yet another report with words like AMAZING, AWESOME and MIRACULOUS! As I write this, I am picturing writing you all in several weeks with a headline that all unwelcome critters not only remain on the far side of the moon but that they now have disappeared into the farthermost galaxy and beyond forevermore.
The first week of November is my next on-going three month return consult with the lymphoma specialist for lab work and a clinical exam. I'm envisioning a blue skies report and more miraculous news!
CAMBRIA
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October 9-11 I will be in the timeless, rejuvenating beauty of Cambria with Suzanne and Kerry. Every cell in my body is longing to be that paradise. They are also having the Annual Scarecrow Festival that takes over the town with the whimsy of the creations of all the local people and artists! I am counting the days!
Perhaps you may tire of my deep thanks and appreciation to all of you for all your blessings - each prayer, positive thought, encouragement, kind word, act of kindness, generosity and expression of love. I will never tire though of expressing my deep and endless love and gratitude to each and all of you. I truly remain humbled and overwhelmed and love you all so very much.
More in a few weeks. For now, and always, hand to hand and heart to heart hugs, deep, sincere and overwhelming gratitude and my endless love.
Suzette
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8/15/2015
DEAR LOVING FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
Summer, with its feeling of freedom and youthful abandon as children play ball on the streets to the last remnants of light before the sun surrenders itself to the horizon, has embraced me this year like a new love.
Last summer it was a neon mask bolted over my face and chest into the snap, crackle and pop of the dark tunnel of radiation, the drip, drip, drip of chemo and rising waves of nausea and the baby step by baby step movement as I focused on all things healing.
Everything changes. This summer I feel the power of the ocean slapping against my legs as I frolic with my niece and nephew at my side. Gobs of sunscreen, sleeves and a 5 inch brim SPF 50 hat are my new bikini. I've been blessed with late afternoon walks along the seashore with friends. My artwork is on exhibit at the two month long Laguna Beach Art-A-Fair. Blessings and miracles continue.
If you are going through any challenges, trust that everything changes. A year can take you out of the wilderness to healing open vistas once again. I continue to move with the ebb and flow of this journey, appreciate wherever it takes me, focus on all I can do vs. can't and trust the 360 degree panorama of my life. Such a gift!
Last summer it was a neon mask bolted over my face and chest into the snap, crackle and pop of the dark tunnel of radiation, the drip, drip, drip of chemo and rising waves of nausea and the baby step by baby step movement as I focused on all things healing.
Everything changes. This summer I feel the power of the ocean slapping against my legs as I frolic with my niece and nephew at my side. Gobs of sunscreen, sleeves and a 5 inch brim SPF 50 hat are my new bikini. I've been blessed with late afternoon walks along the seashore with friends. My artwork is on exhibit at the two month long Laguna Beach Art-A-Fair. Blessings and miracles continue.
If you are going through any challenges, trust that everything changes. A year can take you out of the wilderness to healing open vistas once again. I continue to move with the ebb and flow of this journey, appreciate wherever it takes me, focus on all I can do vs. can't and trust the 360 degree panorama of my life. Such a gift!
PLEASE JOIN ME FOR THE FINAL WEEKEND AND CLOSING FESTIVITIES
AT THE LAGUNA BEACH ART-A-FAIR
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Seems like it was just moments ago I was inviting you to the opening party of the Laguna Beach Art A Fair! Almost two months have passed and the final weekend is in less than two weeks. I hope to go out with BANG to buoy me through September to my next art show in mid-October. Every time I’m out there in my booth, sales or no sales, I am grateful for the miracle of being able to both create and sell my artwork once again. If you’ve been wanting to come visit please try to make it out either Saturday or Sunday of the final weekend (August 29th and 30th) while I’m there. It would be great to see you and have you
close the season with a smile with me.
YOU ARE INVITED TO THE CLOSING PARTY!
Saturday, August 29th
(I’ll be there from 5-8:30)
FREE ADMISSION FOR ALL! BRING FRIENDS AND FAMILY!
Join all the artists for the final hoopla of the season. Assorted food and drinks and entertainment for all.
(ps: It is much more relaxed and not the crazy bumper to bumper people of opening night!)
or
CLOSING DAY!
Sunday, August 30th
(I’ll be there from 2-6)
FREE ADMISSION FOR ALL! BRING FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!
close the season with a smile with me.
YOU ARE INVITED TO THE CLOSING PARTY!
Saturday, August 29th
(I’ll be there from 5-8:30)
FREE ADMISSION FOR ALL! BRING FRIENDS AND FAMILY!
Join all the artists for the final hoopla of the season. Assorted food and drinks and entertainment for all.
(ps: It is much more relaxed and not the crazy bumper to bumper people of opening night!)
or
CLOSING DAY!
Sunday, August 30th
(I’ll be there from 2-6)
FREE ADMISSION FOR ALL! BRING FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!
THANK YOU TO THE ADOLPH AND ESTHER GOTTLIEB EMERGENCY GRANT FOUNDATION
The Adolph and Esther Gottlieb Emergency Grant program is intended to provide interim financial assistance to qualified artists whose needs are the result of an unforeseen, catastrophic incident, and who lack the resources to meet that situation. Each grant is given as a one-time assistance for a specific emergency. Artists have to demonstrate a minimum involvement of ten years in a mature phase of his or her work in the disciplines of painting, sculpture or printmaking. It was quite a lengthy, detailed application, questionnaire, required supporting evidence and paperwork, essays, artwork portfolio, etc. However I am extremely happy to report that I received a check last week to help out with my most pressing medical bills. Some were having that unwanted red strip across them with the word pay now or going to “COLLECTION.” :-)
I am so thankful to the Gottleib Foundation for being out there to help support self-employed artists like myself as we try to navigate the treacherous waters of emergency situations.
THE ABSURD COMEDY: The Shoulder Brace
I was fitted in late June for a custom shoulder brace with the hopes of stabilizing the shoulder and possibly providing less drooping, pulling, twisting, burning, tugging and bone on bone involvement. They carefully took exact measurements, discussed options and sent out the pattern to the manufacturer. A few weeks later we all excitedly came together for the baptismal fitting. It looked great as it happily sat on the table. As I attempted to put it on it was clear they had forgotten one important reality - it was impossible for me to put it on by myself and tighten it into position with my limited movement and strength from the severed spinal accessory nerve!!! Looks like they would have to send someone home with me to put it on in the morning and take it off each night :-). That definitely isn't covered by my insurance! Anywho, they may or may not be able to think outside the box and create something that takes into account all the realities. We'll see :-).
FOLLOW-UPS
Lymphoma Specialist:
She took a series of blood panels to check all lymphoma markers and general chemistry. All normal and under control! She wants to see me in 3 months to continue to monitor. She used words like "amazed" and "happy" when referring to my recovery over the last year from the squameous cell unwelcome critters journey. She wants me to return in three months for her to continue to monitor.
Head and neck surgeon:
This was a clinical follow-up. There is only so much he can tell manually because he can't feel the base of the skull or under the graft and must wait two months before another scan. Everything he could feel was happy - and we know all else that can't be felt remains happy and healed as well :-)! We discussed the "new normal", shoulder/neck challenges, eating, graft healing, sinus changes, burning eyes, ear, etc. .... and the very cool band he is in called "Help the Doctor" which has had sold-out performances at the House of Blues and donates all money to charity. Check out this LINK. I love the image of him going from an intense, over the top 14 hour surgery such as mine to letting loose on stage with his guitar and vocals! What a great balance of work and play! He is the doctor on the far right in the picture :-). He gets an A plus on compassion, artistry, skill, present moment connection, patience and willingness to answer any question as if I'm the only one that exists in his office.
Eye Surgeon:
Our six month follow up produced the words "best possible scenario." She said my body did an amazing job of healing. She will continue to have me check in with her to monitor any changes over time. Challenges with the eye burning, tearing and blurring are a result of the paralysis.
She took a series of blood panels to check all lymphoma markers and general chemistry. All normal and under control! She wants to see me in 3 months to continue to monitor. She used words like "amazed" and "happy" when referring to my recovery over the last year from the squameous cell unwelcome critters journey. She wants me to return in three months for her to continue to monitor.
Head and neck surgeon:
This was a clinical follow-up. There is only so much he can tell manually because he can't feel the base of the skull or under the graft and must wait two months before another scan. Everything he could feel was happy - and we know all else that can't be felt remains happy and healed as well :-)! We discussed the "new normal", shoulder/neck challenges, eating, graft healing, sinus changes, burning eyes, ear, etc. .... and the very cool band he is in called "Help the Doctor" which has had sold-out performances at the House of Blues and donates all money to charity. Check out this LINK. I love the image of him going from an intense, over the top 14 hour surgery such as mine to letting loose on stage with his guitar and vocals! What a great balance of work and play! He is the doctor on the far right in the picture :-). He gets an A plus on compassion, artistry, skill, present moment connection, patience and willingness to answer any question as if I'm the only one that exists in his office.
Eye Surgeon:
Our six month follow up produced the words "best possible scenario." She said my body did an amazing job of healing. She will continue to have me check in with her to monitor any changes over time. Challenges with the eye burning, tearing and blurring are a result of the paralysis.
DANCING ON THE SKIN SURFACE
The doctors are keeping an eye on my skin for any unwelcome critters dancing along the surface. Their keen eyes found five needed places of MOHS cut, carve and stitch surgery. Two are already complete - three more to go. This Monday, August 17th, August 31st and September 15 on the nose, neck and scalp. They will keep watch on all things skin surface every two months to make sure critters gets whisked away while they are playing on the ground level :-).
ON THE ROAD
I continue with short drives. Challenges are bone on bone aggravation and ensuing inflammation and "ever-changing sensations) from shifting, flexibility in turning head to the left due to the graft involvement and the unpredictable burning, tearing and blurry of the eye impairing vision. Practice your defensive driving :-).
THE "NEW NORMAL"
Doctors continue to talk of the "new normal" from the paralysis, eating challenges from severed nerves and radiation, small jaw opening, severed spinal accessory nerve challenges, energy levels, "ever-changing sensations, lingering side effects, etc. Again, all I know is what is so right now. Everything constantly challenges. Each day remains a different experience depending on so many things but I only know what is so moment to moment. Who knows? What they think is my "new normal" could very well end up being transformed into yet another miracle!
SUMMER LOVE
Usually the squirrels chase other squirrels away when they are enjoying their food. These two sweet squirrels sit happily side by side sharing meals. Ah, sweet summer love!
ON THE HORIZON
Monday, August 17th. Monday, August 31st. Monday, September 15th: Skin MOHS surgeries.
October 5: MRI of the head, neck and base of skull, followed later in the week with appt. for results with the radiation oncologist.
October 9-11: A return to the timeless, healing beauty of Cambria.
October 18-19th: Harmony Art Show
November 9: Labs and follow up with the Lymphoma Specialist
October 5: MRI of the head, neck and base of skull, followed later in the week with appt. for results with the radiation oncologist.
October 9-11: A return to the timeless, healing beauty of Cambria.
October 18-19th: Harmony Art Show
November 9: Labs and follow up with the Lymphoma Specialist
FORM AND SPIRIT
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My body is a great vehicle. It has tirelessly pedaled long distances on my bicycle, swam with the dolphins in the deep blue waters of New Zealand, taken me to the balance and calm of a fourth degree black belt in Tai Chi, merged into deep sexual bliss, body surfed to exhaustion in an exhilarating rush of incoming waves, belly laughed until my insides cried out in pain and hiked to the top of mountain peaks of timeless beauty and endless vistas. It has shown me its amazing capacity to heal and persevere through insult, abuse and injury. I thank it for all it has done and continues to do for me.
Sitting in healing silence, moment to moment, my form would blend from body to formless spirit and back to form again. When all was stripped away, what remained was not my paralyzed face or missing ear, not a patched eye or an embroidered graft. Not the side effects from the chemo, the burn of the radiation nor the tugging, pulling and twisting from a severed spinal accessory nerve. In my deepest discomfort my infinite spirit remained untouched by the parade that passed before me. Unchanging. Timeless.
I look in the mirror and see a distorted face. I close my eyes and the curtain closes on my image. "Ha! I still feel myself here!" As the image in the mirror fades more deeply into blackness I feel more and more truly me. "Ah, this feeling is me!" I open an eye. The partially distorted images reappears. "Ha! Well, who is that then?" I close my eyes once again and leave this image behind. I let myself reside in this feeling of an “always was and always will be” me. The darkness from my closed eyes somehow reveals my ever-present light inside.
As my body weakens, whether it is from illness or the relentless force of time, my outside garment tatters, fades and thins like a well worn shirt. This is an invitation to sink deeper and deeper into spirit and remember who I truly am. Ah yes, my body is my beloved garment. I love my body. I tend to it, feed it, priss over and protect it, even purify it as my temple but it is not who I truly am. No matter how much we try to keep our bodies young, unchanging and healthy, what remains in the end when all falls away is the light that has always been there shining within us. Everything changes but the part of us that never changes.
My form continues to change. I grow older. I look down and see my mother’s hands. Mine are now full of bulging veins reminiscent of the relief maps I made from glue and water as a child in elementary school. Brown spots have come to visit and remain. Little crevasses line my skin like a parched lizard.
From surgery I have a paralyzed and distorted face. An ear remains MIA. An eye does not blink and stares knowingly back at me. The burn of radiation leaves scarring behind as its calling card. Not the greatest profile to post on an E Harmony website :-).
My very human body is my armor and protective garment. Slowly shedding it is the story of the unfolding of my life. Challenges in illness and natural aging ask me to let go of the body that I have held so dear and true. Snakes shed their skin to allow for future growth when they no longer fit the contour of their body. When they’re ready to shed the old layer, they create a rip in the old skin. They often do this by rubbing against a rough, hard object such as a rock or a log. Our life circumstances seem to be our rocks that create a rip in us as we rub up against challenges of all kinds. We can choose to keep trying to repair the tear or we can open up and shed what is no longer essential and create anew. If I keep shedding my human form with grace and gratitude - including its regrets, fears, wanting, comparing, judging - my spirit is more and more free to shine forth.
I live in both a world of form and of spirit. Humanity and spirituality. Free falling into spirit asks me to let go of what I thought I was and return home to what I truly am The form to spirit experience can be the gift of challenging circumstances and the grace of healing. I return to form having tasted the depths of spirit. That knowing is the well I can now draw from while also revelling in the wonder of the gift of my humanity. All I am given - each experience, each pain, every sorrow, along with each wonder, joy and beauty is my human experience. When they both soar and dance together in wild abandon, illumination, freedom, love, mystery and deep peace it is heaven on earth.
Sitting in healing silence, moment to moment, my form would blend from body to formless spirit and back to form again. When all was stripped away, what remained was not my paralyzed face or missing ear, not a patched eye or an embroidered graft. Not the side effects from the chemo, the burn of the radiation nor the tugging, pulling and twisting from a severed spinal accessory nerve. In my deepest discomfort my infinite spirit remained untouched by the parade that passed before me. Unchanging. Timeless.
I look in the mirror and see a distorted face. I close my eyes and the curtain closes on my image. "Ha! I still feel myself here!" As the image in the mirror fades more deeply into blackness I feel more and more truly me. "Ah, this feeling is me!" I open an eye. The partially distorted images reappears. "Ha! Well, who is that then?" I close my eyes once again and leave this image behind. I let myself reside in this feeling of an “always was and always will be” me. The darkness from my closed eyes somehow reveals my ever-present light inside.
As my body weakens, whether it is from illness or the relentless force of time, my outside garment tatters, fades and thins like a well worn shirt. This is an invitation to sink deeper and deeper into spirit and remember who I truly am. Ah yes, my body is my beloved garment. I love my body. I tend to it, feed it, priss over and protect it, even purify it as my temple but it is not who I truly am. No matter how much we try to keep our bodies young, unchanging and healthy, what remains in the end when all falls away is the light that has always been there shining within us. Everything changes but the part of us that never changes.
My form continues to change. I grow older. I look down and see my mother’s hands. Mine are now full of bulging veins reminiscent of the relief maps I made from glue and water as a child in elementary school. Brown spots have come to visit and remain. Little crevasses line my skin like a parched lizard.
From surgery I have a paralyzed and distorted face. An ear remains MIA. An eye does not blink and stares knowingly back at me. The burn of radiation leaves scarring behind as its calling card. Not the greatest profile to post on an E Harmony website :-).
My very human body is my armor and protective garment. Slowly shedding it is the story of the unfolding of my life. Challenges in illness and natural aging ask me to let go of the body that I have held so dear and true. Snakes shed their skin to allow for future growth when they no longer fit the contour of their body. When they’re ready to shed the old layer, they create a rip in the old skin. They often do this by rubbing against a rough, hard object such as a rock or a log. Our life circumstances seem to be our rocks that create a rip in us as we rub up against challenges of all kinds. We can choose to keep trying to repair the tear or we can open up and shed what is no longer essential and create anew. If I keep shedding my human form with grace and gratitude - including its regrets, fears, wanting, comparing, judging - my spirit is more and more free to shine forth.
I live in both a world of form and of spirit. Humanity and spirituality. Free falling into spirit asks me to let go of what I thought I was and return home to what I truly am The form to spirit experience can be the gift of challenging circumstances and the grace of healing. I return to form having tasted the depths of spirit. That knowing is the well I can now draw from while also revelling in the wonder of the gift of my humanity. All I am given - each experience, each pain, every sorrow, along with each wonder, joy and beauty is my human experience. When they both soar and dance together in wild abandon, illumination, freedom, love, mystery and deep peace it is heaven on earth.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE
This has not been a solo voyage. It has taken a loving, encouraging, positive, generous and compassionate village called Team Suzette to get me so far with such grace and miracles. You have all been with me through baby steps and across all the milestones. You have truly made and continue to make the difference in this unfolding journey.
A village rises from love and is expressed in action. They arrive without expectation and connect with deep compassion.
Separation is an illusion. When you couldn’t be with me physically, you have all been there for me heart to heart. You felt my pain while carrying your own pains of worry and concern. You were with me in the dark of the night, each crackle of the radiation rays, the rising and falling waves of nausea, the patient unfolding of healing and my breath to breath movement back into the world.
Team Suzette is wide and dense. It is family, friends, students, acquaintances and even those i have never met.
Thanks to all of you, my most loving Team Suzette, for being my village and continuing to embrace me with such love and compassion. Thank you for all your continued positive thoughts, prayers and loving support.
Heart to heart and with endless gratitude and immense love,
Suzette To leave a message click HERE.... or click on reply for a private message
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A village rises from love and is expressed in action. They arrive without expectation and connect with deep compassion.
Separation is an illusion. When you couldn’t be with me physically, you have all been there for me heart to heart. You felt my pain while carrying your own pains of worry and concern. You were with me in the dark of the night, each crackle of the radiation rays, the rising and falling waves of nausea, the patient unfolding of healing and my breath to breath movement back into the world.
Team Suzette is wide and dense. It is family, friends, students, acquaintances and even those i have never met.
Thanks to all of you, my most loving Team Suzette, for being my village and continuing to embrace me with such love and compassion. Thank you for all your continued positive thoughts, prayers and loving support.
Heart to heart and with endless gratitude and immense love,
Suzette To leave a message click HERE.... or click on reply for a private message
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7/3/2015
POSSIBLE LIFT TO LAGUNA BEACH?
Hi loving friends and family of TEAM SUZETTE!
Hope you are all having a blessed summer so far! The art show is unfolding with great joy, sales and hopes for a successful exhibit to buoy me throughout these next months :-). Thanks over and over again for all your support of my artwork - and me! - as I enter this next chapter of healing.
Just want to put a possible feeler out in case anyone can help me this Sunday morning with a ride out to Laguna Beach. My hoped for driver to the Art-A-Fair who was going to deliver me there, help replace a piece of art and then deliver the switched piece back to my house has a conflict. Anyone out there willing/able to make the drive? We can take my van or if you have a car big enough to hold an approximately 20 x 24 piece of artwork we can take yours. I would stay out in Laguna to "woman" my booth and get a ride home later in the day. Sunday morning sometime would be great - and could be as early in the morning as you like if that works better for you. I could spend some time taking a tranquil walk on the beach before the show opens :-).
Hope our paths cross sometime over the summer. I love seeing you all!
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Hope you are all having a blessed summer so far! The art show is unfolding with great joy, sales and hopes for a successful exhibit to buoy me throughout these next months :-). Thanks over and over again for all your support of my artwork - and me! - as I enter this next chapter of healing.
Just want to put a possible feeler out in case anyone can help me this Sunday morning with a ride out to Laguna Beach. My hoped for driver to the Art-A-Fair who was going to deliver me there, help replace a piece of art and then deliver the switched piece back to my house has a conflict. Anyone out there willing/able to make the drive? We can take my van or if you have a car big enough to hold an approximately 20 x 24 piece of artwork we can take yours. I would stay out in Laguna to "woman" my booth and get a ride home later in the day. Sunday morning sometime would be great - and could be as early in the morning as you like if that works better for you. I could spend some time taking a tranquil walk on the beach before the show opens :-).
Hope our paths cross sometime over the summer. I love seeing you all!
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CRAFT EMERGENCY FUND RELIEF FUNDRAISER
CERF (CRAFT EMERGENCY RELIEF FUND) is a much-needed organization whose mission is to sustain the careers of artists working in the field by providing emergency resources in time of personal or natural disasters. They were kind enough to bless me with some emergency funds/support earlier in my recovery. I will be forever grateful to them. They are having an "At the Ready Fundraiser" with the hope of raising just $10,000. Any contribution large or small is welcomed by them and/or a sending the link and information to others through email, Facebook or twitter. Click HERE for more info.
Big love and big gratitude -- and big hand to hand heart hugs to you all!
Suzette
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Big love and big gratitude -- and big hand to hand heart hugs to you all!
Suzette
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June 28, 2015
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE, JOY AND SUPPORT!
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE, JOY AND SUPPORT!
Chatting with some dearly loved friends and past customers
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Team Suzette Sisters
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So great to be with you all!
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Last year this time I was deep in the wilderness of the triple whammy of surgery, chemo and radiation. This year I am amid crowds of people, embraced by friends and family, surrounded by my new creations and bringing in sales from my artwork, Ain't life grand!
Thanks so much to all of you that made the long drive out to Laguna Beach Wednesday night to support me on the opening premiere of the festival. The show was packed with patrons of the arts, filled with the buzz of conversation, alive with the spirit of creativity -- and some very nice beginning sales :-). Thanks also to all of you that plan to make it out to the art show over the summer. Remember that the opening night invitation is also a season pass for two for the entire run of the festival. Two months more til the final closing on August 30th! Let me know if you plan to come as I'd love to be there when you visit. Transportation can be challenge right now but I will make it happen if I can!
You all continue to be my rock and my soft place to fall.
My love and soft hugs wrapping around each one of you,
Suzette
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Thanks so much to all of you that made the long drive out to Laguna Beach Wednesday night to support me on the opening premiere of the festival. The show was packed with patrons of the arts, filled with the buzz of conversation, alive with the spirit of creativity -- and some very nice beginning sales :-). Thanks also to all of you that plan to make it out to the art show over the summer. Remember that the opening night invitation is also a season pass for two for the entire run of the festival. Two months more til the final closing on August 30th! Let me know if you plan to come as I'd love to be there when you visit. Transportation can be challenge right now but I will make it happen if I can!
You all continue to be my rock and my soft place to fall.
My love and soft hugs wrapping around each one of you,
Suzette
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June 20, 2015
Hello loving family and friends of TEAM SUZETTE!
A friendly reminder that the INVITATION ONLY OPENING NIGHT of my show at the LAGUNA BEACH ART-A-FAIR is this Wednesday night from 5-10pm. Team Suzette was with me today to hang the art and it is great to see all my new work finally up and ready for all to see. It looks like a beautiful, well-juried selection of artists in all mediums for you to enjoy. Remember, if you don't have an invitation to opening night in your hands (each invitation admits two people), just email, text or voice message me to leave as many as you need at Will Call for you. Please invite your friends and family. Opening night features live music, food and drinks and the preview viewing of the show. Here's to a wildly successful summer and sales to buoy me happily over the summer! It feels like another miracle to be at the Art-A-Fair this summer :-)!
Hello loving family and friends of TEAM SUZETTE!
A friendly reminder that the INVITATION ONLY OPENING NIGHT of my show at the LAGUNA BEACH ART-A-FAIR is this Wednesday night from 5-10pm. Team Suzette was with me today to hang the art and it is great to see all my new work finally up and ready for all to see. It looks like a beautiful, well-juried selection of artists in all mediums for you to enjoy. Remember, if you don't have an invitation to opening night in your hands (each invitation admits two people), just email, text or voice message me to leave as many as you need at Will Call for you. Please invite your friends and family. Opening night features live music, food and drinks and the preview viewing of the show. Here's to a wildly successful summer and sales to buoy me happily over the summer! It feels like another miracle to be at the Art-A-Fair this summer :-)!
TEAM SUZETTE SETTING UP!
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It is a beautiful venue!
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JUST A FEW FINISHING TOUCHES LEFT!
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LAGUNA BEACH ART-AFFAIR
INVITATIONAL OPENING NIGHT: Wednesday, June 24, 5-10pm
(Shuttles available)
SHOW DATES: June 26-August 30th
777 Laguna Canyon Road Laguna Beach
949-494-4514
www.art-a-fair.com
Hope to see you there!
Endless love and appreciation,
Suzette
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INVITATIONAL OPENING NIGHT: Wednesday, June 24, 5-10pm
(Shuttles available)
SHOW DATES: June 26-August 30th
777 Laguna Canyon Road Laguna Beach
949-494-4514
www.art-a-fair.com
Hope to see you there!
Endless love and appreciation,
Suzette
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HELLO TEAM SUZETTE FAMILY AND FRIENDS!
Spring is soon to blossom into summer. Last summer was the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask, the drip, drip, drip of chemo, seemingly endless waves of nausea, one foot in front of the other to make it through the doors of City of Hope, compassionate cards filling my mailbox, beautiful doorstep deliveries, the loving engine of my family as my arms, eyes and legs and my heart continually flung open to receive all the love and healing energy of Team Suzette.
My heart remains flung wide open to receive all of your love and healing and to send it back to you in deep gratitude. Thank you! I love you all! This summer will offer the buckle and bolt of the seat belt as I begin short baptismal drives, one foot in front of the other to exhibit in the Laguna Beach Art A Fair, two eyes to embrace every moment, hopefully more and more walks in the stillness of nature, more opportunities to receive great reports on my healing and more and more connection with all of you.
This last month was filled with visions fulfilled, more positive news, a new home for "The Journey" and continued deep, deep appreciation for all my blessings.
SOME HAPPENINGS
A NEW HOME SOON!
The Journey is Everything, as many of you know, is the 5 1/2 x 4 1/2 artwork I made, poco y poco, as I left the sling behind and I experimented with the use of my right neck, shoulder and arm. The artwork represents the lessons learned, gift received and healing themes as I traveled along the path to recovery. As many viewed it the overwhelming sentiment and response was that the artwork belonged, not in one singular home, but at a cancer center or someplace where many people could possibly be uplifted and inspired by its message. To view the individual panels and their message, click HERE.
My sister, Jeannine, has generously purchased the piece with this vision in mind. With her as the donor, i am now in the process of finding a home for it on the walls of a hospital. Thank you, Jeannine, for your immense generosity in purchasing the artwork as a donor and your vision to have this special piece have a long life for all to see.
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Physical therapy continues with a focus on an attempt to gain more stabilization in my shoulder, neck and upper back where there is no muscular strength due to the severing of the spinal accessory nerve. Last week I was fitted for a custom shoulder brace that will seek to keep the shoulder in better place and perhaps lessen its drooping and straining and possibly reduce the twisting, pulling, burning, jamming, tightness and aching when working on my art, practicing tai chi, driving in the car, moving through life, etc. They don’t know how much or if any it will help but I am hopeful and excited about giving it a go.
My sister, Jeannine, has generously purchased the piece with this vision in mind. With her as the donor, i am now in the process of finding a home for it on the walls of a hospital. Thank you, Jeannine, for your immense generosity in purchasing the artwork as a donor and your vision to have this special piece have a long life for all to see.
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Physical therapy continues with a focus on an attempt to gain more stabilization in my shoulder, neck and upper back where there is no muscular strength due to the severing of the spinal accessory nerve. Last week I was fitted for a custom shoulder brace that will seek to keep the shoulder in better place and perhaps lessen its drooping and straining and possibly reduce the twisting, pulling, burning, jamming, tightness and aching when working on my art, practicing tai chi, driving in the car, moving through life, etc. They don’t know how much or if any it will help but I am hopeful and excited about giving it a go.
MOUNT BALDY 33rd AIKIDO AI RETREAT 2015
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A year ago I was mostly horizontal, drains in place, limited movement and limited energy — and soon to begin radiation and chemo. Our dojo’s 33rd annual retreat that I have attended every year since I started my training seemed so far away. Yet it was brought so close to my heart as Sensei Frank dedicated the retreat to my recovery, donated all the proceeds to help with all things financial and a group of students brought Mt. Baldy to me through pine cones, rocks and driftwood. Above all a rock from the mountain reading Mt. Baldy 2014 was given to me. With it was an incredibly moving video. I watched, in tears, as the Mt. Baldy 2014 rock was held in everyone's hands and infused with all their love, prayers, healing chi and positive thoughts. I would often hold it in my palms after my chemo infusions to also be infused with all its love. My vision was to be on the mountain this year, return the rock and have Sensei write “Mt Baldy 2015’ on it, breathe deeply all that healing air, surround myself with stillness and thank everyone in person for their love and being a part of the miracle of my healing.
Embraced by the mountain peaks playing hide and seek in the soft heavenly fog, I returned to Mt. baldy over Memorial weekend. I spent the the retreat surrounded by loving friends, gentle training with the Senseis, walking in unison with the monks at the light of dawn and opportunity to be heart to heart and face to face to express my deep love and gratitude to everyone for all that was given to me. A vision fulfilled.
I will deliver that rock back to the mountain for many many moons to come. I will have Sensei write each unfolding year on it with ink until it is covered in black and I have to hand him a white pen to write the next year. :-)
EYE DOC
Her words…. “Everything is unfolding in the best possible scenario” The skin graft under the eye has not drooped or formed scar tissue that would pull the eyelid downward. So, no need for shots to soften scarring. YEAH!!! Of course, the eye still does not blink due to the paralysis and I have to keep it moistened with frequent eye drops. Burning tearing and blurry can make vision challenging and unpredictable. However, It is a JOY to embrace the world again with two eyes, connecting with people heart to hear AND eyes to eyes without the hindrance of a patch! I see her in July for the next follow up on its healing.
Embraced by the mountain peaks playing hide and seek in the soft heavenly fog, I returned to Mt. baldy over Memorial weekend. I spent the the retreat surrounded by loving friends, gentle training with the Senseis, walking in unison with the monks at the light of dawn and opportunity to be heart to heart and face to face to express my deep love and gratitude to everyone for all that was given to me. A vision fulfilled.
I will deliver that rock back to the mountain for many many moons to come. I will have Sensei write each unfolding year on it with ink until it is covered in black and I have to hand him a white pen to write the next year. :-)
EYE DOC
Her words…. “Everything is unfolding in the best possible scenario” The skin graft under the eye has not drooped or formed scar tissue that would pull the eyelid downward. So, no need for shots to soften scarring. YEAH!!! Of course, the eye still does not blink due to the paralysis and I have to keep it moistened with frequent eye drops. Burning tearing and blurry can make vision challenging and unpredictable. However, It is a JOY to embrace the world again with two eyes, connecting with people heart to hear AND eyes to eyes without the hindrance of a patch! I see her in July for the next follow up on its healing.
BAPTISMAL DRIVE
Watch out! Put your defensive driving cap on :-)! I will be doing some small baptismal drives close to home uptown where there is little traffic, less turns and am not stranded too far away if my eye starts up with its antics :-). Driving challenges are turning the neck left and right, putting the car in gear, driving and making turns with a non-dominant hand and the unexpected onset of burning and tearing that blocks vision. If you see me on the side of the road, I am just waiting for all to clear :-). Baby steps but, like all else, in time I'm sure there will be a great leap.
THE NEW NORMAL
In juggling the effects of surgery, along with radiation and chemo, there is talk of the “new normal.” It means the path of living with the side effects of this triple whammy adventure. I’m not sure what my “new normal” is - only know just what is so right now and moment to moment. Nothing seems particularly “normal” as day to day everything is constantly changing depending on what i’ve done, how long i’ve had to do it, if there are back to back commitments, how much I’m using my shoulder and arm, how much has been a push and how much I am able to move at my own pace, how much sleep I’ve had, how much rest and recovery has been possible., etc. I continue to create new steps and routines to best dance with ever-changing energy levels and ever-changing “sensations."
EATING
Still using the “ Thera-bite" device to open the jaw. There is only so much it will open due to the severing of the TMJ joint and all the scar tissue remaining from radiation/surgery. So it is necessary to continue to do this on a daily basis to keep the jaw from continuing to tighten. So each morning I use the vise as I sit in my backyard watching the early morning flutter of the birdies.
DR. KANG
Those of you that have continued to read all the updates know that Dr. Kang is my head and neck surgeon who, after the 14 hour surgery, I pulled down to kiss on the cheek in gratitude and love for his compassion, expertise and artistry. Our follow up consultation was this week. It was a clinical exam so he could only do a probing with his hands, looking at the MRI again from April and checking out all the grafts. His word was “FANTASTIC!” Those are the words I want my doctors to continue to use! The radiation oncologist and he are wanting to keep a very close eye on all, especially the base of the skull. So, i will see him again in two short months and then again in another two months for more full scanning and imagery of all. I envision continuing miracles and all kicked to the far side of the moon forever more! Please do the same :-)! Lots more chapters in my life are to unfold!
THE NEW NORMAL
In juggling the effects of surgery, along with radiation and chemo, there is talk of the “new normal.” It means the path of living with the side effects of this triple whammy adventure. I’m not sure what my “new normal” is - only know just what is so right now and moment to moment. Nothing seems particularly “normal” as day to day everything is constantly changing depending on what i’ve done, how long i’ve had to do it, if there are back to back commitments, how much I’m using my shoulder and arm, how much has been a push and how much I am able to move at my own pace, how much sleep I’ve had, how much rest and recovery has been possible., etc. I continue to create new steps and routines to best dance with ever-changing energy levels and ever-changing “sensations."
EATING
Still using the “ Thera-bite" device to open the jaw. There is only so much it will open due to the severing of the TMJ joint and all the scar tissue remaining from radiation/surgery. So it is necessary to continue to do this on a daily basis to keep the jaw from continuing to tighten. So each morning I use the vise as I sit in my backyard watching the early morning flutter of the birdies.
DR. KANG
Those of you that have continued to read all the updates know that Dr. Kang is my head and neck surgeon who, after the 14 hour surgery, I pulled down to kiss on the cheek in gratitude and love for his compassion, expertise and artistry. Our follow up consultation was this week. It was a clinical exam so he could only do a probing with his hands, looking at the MRI again from April and checking out all the grafts. His word was “FANTASTIC!” Those are the words I want my doctors to continue to use! The radiation oncologist and he are wanting to keep a very close eye on all, especially the base of the skull. So, i will see him again in two short months and then again in another two months for more full scanning and imagery of all. I envision continuing miracles and all kicked to the far side of the moon forever more! Please do the same :-)! Lots more chapters in my life are to unfold!
LAGUNA BEACH ART-A-FAIR
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I am focusing on making my living once again as a full time artist so looking for more local possibilities to sell my artwork and get paychecks :-). I have been juried into the Laguna Beach Art A Fair which runs from June 27 to August 30th. The Art A Fair prides itself in choosing artists from around the world with selected work " rich in quality yet diverse in mediums to appeal to all tastes." You will find painting, mixed media, sculpture, photography, jewelry, ceramics, glass. — and, of course, my 3D FINE ART MIXED MEDIA ORIGINALS. On the weekend they have live entertainment and art workshops — plus you can enjoy a wonderful day in beautiful Laguna Beach! For more info visit their website. http://art-a-fair.com
The show is perfect for me right now. After set up and opening night, the artist isn’t required to be there for sales. The show runs for a solid two months and so offers a venue to display and sell over the entire summer.
YOU ARE ALL INVITED. if you would like to attend the INVITATION OPENING NIGHT GALA (lots of fun, first look at the artists work, wine and food, etc.) please email me and I will send you an invitation or leave one at will-call for you. If not, PLEASE come over the summer to see my work. I will be there off and on depending on commitments, transportation, energy, etc. Here’s hoping for a wildly successful show for all the artists. Hope to see you there!
How did I get thee? Let me count the ways.
Many sources will offer reasons why - the internet, books, youtube, doctors and well-meaning family and friends.
Choose a door: physical, emotional, spiritual or d) all of the above or e) none of the above.
Thousands of research studies explain mutated genes and trans-located chromosomes. Many point to environmental toxins, hereditary predispositions and genetic patterns. Others blame stressful lifestyles, processed food, polluted air, wrong thinking, lack of faith and expressed or unexpressed emotions. Did we agree to it in a previous lifetime? Is it my karma? Is it what I thought - or didn’t think? Something I did or didn’t do? Something I said or withheld from saying? Is it a lesson for me or a vehicle for those around me to learn? Did I stray out of the vortex? Is it a message from God?
Genetic counselors seek to know. I spent too much time surfing as a kid without sunscreen, translocated 14-18 chromosomes have created aptosis (cells that don’t die naturally) in my DNA, living behind an oil refinery plant for over ten years was a deep insult to my immune system and I have a strong family history of cancer.
The gavel strikes judgment on a merry-go-round of responsible parties. I created it. No, my surroundings are responsible. Wait! What my parents ate and drank and breathed is really to blame. It is a toxic society. A poisonous world.
Am I guilty as charged? Or innocent until proven guilty? Is their insufficient evidence to proclaim a verdict? The merry go round turns faster and faster and it all becomes a blur in the thunderous roar of diagnosis and treatment.
Do we really have to strike the gavel and proclaim judgement and responsibility? There is, of course, a certain security if we know. Knowing gives something more to grab hold of as the ground beneath can seem to crumble. Of course it also makes sense to want to know the answer if it means there is a possibility of finding a cure.
However, perhaps no judgment need be made on anything. As always. God sees in 360. Not me. This is one happening in the dot to dot picture of my life My mind would like something to grab hold of for some certainty and control. My heart knows that the frenzy of the mind isn’t where peace and truth reside.
I have let go of any need to know. I rest in not knowing. I surrender to the reality that, ultimately, I don’t know (anything :-)) Scientists who spend millions on research don’t know. The internet is full of conflicting research, testimonials and possibilities. This doesn’t mean to not look at how and what can I do to improve my health, diet and a stronger immune system. No matter what is happening in any of our lives, it is important to take our own personal inventory of responsibility. What negative thoughts and stresses do we allow in our lives? Are we emotionally happy and spiritually alive? Is our life sung in a frenzied melody or peaceful cadence with continual crescendos of joy? These are the questions we must ask ourselves, illness or no illness.
However, as Victor Frankl shares in his poignant book, Man’s Search for Meaning, it is not for us to give meaning to life, but to bring meaning to whatever is placed in our path. Even in the horror of the concentration camp, Frankly found purpose and all became sacred. “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” In what can seem like the horror of treatment or whatever our circumstance, it is our path and our work to allow life to open us further into ourselves and deepen our connection with others, our higher self and the Divine.
To me, what is most important is that I meet everyday and everything with an spirit of acceptance and an open heart. To continue to say YES to the experience and so remain open to all the healing energy and love that surrounds me.
If I need to ask WHY, then it is also a slippery slope to to ask "WHY ME?" A question that can lead to bitterness, confusion, resentment, anger and despair. The question is really? Why not me?
To me, it is not so important the why as how I move through what is given.
Do I make it holy and sacred or do I repel in its presence?
Do I move through it with love and gratitude or resentment and bitterness?
Do I close the door on the gifts and lessons or open to receive the pearl within the hard shell of challenges?
Do I sink into the story of my illness or allow it to let my spirit soar?
Do I embrace what rests in my lap, right here and right now or look to some imagined “better” future?
What is important is that whatever seeming obstacles I have on my path, I continue to learn, love and experience more deeply and completely.
So here is to a letting go of all the “ whys” and allowing the mind to drop deeply into the wide embrace of our heart where we are all connected to everything and everyone.
Have a wonderful, joyful, grateful and fun summer surrounded by all who love you and you love. I will, too! :-).
Thank you all for continuing to remember me in your prayers, positive thoughts and love. I continue to be humbled by your support.
I love you all,
Suzette
To leave a guestbook message, click HERE. To send a private reply send to my email address.
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May 15, 2015
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
The journey remains everything.
How our life will unfold is always a mystery, always a don’t know. One year ago Team Suzette was formed and by the time I was wheeled into major surgery all of you were already carrying me on the wings of your prayers, positive thoughts, generosity and love. I wrote on the website the night before the surgery… "If love truly heals, then I am healed already.” I awoke from a 14 hour surgery carved and gutted like a Halloween pumpkin, missing an ear like Van Gogh, flaps of fifty lymph nodes removed, jugular vein cut, tmj bone spliced, muscles diced, face half-paralyzed, spinal accessory nerve severed, right arm in a sling, eye covered in a patch, embroidered like a grandmother’s favorite quilt, a partially shaved head and muscle and nerve pain that seemed never-ending. I was dependent and embracing life tenderly and tenuously moment to moment, breath to breath. Then came months of radiation, chemo, physical therapy and eye surgeries.
We all have our stories. Our leading characters may differ. The setting. The props. The conflicts and the resolutions. Yet there is no difference. Our opening is at birth, followed by a series of acts ending with the final curtain. We all have our losses and gains. Our yearnings and fears. We stumble. We fall. We rise again. We fall. We laugh, we love and we resist and yet persist. In our humanness we keep trying to make sense of it all.
During the last year I have shared my story. My characters, setting and conflict. My inspirations, reflections and remembrances. It is most probably different from your story.. Yet they are the same. It is all our shared story of living on this planet. We are human. We move through, go beyond, sink deeper, make sense, rise above, experience and absorb, seek and find, lose then reclaim. What we struggle with and the challenges we face may be different but what we learn along the way is our human story and so transcends our personal details. The meaning we bring to the brick and mortar of our individual stories is our freedom.
This has been a year of challenges and triumphs and of mysteries and miracles. It has been a time of sayng yes and not no and of darkness turned towards the light. It has been a time of great insults transformed into great lessons. It has been a journey more of the heart than the body. A time of trust overriding fear, of opening up instead of closing down and of learning and growing rather than resisting and resenting.
My baby steps have somehow slowly become great leaps. I do not remember this last year for its illness. I look and see a beautiful tapestry woven together with great gifts of faith, blessings, healing, love, joy, kindness. generosity and immense love This year is a testimony to the body’s amazing capacity to heal and the spirit’s incredible power to rise above and persevere. This is not a year I want to forget for I will always remember the tender selfless love of my family, the deep kindness, love and generosity of Team Suzette, visions fulfilled, baby steps into leaps and the miracle that is.
I may not be what WAS - but continue to be amazed at what IS. If I cling to wanting what was, I will suffer. Accepting, adapting and learning from what IS becomes my freedom. I am gradually discovering and creating new steps and routines to best dance with my body with its new challenges, movements, "ever-changing sensations" and energy. I bow to it in deep respect and awe for all that it has experienced and all the ways it has healed. I am so blessed to continue to have a life abundant with joy, deep love and unfolding opportunities.
As my dad always says, it is all compared to what...
Then: A missing ear
Now: Still missing, but doing a great combover
Then: Right arm in a sling
Now: Teaching tai chi and creating my art
Then: Eye covered in a patch
Now: Here’s looking at you with two eyes !
Then: After surgery some unwelcome visitors remaining
Now: All kicked to the far side of the moon
Then: A tiny opening for pureed food
Now: Chewing with more food down the hatch and less on my lap
Then: Unable to make it to our annual dojo memorial weekend retreat at Mt. Baldy
Now: Registered and no way I’m not going up the mountain :-)
Then: Couldn’t hold a scissors in my hand
Now: Created the 5 x 4 foot 3d mixed media art piece entitled “The Journey is Everything”
Then: Couldn’t sleep more than 10 minutes
Now: Getting more beauty sleep
Then: In a hospital bed
Now: Sleeping in my futon bed
Then: Cards read to me
Now: Reading to myself
Then: Practicing tai chi through just the breath
Now: Received my fourth degree black belt
Then: Couldn’t lift a paper cup with a little water
Now: Can lift a one pound weight with my right arm
Then: Unable to shower
Now: Soaking in bubble baths
Then: Sitting in the garden dictating a message to my sisters to send to Team Suzette
Now: Writing this message to you on my computer in my patio garden desk and chair
Then: Unable to cook for myself
Now: Making a mean organic chicken and vegetable soup
Then: Face in the mirror looking like a strange visitor from a strange planet
Now: Face in the mirror looking more like an old friend
AND
Some things remain the same:
Then: Spirit strong :-).
Now: Spirit strong :-)
Then: Feeling the deep love and support of Team Suzette family and friends
Now: Feeling the deep love and support of Team Suzette family and friends
Then: Moment to moment, breath to breath living
Now: Moment to moment, breath to breath living
Then: Appreciating each day
Now: Appreciating each day
It seems that whatever the terrain before us, it is important to remember that everything changes, to keep the faith, stay strong, trust the bigger picture, reach out in love and gratitude, appreciate all our blessings and find joy throughout the magnificent journey of our lives.
I forever remain immensely, totally, absolutely, sincerely grateful for all the love, prayers, positive thoughts, laughter, kindness and encouragement of my Team Suzette family and friends that has brought me this far .- and continues to carry me on the wings of their love. It has been felt deep into every cell. Thanks to God, my family, my physicians and surgeons, physical, occupational and radiation therapists and all of you. You have made and continue to make all the difference during each unfolding chapter of my healing.
Giving and receiving love in an unbroken circle remains the true essence of living and healing. The journey continues.
I remain a work in progress… but aren’t we all :-) ?
With all my love. You remain forever in my heart,
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click HERE. To leave a private message, click the reply button.
Very quick update:
Physical therapy has been prescribed for another four months. Next follow up with the eye surgeon is on Wednesday, May 13. June 8th I have a follow up clinical exam with the head and neck surgeon.. Our dojo Memorial weekend Mt. Baldy Retreat is on the horizon. A vision fulfilled for me is to be on the mountain this year to breathe in its healing air and give thanks to its dedication and donation to me last year.
I will update as all these happen but just want to get out this Happy Anniversary message to you tonight :-).
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4/1/2015
Dear loving Team Suzette,
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The patio chair that I sat in during months of quiet healing is now faded and worn by use and the unfolding seasons. It tells a story of stillness, patience and healing. Cushions are flattened and stained with dropped food that never made its way into my mouth's tiny pinhole opening. A glance at it triggers memories of sitting with both arms gently resting on pillows propped at its sides, of minimal movement, of breathing ever so slowly into discomfort and pain, of gazing at my garden out of one blurred eye, of an arm in a sling and another only able to pick up a paper cup and of a tv tray placed in front for my food and to look at cards from Team Suzette. This simple green chair is saturated with moment to moment, breath to breath living.
Everything changes. My backyard remains a sanctuary but also an outdoor studio to write and create my artwork. I now sit in a bright red new patio chair. In front of it is a portable computer desk and an imac air passed on to me from my nephew. A station to fuse my artwork is in the shade at the end of the patio.
I look outward from my new patio chair and see flowers expode in color, fireworks in the dalylight green of my backyard. Golden leaves of sunshine wave in the breeze and bushes hover over new blossoms like protective parents. Not unlike me, they went inward only to bloom again.
I see crisp clean lines that separate without shades of grey. This is a tree. Here is the sky. A potted plant. A wooden fence. A bird. Clear, defined boundaries. Me and it. We live with boundaries of all kinds... each other, this country, that continent, this galaxy.
Sitting so long in healing, meditative stillness, stripped to the bone and marrow, boundaries crumble and fall. We convince ourselves we need them to give ourselves identity and meaning. This is my car. My house. My opinion. My family. My belongings. We work so hard to separate, define, make special, compare and contrast. We continually sharpen our individual edges like some glistening edge of a paring knife that often times becomes too sharp for others to even draw near.
What are my boudaries where I stand and say …“This is me.. this is where I begin? Yes, you are there, but I am here.” Quiet, solitude and stillness tune us to a different frequency. I pause to look beyond the dotted line of boundaries and can feel the clutter of life fall away. Petty details fade, insignificant clingings drop, useless arguments leave and small failures end. I see where everything begins to melt into one. I see where love, gratitude and expansion are an endless circle. It is not a linear, separate world. Mystery, passion, creativity and love live beside sorrow and confusion. The forest is also the clearing, the argument and the resolution unite, the pulling away and the hug are one, joy and sorrow merge and birth and death remain a revolving door to eternal life. Our constant cacophony of individual voices wants to be heard but in our silence, heart to heart and soul to soul, we are one. In our last moments boundaries disappear and everything and everyone blends into eternity..
My healing is your healing. Your joy is my joy. Our sorrows belong to each other. Every individual ripple we create changes the tide for all of us in this ocean of life. The tide of Team Suzette has carried and continues to carry me in its warm, healing and loving current. THANK YOU ENDLESSLY and DEEPLY for each individual ripple - EACH act of kidness, generosity, love, prayer, positive thought and encouragement that TRULY makes such a difference to me - and to the world.
Everything changes. My backyard remains a sanctuary but also an outdoor studio to write and create my artwork. I now sit in a bright red new patio chair. In front of it is a portable computer desk and an imac air passed on to me from my nephew. A station to fuse my artwork is in the shade at the end of the patio.
I look outward from my new patio chair and see flowers expode in color, fireworks in the dalylight green of my backyard. Golden leaves of sunshine wave in the breeze and bushes hover over new blossoms like protective parents. Not unlike me, they went inward only to bloom again.
I see crisp clean lines that separate without shades of grey. This is a tree. Here is the sky. A potted plant. A wooden fence. A bird. Clear, defined boundaries. Me and it. We live with boundaries of all kinds... each other, this country, that continent, this galaxy.
Sitting so long in healing, meditative stillness, stripped to the bone and marrow, boundaries crumble and fall. We convince ourselves we need them to give ourselves identity and meaning. This is my car. My house. My opinion. My family. My belongings. We work so hard to separate, define, make special, compare and contrast. We continually sharpen our individual edges like some glistening edge of a paring knife that often times becomes too sharp for others to even draw near.
What are my boudaries where I stand and say …“This is me.. this is where I begin? Yes, you are there, but I am here.” Quiet, solitude and stillness tune us to a different frequency. I pause to look beyond the dotted line of boundaries and can feel the clutter of life fall away. Petty details fade, insignificant clingings drop, useless arguments leave and small failures end. I see where everything begins to melt into one. I see where love, gratitude and expansion are an endless circle. It is not a linear, separate world. Mystery, passion, creativity and love live beside sorrow and confusion. The forest is also the clearing, the argument and the resolution unite, the pulling away and the hug are one, joy and sorrow merge and birth and death remain a revolving door to eternal life. Our constant cacophony of individual voices wants to be heard but in our silence, heart to heart and soul to soul, we are one. In our last moments boundaries disappear and everything and everyone blends into eternity..
My healing is your healing. Your joy is my joy. Our sorrows belong to each other. Every individual ripple we create changes the tide for all of us in this ocean of life. The tide of Team Suzette has carried and continues to carry me in its warm, healing and loving current. THANK YOU ENDLESSLY and DEEPLY for each individual ripple - EACH act of kidness, generosity, love, prayer, positive thought and encouragement that TRULY makes such a difference to me - and to the world.
THE MIRACLES CONTINUE!!!
GRAND NEWS! Clear skies! All remains ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE MOON! No sign of any unwelcome guests on the head/neck/base of the skull MRI scan. His word..."AWESOME!" What an amazing gift in my Easter basket :-). He spent time with me asking questions about symptoms, side effects, pain, eating and chewing problems, trismus, physical therapy and all challenges. He also recommended now setting up an appointment with the lymphoma specialist to check in and get current labs and exam.
So the plan is to keep on healing deeper and deeper, gaining my ground, supporting my immune system in all ways and getting good rest and sleep. He shared a study with me that showed that people who were survivors of certain cancers that embraced exercise and a healthy diet showed a 50 percent less chance of re-occurrence. So here's to my organic vegetables, healthy diet, Tai Chi, Qigong and longer and longer walks!
Thanks to God, thanks to all my doctors and thanks to the ever loving and healing force of Team Suzette for being such a large part of this miracle. Please continue to keep me in your most positive thoughts, prayers and hearts for the healing to be total and complete forever! THANK YOU!!!
So the plan is to keep on healing deeper and deeper, gaining my ground, supporting my immune system in all ways and getting good rest and sleep. He shared a study with me that showed that people who were survivors of certain cancers that embraced exercise and a healthy diet showed a 50 percent less chance of re-occurrence. So here's to my organic vegetables, healthy diet, Tai Chi, Qigong and longer and longer walks!
Thanks to God, thanks to all my doctors and thanks to the ever loving and healing force of Team Suzette for being such a large part of this miracle. Please continue to keep me in your most positive thoughts, prayers and hearts for the healing to be total and complete forever! THANK YOU!!!
SHE KNOWS THE WAY TO MY HEART
Miss Sweet Peanut (Sweet Pea) likes to come visit me inside when I sit at the dining room table. She sits next to me on the floor in her cutest begging pose. Of course she has me wrapped around her little finger and she gets a treat. She is so friendly, calm and lovable and visits my backyard and me every morning and every afternoon for a few hours :-). Her counterpart, Friend-zee, runs around the yard like she has had six cups of expresso, jumping, turning and speeding from tree to tree. Sweet Pea and Friend-zee… the yin and the yang.
ART SHOW
Meditation
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Stillness
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Clarity/Wisdom
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Courage
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Health
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Thanks to all of you that came out last weekend to see and support me at the Harmony Art Show. I had some wonderful visits from friends and was also blessed with some very much appreciated cash flow :-). I continue to work on the the special orders from “The Journey Is Everything” made at the Hillcrest Show. Thank you for them! So great to create and know for sure a paycheck is on its way. I’m feeling continually grateful and blessed to be working once again as an artist. You can also visit my artwork and me at suzette.cc. Soon the "Journey is Everything" will be on the website, including individual photos of all the panels for special commissions over the internet :-).
CAMBRIA
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Wish I could bottle the stillness, clean air, natural beauty and quiet of this slice of paradise. I was graced with a visit from my nephew and his wife from San Francisco, long drives through country roads with rolling green hills splashed with colorful wildflowers, cliff walks that surpassed any beauty I've seen in my world travels, visits with seals and deer and and a brand new Central Valley Market with organic produce, deli and soon to open restaurant. I'm ready to return! Thank you Kerry and Suzanne for once again allowing me to share this peaceful time and memories with you.
MISCELLANEOUS MUMBO JUMBO
Physical therapy will be resuming very soon-probably next week.. I'll receive an evaluation and recommendation for continued treatment.
Everything still changes. How I feel is dependent on how much I sleep, how much my head, neck and shoulder are talking to me, what I’m doing, what I’ve done, how much I’ve had to push, how much I've been able to recover from pushing :-), how much I’ve been able to move and unravel at my own pace without going into overdrive, etc.
Going with the flow and ever changing currents.
Morning regime of meditative walk, physical therapy, qigong, tai chi, jaw exercises and healthy breakfast continues to meet each new day. My eye surgery, to me, is healing magnificently. :-) April 16th I return to get the eye surgeon’s opinion :-).
First week in June I meet with the head and neck surgeon for a follow up clinical exam.
Scheduling an appt with dermatologist to keep a close eye on my skin.
Scheduling a check in with the lymphoma specialist for labs/exam.
I'm loving not having to wear the eye patch. I have new sunglasses with foam core around the lens that helps with burning, tearing and blurring by letting in less air, dirt and dryness. I hope to buy a pair with clear lens for inside as well. Lubricating and keeping the eye moistened since it is unable to blink because of the paralysis.
SAYING YES!
How do we live our lives flung wide open, saying yes and not shutting the gate as we go through a journey with cancer - or anything?
How do we make space when there feels like there is no space left? How does anyone say yes in the midst of their pain, weakness and sometimes despair? How to stay open when going out to City of Hope so often where the energy of cancer can linger like an omenous storm cloud? How to say yes to chemo, to the insult of surgery, the drip of the IV, the not knowing, the nausea, the pain in the dark of the night, the merry-go-round of side effects and the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask?
It is hard training to keep saying yes and opening time and time again. However, the closed fist lets nothing in and the outstretched arm, hand and heart allows for healing and to feel…..
each tender touch
an “I love you”
the power of each prayer and positive thought...
the gift of each card and doorstep delivery...
the healing love and energy of Team suzette...
the deep caring of the COH staff...
the triumphant spirit of all the survivors...
the valiant energy of the patients...
the commitment and expertise of the doctors...
the compassion of the volunteers...
the loving touch of the radiation therapist...
The smile of the valet who remembers my name...
.A day in our lives is made up not by circumstance but by our connection to all whose path we cross.
Saying yes does not mean not saying no first. In order to know courage, we have to have experienced fear. In order to know the positive, we must have been face to face with the negative. Through despair, we find hope. Clarity is born of confusion. Strength and resiliency come from falling and rising again and again.
Saying yes means having the strength to keep opening. It means bowing to everything as my teacher. Saying yes to cancer, or anything, means to change the lyrics.
Saying No: It can’t be
Saying Yes: It is
Saying no: This sucks
Saying yes: Lessons await
Saying no: Why me?
Saying Yes: Why not me?
Saying No: My dad died of cancer
Saying Yes: I will heal
Saying No: How long will I live?
Saying Yes: I have the gift of life each day
Saying no: It isn’t fair
Saying yes: This is an unfolding gift
Saying No: The door to my heart slams shut
Saying yes: The door to my heart opens to let in light, love and healing
Saying no: I don’t want to feel
Saying yes: I want to experience it all
Saying no: I tighten and contract
Saying yes: My body opens and relaxes
Saying no: This will never end
Saying yes: It is always a new day
Saying no: This pain will never go away
Saying yes: Everything changes
Saying no: I want this to be over
Saying yes: The journey is everything
Saying no: I’m scared
Saying yes: I trust the journey
Saying no: No one could understand.
Saying yes: Everybody cares
Thank you for all your love, prayers, positive thoughts, encouragement, generosity, kindness and compassion that keep me saying yes. Thank you for being such an important force in the miracle of my healing. Here’s to saying yes and opening to this mysterious and magnificent journey that is our life.
Hand to heart hugs and all my love,
Suzette PS Some have asked if they could send me a private message versus a public post on the guestbook.
Sure :-).
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March 2015
Dearest loving Team Suzette,
Hope this visit finds you all enjoying this magnificent roller coaster ride of life. My continuing so very sincere gratitude to all of you for every remembrance, every kindness, every encouragement, every prayer and every positive thought that is given to me. And for continuing to read these updates!
This is just a very quick visit to give you the latest news about my follow up consult with the eye surgeon and to invite you to my one day art show at the Harmony Center on Saturday, March 28th. More to come in a longer update in a few weeks after my tests and follow ups at City Hope and return to physical therapy.
FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT WITH EYE SURGEON
She said the words I was longing to hear. “Your skin is healing well and it looks like you don’t need the anticipated shots today to loosen the skin from scarring.” Yeah! I soooooo don't want to have to start a big series of injections to loosen scarring and the pulling downward of the graft! My body has had enough junk thrown into it for a lifetime! She seemed very pleased and perhaps a bit surprised by the healing progress. There had been irritation along the embroidery because the “dissolvable" stitches never dissolved so it felt great to finally have them removed!
She told me to keep up all I’m doing - let my body continue to deeply heal from the massive surgery last year, rest, get sleep, reduce stress on the body, massage the area to maximize softness and push skin upward and keep all sunlight, direct and indirect, off the face/eye. I feel very blessed by both her expertise and her compassion.
I return in one month or call her if certain symptoms develop (they won’t :-). She continues to sing the same lyrics at the end of the session. We shall see how it is healing in a month. It takes time to determine success. We may have to start injections if it starts to get tight and scarred and pulls downward." I repeat my familiar chorus by saying.. “It will heal perfectly with no shots needed” :-) and give her a wink out of the eye that can blink :-).
There remains burning, blurry and tearing of the eye which makes seeing a little challenging at times. She has suggested some special sunglasses to wear indoors and outdoors that could help provide less irritation on the eye by blocking a majority wind, air and debris. I am also going to visit the opthamalogist for an complete eye exam and any suggestions. Of course, still no blinking because of the paralysis and so little lubrication but wonderful to be without the patch.
She gave me the thumbs up to return to physical therapy in April. The graft is now strong enough to not be affected by movement of my arms during the exercises.
Please continue to hold me in your most positive thoughts, prayers and healing energy for the skin to remain soft and uplifted with continued miracles ever step of the way.
PLEASE COME VISIT ME!
There is the one last local show I can exhibit at locally for quite awhile and I would love to connect with all of you. If you haven’t seen me or weren’t able to get to the Hillcrest Show to see my new piece reflecting the themes of my recovery, “The Journey is Everything”, or would like to visit again :-) it would be awesome to see you all. The show is one day only on Saturday March 28th, from 9-4. It is at the same venue as the October Fall Arts and Crafts Show on Comstock Avenue (info below). This is a spring “gift” show but they are welcoming me to put up my walls and display my larger framed pieces along with my smaller pieces. Stop in and say hi!
I continue to feel so blessed to be able to create and sell my art now. Working as a professional artist at home allows me the freedom to move with my "ever changing sensations" and energy, rest my body/neck/shoulder when needed, work different aspects of an art creation depending on how I feel and not have to be "up" at prescribed times when my body may be saying it needs to rest or move at its own pace :-). I am also trying to carve out some quiet time to write. So thanks to all of you who have been so supportive in so many ways of my work as an artist. Twenty years now and it still humbles and amazes me that people are hanging my imagination in their homes.
How do we make space when there feels like there is no space left? How does anyone say yes in the midst of their pain, weakness and sometimes despair? How to stay open when going out to City of Hope so often where the energy of cancer can linger like an omenous storm cloud? How to say yes to chemo, to the insult of surgery, the drip of the IV, the not knowing, the nausea, the pain in the dark of the night, the merry-go-round of side effects and the buckle and bolt of the radiation mask?
It is hard training to keep saying yes and opening time and time again. However, the closed fist lets nothing in and the outstretched arm, hand and heart allows for healing and to feel…..
each tender touch
an “I love you”
the power of each prayer and positive thought...
the gift of each card and doorstep delivery...
the healing love and energy of Team suzette...
the deep caring of the COH staff...
the triumphant spirit of all the survivors...
the valiant energy of the patients...
the commitment and expertise of the doctors...
the compassion of the volunteers...
the loving touch of the radiation therapist...
The smile of the valet who remembers my name...
.A day in our lives is made up not by circumstance but by our connection to all whose path we cross.
Saying yes does not mean not saying no first. In order to know courage, we have to have experienced fear. In order to know the positive, we must have been face to face with the negative. Through despair, we find hope. Clarity is born of confusion. Strength and resiliency come from falling and rising again and again.
Saying yes means having the strength to keep opening. It means bowing to everything as my teacher. Saying yes to cancer, or anything, means to change the lyrics.
Saying No: It can’t be
Saying Yes: It is
Saying no: This sucks
Saying yes: Lessons await
Saying no: Why me?
Saying Yes: Why not me?
Saying No: My dad died of cancer
Saying Yes: I will heal
Saying No: How long will I live?
Saying Yes: I have the gift of life each day
Saying no: It isn’t fair
Saying yes: This is an unfolding gift
Saying No: The door to my heart slams shut
Saying yes: The door to my heart opens to let in light, love and healing
Saying no: I don’t want to feel
Saying yes: I want to experience it all
Saying no: I tighten and contract
Saying yes: My body opens and relaxes
Saying no: This will never end
Saying yes: It is always a new day
Saying no: This pain will never go away
Saying yes: Everything changes
Saying no: I want this to be over
Saying yes: The journey is everything
Saying no: I’m scared
Saying yes: I trust the journey
Saying no: No one could understand.
Saying yes: Everybody cares
Thank you for all your love, prayers, positive thoughts, encouragement, generosity, kindness and compassion that keep me saying yes. Thank you for being such an important force in the miracle of my healing. Here’s to saying yes and opening to this mysterious and magnificent journey that is our life.
Hand to heart hugs and all my love,
Suzette PS Some have asked if they could send me a private message versus a public post on the guestbook.
Sure :-).
-------------------------------
March 2015
Dearest loving Team Suzette,
Hope this visit finds you all enjoying this magnificent roller coaster ride of life. My continuing so very sincere gratitude to all of you for every remembrance, every kindness, every encouragement, every prayer and every positive thought that is given to me. And for continuing to read these updates!
This is just a very quick visit to give you the latest news about my follow up consult with the eye surgeon and to invite you to my one day art show at the Harmony Center on Saturday, March 28th. More to come in a longer update in a few weeks after my tests and follow ups at City Hope and return to physical therapy.
FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT WITH EYE SURGEON
She said the words I was longing to hear. “Your skin is healing well and it looks like you don’t need the anticipated shots today to loosen the skin from scarring.” Yeah! I soooooo don't want to have to start a big series of injections to loosen scarring and the pulling downward of the graft! My body has had enough junk thrown into it for a lifetime! She seemed very pleased and perhaps a bit surprised by the healing progress. There had been irritation along the embroidery because the “dissolvable" stitches never dissolved so it felt great to finally have them removed!
She told me to keep up all I’m doing - let my body continue to deeply heal from the massive surgery last year, rest, get sleep, reduce stress on the body, massage the area to maximize softness and push skin upward and keep all sunlight, direct and indirect, off the face/eye. I feel very blessed by both her expertise and her compassion.
I return in one month or call her if certain symptoms develop (they won’t :-). She continues to sing the same lyrics at the end of the session. We shall see how it is healing in a month. It takes time to determine success. We may have to start injections if it starts to get tight and scarred and pulls downward." I repeat my familiar chorus by saying.. “It will heal perfectly with no shots needed” :-) and give her a wink out of the eye that can blink :-).
There remains burning, blurry and tearing of the eye which makes seeing a little challenging at times. She has suggested some special sunglasses to wear indoors and outdoors that could help provide less irritation on the eye by blocking a majority wind, air and debris. I am also going to visit the opthamalogist for an complete eye exam and any suggestions. Of course, still no blinking because of the paralysis and so little lubrication but wonderful to be without the patch.
She gave me the thumbs up to return to physical therapy in April. The graft is now strong enough to not be affected by movement of my arms during the exercises.
Please continue to hold me in your most positive thoughts, prayers and healing energy for the skin to remain soft and uplifted with continued miracles ever step of the way.
PLEASE COME VISIT ME!
There is the one last local show I can exhibit at locally for quite awhile and I would love to connect with all of you. If you haven’t seen me or weren’t able to get to the Hillcrest Show to see my new piece reflecting the themes of my recovery, “The Journey is Everything”, or would like to visit again :-) it would be awesome to see you all. The show is one day only on Saturday March 28th, from 9-4. It is at the same venue as the October Fall Arts and Crafts Show on Comstock Avenue (info below). This is a spring “gift” show but they are welcoming me to put up my walls and display my larger framed pieces along with my smaller pieces. Stop in and say hi!
I continue to feel so blessed to be able to create and sell my art now. Working as a professional artist at home allows me the freedom to move with my "ever changing sensations" and energy, rest my body/neck/shoulder when needed, work different aspects of an art creation depending on how I feel and not have to be "up" at prescribed times when my body may be saying it needs to rest or move at its own pace :-). I am also trying to carve out some quiet time to write. So thanks to all of you who have been so supportive in so many ways of my work as an artist. Twenty years now and it still humbles and amazes me that people are hanging my imagination in their homes.
CITY HALL RECEPTION
My artwork is on display the month of March at City Hall. Seven of my pieces greet you as you enter the building :-). I was honored with a small reception at City Hall on Tuesday, March 10th and was met by the mayor, city councilmen, city hall staff and loving, supportive friends and family of Team Suzette. Thank you all so much for coming out to join me in this celebration of my art!
Hobnobbing with the city councilmen :-).
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Some of the members of Team Suzette who came out to support the reception.
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MRI
First week in April is my follow up MRI on head, neck and base of skull. Please send me all that Team Suzette amazing love and light and prayers! I look forward to the next update sharing that all remains on the far side of the moon- now and forevermore!
FURRY FRIEND
As many of you know, my backyard has been a healing sanctuary for me along with countless birds and squirrels who now treat it as their home. All the wildlife continues to feel more and more trusting and at peace in my presence. Including this little guy, Sweet Peanut (Sweet Pea for short), that decided she missed me in the backyard and came in for a visit :-)
First week in April is my follow up MRI on head, neck and base of skull. Please send me all that Team Suzette amazing love and light and prayers! I look forward to the next update sharing that all remains on the far side of the moon- now and forevermore!
FURRY FRIEND
As many of you know, my backyard has been a healing sanctuary for me along with countless birds and squirrels who now treat it as their home. All the wildlife continues to feel more and more trusting and at peace in my presence. Including this little guy, Sweet Peanut (Sweet Pea for short), that decided she missed me in the backyard and came in for a visit :-)
REST IN CAMBRIA
Suzanne and Kerry (both teachers) are on school spring break and heading to Cambria for several days of total rest and relaxation and have generously invited me to come along. It's been a full plate of a month for me with lots happening right on the heels of m eye surgery/graft so it will be wonderful to be in the healing stillness, serenity and beauty of Cambria. I got the thumbs up yesterday from the surgeon to go - as long as I absolutely, completely and totally keep my face/graft out of any sunlight, direct or indirect :-). I'm equipped with sunscreen, 50 spf hat and will try to get my special sunglasses tomorrow. Cambria here we come.
Hope to see you on March 28th for the Harmony Gift Show. If not, I will see you all in cyberville in the next update following the trips to City of Hope and the return of physical therapy.
With so much love and so much appreciation from my heart to yours! Thank you for being here with me.
Suzette
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Suzanne and Kerry (both teachers) are on school spring break and heading to Cambria for several days of total rest and relaxation and have generously invited me to come along. It's been a full plate of a month for me with lots happening right on the heels of m eye surgery/graft so it will be wonderful to be in the healing stillness, serenity and beauty of Cambria. I got the thumbs up yesterday from the surgeon to go - as long as I absolutely, completely and totally keep my face/graft out of any sunlight, direct or indirect :-). I'm equipped with sunscreen, 50 spf hat and will try to get my special sunglasses tomorrow. Cambria here we come.
Hope to see you on March 28th for the Harmony Gift Show. If not, I will see you all in cyberville in the next update following the trips to City of Hope and the return of physical therapy.
With so much love and so much appreciation from my heart to yours! Thank you for being here with me.
Suzette
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February 2015
Dear amazing and loving Team Suzette,
Dear amazing and loving Team Suzette,
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Sorry it has taken so long to send thanks to all of you who came to visit me at the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts and to those of you that adopted my artwork to hang in your home! THANK YOU!!! I feel humbled and immensely grateful.
I am so blessed to be creating art again, selling it and creating some cash flow to help with taxes, medical bills and living expenses! The show was a whirlwind for me only a week after my eye surgery. The week after was filled with follow up and coordinating the hanging of my artwork at the Whittier City Hall. So I’m finally able to go into needed rest and recovery mode to gain back some ground and to also connect with all of you.
My heart flung wide open each time I saw a familiar loving face come through the door. My apologies if I only got to say a hello and a short conversation and not a good-bye because I was engaged at the moment with someone else. Thank you all so much for taking time out of your precious weekend to come see me. It felt soooo good!
Immense thanks to the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts Committee for making it possible to have such a great venue to exhibit my work. It was truly a Godsend to not only exhibit but to also show the full range of my work.
A very special and heartfelt thank you to Roberto Chavez, Festival of the Arts Committee Chair, whose huge heart made the show a reality for me. Along with everything else, he blessed me with a beautiful indoor space with high ceiling and natural light (out of the elements) for my exhibit. Pastor Paul was a sweetheart throughout making sure I was comfortable and taking breaks :-). The Committee generously gave me a free booth and each and every person involved with the show was so gracious and supportive. Friends and family of Team Suzette were lovingly with me at all times during the show so I could take breaks and they could make sales while I talked to visitors.
The show was a success! My new big piece, "Journey is Everything", received some very heartfelt compliments. I was blessed with many commissions on individual assorted panels from my new artwork. Commissions are perfect for me because I am able to know that a paycheck is on its way without having to exhibit in a show. This new artwork is now hanging in the lobby of the Whittier City Hall for the month of March. If you know anyone interested in ordering individual or multiple panels for themselves (or a friend going through a challenging time) or the entire piece for their home or as a donation to a hospital) :-) please have them contact me. When I can have a photographer take some decent pictures, I will include the big pieces and photos of individual panels on my website for online orders :-)..
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!
I am so blessed to be creating art again, selling it and creating some cash flow to help with taxes, medical bills and living expenses! The show was a whirlwind for me only a week after my eye surgery. The week after was filled with follow up and coordinating the hanging of my artwork at the Whittier City Hall. So I’m finally able to go into needed rest and recovery mode to gain back some ground and to also connect with all of you.
My heart flung wide open each time I saw a familiar loving face come through the door. My apologies if I only got to say a hello and a short conversation and not a good-bye because I was engaged at the moment with someone else. Thank you all so much for taking time out of your precious weekend to come see me. It felt soooo good!
Immense thanks to the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts Committee for making it possible to have such a great venue to exhibit my work. It was truly a Godsend to not only exhibit but to also show the full range of my work.
A very special and heartfelt thank you to Roberto Chavez, Festival of the Arts Committee Chair, whose huge heart made the show a reality for me. Along with everything else, he blessed me with a beautiful indoor space with high ceiling and natural light (out of the elements) for my exhibit. Pastor Paul was a sweetheart throughout making sure I was comfortable and taking breaks :-). The Committee generously gave me a free booth and each and every person involved with the show was so gracious and supportive. Friends and family of Team Suzette were lovingly with me at all times during the show so I could take breaks and they could make sales while I talked to visitors.
The show was a success! My new big piece, "Journey is Everything", received some very heartfelt compliments. I was blessed with many commissions on individual assorted panels from my new artwork. Commissions are perfect for me because I am able to know that a paycheck is on its way without having to exhibit in a show. This new artwork is now hanging in the lobby of the Whittier City Hall for the month of March. If you know anyone interested in ordering individual or multiple panels for themselves (or a friend going through a challenging time) or the entire piece for their home or as a donation to a hospital) :-) please have them contact me. When I can have a photographer take some decent pictures, I will include the big pieces and photos of individual panels on my website for online orders :-)..
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!
WHITTIER CITY HALL RECEPTION
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I am honored to be chosen by the Whittier Arts Commission to have my work hanging in the lobby of the Uptown Whittier City Hall for the month of March. The Journey is Everything, Golden Dragon, Homeward, Saxman, Two Happy Fish and Midnight in La Boca are among those on their wall. The reception will be Tuesday, March 10th, from 5:30-6:30. All of you are invited. City council, administrators and members of the Whittier Arts Commission and Cultural Arts Committee will be there as well.
EYE SURGERY
I have now returned to rest and recovery mode from the surgery! My upper arm (which donated the skin) and the skin graft to my lower eye lid are healing. It is difficult to know anything right now as it depends on the amount of scarring and tugging downward that is created at the site heals. I’m doing everything I can for optimal healing and it feels so good to know that Team Suzaette’s positive thoughts and prayers are with me for a perfect outcome. So here's to a hopeful good-bye to anymore cut and paste operations and adios patch forevermore.
Many have asked will I be able to see, blink, etc. once the skin graft is healed. The eye cannot blink due to the paralysis. They did put a platinum weight in the upper eyelid to allow it be heavier and so close more to protect a greater surface of the eye. The skin graft creating a new lower eye lid now covers what once was a very exposed eye and drooping, scarred skin.. The eye has burning and blur right now but I trust that as it heals this will improve. I keep it lubricated with drops often.
March 18th I see the surgeon for a consult and her recommendation for the next step. I can’t wait to hear her say how amazing it has begun to heal and to share the great news with you!
MRI COMING SOON
On Monday, March 30th, I go in for an MRI of the head, neck and special focus on the base of skull. The last MRI was in October and the radiation oncologist said that future scans were important to compare and determine a baseline. The follow up results will be later in the week. Here's to another miraculous report!
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Physical l therapy has been on hiatus due to needed recovery from my eye surgery. All the exercises are so helpful for dancing with the pain (“ever-changing sensations”) in my neck/shoulder/upper back so I will be happy to hear that she gives her okay to a return of my physical exercise. I have begun to do some lighter exercises and the tai chi is always helpful. Yesterday I started using the jaw therapy vise again. I I had gone several weeks without it to not disturb the eyelid graft. It seems to really help to create a wider opening for me to eat. Once the surgeon gives me the thumbs up to return to Physical Therapy at City of Hope, I will set up a session for a current evaluation and their future recommendations.
A CHALLENGING THANK YOU NOTE
Love and gratitude remain an endless circle. I have written many a thank you note over these last several months expressing my unending appreciation for the countless and immense blessings in my life. While definitely challenging, this healing journey has been woven together with so much beauty, love, friendship, kindness, generosity, bright positive light and deep prayer. Yet, if I truly seek to SAY YES, make friends, open to and learn from all the intricate threads of this healing tapestry, there was one seemingly challenging thank you note that had been left unwritten. It is a thank you note to the cancer. Could I do it? When I began to reflect deeper and deeper on my journey these words made their way to the paper.
Thank you...
For stripping me to the core,
sinking me even deeper into the pure ocean of truth.
For the months of meditative silence
where lines between form and spirit dissolved
to feel the connection between everything and everyone.
For seeing God in the face of all nature
The flight of the birds, the whimsy of the squirrels
and the tiniest ant making its way across my patio.
Thank you...
For narrowing my aperture
and slowing life to a freeze frame
so I could sense the bud bursting into bloom.
Feel the wind before it blows.
Hear the silence and so the voice of God.
Thank you for all the tender moments...
A held hand and an "I love you."
A nephew saying... "I would take the pain from you if I could."
For my sisters' words and action to "have my back."
For every time my finger rested on the belt loop of a loved one,
guiding me in my impaired vision and weakness.
For each and every act of kindness and generosity.
Thank you ...
For allowing me to have known such deep pain
so I can be ever more compassionate
to those who carry their own.
For all the small joys over these months
that felt like fireworks exploding
in the dark of my night sky
Thank you...
For the doctors who worked so diligently, expertly and
compassionately to remove you
For every prayer
For every positive thought
For every act of love
For the miracle that is.
Thank you...
For the tidal wave of love that crashed on my shore
The knowing that love is truly the healing force
For opening my heart even wider
to experience that giving and receiving love
is the essence of our lives
Thank you...
For the experience that no matter what the seeming darkness
the light is there.
That to follow even the hint of its memory
can lead to brilliance and illumination
Thank you...
For the bone and marrow experience
that everything changes
For the reminder to breathe even deeper
into the gift of each day.
Thank you...
For the example of the body's amazing ability to heal
and that you can totally depart
with no trace of footsteps left behind
For all that was done to me without my asking
but rising from compassionate thoughtfulness
For the experience of a deeply loving family
who became my eyes, my hands and my engine
For Team Suzette who carries me on the wings of their love.
Thank you...
For the reminder each time I look in the mirror
and see my paralyzed, grafted face
that I am not the garment of my body
but an eternal soul connected to all souls.
For my surrender to the bigger picture,
letting go of the attachment
to everything,
even my life,
to what is the highest possible Divine good
in the 360 degree panorama of my life.
Thank you for leaving...
for bowing out of this dance we have been on
so I can now dance with joy, wild abandon and deeper truths
in an ever closer embrace with life.
For allowing the neck of the hourglass
to widen into infinity
and expand into nothing but blue skies.
Thank you for leaving
and giving me my life
where I will remain in endless gratitude
for all that I have received
Return the love that has been given to me
And continue to enjoy this vast playground and schoolhouse.
Thank you for leaving...
For recognizing that the lessons have been learned
and are now ready to be even more deeply lived
And for giving me the opportunity to share my experience
Paint the blank canvas of each day
and move from inner depths to the broad horizon
Finally,
thank you staying away forever
for living on the far side of the moon
For leaving permanently
and being a part of the continuous miracle of my healing
And so for all the precious and completely healthy
present moments that now unfold before me
to create the amazing tapestry of my life.
SPRING HARMONY ARTS SHOW
The Harmony Center Fine Arts and Crafts Festival, who so graciously supported my artwork and me in their fall exhibit, has decided to have a spring arts show. The dates are March 28-29. I am considering exhibiting that weekend. There are not many chances for me to show locally throughout the year and it makes sense for me to take advantage of this opportunity. It would be another chance to hopefully see those of you that haven’t been able to make it to other shows for a visit. "The Journey is Everything", will be there for those of you that would like to see it. And, as a working artist, it would be one more chance to create an art sales paycheck to keep the landlord, Uncle Sam and the doctors at bay :-). I'll keep you posted as to my final decision.
MORE SOON
I will send another update to let you know the great news that the surgeon has on the progress of the healing of the graft :-) and, of course, the results of the MRI that will show that all remains living on the far side of the moon!
I hope all your lives are filled with your hearts desire. I remain in such deep gratitude for the immense blessing of each and everyone of you.
With great love, deep gratitude, enormous respect and a HUGE HAND TO HEART HUG!
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click HERE.
----------------------------------------------
2/18/2015
Hello Beloved Team Suzette!
This is a very quick update but wanted to give you the latest on my eye surgery along with
some added information about the Hillcrest Art Show that opens on Friday!
EYE SURGERY
Thank you for your continued prayers, positive thoughts and love coming my way for an amazing and speedy healing to my eye. I was at UCLA Jules Stein Eye Institute today for my follow up appointment with the surgeon. She removed all the gauze and bandages on my face, took out the stitches that were holding my eyelids shut and removed the shunt. She also removed all the bandages on my upper arm which donated its skin to become my lower eyelid! It felt great to have all that gone, especially since some of the stitches were poking in my eye! She said so far, so great. All things considered I think it looks pretty darn awesome :-). Now it is my turn to do my part. No stress or strain. Important to be in relaxation and rest mode to recover from insults to my body from the surgery and to allow for maximum potential for the graft to heal and stay in place. Keep it clean and free from infection and lubricated with drops. Stay out of any sun! I see her in one month and she will have a better idea of the success of this next important stage of my healing. Hopefully soon I can once again include certain more physical exercises in my morning regime which help with the day to day challenges from the severed spinal accessory nerve. So this is an important healing month. She is "keeping her fingers crossed" because of challenges from radiation, paralysis and scar tissue but all I'm envisioning is a perfect outcome and the last of the cut and paste jobs! So please keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming!
THE HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
The show is about to begin! Doors open at 10am on Friday. Thankfully the Arts Committee has given me an exhibit room and I don't have to set up my canopy/booth in the elements. I will be displaying my artwork in Gallery Ten. I will have signs outside the door in the hallway and on the outside building wall facing the patio, along with a few balloons. Hopefully this will help guide all of you to the room. It is down a hallway just past the Boutique. They will also be handing out maps to the various rooms.
Please come visit me! Click HERE for all the information on show days/hours. I will definitely be there each day from opening til 2:30ish, perhaps longer depending on how each day unfolds. A family member or friend of Team Suzette will be with me in the booth all the time to help with sales and filling out the paperwork for sales. I hope to have an awesome show which I'm sure will make all the healing cells even happier!
Thanks again to the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts Committee for their generous support and ongoing prayers. I am immensely grateful to you all!
ONE MORE THING :-)
As much of a hugger as I remain, it is still important not to have stress and pressure on my neck and shoulder due to the several spinal accessory nerve. So lots of heart to heart, hand to hand clasps instead.
I love you all and remain in endless gratitude for all you have given to me in countless ways,
See ya soon!
Suzette
-------------------------
02/14/15
Suzette wanted to thank you all for all your loving, positive thoughts and prayers on her surgery yesterday. She is happily at home in rest and recovery mode. The surgeon has stitched her eye closed and placed a shint underneath to assist with minimal movement. Keeping still and quiet seems to help with her "ever-changing sensations" and stomach acrobatics. She is soaking up all that love and healing energy coming from all directions. She said to tell you that the surgeon said she did great, but won't know the success of the surgery for several months -- but that we all know it is/will be a HUGE SUCCESS!!! She will see the surgeon again on Wednesday.
She hopes to see you all at the Hillcrest Art Festival next weekend! UPDATE ON THE SHOW: The Festival Committee thought it would be a good idea to have her display her work indoors instead of outdoors in her canopy/booth to be more relaxing and out of the elements. They are giving her a room, shared by a jewelry artist, called GALLERY TEN, just beyond the boutique. So please look for her there!
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!
Kerry and Suzanne
EYE SURGERY
I have now returned to rest and recovery mode from the surgery! My upper arm (which donated the skin) and the skin graft to my lower eye lid are healing. It is difficult to know anything right now as it depends on the amount of scarring and tugging downward that is created at the site heals. I’m doing everything I can for optimal healing and it feels so good to know that Team Suzaette’s positive thoughts and prayers are with me for a perfect outcome. So here's to a hopeful good-bye to anymore cut and paste operations and adios patch forevermore.
Many have asked will I be able to see, blink, etc. once the skin graft is healed. The eye cannot blink due to the paralysis. They did put a platinum weight in the upper eyelid to allow it be heavier and so close more to protect a greater surface of the eye. The skin graft creating a new lower eye lid now covers what once was a very exposed eye and drooping, scarred skin.. The eye has burning and blur right now but I trust that as it heals this will improve. I keep it lubricated with drops often.
March 18th I see the surgeon for a consult and her recommendation for the next step. I can’t wait to hear her say how amazing it has begun to heal and to share the great news with you!
MRI COMING SOON
On Monday, March 30th, I go in for an MRI of the head, neck and special focus on the base of skull. The last MRI was in October and the radiation oncologist said that future scans were important to compare and determine a baseline. The follow up results will be later in the week. Here's to another miraculous report!
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Physical l therapy has been on hiatus due to needed recovery from my eye surgery. All the exercises are so helpful for dancing with the pain (“ever-changing sensations”) in my neck/shoulder/upper back so I will be happy to hear that she gives her okay to a return of my physical exercise. I have begun to do some lighter exercises and the tai chi is always helpful. Yesterday I started using the jaw therapy vise again. I I had gone several weeks without it to not disturb the eyelid graft. It seems to really help to create a wider opening for me to eat. Once the surgeon gives me the thumbs up to return to Physical Therapy at City of Hope, I will set up a session for a current evaluation and their future recommendations.
A CHALLENGING THANK YOU NOTE
Love and gratitude remain an endless circle. I have written many a thank you note over these last several months expressing my unending appreciation for the countless and immense blessings in my life. While definitely challenging, this healing journey has been woven together with so much beauty, love, friendship, kindness, generosity, bright positive light and deep prayer. Yet, if I truly seek to SAY YES, make friends, open to and learn from all the intricate threads of this healing tapestry, there was one seemingly challenging thank you note that had been left unwritten. It is a thank you note to the cancer. Could I do it? When I began to reflect deeper and deeper on my journey these words made their way to the paper.
Thank you...
For stripping me to the core,
sinking me even deeper into the pure ocean of truth.
For the months of meditative silence
where lines between form and spirit dissolved
to feel the connection between everything and everyone.
For seeing God in the face of all nature
The flight of the birds, the whimsy of the squirrels
and the tiniest ant making its way across my patio.
Thank you...
For narrowing my aperture
and slowing life to a freeze frame
so I could sense the bud bursting into bloom.
Feel the wind before it blows.
Hear the silence and so the voice of God.
Thank you for all the tender moments...
A held hand and an "I love you."
A nephew saying... "I would take the pain from you if I could."
For my sisters' words and action to "have my back."
For every time my finger rested on the belt loop of a loved one,
guiding me in my impaired vision and weakness.
For each and every act of kindness and generosity.
Thank you ...
For allowing me to have known such deep pain
so I can be ever more compassionate
to those who carry their own.
For all the small joys over these months
that felt like fireworks exploding
in the dark of my night sky
Thank you...
For the doctors who worked so diligently, expertly and
compassionately to remove you
For every prayer
For every positive thought
For every act of love
For the miracle that is.
Thank you...
For the tidal wave of love that crashed on my shore
The knowing that love is truly the healing force
For opening my heart even wider
to experience that giving and receiving love
is the essence of our lives
Thank you...
For the experience that no matter what the seeming darkness
the light is there.
That to follow even the hint of its memory
can lead to brilliance and illumination
Thank you...
For the bone and marrow experience
that everything changes
For the reminder to breathe even deeper
into the gift of each day.
Thank you...
For the example of the body's amazing ability to heal
and that you can totally depart
with no trace of footsteps left behind
For all that was done to me without my asking
but rising from compassionate thoughtfulness
For the experience of a deeply loving family
who became my eyes, my hands and my engine
For Team Suzette who carries me on the wings of their love.
Thank you...
For the reminder each time I look in the mirror
and see my paralyzed, grafted face
that I am not the garment of my body
but an eternal soul connected to all souls.
For my surrender to the bigger picture,
letting go of the attachment
to everything,
even my life,
to what is the highest possible Divine good
in the 360 degree panorama of my life.
Thank you for leaving...
for bowing out of this dance we have been on
so I can now dance with joy, wild abandon and deeper truths
in an ever closer embrace with life.
For allowing the neck of the hourglass
to widen into infinity
and expand into nothing but blue skies.
Thank you for leaving
and giving me my life
where I will remain in endless gratitude
for all that I have received
Return the love that has been given to me
And continue to enjoy this vast playground and schoolhouse.
Thank you for leaving...
For recognizing that the lessons have been learned
and are now ready to be even more deeply lived
And for giving me the opportunity to share my experience
Paint the blank canvas of each day
and move from inner depths to the broad horizon
Finally,
thank you staying away forever
for living on the far side of the moon
For leaving permanently
and being a part of the continuous miracle of my healing
And so for all the precious and completely healthy
present moments that now unfold before me
to create the amazing tapestry of my life.
SPRING HARMONY ARTS SHOW
The Harmony Center Fine Arts and Crafts Festival, who so graciously supported my artwork and me in their fall exhibit, has decided to have a spring arts show. The dates are March 28-29. I am considering exhibiting that weekend. There are not many chances for me to show locally throughout the year and it makes sense for me to take advantage of this opportunity. It would be another chance to hopefully see those of you that haven’t been able to make it to other shows for a visit. "The Journey is Everything", will be there for those of you that would like to see it. And, as a working artist, it would be one more chance to create an art sales paycheck to keep the landlord, Uncle Sam and the doctors at bay :-). I'll keep you posted as to my final decision.
MORE SOON
I will send another update to let you know the great news that the surgeon has on the progress of the healing of the graft :-) and, of course, the results of the MRI that will show that all remains living on the far side of the moon!
I hope all your lives are filled with your hearts desire. I remain in such deep gratitude for the immense blessing of each and everyone of you.
With great love, deep gratitude, enormous respect and a HUGE HAND TO HEART HUG!
Suzette To leave a guestbook message, click HERE.
----------------------------------------------
2/18/2015
Hello Beloved Team Suzette!
This is a very quick update but wanted to give you the latest on my eye surgery along with
some added information about the Hillcrest Art Show that opens on Friday!
EYE SURGERY
Thank you for your continued prayers, positive thoughts and love coming my way for an amazing and speedy healing to my eye. I was at UCLA Jules Stein Eye Institute today for my follow up appointment with the surgeon. She removed all the gauze and bandages on my face, took out the stitches that were holding my eyelids shut and removed the shunt. She also removed all the bandages on my upper arm which donated its skin to become my lower eyelid! It felt great to have all that gone, especially since some of the stitches were poking in my eye! She said so far, so great. All things considered I think it looks pretty darn awesome :-). Now it is my turn to do my part. No stress or strain. Important to be in relaxation and rest mode to recover from insults to my body from the surgery and to allow for maximum potential for the graft to heal and stay in place. Keep it clean and free from infection and lubricated with drops. Stay out of any sun! I see her in one month and she will have a better idea of the success of this next important stage of my healing. Hopefully soon I can once again include certain more physical exercises in my morning regime which help with the day to day challenges from the severed spinal accessory nerve. So this is an important healing month. She is "keeping her fingers crossed" because of challenges from radiation, paralysis and scar tissue but all I'm envisioning is a perfect outcome and the last of the cut and paste jobs! So please keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming!
THE HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
The show is about to begin! Doors open at 10am on Friday. Thankfully the Arts Committee has given me an exhibit room and I don't have to set up my canopy/booth in the elements. I will be displaying my artwork in Gallery Ten. I will have signs outside the door in the hallway and on the outside building wall facing the patio, along with a few balloons. Hopefully this will help guide all of you to the room. It is down a hallway just past the Boutique. They will also be handing out maps to the various rooms.
Please come visit me! Click HERE for all the information on show days/hours. I will definitely be there each day from opening til 2:30ish, perhaps longer depending on how each day unfolds. A family member or friend of Team Suzette will be with me in the booth all the time to help with sales and filling out the paperwork for sales. I hope to have an awesome show which I'm sure will make all the healing cells even happier!
Thanks again to the Hillcrest Festival of the Arts Committee for their generous support and ongoing prayers. I am immensely grateful to you all!
ONE MORE THING :-)
As much of a hugger as I remain, it is still important not to have stress and pressure on my neck and shoulder due to the several spinal accessory nerve. So lots of heart to heart, hand to hand clasps instead.
I love you all and remain in endless gratitude for all you have given to me in countless ways,
See ya soon!
Suzette
-------------------------
02/14/15
Suzette wanted to thank you all for all your loving, positive thoughts and prayers on her surgery yesterday. She is happily at home in rest and recovery mode. The surgeon has stitched her eye closed and placed a shint underneath to assist with minimal movement. Keeping still and quiet seems to help with her "ever-changing sensations" and stomach acrobatics. She is soaking up all that love and healing energy coming from all directions. She said to tell you that the surgeon said she did great, but won't know the success of the surgery for several months -- but that we all know it is/will be a HUGE SUCCESS!!! She will see the surgeon again on Wednesday.
She hopes to see you all at the Hillcrest Art Festival next weekend! UPDATE ON THE SHOW: The Festival Committee thought it would be a good idea to have her display her work indoors instead of outdoors in her canopy/booth to be more relaxing and out of the elements. They are giving her a room, shared by a jewelry artist, called GALLERY TEN, just beyond the boutique. So please look for her there!
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!
Kerry and Suzanne
02/11/15
Dear so loved and amazing family and friends!
There are so many unfolding chapters to healing, each with new realities, challenges, joys and lessons. My heart flings wide open feeling you still by my side. Thank you for continuing to remember me in your prayers, positive thoughts, kind and encouraging cards and donations. Not sure how or why I am so blessed but my gratitude is endless.
The updates allow the rhythm and pulse of my life to reach out to all of you. To be honest though, there is always a slight hesitation before pushing the "send now" button. Then someone tells me my words somehow inspired them, helped a loved one going through treatment or gave them strength with their own challenges. If my one soul moving through this particular unfolding journey helps even a few people, then I am humbled and grateful. So I will continue to press "send now" and connect with all of you through cyberspace, sharing the journey and continually expressing my gratitude for all of your love.
Here's a quick update. More after the eye surgery and the art show!
Dear so loved and amazing family and friends!
There are so many unfolding chapters to healing, each with new realities, challenges, joys and lessons. My heart flings wide open feeling you still by my side. Thank you for continuing to remember me in your prayers, positive thoughts, kind and encouraging cards and donations. Not sure how or why I am so blessed but my gratitude is endless.
The updates allow the rhythm and pulse of my life to reach out to all of you. To be honest though, there is always a slight hesitation before pushing the "send now" button. Then someone tells me my words somehow inspired them, helped a loved one going through treatment or gave them strength with their own challenges. If my one soul moving through this particular unfolding journey helps even a few people, then I am humbled and grateful. So I will continue to press "send now" and connect with all of you through cyberspace, sharing the journey and continually expressing my gratitude for all of your love.
Here's a quick update. More after the eye surgery and the art show!
COME VISIT ME AT THE HILLCREST FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
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The Hillcrest Festival of Fine Arts is only two weeks away! They have generously offered me a free 10 x 10 space to put up my canopy and artwork. THANK YOU! I hope you will all come to visit me and to also see my latest artwork. From the moment my sling came off, little by little my new creation, "The Journey is Everything" has been in evolution and is now framed and ready for viewing. It is a tapestry of the gifts, lessons and themes along my healing journey. My hope is not only to sell this big creation (when all the panels were fused together it was 4 1/2 ' x 5 1/2' feet) but get commissions on individual panels or sets of chosen panels. Working as a professional artist once again continues to be a both a blessing and a miracle. As I mentioned in my last update, half the battle as a professional artist is making the work. The other half of the challenge is in now selling it :-). So here's to a wildly successful show!
Please come and see this marvelous festival. February 20-22. Fri-Sat.: 10-5 Sun.: 11-4. The address is 2000 West Road, La Habra Heights. The featured artists will be our beloved Yosh Nakamura who many of you know and Armando Baeza. Info: (562) 947-3755 Website: http://hillcrest-church.org/festival-of-fine-arts.html This is a great show where you can enjoy not only a wide variety of art but also musical entertainment, food, and free children's art workshops (Saturday and Sunday). SEE YOU THERE!
EYE SURGERY
Last Wednesday I got the final thumbs up from the oculofacial surgeon to go ahead with my surgery this Friday, February 13th (it promises to be a lucky day). The reconstructive surgery will take skin from my upper arm and create a new lower lid, along with some other cutting, stitching and tucking. That eye might look like I'm 16 again! She says she is "crossing her thumbs" and hoping for a successful surgery. I truly have no doubt that I will be tossing the patch and using two eyes soon.
The success of the surgery will not be known for several months. As the skin tissue heals and scar tissue begins to develop it will be more clear if the hardening tissue and paralysis will pull the bottom of the eye downward again. Currently, this pulling downward, due to the paralysis and hardened scar tissue from all the radiation, exposes too much of the eye and, along with not being able to blink, dries out the cornea and can cause blindness if not kept lubricated, closed and covered. They tried to do a surgery before radiation and chemo began, without doing a skin graft and just cutting, tucking and stitching, but it was unsuccessful. After the surgery, given the paralysis, the eye still won't blink but hopefully the new lower lid will create more coverage and protection for the eye.
I was told that the surgery is complicated and delicate and not necessary extremely lengthy (perhaps a few hours). It is with a very excellent surgeon at the Jules Stein Eye Institute, UCLA and I have complete trust in her abilities.
With Team Suzette holding my eyelid up with their positive thoughts and prayers all will miraculous!
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Physical therapy is on hold until after the oculofacial surgeon gives me the release to do more physically straining exercise without it affected the skin graft. I continue to work on figuring out how to move in better and better harmony with the "ever changing sensations" from the severed spinal accessory nerve.
JAW
Continuing with my jaw exercises. My goal is to be able to open my mouth wide enough to be able to go to the dentist. Of course, they are always saying "open wider" so they would be really frustrated by me! Actually there is a certain measurement to the opening (physical therapist knows it) where dental work is possible. That is my goal right now. And to be a better and better dinner date with no food dropping out of the hatch. I'm loving my avocados. Wish I had my own tree as I go through sometimes three a day! Yum!
Please come and see this marvelous festival. February 20-22. Fri-Sat.: 10-5 Sun.: 11-4. The address is 2000 West Road, La Habra Heights. The featured artists will be our beloved Yosh Nakamura who many of you know and Armando Baeza. Info: (562) 947-3755 Website: http://hillcrest-church.org/festival-of-fine-arts.html This is a great show where you can enjoy not only a wide variety of art but also musical entertainment, food, and free children's art workshops (Saturday and Sunday). SEE YOU THERE!
EYE SURGERY
Last Wednesday I got the final thumbs up from the oculofacial surgeon to go ahead with my surgery this Friday, February 13th (it promises to be a lucky day). The reconstructive surgery will take skin from my upper arm and create a new lower lid, along with some other cutting, stitching and tucking. That eye might look like I'm 16 again! She says she is "crossing her thumbs" and hoping for a successful surgery. I truly have no doubt that I will be tossing the patch and using two eyes soon.
The success of the surgery will not be known for several months. As the skin tissue heals and scar tissue begins to develop it will be more clear if the hardening tissue and paralysis will pull the bottom of the eye downward again. Currently, this pulling downward, due to the paralysis and hardened scar tissue from all the radiation, exposes too much of the eye and, along with not being able to blink, dries out the cornea and can cause blindness if not kept lubricated, closed and covered. They tried to do a surgery before radiation and chemo began, without doing a skin graft and just cutting, tucking and stitching, but it was unsuccessful. After the surgery, given the paralysis, the eye still won't blink but hopefully the new lower lid will create more coverage and protection for the eye.
I was told that the surgery is complicated and delicate and not necessary extremely lengthy (perhaps a few hours). It is with a very excellent surgeon at the Jules Stein Eye Institute, UCLA and I have complete trust in her abilities.
With Team Suzette holding my eyelid up with their positive thoughts and prayers all will miraculous!
PHYSICAL THERAPY
Physical therapy is on hold until after the oculofacial surgeon gives me the release to do more physically straining exercise without it affected the skin graft. I continue to work on figuring out how to move in better and better harmony with the "ever changing sensations" from the severed spinal accessory nerve.
JAW
Continuing with my jaw exercises. My goal is to be able to open my mouth wide enough to be able to go to the dentist. Of course, they are always saying "open wider" so they would be really frustrated by me! Actually there is a certain measurement to the opening (physical therapist knows it) where dental work is possible. That is my goal right now. And to be a better and better dinner date with no food dropping out of the hatch. I'm loving my avocados. Wish I had my own tree as I go through sometimes three a day! Yum!
IT'S A MIRACLE
I have a stack of medical reports from before my surgery that is beginning to rival War and Peace. I had to sort through them last week to find some needed documentation. I happened to glance at a report by the oculo-facial surgeon when she had last examined my eye for potential surgery. She was listing my history of what was removed, severed, gutted, grafted, pasted, sanded, nuked and chemo-ed, etc. and then the next line said... "And her petscan is now MIRACULOUSLY clear." The word MIRACLE jumped out and did a high dive into the depths of my heart. How often does a doctor use the word MIRACLE? Much less include it in her report to other doctors?
Time to cut that piece of the report out and tack it to my bulletin board! Thank you ALL as all your love, positive thoughts, prayers and encouragement have been such an important part of this miracle. Those words wouldn't be on the page without you.
Time to cut that piece of the report out and tack it to my bulletin board! Thank you ALL as all your love, positive thoughts, prayers and encouragement have been such an important part of this miracle. Those words wouldn't be on the page without you.
THE MIRACLE OF VELCRO
Not having an ear has a few challenges but one of them is keeping my glasses on straight - or at all! For months I have pondered how to solve the problem. I opened my "junk drawer" last week and saw a piece of velcro. Aha!
I cut out a small piece and put it on the end of the glasses that would normally rest on the ear. Yeah! It attaches to my skin graft and a few strands of hair and I am no longer cock-eyed! Seemingly small perhaps but a HUGE triumph for me.
I cut out a small piece and put it on the end of the glasses that would normally rest on the ear. Yeah! It attaches to my skin graft and a few strands of hair and I am no longer cock-eyed! Seemingly small perhaps but a HUGE triumph for me.
PUSHING THE ENVELOPE
I was chatting with a friend the other day and she said "you have really been pushing the envelope." After she left I did a google search on this phrase. I knew the spirit of the words but didn't know from whence they sprang. It’s a phrase that originated in mathematics. Later, it migrated to the space program and the language of test pilots assessing the performance limits of their equipment.
Yes, i pondered, her words were true. Not the kind of pushing that tires the body and so often slows healing. Instead the kind that, while respecting limits, also tests the limits. The kind that keep me staying open so I can continue to create a larger and larger envelope of healing. I have been perpetually pushing the envelope since my surgery (perhaps in life in general :-)) -- turning my head a bit farther, lifting a paper cup with a little more water weight, walking a few steps more, sliscing a vegetable, cutting a piece of art material, etc. Her words made me wonder where I would be now if I hadn't been pushing the envelope from the moment after my surgery.
Whether it is in healing or the ins and outs of our life, we never really know until we try. We create our own envelope and sometimes even lick it closed. We often complain about the box we find ourselves in and then forget we are the ones that set the perimeters and so continually have the choice to expand them. We decide what elements of our experience to push or not to push. Conscious efforts let us know to either respect or expand the limits. Every day is a new day - full of choices, new discoveries, expanding boundaries or none at all!
The sky is the limit! We can always venture off our little acre of security for a more expansive landscape. Here's to pushing our envelopes and not accepting predictions or limitations from anyone!
Yes, i pondered, her words were true. Not the kind of pushing that tires the body and so often slows healing. Instead the kind that, while respecting limits, also tests the limits. The kind that keep me staying open so I can continue to create a larger and larger envelope of healing. I have been perpetually pushing the envelope since my surgery (perhaps in life in general :-)) -- turning my head a bit farther, lifting a paper cup with a little more water weight, walking a few steps more, sliscing a vegetable, cutting a piece of art material, etc. Her words made me wonder where I would be now if I hadn't been pushing the envelope from the moment after my surgery.
Whether it is in healing or the ins and outs of our life, we never really know until we try. We create our own envelope and sometimes even lick it closed. We often complain about the box we find ourselves in and then forget we are the ones that set the perimeters and so continually have the choice to expand them. We decide what elements of our experience to push or not to push. Conscious efforts let us know to either respect or expand the limits. Every day is a new day - full of choices, new discoveries, expanding boundaries or none at all!
The sky is the limit! We can always venture off our little acre of security for a more expansive landscape. Here's to pushing our envelopes and not accepting predictions or limitations from anyone!
AN OPEN HEART
Some ask... "What will you do now - art..writing... teaching?" While all are pondered and some will return, ultimately it no longer truly matters. It is not the details but the broader brush strokes of my life I seek. To feel my life as an abstract painting with sweeps of color, movement and texture that express
a return of the love given to me,
a connection with everyone and everything,
a deeper and deeper friendship with nature,
a soul free to breathe, expand and shine
an embrace of the gift of each day without looking to the next
and a heart opening wider and wider as my compass to truth north.
Perhaps the the triumph over cancer -- or anything - is not measured in the number of our days but the openness of our heart during this mysterious, majestic and magnificent journey we call life. How much love, light and gratitude can we bring to whatever time we are given? No matter what our life challenges to truly dance to the rhythm and pulse of God. To somehow, with all our humanness, keep opening time and time again to allow our light to shine. For if our heart closes during any journey then we have travelled nowhere and learned nothing.
When I was a child I felt like a stranger in a strange land. It was as if some alien stork had made a wrong turn at a galaxy far, far away and dropped me on this planet called earth. What seemed most important to others, wasn't so much to me. What was important to me, didn't seem important to others. Throughout the roller coater ride of my life experience a huge shift has taken place. During these last months of meditative silence, stillness and healing I was stripped to the core, diving deep into my own ocean of truth. Here boundaries of form and spirit continued to melt deeply into one. Now I truly feel no separation. All is one. However strange or corny this all may sound to some, this is the truth of my experience. So, in the midst of this sometimes crazy, chaotic and me vs. you world, my work in progress is to keep open the door to my heart and continue to feel the power and beauty of connection with all.
What will I do now? What shall we all do?
Perhaps no matter for any of us.
In the words of the great poet Walt Whitman,
" Do anything, but let it produce joy."
a return of the love given to me,
a connection with everyone and everything,
a deeper and deeper friendship with nature,
a soul free to breathe, expand and shine
an embrace of the gift of each day without looking to the next
and a heart opening wider and wider as my compass to truth north.
Perhaps the the triumph over cancer -- or anything - is not measured in the number of our days but the openness of our heart during this mysterious, majestic and magnificent journey we call life. How much love, light and gratitude can we bring to whatever time we are given? No matter what our life challenges to truly dance to the rhythm and pulse of God. To somehow, with all our humanness, keep opening time and time again to allow our light to shine. For if our heart closes during any journey then we have travelled nowhere and learned nothing.
When I was a child I felt like a stranger in a strange land. It was as if some alien stork had made a wrong turn at a galaxy far, far away and dropped me on this planet called earth. What seemed most important to others, wasn't so much to me. What was important to me, didn't seem important to others. Throughout the roller coater ride of my life experience a huge shift has taken place. During these last months of meditative silence, stillness and healing I was stripped to the core, diving deep into my own ocean of truth. Here boundaries of form and spirit continued to melt deeply into one. Now I truly feel no separation. All is one. However strange or corny this all may sound to some, this is the truth of my experience. So, in the midst of this sometimes crazy, chaotic and me vs. you world, my work in progress is to keep open the door to my heart and continue to feel the power and beauty of connection with all.
What will I do now? What shall we all do?
Perhaps no matter for any of us.
In the words of the great poet Walt Whitman,
" Do anything, but let it produce joy."
Here's to pushing the envelope, opening our hearts, connecting as one and dancing in joy!
Thank you for being here for me, for all the love and joy you give me, for keeping my heart open and for all that joins us together on our journey.
I love you,
Suzette
To leave a guestbook message, click BUTTON below.--------------------------------------
Thank you for being here for me, for all the love and joy you give me, for keeping my heart open and for all that joins us together on our journey.
I love you,
Suzette
To leave a guestbook message, click BUTTON below.--------------------------------------
01/15/15
Dear so loved and appreciated family and friends,
Dear so loved and appreciated family and friends,
Thank you all for the beautiful cards, gifts and well wishes for a Happy Birthday and a healthy New Year. They all rested festively throughout my living room and filled me and the house with such warmth, love and friendship. I finally took them down, but not before reading and appreciating them once again. I am so blessed to have such a loving village supporting me in all the different chapters of this journey. Onward to new adventures, inward to new insights and always moment to moment living and loving all of you on this mysterious, magnificent and miraculous journey called life. Here's to our best memories yet to be made!
I sit in my patio chair and once again gaze outwards to my backyard sanctuary. This small plot of rented land has been my comfort, my teacher and my healer. Nature gracefully and easily has unfolded alongside of me with each new cycle of my healing. "To everything there is a season.. and a time and purpose to everything under heaven." Winter now asks for even deeper reflection, silence, and contemplation. Nature always gives me an open invitation to quiet my mind, still my soul and hear my inner voice and truth. What better friend can one have? All I need to do is be still and she constantly reminds me that all is eternal, life is an endless flow of rebirth and renewal and that we are all one with everything.
I watch the golden leaves fall willingly and lightheartedly from the two poplar trees in my yard. The leaves sway playfully in the wind, performing a final last dance before hitting the ground. Some stop to rest on my lap and shoulders. It is their time to let go. What if these leaves hung tight and resisted change like we often do? It is so easy to hold on to what was instead of letting go. So easy to default to the familiar instead of embrace the unknown If only we could shed what is no longer needed with such grace and beauty. These leaves protected me from the blistering rays of summer sun. Now their descent creates barren branches that invite sunshine to warm me from winter's crisp chill. They stand barren. naked, vulnerable, open and yet oh so strong. Change happens yet all remains perfect. Thank you to all trees for their great lesson of letting go to allow for new birth, new opportunities and the advent of spring.
PHYSICAL UPDATES:
Eye Surgery:
Humpty Dumpty Hodnett is partially getting put back together again on February 13th! After a final approval from the surgeon on February 4th, I will be blessed with reconstructive eye surgery. They will take skin from the upper arm and embroider a new lower eyelid. The hope is to raise the drooping eye up to the point where it can protect the cornea. There is no blink due to the paralysis and too much scar tissue from the surgery and radiation pulling the skin downward on my face. My eye needs to be able to lubricate itself so the cornea and vision is not destroyed. They won't know for 4-6 months if it has been successful as they need to see how much scar tissue develops that could hinder the eyelid from staying put :-) I'd say with a great surgeon, a positive vision and the amazing energy of Team Suzette holding my eyelid up, it is bound for success. Then it is adios patch, hello to driving (need ok by physical therapist as well for enough mobility and strength in neck/shoulder, etc.) and then it is here's looking at you all with two eyes! As always, in the words of my dear dad, it is all "compared to what." Compared to my 14 hour surgery, I expect this same day surgery to be a piece of cake!
My body:
My body remains ever changing as it continues its valiant efforts to heal, balance, ground, get rid of the junk dripped, injected, nuked and swallowed into it :-) and gain strength and focus. I continue with my very important healing morning regime to give my body and spirit what it needs to open to each new day. After the surgery it only consisted of breathing and meditation. My discipline now includes a morning walk of gratitude, prayer and reflection, jaw and physical therapy exercises for my neck, shoulder and upper back, qigong and tai chi for my mind, body and spirit and an always nourishing and healthy breakfast. All moving at my own pace. In tai chi our Sensei would always say..." Fast is slow, slow is fast." If i move too fast I go on overdrive and lose ground. If I move slowly or at my own pace much can be accomplished as I listen to and follow the river of my own energy.
The body's capacity to heal is phenomenal.
I remain very disciplined about eating three meals a day. My high-metabolism skinny inherited body never has easily gained weight. My partner used to say he could look at an avocado and gain 5 lbs, while I ate three a day and would lose weight. Yet I continue to, as with all, steadily and slowly improve and pack on lost weight. I have now gained 12 pounds back on my bones following the return of my appetite several months ago. Digestion is a work in progress and still waiting for the fire in my digestion to return :-). I'm still dribbling and dropping a bit when I eat but most times with much focus and intention I'm not a candidate for a bib :-).
I continue to get to know the different canvas of my body. Short and long term effects from surgery, radiation and treatment parade through me and so I watch and will see where they all land. A glance in the mirror or at a recent photo can still cause the film to flicker and then readjust. The garment of my body has taken on a different form but the spirit that is me remains the same.
Physical Therapy:
Life without a spinal accessory nerve, facial nerve and other realities can be challenging but I feel so BLESSED by everything I am able to do. It is all about letting go, adapting and making friends with what is. While there are the things I can't do, I have always been one to focus on what I CAN do. With some adaptations I eat, cook, type, write, create art and move through the world. SOOOO MUCH to be grateful for. Life has always been a series of adaptations and so all, in essence, remains the same.
The physical therapists have been concentrating this last month on trying to build some strength in areas affected by the severing of the 11th cranial nerve (who'da thunk a 1-2 lb weight could feel like a ton!), working the scar tissue around the eye to help it soften and create a better vascular bed for the upcoming graft and also attempting to break up some of the scar tissue throughout the entire graft area. I have noticed better pronunciation of my "f's" and a little easier and less energy required to speak! It was decided to keep my shoulder partially frozen with the hopes that it will provide enough stability to keep my shoulder from a big droop forward. I know they have a lot of different challenges with the variety of issues faced but we have made such great strides since I have been "sling-free." My deep gratitude to their expertise, encouragement and motivation. I think we have made a good team. My homework assignment during my week "off" between Christmas and New Year was to do a lot of my Tai Chi. My training for so many years before the surgery and my practice in conjunction with all their exercises has truly been a winning combination.
I watch the golden leaves fall willingly and lightheartedly from the two poplar trees in my yard. The leaves sway playfully in the wind, performing a final last dance before hitting the ground. Some stop to rest on my lap and shoulders. It is their time to let go. What if these leaves hung tight and resisted change like we often do? It is so easy to hold on to what was instead of letting go. So easy to default to the familiar instead of embrace the unknown If only we could shed what is no longer needed with such grace and beauty. These leaves protected me from the blistering rays of summer sun. Now their descent creates barren branches that invite sunshine to warm me from winter's crisp chill. They stand barren. naked, vulnerable, open and yet oh so strong. Change happens yet all remains perfect. Thank you to all trees for their great lesson of letting go to allow for new birth, new opportunities and the advent of spring.
PHYSICAL UPDATES:
Eye Surgery:
Humpty Dumpty Hodnett is partially getting put back together again on February 13th! After a final approval from the surgeon on February 4th, I will be blessed with reconstructive eye surgery. They will take skin from the upper arm and embroider a new lower eyelid. The hope is to raise the drooping eye up to the point where it can protect the cornea. There is no blink due to the paralysis and too much scar tissue from the surgery and radiation pulling the skin downward on my face. My eye needs to be able to lubricate itself so the cornea and vision is not destroyed. They won't know for 4-6 months if it has been successful as they need to see how much scar tissue develops that could hinder the eyelid from staying put :-) I'd say with a great surgeon, a positive vision and the amazing energy of Team Suzette holding my eyelid up, it is bound for success. Then it is adios patch, hello to driving (need ok by physical therapist as well for enough mobility and strength in neck/shoulder, etc.) and then it is here's looking at you all with two eyes! As always, in the words of my dear dad, it is all "compared to what." Compared to my 14 hour surgery, I expect this same day surgery to be a piece of cake!
My body:
My body remains ever changing as it continues its valiant efforts to heal, balance, ground, get rid of the junk dripped, injected, nuked and swallowed into it :-) and gain strength and focus. I continue with my very important healing morning regime to give my body and spirit what it needs to open to each new day. After the surgery it only consisted of breathing and meditation. My discipline now includes a morning walk of gratitude, prayer and reflection, jaw and physical therapy exercises for my neck, shoulder and upper back, qigong and tai chi for my mind, body and spirit and an always nourishing and healthy breakfast. All moving at my own pace. In tai chi our Sensei would always say..." Fast is slow, slow is fast." If i move too fast I go on overdrive and lose ground. If I move slowly or at my own pace much can be accomplished as I listen to and follow the river of my own energy.
The body's capacity to heal is phenomenal.
I remain very disciplined about eating three meals a day. My high-metabolism skinny inherited body never has easily gained weight. My partner used to say he could look at an avocado and gain 5 lbs, while I ate three a day and would lose weight. Yet I continue to, as with all, steadily and slowly improve and pack on lost weight. I have now gained 12 pounds back on my bones following the return of my appetite several months ago. Digestion is a work in progress and still waiting for the fire in my digestion to return :-). I'm still dribbling and dropping a bit when I eat but most times with much focus and intention I'm not a candidate for a bib :-).
I continue to get to know the different canvas of my body. Short and long term effects from surgery, radiation and treatment parade through me and so I watch and will see where they all land. A glance in the mirror or at a recent photo can still cause the film to flicker and then readjust. The garment of my body has taken on a different form but the spirit that is me remains the same.
Physical Therapy:
Life without a spinal accessory nerve, facial nerve and other realities can be challenging but I feel so BLESSED by everything I am able to do. It is all about letting go, adapting and making friends with what is. While there are the things I can't do, I have always been one to focus on what I CAN do. With some adaptations I eat, cook, type, write, create art and move through the world. SOOOO MUCH to be grateful for. Life has always been a series of adaptations and so all, in essence, remains the same.
The physical therapists have been concentrating this last month on trying to build some strength in areas affected by the severing of the 11th cranial nerve (who'da thunk a 1-2 lb weight could feel like a ton!), working the scar tissue around the eye to help it soften and create a better vascular bed for the upcoming graft and also attempting to break up some of the scar tissue throughout the entire graft area. I have noticed better pronunciation of my "f's" and a little easier and less energy required to speak! It was decided to keep my shoulder partially frozen with the hopes that it will provide enough stability to keep my shoulder from a big droop forward. I know they have a lot of different challenges with the variety of issues faced but we have made such great strides since I have been "sling-free." My deep gratitude to their expertise, encouragement and motivation. I think we have made a good team. My homework assignment during my week "off" between Christmas and New Year was to do a lot of my Tai Chi. My training for so many years before the surgery and my practice in conjunction with all their exercises has truly been a winning combination.
PAIN
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." Joseph Campbell
Almost every appointment since before my surgery I have been asked to give a number between 1-10 to reflect my pain level. This has been a continuing challenge for me. I like to think of "pain" as "ever changing sensations." I don't like to give it an identity, numerical power and a solid presence. Pain can be a demanding and strange bedfellow. It can be first to greet me into the new day. In the middle of the night it can come to wake me from my much-needed sleep as if it was afraid of the dark and needing company. As I move through the day it longs for me to put on the brakes and skid my activity to a stop. It wants definition, solidity, acknowledgement and permanence. It is a spoiled child demanding my attention... "me... me... me.!" It wants me to always feel the prick of the thorn without experiencing the beauty of the rose.
My practice has been to not deny the pain but to feel it as a wide variety of changing sensations. It has been to find the open space that expands in all directions from it and so allows it to soften into a more expansive landscape. It is to focus not on its screaming but on the areas of polite whispers where the volume knob of twisting, pulling, tightening and aching turns downward. Certainly I have also been the bad parent to this spoiled, whining child and, overwhelmed and exasperated, yelled "SHUT UP! Of course, like a child, it responds to my contraction and resistance by just increasing its noise and persistence.
Pain often has its secondary repercussions, like a stone rippling out into the lake from one single toss. There is the experience of the pain but, more importantly, there is often a conversation that takes place in us about the pain. A negative, ruminative discourse that builds on its own momentum. For me, a letting go of the conversation can be a letting go of some of the pain.
As everything, it is an endless practice. I remain a work in progress :-).
Almost every appointment since before my surgery I have been asked to give a number between 1-10 to reflect my pain level. This has been a continuing challenge for me. I like to think of "pain" as "ever changing sensations." I don't like to give it an identity, numerical power and a solid presence. Pain can be a demanding and strange bedfellow. It can be first to greet me into the new day. In the middle of the night it can come to wake me from my much-needed sleep as if it was afraid of the dark and needing company. As I move through the day it longs for me to put on the brakes and skid my activity to a stop. It wants definition, solidity, acknowledgement and permanence. It is a spoiled child demanding my attention... "me... me... me.!" It wants me to always feel the prick of the thorn without experiencing the beauty of the rose.
My practice has been to not deny the pain but to feel it as a wide variety of changing sensations. It has been to find the open space that expands in all directions from it and so allows it to soften into a more expansive landscape. It is to focus not on its screaming but on the areas of polite whispers where the volume knob of twisting, pulling, tightening and aching turns downward. Certainly I have also been the bad parent to this spoiled, whining child and, overwhelmed and exasperated, yelled "SHUT UP! Of course, like a child, it responds to my contraction and resistance by just increasing its noise and persistence.
Pain often has its secondary repercussions, like a stone rippling out into the lake from one single toss. There is the experience of the pain but, more importantly, there is often a conversation that takes place in us about the pain. A negative, ruminative discourse that builds on its own momentum. For me, a letting go of the conversation can be a letting go of some of the pain.
As everything, it is an endless practice. I remain a work in progress :-).
SAVE THE DATE:
Hillcrest Festival of Fine Arts!
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Started 55 years ago as a community outreach project to celebrate all the arts, this popular festival is now also one of the premier juried art shows in the West. I have exhibited there for several years but this year the committee has graciously and generously offered me a free 10 x 10 space in support of Team Suzette. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!
Like the hare plodding along, I have been working slowly but steadily on my art over the last several months. A bit challenging, of course, given my current happenings in vision, arm/neck/shoulder mobility and varying levels of discomfort and stamina. Little by little, baby step by step, breath by breath (not unlike my own healing) I have now nearly completed a new creation called "The Journey is Everything." From a beginning awkward sketch with my left hand its progress has now caught me unaware . It has become a great tapestry of 27 panels reflecting all the gifts received along my healing path. I hope to not only sell this big creation, but also get commissions for individual panels or sets of chosen panels. Another miracle.
Working as an artist right now is a blessing. I can work at my own pace, rest when needed, pause for discomfort and work with and adapt to different challenges. Of course, half the battle as a professional artist, now or even before, is making the work. The other half of the challenge is in selling it :-)!
Please spread the word on this upcoming show. I will post more information in the coming weeks but please save the date - February 20-22. Fri- Sun. Info: (562) 947-3755 Website: http://hillcrest-church.org/festival-of-fine-arts.html More details to come. This is a great festival where you can enjoy a wide variety of art along with musical entertainment, food, and free children's art workshops (Saturday and Sunday).
I'd love to see all my beloved friends and family of Team Suzette there in person! I will post hours I will be in my booth (members of Team Suzette helping out other hours) but I won't know exactly until it gets closer to the date. I have my eye surgery the week before so it will also depend on the healing instructions from the surgeon.
Like the hare plodding along, I have been working slowly but steadily on my art over the last several months. A bit challenging, of course, given my current happenings in vision, arm/neck/shoulder mobility and varying levels of discomfort and stamina. Little by little, baby step by step, breath by breath (not unlike my own healing) I have now nearly completed a new creation called "The Journey is Everything." From a beginning awkward sketch with my left hand its progress has now caught me unaware . It has become a great tapestry of 27 panels reflecting all the gifts received along my healing path. I hope to not only sell this big creation, but also get commissions for individual panels or sets of chosen panels. Another miracle.
Working as an artist right now is a blessing. I can work at my own pace, rest when needed, pause for discomfort and work with and adapt to different challenges. Of course, half the battle as a professional artist, now or even before, is making the work. The other half of the challenge is in selling it :-)!
Please spread the word on this upcoming show. I will post more information in the coming weeks but please save the date - February 20-22. Fri- Sun. Info: (562) 947-3755 Website: http://hillcrest-church.org/festival-of-fine-arts.html More details to come. This is a great festival where you can enjoy a wide variety of art along with musical entertainment, food, and free children's art workshops (Saturday and Sunday).
I'd love to see all my beloved friends and family of Team Suzette there in person! I will post hours I will be in my booth (members of Team Suzette helping out other hours) but I won't know exactly until it gets closer to the date. I have my eye surgery the week before so it will also depend on the healing instructions from the surgeon.
Mt. Baldy Aikido-ai Retreat
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Last May when my dojo left for our 32nd annual retreat to Mt Baldy Zen Center I was horizontal, immobile, drains still in, face carved and gutted like a pumpkin etc. My spirit wanted to be up on the mountain with everyone as I had been for the past 16 years. However, my body wasn't going anywhere. I was having my own retreat :-). With great love, friendship and compassion they brought Mt. Baldy to me through pine cones, loving videos and healing messages and me to Mt. Baldy through profits going to Team Suzette, selling of my artwork and dedicating the weekend to my return to vibrant health.
My vision then was to be on the mountain this year to thank everyone personally for their love and support. Words cannot truly express how healing the connection, generosity and love given to me was to every cell in my body. My vision was to be on the mountain in May 2015 enjoying the healing mountain air, deep friendship, great training, silence and stillness and the opportunity thank everyone in person In that spirit, I have already given Sensei a small deposit towards participation in the weekend It is a few months ahead of time for even the early registration deposit but I am committed to being there! I hope as many as can will join me on the mountain - for a day or for the weekend. It will definitely be a visions fulfilled for me.
My vision then was to be on the mountain this year to thank everyone personally for their love and support. Words cannot truly express how healing the connection, generosity and love given to me was to every cell in my body. My vision was to be on the mountain in May 2015 enjoying the healing mountain air, deep friendship, great training, silence and stillness and the opportunity thank everyone in person In that spirit, I have already given Sensei a small deposit towards participation in the weekend It is a few months ahead of time for even the early registration deposit but I am committed to being there! I hope as many as can will join me on the mountain - for a day or for the weekend. It will definitely be a visions fulfilled for me.
DON'T FORGET TO PACK THIS IN YOUR SUITCASE
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Some have asked what is the most important quality to have along the healing path. Many qualities wave their hands to be acknowledged but perhaps the most important is BOUNCE. A resilient spirit allows us continually rebound, reorganize, reboot and recalibrate with every new challenge. Resiliency is flow and the endless opportunity to create a new direction. To me, resiliency isn't leading a life free of stress. That is impossible. Stress is not what happens to us but how we experience whatever is happening to us. Being able to BOUNCE! makes us open to everything, awake in the moment, connected in compassion with ourselves and others and calm and centered on the often bumpy rode of life.
In the beautiful art of Aikido taught at our dojo students endlessly practice the art of ukemi - falling/rolling. The student steps off the line of attack, blends with the incoming energy and then rolls seemingly effortlessly to the ground, rising in a stance of center and calm. At first the fall and roll is a thud, the circle filled with square edges and the sound of fear. It takes thousands of repetitions to work off the hard edges and be able to "bounce" back to their feet. It has been said that we learn to fall so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Resiliency, to me, is the ultimate act of freedom that allows us to stay open and transform each challenge into wisdom, harmony and new opportunity. This healing journey (and our life itself) has been my constant practice in being able to BOUNCE in the face of whatever comes my way. And, yes, I am a work in progress.
In the beautiful art of Aikido taught at our dojo students endlessly practice the art of ukemi - falling/rolling. The student steps off the line of attack, blends with the incoming energy and then rolls seemingly effortlessly to the ground, rising in a stance of center and calm. At first the fall and roll is a thud, the circle filled with square edges and the sound of fear. It takes thousands of repetitions to work off the hard edges and be able to "bounce" back to their feet. It has been said that we learn to fall so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Resiliency, to me, is the ultimate act of freedom that allows us to stay open and transform each challenge into wisdom, harmony and new opportunity. This healing journey (and our life itself) has been my constant practice in being able to BOUNCE in the face of whatever comes my way. And, yes, I am a work in progress.
The journey remains everything. It would be so easy to assume a waiting position throughout this healing path. Waiting for diagnosis, waiting for the next appointment, waiting for the pain to lessen, waiting for energy to return, waiting for test results, waiting for radiation to be over, waiting for the last drip of the chemo bag, waiting to "return" to life. It is not much different in life itself. We wait for the bus, the traffic light to turn from red to green, for our kids to grow up, for our vacation time, for our food to cook, for winter to end, for our coffee to cool, for the love of our life to appear, for the supermarket line to dwindle, for things to get better, etc. Waiting can be a dangerous stance as it puts my "life" on pause. Whether I wait patiently or impatiently, waiting is a weak position that transforms my time and life into a preferred future space and time. It denies me the immensity and gift of the present moment and instead returns a sense of powerlessness and helplessness where I'm caught in the limbo of waiting.
So what to do if I'm not waiting? For me, breathe into the moment. Feel the miracle of life. Soak in the sounds and sensations of what surrounds me. Connect with the person next to me. Give thanks, reflect, center, toss up a prayer, send some love out to someone and then to everyone.
It is not always easy. It is challenging to not feel the "weight" of the "wait" after a petscan where the results won't be known for a few days and I want to know NOW! Taming my wild mind is always an endless practice.
Thankfully I'm not waiting for my life to "begin again." It never stopped. This journey is my life - every beautiful, crazy, up, down, all around and "take what you get" moment to moment of it. I don't want to miss any of it while I'm in waiting.
So what to do if I'm not waiting? For me, breathe into the moment. Feel the miracle of life. Soak in the sounds and sensations of what surrounds me. Connect with the person next to me. Give thanks, reflect, center, toss up a prayer, send some love out to someone and then to everyone.
It is not always easy. It is challenging to not feel the "weight" of the "wait" after a petscan where the results won't be known for a few days and I want to know NOW! Taming my wild mind is always an endless practice.
Thankfully I'm not waiting for my life to "begin again." It never stopped. This journey is my life - every beautiful, crazy, up, down, all around and "take what you get" moment to moment of it. I don't want to miss any of it while I'm in waiting.
You are all deep in my heart. I love you with abandon and endless gratitude,
Suzette
To leave a guestbook message, click HERE
Suzette
To leave a guestbook message, click HERE
With the help of Team Suzette…
Dear so loved and appreciated family and friends,
I have been writing update after update, but hadn't ventured a skim backwards in time to revisit them. Until now.
I didn't re-read them but just rewound the movie projector to the first message after my surgery and then fast forwarded it back to the present moment. I was met with a kaleidoscope of fragmented moments in time frozen by my words, pictures and feelings. Baby steps turned into leaps, challenges and triumphs, reflections and releases. Mostly I was somewhat overcome by how much I have opened my heart, without hesitation and with abandon, as I wrote to all of you. Any walls I might have had perhaps shattered by the explosion of insults to my body, the slowing down, the trust in and surrender to whatever was happening, opening to receive all the love and generosity of Team Suzette and the continual living moment to moment.
Glancing through these update snapshots, I feel a bit naked. Armor discarded and my heart flung wide open. Being so open can be a scary place - vulnerable, exposed and perhaps judged. However it seems to me that my journey here on this planet has been to be more and more stripped to the core and reside in and share who I truly am. The most I can do is to always try to honor the truth as I experience it - to let any masks down, trust life, embrace love, open my heart and share without fear so my spirit can fly and connect more deeply with everything and everyone.
I can't deny the truth I continue to find in stillness when I move with God's time and not the digital clock that can relentlessly press us forward. This slowing down creates stillness. The stillness allows for silence. It is said that silence is the language of God and that everything else is a poor translation. In the stillness and silence of months of recovery, the truth that continues to echo, again and again, in thunderous silence is that the essence of our life is to create an unbroken circle of both giving and receiving love. It's funny. I hear myself sounding more and more like one of the sappy greeting cards I often deplore. :-). Yet, this continues to be my experience that I can't deny.
So, for me, i will try to keep an open heart. To not break the circle of love that brings us all together. I believe we are all one. Our journeys are sewn together on the same tapestry of life. We need each other to both give and receive love. For what good is even being loved if we don't fully open up to receive it and let it saturate every cell.
So I stand naked, sharing what is real and true for me.
Who knows? My strange and twisted fate might just be to get a job now writing Hallmark love cards! :-).
Dear so loved and appreciated family and friends,
I have been writing update after update, but hadn't ventured a skim backwards in time to revisit them. Until now.
I didn't re-read them but just rewound the movie projector to the first message after my surgery and then fast forwarded it back to the present moment. I was met with a kaleidoscope of fragmented moments in time frozen by my words, pictures and feelings. Baby steps turned into leaps, challenges and triumphs, reflections and releases. Mostly I was somewhat overcome by how much I have opened my heart, without hesitation and with abandon, as I wrote to all of you. Any walls I might have had perhaps shattered by the explosion of insults to my body, the slowing down, the trust in and surrender to whatever was happening, opening to receive all the love and generosity of Team Suzette and the continual living moment to moment.
Glancing through these update snapshots, I feel a bit naked. Armor discarded and my heart flung wide open. Being so open can be a scary place - vulnerable, exposed and perhaps judged. However it seems to me that my journey here on this planet has been to be more and more stripped to the core and reside in and share who I truly am. The most I can do is to always try to honor the truth as I experience it - to let any masks down, trust life, embrace love, open my heart and share without fear so my spirit can fly and connect more deeply with everything and everyone.
I can't deny the truth I continue to find in stillness when I move with God's time and not the digital clock that can relentlessly press us forward. This slowing down creates stillness. The stillness allows for silence. It is said that silence is the language of God and that everything else is a poor translation. In the stillness and silence of months of recovery, the truth that continues to echo, again and again, in thunderous silence is that the essence of our life is to create an unbroken circle of both giving and receiving love. It's funny. I hear myself sounding more and more like one of the sappy greeting cards I often deplore. :-). Yet, this continues to be my experience that I can't deny.
So, for me, i will try to keep an open heart. To not break the circle of love that brings us all together. I believe we are all one. Our journeys are sewn together on the same tapestry of life. We need each other to both give and receive love. For what good is even being loved if we don't fully open up to receive it and let it saturate every cell.
So I stand naked, sharing what is real and true for me.
Who knows? My strange and twisted fate might just be to get a job now writing Hallmark love cards! :-).
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED YOUR DOCTOR?
Waking up from surgery in intensive care, with the breathing tube and straps on my arms and legs just removed, the reassuring, compassionate and ever so skillful face of one of my surgeons was an umbrella above me. I held his hand, then tried to draw him closer. The nurse said in a half chuckle... "I think she wants to kiss you."
It was true. I pulled him in and rested my lips briefly against his check in loving gratitude for my life and whispered a loving thank you.
It was true. I pulled him in and rested my lips briefly against his check in loving gratitude for my life and whispered a loving thank you.
PHYSICAL UPDATES
Everything still changes
I am a work in progress but am making AMAZING progress! My stamina, fatigue, pain levels, sleep, etc. remain every-changing. Best days are when I can move and also rest at my own pace. Some symptoms are considered short term side effects and others (they say) may be long term effects from surgery, chemo and radiation - what they call the"new normal" given all the givens. However, I continue to listen to and nurture my body and let it reveal the future. I figure what is here today, may or may NOT be here tomorrow. Of course, long term side effects aren't so bad -- means you are going to be around for the long haul to experience them :-).
CT/PETSCAN RESULTS!!!
I am a work in progress but am making AMAZING progress! My stamina, fatigue, pain levels, sleep, etc. remain every-changing. Best days are when I can move and also rest at my own pace. Some symptoms are considered short term side effects and others (they say) may be long term effects from surgery, chemo and radiation - what they call the"new normal" given all the givens. However, I continue to listen to and nurture my body and let it reveal the future. I figure what is here today, may or may NOT be here tomorrow. Of course, long term side effects aren't so bad -- means you are going to be around for the long haul to experience them :-).
CT/PETSCAN RESULTS!!!
Blue Skies! ABSOLUTELY AWESOME NEWS!!! I Just found out that my results from the ct/petscan yesterday showed "NO CHANGE AND NO ISSUES." Those stinkers have stayed on the far side of the moon where they belong forever! Doctors words were "Great news!" It was an early Christmas present for me! This is very encouraging. So far, so amazing! They will be monitoring me very closely with another important scan in three months. Thank you all for your huge part in these results. My progress is your progress. Please keep those positive thoughts, prayers, love and that glorious healing energy flowing my way for total and complete healing! I feel so blessed.
Eye Surgery
On Monday, the orbital and oculoplasltic surgeon re-examined my right eye again (we had met previously in September). Her goal is to do reconstructive surgery and a skin graft on my lower lid and eye to save the cornea and allow me to forgo the patch. She has needed to wait in order to lessen the effects of the radiation which has destroyed the blood vessels that are needed to create a vascular bed for the graft. This is considered one of the most difficult places to graft and it is furthered compromised by the scar tissue already under my eye and facial paralysis. She will take the skin from my upper arm. My face will now be a mixed media of my thigh, shoulder and arm :-). The surgery is now scheduled for February 13th. She makes no promises but is willing to give it a go. So I am definitely on board. It would be awesome to be able to be behind the wheel once again.
Eating
I'm still using the vise therapy tool to help pry my jaw for easier eating and dental hygiene. I continue to be able to get more and more food through the opening and down the hatch. I'm not quite ready for Amy Vanderbilt's etiquette table but doing so much better. I'm able to use a spoon if the food isn't piled too high. Sometimes I use chopsticks or a sucking motion off the spoon :-). There is more than one way to get food down the hatch :-). My digestion is a work in progress (trying to get the fire back in my belly), appetite good eating three squares a day) and I'm slowly and steadily gaining weight back on these bones. Now I am back to eating an avocado with each meal!
Physical Therapy
It is amazing what some pain and torture can do for you :-). My physical therapist says I am exceeding all expectations. The combination of the physical therapy sessions and my tai chi movements (and a lot of disciplined work at home) continues to be a winning combination. The sessions can be exhausting and yet it is clear they are ever so necessary. Not having a spinal accessory nerve has its challenges but I am so thankful for every bit of my progress. The physical therapy staff at City of Hope is awesome. I am scheduled to continue the sessions throughout January.
Miscellaneous
City of Hope has requested that I go through their Genetic Counseling sessions so I can be tested for certain markers due to my current challenges and my family history of cancer. This will occur in January. I will be able to share much more when I have the consultation with them and understand more about the procedure and what occurs afterwards.
Eye Surgery
On Monday, the orbital and oculoplasltic surgeon re-examined my right eye again (we had met previously in September). Her goal is to do reconstructive surgery and a skin graft on my lower lid and eye to save the cornea and allow me to forgo the patch. She has needed to wait in order to lessen the effects of the radiation which has destroyed the blood vessels that are needed to create a vascular bed for the graft. This is considered one of the most difficult places to graft and it is furthered compromised by the scar tissue already under my eye and facial paralysis. She will take the skin from my upper arm. My face will now be a mixed media of my thigh, shoulder and arm :-). The surgery is now scheduled for February 13th. She makes no promises but is willing to give it a go. So I am definitely on board. It would be awesome to be able to be behind the wheel once again.
Eating
I'm still using the vise therapy tool to help pry my jaw for easier eating and dental hygiene. I continue to be able to get more and more food through the opening and down the hatch. I'm not quite ready for Amy Vanderbilt's etiquette table but doing so much better. I'm able to use a spoon if the food isn't piled too high. Sometimes I use chopsticks or a sucking motion off the spoon :-). There is more than one way to get food down the hatch :-). My digestion is a work in progress (trying to get the fire back in my belly), appetite good eating three squares a day) and I'm slowly and steadily gaining weight back on these bones. Now I am back to eating an avocado with each meal!
Physical Therapy
It is amazing what some pain and torture can do for you :-). My physical therapist says I am exceeding all expectations. The combination of the physical therapy sessions and my tai chi movements (and a lot of disciplined work at home) continues to be a winning combination. The sessions can be exhausting and yet it is clear they are ever so necessary. Not having a spinal accessory nerve has its challenges but I am so thankful for every bit of my progress. The physical therapy staff at City of Hope is awesome. I am scheduled to continue the sessions throughout January.
Miscellaneous
City of Hope has requested that I go through their Genetic Counseling sessions so I can be tested for certain markers due to my current challenges and my family history of cancer. This will occur in January. I will be able to share much more when I have the consultation with them and understand more about the procedure and what occurs afterwards.
VISIONS FULFILLED
Several decades ago now, I was drawn into the travel section at the San Diego Public Library. I was working full- time as the Director of a Center for Teenagers but wanderlust had began to catch me unaware. Sitting on the floor of the library I pulled out a book entitled "Guide to Unusual Vacations". Flipping through its pages they seemed to stop on their own on a picture of a hot air balloon going over the Swiss Alps. Craggy majestic peaks were covered deep in snow with hot air balloons billowing into take-off and others mere dots fading into the oceanic sky. I wanted to be there. I saw myself there. Six months later I had cashed in my life for solo adventures to wherever my heart and wallet would take me. Four months into my travels I stood knee deep in snow in the Swiss Alps as hot air balloons rested on the ground like animated colorful cartoons. The picture in the book and in my mind had become the reality of my life at that moment. Since then I have cherished those moments of standing in a dream fulfilled. This last six weeks, I was blessed with three such gifts.
Happy 61st Birthday!
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Lying in bed with little ability to move, dancing with pain, confined and challenged with each breath, my vision was to be strong enough by years end to be someplace at the ocean's edge. I longed for the smell of the surf to flood every cell, the sound of the waves to lull me to sleep at night, to walk leisurely on the sand and to silently watch the sun surrender itself to the horizon.
On my birthday, November 21st, Kerry and Suzanne took me on a road trip to Cambria to stay in a beautiful hotel with a balcony overlooking jutting cliffs and a star driven ocean. We spent three days watching the world pass by in all its wonders. There was a stillness that creates timelessness, natural beauty that forgoes words and sea lions, deer and otters that played with abandon in their natural turf. Thank you Kerry and Suzanne for being so nurturing, relaxed and helpful every step of the journey and for the perfect kick off to my 61st year. Vision fulfilled.
On my birthday, November 21st, Kerry and Suzanne took me on a road trip to Cambria to stay in a beautiful hotel with a balcony overlooking jutting cliffs and a star driven ocean. We spent three days watching the world pass by in all its wonders. There was a stillness that creates timelessness, natural beauty that forgoes words and sea lions, deer and otters that played with abandon in their natural turf. Thank you Kerry and Suzanne for being so nurturing, relaxed and helpful every step of the journey and for the perfect kick off to my 61st year. Vision fulfilled.
Walk to Cure Epilepsy
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During the long, dark and winding tunnel of treatment, my sister Jeannine told me about the Walk to Cure Epilepsy in November. She has been dealing with epilepsy since a child, finally having surgery in her forties when no medication had truly worked and now has daily challenges operating without a temporal lobe.
My vision was to walk beside her and be a part of "Team Jeannine." She is my hero that meets great challenges with great courage. On Nov. 16th, I joined her and other family members to walk by her side to support her and the cure for epilepsy. A vision fulfilled.
My vision was to walk beside her and be a part of "Team Jeannine." She is my hero that meets great challenges with great courage. On Nov. 16th, I joined her and other family members to walk by her side to support her and the cure for epilepsy. A vision fulfilled.
Fourth Degree Black Belt in Tai Chi
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Six weeks ago my Sensei said he would be honored if I would perform a demonstration and write an essay for fourth degree black belt in Tai Chi. What? My gears jammed. A patch over one eye, right arm just out of a sling with limited in movement, along with compromised stamina and balance I'd been out of the dojo since May. Then I took a breath. The truth is that I have been in a marathon training for Yondan(4th degree black belt) for the last five months. My recovery has been about all the tai chi principles - deep connection with the breath, moment to moment living, continual patience, endless meditative practice, moving slowly, staying open and experiencing the power of immense love. Fourth degree black belt level is about the deeper understanding of tai chi that holds the forms and our life together. The test would represent to me the miracle of being alive and my continuing recovery at this moment in time. I had a vision of energy flowing through me and my heart wide open as I made my presentation to the dojo.
Energized by the loving chi of everyone surrounding me, six weeks of hard physical therapy work to execute some of the moves and the demo's music ending with Jimmy Cliff singing "You Can Get It If You Really Want (but you must try, try and try… you'll succeed at last"), I gave my presentation to my Sensei and all the students. Truly a vision fulfilled. (click on the link below if you would like to read the essay- doc for PC users and pages for MAC users).
Energized by the loving chi of everyone surrounding me, six weeks of hard physical therapy work to execute some of the moves and the demo's music ending with Jimmy Cliff singing "You Can Get It If You Really Want (but you must try, try and try… you'll succeed at last"), I gave my presentation to my Sensei and all the students. Truly a vision fulfilled. (click on the link below if you would like to read the essay- doc for PC users and pages for MAC users).
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A NEW VOCABULARY
Words at the end of a phone. A doctor gives me the results of my biopsy and the diagnosis. Past images of my dad, my mom and boyfriend/best friend gone from cancer. Then fast forward to possible clips of a similar sad fate. Finally there is a crash landing in the present moment of my diagnosis. In January 2012 a phone call said I had stage three lymphoma. Another one in April 2014 that I had stage four metasized squameous cell cancer. With each call the scrabble board of my life changed. Words like incurable, metastasis, surgery, cyclosplatin, radiation, advanced and aggressive appeared. However I have added my own words - miracle, milestones, cure, healed, love, gratitude and amazing. Words have power and cancer carries a heavy weight. So I have changed the vocabulary and the scrabble board in front of me to words that uplift, strengthen and heal. And for those of you that play scrabble - I have used them all on the triple word score!
CRYSTAL BALL
There is no crystal ball. Many ask for timeliness, commitments, have questions about my future and the when, what and how of my life now and later. Yet what lies ahead remains an unknown (for all of us :-)). Much empty space is needed for recovery and also for new opportunities to unfold. I am embracing the emptiness.
It can be refreshing to tear up the blueprint we have created for ourselves and step with faith, awe and trust into the unknown, leaving behind the predictable map we carry and hold in a tight grasp. I don't really need to know where I'm are going. I just need to feel deeply where I'm at right now. Like a great jazz musician, I long to move to an improvisational beat.
It can be refreshing to tear up the blueprint we have created for ourselves and step with faith, awe and trust into the unknown, leaving behind the predictable map we carry and hold in a tight grasp. I don't really need to know where I'm are going. I just need to feel deeply where I'm at right now. Like a great jazz musician, I long to move to an improvisational beat.
CHEERS
Here's to all of us moving in the direction of visions fulfilled - whether it is with baby steps, giant leaps, two steps backwards and one forward. It doesn't matter. Let's enjoy our journey while we keep moving towards our dreams.
Wrapping you all in a warm embrace of my deep love and endless gratitude for continuing to be here for me throughout all the different chapters of this journey. You remain both my rock and soft place to fall. My healing is your healing. May your holidays rest in peace and joy. May your next year be filled with receiving back all the love you have given me!
I love you,
Suzette To leave a message for Suzette, please click HERE.
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Wrapping you all in a warm embrace of my deep love and endless gratitude for continuing to be here for me throughout all the different chapters of this journey. You remain both my rock and soft place to fall. My healing is your healing. May your holidays rest in peace and joy. May your next year be filled with receiving back all the love you have given me!
I love you,
Suzette To leave a message for Suzette, please click HERE.
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU!!!
I feel endlessly blessed as if each day was Thanksgiving. However this day brings an avalanche of gratitude for my life, for my family and for each and every person on Team Suzette. You all have been with me every step of this journey. Your love has been my healing force.
I am reminded of the lyrics of the Celine Dion song, "Because you loved me."
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith because you believed
I am everything I am
Because you loved me
Thank you…
for keeping me in your light
holding me in your hearts
embracing me with your prayers
surrounding me with your positive thoughts
showering me with your kindness
filling me up with your generosity and
saturating me with your love.
This journey is one of love and gratitude not of cancer and illness. It is of what is and not what isn't. It is of saying yes and not no. It is of light and not darkness. It is of great opportunities and not great insults. It is a journey of the heart and not of the body. It is one of trust and not fear. Of opening up instead of closing down. It is one of learning and growing not resisting and resenting. It is one of unfolding outwards instead of contracting inward. It is our journey, not my journey.
The journey remains everything. Thanks to each and every one of you for being on this journey with me. It continues to make all the difference. You have created an unbroken circle of love which is the true essence of living and of healing.
Thanks to God, to my family and all of my dear friends for being on my team, allowing me into your hearts and carrying me on the wings of your love.
Happy Thanksgiving. I love you all. I hope I can someday return the love and kindness you have given me.
P.S. Update coming soon after appointment with reconstructive eye surgeon on December 1 and CT/Petscan and follow up the week of December 9th. To leave a message, click HERE.
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10/22/14
(With the help of Team Suzette)
Dear so loved and so appreciated friends and family,
This has been a month of milestones and miracles. Leaps of progress along the way have been made possible by trusting each baby step (some noticeable to others and others noticeable only to me). All big triumphs no matter how small. A turn of my head to one side. Lifting a partially filled paper cup. The gift of a nap. Scrambling an egg with one hand. My mouth opening a bit wider. Every so often the baby steps become a leap and remind me of how far I have come. So here is to all baby steps, yours and mine, that take us slowly but surely in the direction of our dreams.
This month there have been three milestones that give testimony to the miracle of my continual healing.
A Return Home
Three weeks ago I returned to my dojo for a visit for the first time since my surgery in May. To be on the mat, in my gi, leading a little Tai Chi, sharing my immense gratitude and my journey so far truly felt miraculous. The tidal wave of love from so many in the dojo that morning brought me to tears. My heart was flung wide open as I went around the huge circle giving "hugs" (hand clasps) to each person. Perhaps my gi now oversized in my thinner body, a patch on my eye, a sling on my arm and my stamina shaky but my spirit was ever so strong and my heart filled with so much love.
My Sensei, Frank Mc Gouirk, 7th dan...an amazing Sensei and friend |
Unfortunately most of the class had left before we remembered to take a picture, but here are some of the loving people in my dojo.
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At the Lecture
For the first time since my surgery and treatments, I was able to attend a fundraiser The last fundraiser, as much as my spirit wanted to be there, I couldn't pry myself out of bed. A week ago Monday, Bonnie Shirley, M.A., Anthropology, gave an engaging lecture to a full room of Team Suzette supporters at the Whittier Art Gallery. The generosity of donations and sales of my smaller artwork made it a successful fundraiser. My spirit was soaring feeling the love in the room and connecting with so many friends I hadn't seen in so long. Thank you Bonnie, Whittier Art Gallery, those that organized and spread the word and all of you that came out to support me.
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Sharing my deep appreciation |
Harmony Center Fine Arts and Crafts Show
A dream or for real? It was definitely a surrealistic feeling for me to be standing in my booth, surrounded by my art, visiting friends and family and making sales. I lasted a few hours a day and definitely was thankful come Monday for some much-needed rest, but it was indeed a huge milestone. Thank you Harmony Spiritual Center for your love and generosity in creating this opportunity. Special thanks to Marilyn, Cynthia and Mario for orchestrating the set-up, breakdown and labor. Thanks to my dear family and friends that helped me in the booth. Thanks to each of you that took time out of your weekend to visit and support me. The sales were awesome. The connection with all of you filled my heart with love. I was standing within a miracle.
My Milestone |
Two Visiting Sisters and Two Visiting Cousins |
These milestones are miraculous to me. What are miracles? As a child growing up in the Catholic Church, miracles were always about huge acts of wonder - the healing at Lourdes, the children of Fatima seeing the Virgin Mary, Jesus walking on water and the resurrection from the dead. However, miracles surround me every day if only my mind and heart remain open to them. They are not few and far between. They are not given out in small doses every century or two. They are not for someone else and not me. I believe that once we limit ourselves to our fears or predictions about the future there is no room for miracles. Thich Nhat Hanh said that "the true miracle is not walking on water or walking in air, but simply walking on this earth." Standing on the mat in my dojo expressing my love and gratitude was a miracle. Attending my own fundraiser was a miracle. Being at the Harmony Show, surrounded by my artwork and all those that came to visit, was indeed a miracle. Small miracles make up the big miracle of how far I have come in my healing. Love is at the heart of all the miracles. The beauty of love is that it is without limitations. Not illness, life circumstance or money can keep us from opening out hearts wide open. Without limitations, love flows and miracles happen.
Here are to more miracles and milestones made possible by all your continuing love, kindness, prayers, positive thought and very healing energy. You are the love that makes all my healing possible. Thank you. I love you.
THE MIRACLE CONTINUES
Last Monday I had an MRI and on Thursday the follow up with the radiation oncologist with the results. He was unable to confirm any suspicious areas of disease persistence or recurrence :-)! There were a few enhancement patterns and an abnormal signal at the base of the skull. Since it is the first MRI after radiation and so soon after completing treatment, he shared that those imaging findings could be explained by postoperative and post-radiotherapy inflammatory changes. According to him, the stability and specificity of the MRI scan is going to be more important with future MRI readings for comparison. Both the surgeon and the radiologist will be keeping close surveillance on me. Another pet scan and follow-up is scheduled in just six weeks, followed by another MRI in the first months of 2015. I am to contact them should any worrisome symptoms develop..
So, to me, this is a very encouraging report. I am trusting that any abnormal changes reported on the MRI are due to the surgery and treatment inflammation. This means that the cancer remains on the far side of the moon and miracles continue! All your CONSTANT love, encouragement, prayers, positive thoughts, kindness and the surgery/treatments are all part of the grand disappearing act. POOF!!! THANK YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
So, to me, this is a very encouraging report. I am trusting that any abnormal changes reported on the MRI are due to the surgery and treatment inflammation. This means that the cancer remains on the far side of the moon and miracles continue! All your CONSTANT love, encouragement, prayers, positive thoughts, kindness and the surgery/treatments are all part of the grand disappearing act. POOF!!! THANK YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
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Eye surgery
Two weeks ago I had a consultation with an oculo-surgeon in Beverly Hills who works out of USC Hospital.
Due to the facial nerve being severed and a previous graft for skin cancer to the right eye, the lower eye lid has dropped dangerously low. Without the ability to blink, if left uncovered the cornea of the eye can dry out and destroy my vision. The hope is to do reconstructive surgery and a skin graft to raise the lower lid and, with a weight in the upper lid, protect and cornea and thus say good-bye to the patch. The surgeon said the area cannot be operated on until at least six months after my last radiation treatment. Radiation destroys the blood vessels and the area needs a "vascular bed" for a skin graft. She said it was a challenging area to do surgery/skin graft because it is right against the eye and skin is so soft. I''m not thrilled about more surgery and recovery but I am more than thrilled about saying good-bye to the eye patch!!! So we are both willing to give it a go. She scheduled a follow up appointment with me on December 1st to evaluate the eye again and hopefully set a date for surgery.
A future milestone!
Here's looking at you :-)
Physical Therapy
Out at City of Hope they call PT (physical therapy) pain and torture :-). I am certainly experiencing why! I have been going out to COH several times a week for therapy on my neck, shoulder and back to gain some movement, flexibility and strength on my right side. While the pain is excruciating and the sessions (and exercises at home) truly exhaust what little energy I may have, I can see the progress and it is liberating! The sling was on 24/7 for five months so over and above the spinal accessory nerve (and others) being severed which provides the motor enervation to the sternocleidomastoid and trapezius muscles, the shoulder is frozen. Wish there was a magic pill to melt it open :-)! Ow! Oh! Yikes! Scream! Plead to stop! I am diligently doing all the home exercises and complementing them with Tai Chi. A winning combo! And resting, resting, resting in the horizontal position as much as possible. I aim to get the maximum possible movement and strength … and then some! :-)
Open Wide
The physical therapist gave me a "Thera-bite" system to work on softening the trismus and allowing the jaw to open wider. Basically it is prying the jaw open by breaking up some of the scar tissue a little at a time. It is working as well. Slowly, but noticeably with time, the opening is growing. I can get the spoon in but not always all the food on top it yet :-). However I'm sure sooner than I know it, there will be nothing spilling over onto my lap! I hope to be ready to get everything into the hatch by my birthday at the end of November!
Wider and wider :-)
Everything Still Changes
I continue to be a pinball machine bouncing in all directions with symptoms, pain, digestion and energy, but I know and trust that all is is moving towards deeper and deeper healing!
My Beloved Returns!
Yes, my beloved avocado has returned to my plate. Hallelujah! I'm thrilled and it is great addition to my menu with its great nutrients and high fat/calorie count.
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YUM!
"It Isn't Fair!"
"It is not fair that this happened to you." People will say this to me. It is said out of great compassion. Yet, truly I can't be cheated out of guarantee I never had. None of us knows more than just this moment. The beauty in the this journey is perhaps to remind all of us of the preciousness, unpredictability and importance of each moment that is often overlooked in the hub bub of our lives. Each moment is a gift. Gifts may not always be wrapped in a tidy ribbon and a bow. The lesson that continually bears repeating is not to take life for granted. Express your love to all. Fear not. Embrace life. Move always in the direction of what you love.
"It is not fair that this happened to you." People will say this to me. It is said out of great compassion. Yet, truly I can't be cheated out of guarantee I never had. None of us knows more than just this moment. The beauty in the this journey is perhaps to remind all of us of the preciousness, unpredictability and importance of each moment that is often overlooked in the hub bub of our lives. Each moment is a gift. Gifts may not always be wrapped in a tidy ribbon and a bow. The lesson that continually bears repeating is not to take life for granted. Express your love to all. Fear not. Embrace life. Move always in the direction of what you love.
What Heals?
The oncologists will say ... "You really responded well to the chemo and radiation." Others will say... "That 14 hour surgery was amazing." Some will reflect... "Prayers and positive thoughts have healed you." Others half-jokingly say that it must be all those organic green veggie drinks (that they didn't dare take a sip of) that didn't give those suckers half a chance. Or that "keeping relaxed in a healing, meditative state" was the key. But what is it that ultimately heals? My experience is that love is the healing force. Opening again and again to giving and receiving love allows us to open deeply to receive all the treatments, prayers and healing energy. Love is the brilliant, golden thread that weaves everything together and make all things possible.
Everyone's love has continued to keep me open so healing can happen. When in the closed-curtained, deep and dark of the night when my nerves would fire with wild abandon, head unable to turn and muscles twist in pain, anxiety could appear like an unwelcome visitor. All alone, longing for a hand to hold and none there, contracting in fear would be like turning the key to lock the prison door behind me. However, time and time again, when caught in a seeming solitary confinement of symptoms from the surgery and treatment, what would save me would be opening up to receive the flood of love and kindness from everyone and to, in turn, expand outwards to send out love to everyone. Time and time again opening up and connecting to everything and everyone created the space to minimize my pain by surrounding me in a huge space of love, peace and connection.
There is a story about a monk who constantly complained about the difficulties of life. His master sent him to town to buy a bag of salt. When he returned he put a handful of the salt in a glass of water for the apprentice to drink. When asked how it tasted, the apprentice, spitting the salty water on the ground, said... "It's bitter." The master then walked with him to a nearby lake and asked the apprentice to throw a handful of salt into the water. "Now drink from the water and tell me how it tastes", the master said. "Did you taste the salt" "No", the apprentice said. The master shared... "The pain of life is pure salt. The amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you in pain, the only thing you can do enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake."
Always there is a choice to open up or close down. To become a glass or lake. Sometimes the choice can feel like the difference between life and death. Sometimes it IS the difference between life and death. There are many ways to open and but love has no bounds. Thank you once again for all your love.
The Unfolding Journey
Trying to fast-forward into the future jams my gears. I dont even know how and what I will feel hour to hour. I don't know the new picture on the jigsaw puzzle box. Life is definitely an improvisational melody and, time and time again, I try to practice the art of living moment to moment. It is not always easy and sometimes I am a dismal failure :-).
After the surgery I let everything go - driving, seeing out of both eyes, how I looked, what I could and couldn't do, etc. Not in a surrendering and waving a white flag, not in a not wanting and not in a not caring. It was a letting go and trusting that new things would replace whatever disappeared and whatever returned would be a gift. So I let my life be a blank canvas. A painting is magnificent but a blank canvas has everything awaiting - new wonder, new mystery, new beginnings and new adventures.
So, I continue to trust in the unfolding of this journey, and ultimately in God, that all is a gift and not a burden.
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Thank you for reading these updates. It feels so good to have these opportunities to share my journey and tell you time and time again of my immense gratitude for all your continued love, kindness and generosity through each chapter of my healing.
With an open heart, healing body and endless love,
Suzette
To leave a message for Suzette, please click this link:
http://teamsuzette.weebly.com/guestbook
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10/16/14
Hello beloved friends and family of Team Suzette!
This is just a quick reminder that the Harmony Center Art Show (corner of Bailey/Comstock) is this Saturday and Sunday, October 18th and 19th. THey have donated two free booths to Team Suzette to exhibit my artwork with the hope that I can make some money to help with medical bills and financial realties. I so appreciate their generosity not only of the booth, but also the labor setting up my space, breaking down my booth and helping staff it over the weekend. Check out all the details below but I will be there Saturday from 10-1 and Sunday 11-1 with family and friends of Team Suzette representing me the other hours. Please come visit!
This has been a very busy week with the upcoming show, lecture at the Whittier Art Gallery, important MRI, physical therapy appointments, consults, etc. so I will have lots to share with all of you in my update next week. Keep those prayers, positive thoughts and love flowing in so that the cancer remains forever on the far side of the moon!!! Picture my update coming sharing the amazing results of the MRI showing nothing at all!!!!
The oncologists will say ... "You really responded well to the chemo and radiation." Others will say... "That 14 hour surgery was amazing." Some will reflect... "Prayers and positive thoughts have healed you." Others half-jokingly say that it must be all those organic green veggie drinks (that they didn't dare take a sip of) that didn't give those suckers half a chance. Or that "keeping relaxed in a healing, meditative state" was the key. But what is it that ultimately heals? My experience is that love is the healing force. Opening again and again to giving and receiving love allows us to open deeply to receive all the treatments, prayers and healing energy. Love is the brilliant, golden thread that weaves everything together and make all things possible.
Everyone's love has continued to keep me open so healing can happen. When in the closed-curtained, deep and dark of the night when my nerves would fire with wild abandon, head unable to turn and muscles twist in pain, anxiety could appear like an unwelcome visitor. All alone, longing for a hand to hold and none there, contracting in fear would be like turning the key to lock the prison door behind me. However, time and time again, when caught in a seeming solitary confinement of symptoms from the surgery and treatment, what would save me would be opening up to receive the flood of love and kindness from everyone and to, in turn, expand outwards to send out love to everyone. Time and time again opening up and connecting to everything and everyone created the space to minimize my pain by surrounding me in a huge space of love, peace and connection.
There is a story about a monk who constantly complained about the difficulties of life. His master sent him to town to buy a bag of salt. When he returned he put a handful of the salt in a glass of water for the apprentice to drink. When asked how it tasted, the apprentice, spitting the salty water on the ground, said... "It's bitter." The master then walked with him to a nearby lake and asked the apprentice to throw a handful of salt into the water. "Now drink from the water and tell me how it tastes", the master said. "Did you taste the salt" "No", the apprentice said. The master shared... "The pain of life is pure salt. The amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you in pain, the only thing you can do enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake."
Always there is a choice to open up or close down. To become a glass or lake. Sometimes the choice can feel like the difference between life and death. Sometimes it IS the difference between life and death. There are many ways to open and but love has no bounds. Thank you once again for all your love.
The Unfolding Journey
Trying to fast-forward into the future jams my gears. I dont even know how and what I will feel hour to hour. I don't know the new picture on the jigsaw puzzle box. Life is definitely an improvisational melody and, time and time again, I try to practice the art of living moment to moment. It is not always easy and sometimes I am a dismal failure :-).
After the surgery I let everything go - driving, seeing out of both eyes, how I looked, what I could and couldn't do, etc. Not in a surrendering and waving a white flag, not in a not wanting and not in a not caring. It was a letting go and trusting that new things would replace whatever disappeared and whatever returned would be a gift. So I let my life be a blank canvas. A painting is magnificent but a blank canvas has everything awaiting - new wonder, new mystery, new beginnings and new adventures.
So, I continue to trust in the unfolding of this journey, and ultimately in God, that all is a gift and not a burden.
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Thank you for reading these updates. It feels so good to have these opportunities to share my journey and tell you time and time again of my immense gratitude for all your continued love, kindness and generosity through each chapter of my healing.
With an open heart, healing body and endless love,
Suzette
To leave a message for Suzette, please click this link:
http://teamsuzette.weebly.com/guestbook
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10/16/14
Hello beloved friends and family of Team Suzette!
This is just a quick reminder that the Harmony Center Art Show (corner of Bailey/Comstock) is this Saturday and Sunday, October 18th and 19th. THey have donated two free booths to Team Suzette to exhibit my artwork with the hope that I can make some money to help with medical bills and financial realties. I so appreciate their generosity not only of the booth, but also the labor setting up my space, breaking down my booth and helping staff it over the weekend. Check out all the details below but I will be there Saturday from 10-1 and Sunday 11-1 with family and friends of Team Suzette representing me the other hours. Please come visit!
This has been a very busy week with the upcoming show, lecture at the Whittier Art Gallery, important MRI, physical therapy appointments, consults, etc. so I will have lots to share with all of you in my update next week. Keep those prayers, positive thoughts and love flowing in so that the cancer remains forever on the far side of the moon!!! Picture my update coming sharing the amazing results of the MRI showing nothing at all!!!!
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Saturday, Oct. 18th/Sunday Oct. 19th
HARMONY CENTER
12907 Bailey Street (corner of Comstock/Bailey) Whittier 90601
As most of you know, I have made my living for over 20 years as an artist (suzette.cc) . For the past several years I have participated in the Fine Art and Craft Fair at the HARMONY CENTER on Bailey Street in uptown Whittier. It is a wonderful weekend of art, food, music and very friendly people -- and an opportunity for me to share my art with local friends/students/family (usually I would be on the road across the US exhibiting in different fine art shows). The Center has very generously and graciously given me a 2 free booths (along with volunteers to set it up and work it throughout the show) to help support TEAM SUZETTE. I hope to be in my booth Saturday from 10-1 and Sunday from 11-1 (friends and family volunteers from Team Suzette other hours) if you want to stop by and say hello or purchase a piece of art from me directly (or a commission :-) ). Please do come, visit me and enjoy the show! Dates are October 18th and 19th. Hours are Saturday 9-5 and Sunday 11-1. Any questions call 562 440-6575 or visit the Harmony Center online at facebook.com/Harmony/ArtFair or on their website at www. HarmonyArtFair.org
See you there!
See you there!
Hope to see you. Just a little something that would be good to know if you will be visiting me. I am usually a "hugger" :-). Due to many of the nerves being severed on my right side those embraces aren't in the cards right now. The physical therapist, after five months, has removed the sling on my right arm and so now it isn't as obvious to others that it is a danger zone :-). So I am doing heart to heart hand clasps instead of hugs. So hope to hand clasp you all!
Immense love and gratitude to all of you. You all have made ALL the difference in my healing journey.
Suzette
Immense love and gratitude to all of you. You all have made ALL the difference in my healing journey.
Suzette
10/09/14
(With the help of Team Suzette)
Tidal waves of love to all my family and friends of Team Suzette!
I want to invite you all to two upcoming events that have been organized by Team Suzette supporters to raise much needed funds for some of my in pocket medical expenses and monthly financial realities during this next chapter in my healing and recovery journey. I hope to make it to both fundraisers and would love to see you in person!
Thank you again and again and again for your continual support through each chapter of this journey. A new update will be coming after my MRI and follow-up sessions next week. I have lots to share but will wait and include it all in the next update. Hold me in your prayers, positive thoughts and loving, healing embrace for another incredible report. I can't wait to share another update that the cancer remains on the far side of the moon and the doctors once again used words like "amazing' to describe the results!
(With the help of Team Suzette)
Tidal waves of love to all my family and friends of Team Suzette!
I want to invite you all to two upcoming events that have been organized by Team Suzette supporters to raise much needed funds for some of my in pocket medical expenses and monthly financial realities during this next chapter in my healing and recovery journey. I hope to make it to both fundraisers and would love to see you in person!
Thank you again and again and again for your continual support through each chapter of this journey. A new update will be coming after my MRI and follow-up sessions next week. I have lots to share but will wait and include it all in the next update. Hold me in your prayers, positive thoughts and loving, healing embrace for another incredible report. I can't wait to share another update that the cancer remains on the far side of the moon and the doctors once again used words like "amazing' to describe the results!
MONDAY, OCT. 13th, 7:15
Whittier Art Gallery
8035 Painter Avenue Whittier
562 698-8710
Join us at the WHITTIER ART GALLERY this Monday for an engaging and informative lecture by Bonnie Shirley, M.A., on the "Transition of Wolf to Dog." Bonnie retired as a lawyer for the State of California in 2007 and finished her Masters of Art in Anthropology with emphasis in Archaeology in 2008. The subject for her Master's was "The Origin of Dogs".
The lecture is free but with all donations/proceeds going to TEAM SUZETTE!!! Bonnie lectures on a variety of topics related to anthropology and archeology and this is always her most popular lecture. Bring your friends and family. I look forward to seeing you there!
The lecture is free but with all donations/proceeds going to TEAM SUZETTE!!! Bonnie lectures on a variety of topics related to anthropology and archeology and this is always her most popular lecture. Bring your friends and family. I look forward to seeing you there!
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SATURDAY, OCT. 18TH/SUNDAY OCT. 19TH
HARMONY CENTER
12907 Bailey Street (corner Comstock/Bailey) Whittier 90601
As most of you know, I have made my living for over 20 years as an artist (suzette.cc) . For the past several years I have participated in the Fine Art and Craft Fair at the HARMONY CENTER on Bailey Street in uptown Whittier. It is a wonderful weekend of art, food, music and very friendly people -- and an opportunity for me to share my art with local friends/students/family (usually I would be on the road across the US exhibiting in different fine art shows). The Center has very generously and graciously given me a 2 free booths (along with volunteers to set it up and work it throughout the show) to help support TEAM SUZETTE. I hope to be in my booth Saturday from 10-1 and Sunday from 11-1 (friends and family volunteers from Team Suzette other hours) if you want to stop by and say hello or purchase a piece of art from me directly (or a commission :-) ). Please do come, visit me and enjoy the show! Dates are October 18th and 19th. Hours are Saturday 9-5 and Sunday 11-1. Any questions call 562 440-6575 or visit the Harmony Center online at facebook.com/Harmony/ArtFair or on their website at www. HarmonyArtFair.org
See you there!
See you there!
Hope to see you. Just a little something that would be good to know if you will be visiting me. I am usually a "hugger" :-). Due to many of the nerves being severed on my right side those embraces aren't in the cards right now. The physical therapist, after five months, has removed the sling on my right arm and so now it isn't as obvious to others that it is a danger zone :-). So I am doing heart to heart hand clasps instead of hugs. So hope to hand clasp you all!
I love and appreciate you all soooo much. New update with the good news coming soon!
With endless love and immense gratitude and a very open heart,
Suzette
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I love and appreciate you all soooo much. New update with the good news coming soon!
With endless love and immense gratitude and a very open heart,
Suzette
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09/22/14
With the help of Team Suzette...
Waves of such love and gratitude continue to crash on my shore, at times catching me unaware as I water a plant, sip a veggie soup, take a walk . So, to begin, I just wanted to take a moment to send out a huge tidal wave of love to all of you. I continue to go back and read your cards and guestbook messages. The first time I received many of them they were read to me while I was in bed, unable to move left or right and minimally talk or see. From time to time, at different steps in this healing journey, I began to be able to look through them myself and continue to be overwhelmed and humbled by such love, light , support and generosity. They are the gifts that keep on giving, Many of the doorstep deliveries remain on my dining room table to uplift, remind and renew me. Love IS the healing force. Individual thank you notes will come when I'm able to have more mobility in my right arm and hopefully regain vision in both eyes. I haven't forgotten you.
Waking up from a dream
At times it is as if I am waking from a dream. Another dimension. My narrow aperture broadening to a more wide angle lens. For months I have been residing in the neck of the hourglass which, in moments given as gifts, also widens into infinity. The path I travel in my house now begins to shift. Not just bed to bathroom. Or bed to patio chair. Now, It begins to open in the other direction again. I see a glimpse of a former life. Ah, across my lawn is an art studio! Did I really go in there day in and out and make a living with my art for 20 years? A silver Toyota is parked out back. Is that mine and did I ever use both eyes and really drive with two healthy arms? There is a big white van in front of my house. It is filled with artwork. Did I lift and pack my entire display and artwork to travel solo across the US to fine art shows? I open my closet and the wardrobe is a distant memory. Only a few items with zip up fronts that don't have be put on over my head are used now. I see boxes labeled "Retreats", "Workshops" etc. Did I lead all of those? I see a framed certificate saying I am a third degree black belt in Tai Chi. Did I use this body to flow through countless forms and wield weapons with "taken for granted" abandon. There is a framed picture of my partner, Chuck, and I kayaking through New Zealand. How I wish he were still alive and here to accompany me on this journey. Another picture is of "Hodnett Castle" In Ireland that was discovered when I cashed in my life for solo adventures in travel. More and more I remember... yes. And then a glance in the mirror catches me unaware. A distorted, paralyzed face. A missing ear. Right arm in a sling. One usable eye. Skinny legs and arms (much skinnier :-) ) What was and what is collide in the intersection of the present moment. I pause there and greet the unfamiliar body with my very familiar spirit. New adventures await us.
With the help of Team Suzette...
Waves of such love and gratitude continue to crash on my shore, at times catching me unaware as I water a plant, sip a veggie soup, take a walk . So, to begin, I just wanted to take a moment to send out a huge tidal wave of love to all of you. I continue to go back and read your cards and guestbook messages. The first time I received many of them they were read to me while I was in bed, unable to move left or right and minimally talk or see. From time to time, at different steps in this healing journey, I began to be able to look through them myself and continue to be overwhelmed and humbled by such love, light , support and generosity. They are the gifts that keep on giving, Many of the doorstep deliveries remain on my dining room table to uplift, remind and renew me. Love IS the healing force. Individual thank you notes will come when I'm able to have more mobility in my right arm and hopefully regain vision in both eyes. I haven't forgotten you.
Waking up from a dream
At times it is as if I am waking from a dream. Another dimension. My narrow aperture broadening to a more wide angle lens. For months I have been residing in the neck of the hourglass which, in moments given as gifts, also widens into infinity. The path I travel in my house now begins to shift. Not just bed to bathroom. Or bed to patio chair. Now, It begins to open in the other direction again. I see a glimpse of a former life. Ah, across my lawn is an art studio! Did I really go in there day in and out and make a living with my art for 20 years? A silver Toyota is parked out back. Is that mine and did I ever use both eyes and really drive with two healthy arms? There is a big white van in front of my house. It is filled with artwork. Did I lift and pack my entire display and artwork to travel solo across the US to fine art shows? I open my closet and the wardrobe is a distant memory. Only a few items with zip up fronts that don't have be put on over my head are used now. I see boxes labeled "Retreats", "Workshops" etc. Did I lead all of those? I see a framed certificate saying I am a third degree black belt in Tai Chi. Did I use this body to flow through countless forms and wield weapons with "taken for granted" abandon. There is a framed picture of my partner, Chuck, and I kayaking through New Zealand. How I wish he were still alive and here to accompany me on this journey. Another picture is of "Hodnett Castle" In Ireland that was discovered when I cashed in my life for solo adventures in travel. More and more I remember... yes. And then a glance in the mirror catches me unaware. A distorted, paralyzed face. A missing ear. Right arm in a sling. One usable eye. Skinny legs and arms (much skinnier :-) ) What was and what is collide in the intersection of the present moment. I pause there and greet the unfamiliar body with my very familiar spirit. New adventures await us.
TEAM SUZETTE KICKS THE CANCER TO THE FAR SIDE OF THE MOON!!!
Our prayers, love, encouragement, positive thoughts, compassion and treatments have made the cancer disappear! As you know I made the decision last month to let all the new nodes that the Tumor Board had suggested be surgically removed with a more aggressive approach due to the aggressiveness of the cancer continue to be healed by my body. Pet scan revealed nothing left there !!!! The head and neck cancer surgeon used words like "ENCOURAGING" and "AMAZING." An MRI is scheduled for October 13th with a special emphasis on the area at the base of the skull where they couldn't reach during surgery. However we already know there is nothing left there either - RIGHT? :-) A totally cancer-free shore! THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR PART IN THIS HEALING!
Everything changes
When I lived in Boston they used to say… "if you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes." Kind of like how I've been feeling. The only thing constant is change ... hour to hour, day to day. Sludge brain to clarity, achy/fluish to some spring in my step, overdrive to fatigue to a little grounded energy, shifting nerve and muscle pain in neck, shoulder and back, etc. The western medicine treatment does leave a lot of debris and destruction in its wake! Between the morphine, antibiotics, anesthesia, chemo, radiation, steroids, nausea meds, scans, dyes, etc. there is a lot going on inside and a lot flowing down the toxic river. The triple whammy of the over the top surgery to kick off kicking the cancer's butt preceding the chemo and radiation has added another dimension. So many nerves spliced and diced -- spinal accessory nerve controlling my trapesiuz and sternocleidomastoid muscles, facial nerve paralysis, tmj joint severed, many muscles and nerves cut through to remove large flaps of lymph nodes, the grafts, etc. I know that everything I'm doing is cleansing, balancing and strengthening as I exercise, drink green veggies, take important supplements, get as much sleep as I can given all the givens, be out in nature, etc. I am trying to just go with the flow and not give anything that is happening inside too much power. I'm letting my body heal inward and also reach outwards towards each day. I will continue to rest, rest and rest, take it a step at a time and rebuild and renew. So when asked how I'm doing the answer is simply.. "I'm in recovery to an amazing destination!"
Physical Therapy
I am meeting with the physical therapist this Tuesday to begin rehabilitation to gain some use of my right arm/shoulder and flexibility in my neck, along with hopefully eventually lessening some of the nerve and muscle pain in those areas. They have said the pain with be chronic and long term. I'll do all I can to make sure it isn't :-).
Eye surgery
It has been tough not to be able to drive all these months and also be so dependent on others due too my limited vision and use of only one arm. I will be seeing an oculo plastic surgeon specialist at UCLA on October 6th on a consultation about possible surgery on my right to reconstruct so I won't have to wear the patch. Not that I want another surgery/graft/recovery but it would be well worth it to use both eyes for everything!
Chow time
I'm eating three square a day but still haven't connected back to my stomach. Food likes to hang out and not go on its merry way :-(. Taste buds still kinda of crazy from the radiation also. Certain foods are appealing and the list continues to grow. Still working hard on opening the jaw.. I fit in one more popsicle stick again to help widen the jaw space to put food down the hatch!
A book
The motion picture screen in my mind rewinds to age 17 and traveling up the coast to San Francisco in my VW van with two friends. In a bookstore there I found one of the most inspirational (and pivotal for me at that age) books, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. It was a time in my life when I was trying to make existential meaning out of what seemed like a lot of craziness at home and in the world. As many of you know, the book chronicles his experiences as an Auschwitz concentration camp inmate during WWII where he found that, even in the most terrible of circumstances, a person still has the freedom to choose how they see their circumstances and create meaning out of them.
For Frankl, it wasn't so much about finding out the "meaning of life" but in continually giving meaning to what is given to us. Certainly that is not always an easy assignment. Yet, what good is life if we are in this vast schoolhouse and playground and we don't learn from and create meaning from what is given to us. I have taken many twists and turns in life, faced some dark nights of my soul, and experienced and learned many a lesson. However the waves of learning keep crashing on my shore. Seems there is always a deeper and deeper level to experience. We don't cross finish lines. We just continue to grow. It is an endless journey. And so I continue to learn -- about love given coming back hundred-fold, how to connect deeper with all of life, movement from form to spirit, that separateness between us is a big illusion, to accept and receive with grace and overwhelming gratitude, to find joy, majesty and meaning in whatever is happening and to trust God in the 360 view of my life. Again and again learning... falling.. getting up... holding on... letting in and letting go... to hopefully say YES to whatever I'm given. Not always easy but continuously looking to make friends with each present moment beat of the pulse of life and join the rhythm and dance of God.
When I lived in Boston they used to say… "if you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes." Kind of like how I've been feeling. The only thing constant is change ... hour to hour, day to day. Sludge brain to clarity, achy/fluish to some spring in my step, overdrive to fatigue to a little grounded energy, shifting nerve and muscle pain in neck, shoulder and back, etc. The western medicine treatment does leave a lot of debris and destruction in its wake! Between the morphine, antibiotics, anesthesia, chemo, radiation, steroids, nausea meds, scans, dyes, etc. there is a lot going on inside and a lot flowing down the toxic river. The triple whammy of the over the top surgery to kick off kicking the cancer's butt preceding the chemo and radiation has added another dimension. So many nerves spliced and diced -- spinal accessory nerve controlling my trapesiuz and sternocleidomastoid muscles, facial nerve paralysis, tmj joint severed, many muscles and nerves cut through to remove large flaps of lymph nodes, the grafts, etc. I know that everything I'm doing is cleansing, balancing and strengthening as I exercise, drink green veggies, take important supplements, get as much sleep as I can given all the givens, be out in nature, etc. I am trying to just go with the flow and not give anything that is happening inside too much power. I'm letting my body heal inward and also reach outwards towards each day. I will continue to rest, rest and rest, take it a step at a time and rebuild and renew. So when asked how I'm doing the answer is simply.. "I'm in recovery to an amazing destination!"
Physical Therapy
I am meeting with the physical therapist this Tuesday to begin rehabilitation to gain some use of my right arm/shoulder and flexibility in my neck, along with hopefully eventually lessening some of the nerve and muscle pain in those areas. They have said the pain with be chronic and long term. I'll do all I can to make sure it isn't :-).
Eye surgery
It has been tough not to be able to drive all these months and also be so dependent on others due too my limited vision and use of only one arm. I will be seeing an oculo plastic surgeon specialist at UCLA on October 6th on a consultation about possible surgery on my right to reconstruct so I won't have to wear the patch. Not that I want another surgery/graft/recovery but it would be well worth it to use both eyes for everything!
Chow time
I'm eating three square a day but still haven't connected back to my stomach. Food likes to hang out and not go on its merry way :-(. Taste buds still kinda of crazy from the radiation also. Certain foods are appealing and the list continues to grow. Still working hard on opening the jaw.. I fit in one more popsicle stick again to help widen the jaw space to put food down the hatch!
A book
The motion picture screen in my mind rewinds to age 17 and traveling up the coast to San Francisco in my VW van with two friends. In a bookstore there I found one of the most inspirational (and pivotal for me at that age) books, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. It was a time in my life when I was trying to make existential meaning out of what seemed like a lot of craziness at home and in the world. As many of you know, the book chronicles his experiences as an Auschwitz concentration camp inmate during WWII where he found that, even in the most terrible of circumstances, a person still has the freedom to choose how they see their circumstances and create meaning out of them.
For Frankl, it wasn't so much about finding out the "meaning of life" but in continually giving meaning to what is given to us. Certainly that is not always an easy assignment. Yet, what good is life if we are in this vast schoolhouse and playground and we don't learn from and create meaning from what is given to us. I have taken many twists and turns in life, faced some dark nights of my soul, and experienced and learned many a lesson. However the waves of learning keep crashing on my shore. Seems there is always a deeper and deeper level to experience. We don't cross finish lines. We just continue to grow. It is an endless journey. And so I continue to learn -- about love given coming back hundred-fold, how to connect deeper with all of life, movement from form to spirit, that separateness between us is a big illusion, to accept and receive with grace and overwhelming gratitude, to find joy, majesty and meaning in whatever is happening and to trust God in the 360 view of my life. Again and again learning... falling.. getting up... holding on... letting in and letting go... to hopefully say YES to whatever I'm given. Not always easy but continuously looking to make friends with each present moment beat of the pulse of life and join the rhythm and dance of God.
I did this illustration over 25 years ago. Saying yes important then... and now. Our never-ending assignment :-).
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THESE TEAM SUZETTE FUNDRAISERS
Join us at the WHITTIER ART GALLERY next month for an engaging and informative lecture by Bonnie Shirley on the "Transition of Wolf to Dog." October 13th at 7:15pm. Hope you can make it! All proceeds will benefit TEAM SUZETTE!
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